Have You Ever Cheated and Gotten Away with It?

Wow, no way would I ever even flirt with the idea. She only fears getting caught, but nothing else? Wow, I feel sorry for her.... even if she doesn't get caught, she may have feelings of guilt that can ultimately destroy her marriage, children's lives, even career since this is with a coworker. She could get pregnant, or an std, not to mention the pain she will put her family through, and possibly the family of the other guy if he has one...

No I haven't cheated, so I don't have to worry about "getting away with it" at all. I have more love and respect for my spouse and child than to do that.

I know of people that have cheated, and no O. has "gotten away" with it.

I know people that have allowed their "normal" to morph into something that is anything but normal. Some people delude themselves that immoral behavior is only that if no O. else knows about it. So not true!

Bella:

No. I would not want to lose my family over something like that.

How could I look at my kids and tell them that cheating is wrong if I do it?
How could I look at my kids and know that my actions ripped their world apart?

No. Tell her it's not worth it. My EX husband did it. He **THOUGHT** he was smart enough not to get caught...we lasted about 2 years after the first one...but ask her if it's worth losing everything she holds dear? If she doesn't hold it dear - then tell her to let him go now so she can sow those W. oats she has blooming up inside her.

Print these out for her. Let her read them. Print out the questions from the past about what cheating has done to the spouse and the kids...

Tell her that you will NOT keep secrets for her.
You will NOT be her "we're going out" person.
You WILL NOT be put in that position.
Tell her to put the flirtation that she's doing with this other man on her husband and she might be surprised at what happens.

I haven't - but sure, it can be done - at the cost of your soul.

My mama always told me that actions affect your soul - not in the 'go to hell' idea. Rather that the regret for doing the "wrong thing" would eat at you from the inside.

As a recovering alcoholic, I found out she was right. My actions over a lifetime had so blackened my core, that I almost lost who I was.

Can she be honest with herself? Can she look herself in the mirror? Is she proud of her actions?

If she hesitates at these questions - then she shouldn't do it because it's not within *her* moral code. And that will cause her to lose a little tiny bit of her soul.
A tiny bit that she's ashamed of.
A tiny bit she can't share with her husband.
A tiny bit she'll do anything not to be confronted with.

Proof that she knows it's wrong - she's already trying to conceal it. The conceal never stops - even after the affair is over. I hope she remembers the cover lies she told - for the next 50 years.

why is getting caught the issue? what about IT'S WRONG.

she has obviously never been cheated on. and it's sad that my first thought is that. why can't people do the right thing regardless?

ask her how she'd feel if her hubby did it to her. would even that stop her?

and i really can't believe ANYone would be on here sharing "good" cheating stories.
what is wrong with people!?!??!?

and YES i agree with Cheryl O as well - under NO circumstances should you keep this secret for her. you aren't her cover, you aren't her alibi, HELL NO.

No. Might have THOUGHT about it. But looked at my daughters and my wife and thought better of it.

I would hope that if she were my wife? She would turn that energy on me. Every marriage gets in a rut. My wife and I had a rut - maybe both flirted with the idea of someone else - so we talked - it was a hard talk to hear my wife wasn't 'happy'. But we decided flirt with each other again. I would text her during the day - something a tad inappropriate :) and then make time after the kids went to bed to make out like high schoolers again.

We have been married 16 years and not all of them easy.

God will know, and good things wont come to her. What comes around goes around and it WILL come back to her somehow.
Personally, my mind would be tortured if I did something like that.
Isnt it interesting how selfish some people are?
Mommy/husband/life rut? Tell her to put her big girl panties on and get some help if shes depressed!
I would worry for your friend, her husband and her kids!

Some people think it's exciting to live a double life, it makes them feel powerful and entitled.Their ego is so swollen, it clouds their mind. She will not listen simply because she chose to go forth with the affair well before asking for your advice. She's in it. Unless it's a one night stand there's no "being extremely careful", she's fooling herself. She will sooner or later find out that the pain the whole thing will cause her is far bigger than the pleasure she's getting out of it. It's a shame that these people do not realize it before hand. She's cheating on her whole family, not just on her husband, who has probably every fault under the sun in this moment of their married life. You know what? If I were her friend I would tell her: "Hey, you're not perfect either".

Well, I'm not a complete selfish idiot. So...no.

It will always cost someone SOMETHING. Maybe not the cheater. Maybe the cheated on. Someone is ALWAYS ruined. Anyone who cheats is despicable. I don't care if it works out for THEM, it doesn't work out for someone else. I would never in a million years associate with a cheater. I would never respect them. I would never trust them in any way. I would think they are a loser. (And, they are.)

I think people who cheat deserve to get cheated on, so they know the destruction. It makes me sick there are people who cheat and go on to be happy with the people they had an affair with. They ruined someone else, and they are happy? Happiness is not something they deserve.

You said "she's in a Mommy rut" which obviously means she has kids. If she doesnt understand what you are saying to her now, maybe show her a picture of her kid(s) and ask her how she thinks they would feel about it or how it will affect them, not if but when the cat is out of the bag
Ugggg, cheaters are just nasty, selfish people

Maybe she should put her extra energy towards spicing up the relationship she already has?!?!?

