Would You Ever Cheat on Your Spouse?

I have to say, I'm truly happily married at this point in my life, so I'll say no. That being said, anything can happen. Never say never, ladies.

I believe that lust is a tragic thing. Most people aren't looking to cheat, and they love their spouse, but sometimes it presents itself where they aren't looking. It might be because someone is giving you some type of attention that you aren't getting at home, and that starts to feel good. I don't plan on cheating because I think it's wrong. And I hope that if it presents itself in front of me, that I would be strong enough to ignore it. You are either good with temptation or you are weak. The weak will cheat.

D.,

Sadly with the divorce rate being 50% the cheaters percentage is much higher then 5%.

Rather then asking ones spouse about the possibility of cheating or being cheated on, I think it would be best if couples just put more effort into their marriage.

Blessings.......

The possibility exists. That's when all the other factors to marriage come into play: is there love? respect? commitment? integrity? does each person FEEL loved? are there outside factors? blah blah blah......tons of factors in the equation. But yes there is the possibility of feelings changing, thoughts being entertained and eventually acted on, etc.
But what it comes down to is choosing to do the right thing. Choosing to love each other enough to be honest and put your temporary feelings aside to keep what you have going. We choose to NOT entertain thoughts that are adverse to what we desire out of our lives, because we truly believe that thoughts are very powerful seeds (NOT that thoughts in themselves are bad when something "comes" to you, but that dwelling on thoughts, good or bad, is powerful).
HECK NO I will not cheat. But that is because I "will" to not do it. I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my life as it is, and I'll live up to my commitments. Frankly, I think my husband is a total hotty, he's hillarious, an amazing dad, and my best friend, he's smart, I respect him, he's the total package for me. I can't imagine someone even holding a candle to him. But life happens, and we don't always have "sunshine and roses"....but we love our relationship enough that when things feel down, we talk about it. If I feel like I'm taking a backseat to work for a little longer than is necessary, I talk to him about it calmly and changes are made. If he feels like I blow off what he says or that I'm wanting to go "play" too much and he feels a little neglected, he will pull me aside and tell me how he feels. It gets handled! Love takes feeding.

There is always a chance.
Humans.
Free-will and some lack at-will control.

I would never do that.
My Husband would not.
Even if he can be a lug head sometimes.

Your Husband is only saying that the 'possibility' exists.
It does.
That is what 'possibility' is.
It does not mean the same thing as "probability.'

It does not matter how much sex a person gets or if they are married or un-married in a relationship.
It is the person... and their... level of character and ability for self-control.

Yes, my Husband and I discuss many things, this topic as well.
Its no biggie to discuss things like this.
It is merely discourse and conversation.

Before being married, when single, I have been on both sides of the fence.

Nope.

I barely have enough time and energy for the three boys in my life (my two kids and my husband) and cannot imagine trying to add a fourth into the mix!

If (after counseling, effort, distance from my potential cheat-partner, time and work) I found myself in a position where I felt I could not control my desire/love/romantic feelings for another man, I would hope I have the integrity to leave my marriage before starting a new relationship.

We agreed to have a monogamous relationship with the understanding that there are other structures that a relationship/marriage can have. We did so because we felt it would be best, for our relationship and as individuals, to have a monogamous relationship. Breaking that agreement, without consent, would be a huge violation of physical and emotional trust; a trust that is, to me, sacred.

Never say never. Almost half of all married people have extra-marital sex at some point in their lives, maybe higher. Monogamy is not a natural way of being for human beings.

I thought I'd "never" get divorced either, and I now am, and it was my choice.

Hi D., I think there is some truth in what your husband is saying, It happens in good marriages, bad marriages, christian homes, non christian homes, with the rich and with the poor, and sadly but true it has become as common for women as for men (This is what we found in researching for co teaching marriage classes) June 13th will be 30 years of marriage for me and my husband and no I never have cheated on him nor would I ever. During a rough time in our marriage i thought about an old boyfriend, even drove by his parents house, but that was it. And we have 3 kids J.

No. We both know that if we find someone else, we are free to go be with him/her - just as soon as we file for divorce.

If Patrick Stewart makes me an offer, my husband has agreed to shoot video. Since he's okay with it, it wouldn't be cheating.
If Sheryl Crow makes my husband an offer, he has agreed to share. Since I'm okay with that, it wouldn't be cheating.

Temptation is present, that's life. So everyone has a choice. My choice is to NOT cheat on my husband. My dad cheated on my mom when my brothers and I were young, and it devastated our family. I would NEVER wish that on my children. When I said my vows, I meant them, and I wouldn't have married my husband if he didn't feel the same way.

This is semantics, but there is actually 100% POSSIBILITY that one or both spouses will cheat. It is the PROBABILITY that matters. And imho, there is always at least a modicum of chance that one or both will cheat.

I'd like to believe that both I and my fiance will be strong and committed enough to resist any temptation that might present itself down the road, but the ONLY thing in this life that is 100% certain is that we'll all die someday. So being faithful to one's spouse is never a guarantee. Never.

I don't mean to say that I expect myself or my spouse to cheat. I don't. But again, the ONLY guarantee in life is death. Nothing else - fidelity included -is certain.

No. And I can answer for my DH too-no.
We have had this conversation on numerous occassions because we have had 5 friends that have had cheating spouses-interestingly enough ALL of the cheaters were the wives. :(

My father cheated on my mother when I was a very young teen and my brothers were in elementary school. It was devastating to our family. Caused problems on so many levels. I hated my dad for doing that to us for years upon years, and though I have forgiven him we don't have the kind of relationship we would probably both like.
I had a mother who was angry and detatched for years. And though they stayed together their relationship is still wounded by this betrayal.

I would NEVER inflict that type of pain on my children or my husband.
That being said, I love my DH dearly and know God made him just for me. :)

I would never cheat on my husband.
That said...
If he was abusive, controlling, cheating on me...then I probably would. THANK GOD that's not the case. I picked a good one.

I think it really depends on the couple. I know my husband and I never would. However, my sister did cheat on her ex husband (more than once) And actually they didn't have any kids together either. Now she is in a better relationship with some one much better suited for her and I don't think she would ever cheat on him. Same for my dad. He cheated on my M. after 20+ years of marriage. He is now remarried and has been for 10 years. I honestly would bet my life that my dad would never cheat on my step M.. They are 2 of the most in-love people I have ever seen. So sure, maybe that trait lies in all of us, but if we are paired with the right person, it will never come out.

I would never cheat on a spouse because marriage is sacred to me and it is what I need in life. I love the stability and the respect.

I never cheated on my exhusband. I feel like it'd be disrespecting me and him and our marriage (my ex is another story, every fight was an excuse to do something we agreed was destructive for our marriage). I never had feelings of strong attraction, like I was thinking about cheating. When I look back, I was surrounded by some HOT guys, but I just never looked at them that way. I would never cheat on my spouse, fiance, boyfriend or anything. I have come across temptation (with ex boyfriends) and drunkness but never have cheated, it just depends how stubborn you are or how morally high you are in my opinion, self-control. And I am stubborn.

Monogamy isn't a gene so whether it is natural or not depends on your environment so scientific readings of it's not natural IMO, are total bs and an excuse for people to be okay or "I have to just deal" when someone cheats.

I have numerous friend and family members who swore up and down they would 'NEVER' cheat and yet, one day, they did. I don't think I ever will but I don't know what circumstances the future holds.

NO! I would never cheat on my husband. If we were having a problem and I found myself desiring some sort of connection with anyone but him, we'd be high-tailing it to serious counseling.
And you know...If I ever did want to cheat (which I wouldn't, I'm speaking hypothetical here)... If I was stupid enough, selfish enough, disgusting enough to cheat...I would just get a divorce first. (I would never divorce him, either.)

Nope, I would never cheat. My husband is in the National Guard, deployed now for the 2nd time. He's been away for other assignments as well. I have NEVER cheated in any way and have absolutely no intentions to do so. I love my husband and am completely devoted to him and our daughter.

Heck, with me running everything by myself I don't have the time or energy to even try to cheat! LOL

There is always the possibility that it will happen that is just reality ... you can know that you have no intentions and believe that your spouse has no intentions but it does happen left and right and it appears to be easier than you think. I have not cheated, but I have been cheated on, I have seen many couples break up because of this and I will see many more. I will add that the couples who I have seen broken up by cheating are couples who should not have been together married or not in the first place.