I had a two-year affair with a man I met at work when I was 23 (he was 30). I left that company and got a new job after about a year and a half. Then, we both got divorced and a few years later married each other. We've been in a 28 year relationship so far, raised his two kids, and are raising our own daughter now, and have three grandchildren. The affair had its very difficult times. I wouldn't recommend this to others. His family took a long time to accept, and then like, me. But, "cheating" did not ruin my life, my career, my health, or anything else. This man, with all his challenges, is the love of my life.

My father was a cheater and my mother finally left him when I was 11 yrs old and I was the youngest of 4.
It was a nasty divorce and we all figured out what had happened and why mom left.
I don't blame her and I had lasting issues because of it.
It took me years to be able to be in a relationship and trust the man I was with.
I was always on the look out and just expecting that he was going to cheat.
My older brothers have never been able to have a relationship last because guess what they always end up cheating.
Their views on women and what they have done to the mother of their kids is so far beyond my understanding.
I do believe they have these issues because of our family being broken up over cheating.
So, you see it is not just affecting her or her husband but she could be causing her kids a lifetime of trust and relationship issues.
Is that really worth it?
If she is that unhappy with him she needs to talk it out with him or just leave him.
Sure that will still be hard on the kids but not as much as if they found out later on their worlds were torn apart all because of her self satisfaction.
When we become parents we take on a responsibility to stop acting like children and grow up.
Maybe she needs to find a hobby or something in her life that makes her feel alive again?
Just some suggestions but I see alot of people getting hurt in this situation all because she is looking for some instant gratification!

Oh and will it be worth it for her kids to possibly have issues with her growing up as well?
I have finally forgave my father but that took my years as well.

Would never dream of it...but mostly because I love my husband. Sounds like your friend needs to reevaluate her life. She sounds selfish and foolish if she's just doing it for kicks. If she's not in love with her husband, she needs to be honest with him and do whatever it takes to rebuild her relationship with her husband, before starting a new relationship with someone else. If she is truly done with her husband...she should ask for a divorce...not cheat on him.

Lastly, I know many people (unfortunately) who have played this dangerous game and none of those cases ended well. In fact, one ended in a shocking domestic incident and a near death because the spouse who was cheated on was so jealous, hurt and betrayed. It's a terrible and foolish thing to do.

Furthermore, you don't mix business with pleasure. She could lose her job, her reputation in her field of work, and end up alone with no one to love her if things get out in the open at work and her "boyfriend" dumps her as well as her spouse. Heaven help her if she loses custody of her kids.

She has alot to lose and nothing to gain but headaches and heartaches.

How would she like it if her husband was behaving like this?
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Before I do anything I think what it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot, and then I never do anything that would break my Hubby's heart or even make him jealous.
Grownups don't play around with emotions like that.
But, some have to learn the hard way.
You play with fire long enough and eventually you WILL get burned.

Tell her that some day she will be an old lady with wrinkles and saggy skin, and she won't be proud of this behavior.

Your friend should tell her husband she wants/ needs a boyfriend and she wants it to be him! There are ways to spice up your marriage. If she actually wants another man to be her boyfriend then she should at least separate from her husband. I think sneaking around and cheating on a spouse shows complete and utter disrespect for your mate. How you could do that to someone you claimed to love is beyond me.

I would never even think of doing this either. One of the greatest things about my marriage (believe me we have our rough spots just like everyone else) is our trust in each other. I would NEVER doing something to lose that, even if I thought I could get away with it. The last thing I would ever want to do is have my husband lose his trust in me. It really does sound like your coworker is in a rut, as her friend continue to encourage her and discuss with her how important trust is, how much she loves her kids etc. Maybe as a friend you can be a good example and deter her away from this.

They never end well....someone ALWAYS gets hurts.

My friend did ONCE and she doesn't regret it. She never got caught....so far.

I've never known anyone who got away with it. The only ones I saw work out were agreed upon by both spouses for various reasons...husband was impotent and wanted wife to be happy sexually, both spouses were bi and didn't have hang-ups about monogamy, wife had low libido due to medication and allowed husband to have a little on the side once in a while so he wouldn't go crazy...

But she's playing with fire, and probably won't listen to you. I suggest that you suggest to her that she open up to her husband about her unhappiness and see if he would let her have a little fling to get it out of her system. If she balks at that, then I suggest you stay very far away from her over the next few months and don't get caught up in the drama that is about to ensue.

I think is not only possible but it happens very often too.
I am not even talking about cheating and not be caught which I am sure it happens but even if they get caught many would forgive them so in a way to me that is getting a away with it too.

I have cheat and I have being cheated in the past, looking back both things would have being avoided if I would have be more mature and careful on who I dated. I didn't broke up for that reason so I guess you can say we got a away, but I am not married to them and I do regret it so looking that way, no we didn't got away.

I think that what have change then and now, is stop thinking that there is a Mr./Mrs. Right (there is not), understand that is always is easier to be nicer when you don't have to deal with BOTH the good and the bad of your couple, understand that even with all that, and trying your best it is a chance that you stop loving that person but that you married a person that deserve your honesty as well as your self.

AND

find somebody that understand and agree with this too.

It goes both ways to make it work or to at least walk away with your head up.

It is possible but she has to be real carful about not developing and emotional feelings for the guy and the other way around. That is when the trouble will start. And of course that cheating is just wrong.