Cheating is a sign of weakness and irresponsibility. I would never cheat my kids like that, because they are who I would think of first, and then my husband of course. ;)

my husband and I have had this debate only he says Women cheat more than men they just hide it better. I have never cheated I couldn't live with the guilt and I am a terrible liar- we separated for three years about 10 years ago and we both dated but I wouldn't call that cheating.

I think your husband is right. I would never cheat on my husband. But it is the knowledge that anyone can fall prey that makes me take steps to prevent it. Like keeping all opposite sex relationships heavily guarded. Rarely socializing without my husband present. I can tell you that my own Christian mother ended up cheating and no body and I mean no body saw it coming, even her. "Pride cometh before a fall." Don't be insecure at your husbands notion. It is this belief that will help him stay guarded.

(fyi, my parents marriage survived, but by the grace of God)

I honestly don't believe my husband would cheat on me or that I would ever cheat on him. But if someone said to me "Are you 100% sure? Would you bet your kids' lives on that?" Well, no, I would not bet my kids' lives that we would NEVER cheat on each other. I can't think of any circumstances under which he or I would cheat, I *certainly* have to no desire to or have ever considered it in our almost 17 years of marriage. But to say 100% sure? No, nothing is ever 100%. So I guess I agree with your husband...(although I would be very curious about what scientific method he used to come up with the .05% figure, lol!)

I would never cheat. I would bet MY life on the fact that my husband would never cheat. Having said that, I believe there is a very good chance that either spouse WILL cheat if he/she is unhappy and the opportunity presents itself. I don't think cheating happens by accident. I think people are looking for something they're not getting at home. I like to think I make sure my husband gets everything he needs at home - healthy amount of sex, fun, understanding, appreciation, friendship, admiration and a good dinner every night. I try my best to make sure that when he goes out that door, he is so "full" that he just doesn't want anything that any other woman is serving.

April C. and SH both said it perfectly.

I think that you have to consider emotional cheating, texting, email, facebook, etc. It's so much easier to get into that kind of cheating than to be physically intimate with another person outside of the marriage. I think it ups the chances form ZERO.

we would never cheat. there's always that 0.5% chance that one of us could fall in love with someone else. but we wouldn't cheat. we'd be honest with the other one, however painful it would be.
khairete
S.

I know my husband and I would never cheat, having both been cheated on previously. I had a dream the other night that I cheated on him with a guy I had slept with in the past, and my rational was that it wasn't cheating if we'd already slept together. I felt so guilty about it I told my husband and he was like "well, if those are the rules...." but all kidding aside, we know neither of us would cheat.

We're both so busy with our son I'd give him CREDIT if he could find the extra time in the day after working 12 hours.

I will never cheat, and neither will my husband. We would leave each other before we would cheat, and I can't imagine that either, but I suppose it's possible. We've been happily married for 17 years and together for almost 20.

There is a chance of anything. Tomorrow meatballs could fall from the sky. Not very likely....Really odds don't matter. In your case it's zero or 100%. It happens, or it doesn't. Who cares about the odds?

For me, that would be never and I truly beleive my husband would say the same.

Hubby is right the possibility is always there. It also depends on the definition of "cheating".

I have never ever cheated on any boyfriend. So I can honestly so No I would never cheat. I feel that I can talk to whomever I am with and tell them I am not happy or I need this so I have never had to go some place else for anything. My husband has been cheated on before and it tore him up since there were two kids involved. He swears that he will never make me go through what he had to go through. I feel that we are both at 100% of not cheating on each other.

.

NO. Because I know how it feals to have your spouse do that to you. My husband did at a dark point in our marriage. By some miracle we were able to work things out and I have forgiven him but, I will never forget and it still makes my stoach turn and a lump come up in my throat anytime that I think that he did that to me. It is the most selfish thing a person can do to another person. It is not impossible to work through but, it is nearly impossible.

wow. lucky women you are. where in the world did you meet your men cuz apparently its not the same planet i have met mine on.....
and i love the faith... maybe i am really insecure but there is absolutly nothing i could say i 'know' is true. after all truth is relative and changes and what we know to be true today is constantly being found out to not be true tomorrow.
i am astonished and just a bit jealous of your faith in yourselves and your husbands. at the same time when someone says they 'know' something to be 100% true it also worries me. no wiggle room. a very many injustices have been executed because someone believed they were completely right and someone else completely wrong.
anyway, thanks for the optimism on this rainy monday....

I'm with you. The chance is ZERO. I have no interest. Aside from my personal values about the commitment of marriage, the thought of it is just really awkward and kinda grosses me out. I haven't seen anyone that attracts me as much as my husband.

I see what your husband is saying though. It's the whole semantics thing, the "never say never" and "the only thing certain in life is death" sorta thing. I get it. Two people in our family have cheated that I surprised everyone, so i totally get where he is coming from. You really just never know. Sadly.

So, you both win :)

I know what my answer and my husband's answer is to this.

I know for a fact that neither one of us would ever, in a million years, cheat on one another. EVER.

Not saying that neither of us have ever cheated on someone else... But I know... 100% we'd never cheat on each other.

Where temptation exists, cheating will occur and gender makes no difference, children in the relationship are irrelevant. It all comes down to temptation.

And, no I would not cheat on my husband. Having a Christ-centered life convicts me that it's wrong, it's a sin, and it's a road to destruction with a multitude of consequences.

Hello, My husband and I would have been married 43 years last April. He passed away in March. I never cheated on him and never would have. I got married at 17 and got married for life. It was not a part time job. We raised four great kids and if I had wanted to, I would have never found the time because I also ran a licensed daycare and when the youngest got into school, I went to work at the school and did the daycare before and after. I didn't have the want or the energy to cheat. :-)
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

No and neither would my husband. Why risk it all for nothing .

I wouldn't. My husband says he wouldn't, but he did before we were married. So who knows.

Never say never... I was married to my first husband for over 15 years. He cheated on me in our 2nd year of marriage. I was told by his family to turn the other check. I did.. big mistake. That was his pass to continue. I went through him cheating on me a total of 12 affairs, some with co works and others my so called best friends. By that 11th affair, I too became weak and cheated. My ex remained my friend for many years and he had married his final cheat. I ended up marrying my only cheat. His wife had cheated on him too. (we believe with each other). Prior to the death of my ex husband he told my son, that I was a great mom and that he never stopped loving me and that he was sorry for everything he had did to me. But I knew this~
He did not cheat looking for love, he cheated because it was there and presented to him and weakness took over. I loved him dearly, but the hurt got the best of me too. So there are many reasons a person cheats. I truly love my husband now of 10 years and we too have talked about this, since we both went through this. We are very open and honest with each other and keep our sex life and friendship strong. Because neither one of us wants to go through this again. He right now has a women at work, who he does not believe is really hitting on him, but she is always buying him things,believe it or not, food to bring home, stuff to help him with his diabieties. He is a friendly man and does not want to hurt her feelings, because he did not think it was anything more. But when he was getting ready to go on vacation, she asked for his phone number so they could be in contact, he told me right away and he replied to her, I dont think my wife would be to happy, so she said she was sorry. But she is still buying him stuff all the time. He assured me he has no interest in her. I just told him, go with your heart, but if you want to cheat, have enough class to let me know, so I can leave. He laughed and said babe, I love my wife and I love my life and you my darling have nothing to worry about. He knows what i went through and I know what he has been through and it is not worth the heartache. Temptation will always present it's self, but you have to be strong enough to realize what you have and find new ways to make each other happy and satisfied. Rememer it's not just sex that keeps a man home, it's also giving him his space, enjoying the things he loves to do and compromise. OH and they are always right...lol... NOT. Men love a challenge too. May God bless you and your marriage.

I say it IS possible and I am in an extremely happy marriage as you are. The problem is when you get too close to the opposite sex, whether friendly and innocent or not. I can see that if I started being friendly with a male co worker who was handsome and seemed like a really good guy, started flirting with me, etc...over months, you form an innocent crush which then causes you to think about him and then on and on. I truly would never cheat but I can see how relationships build, just the flirtation. My husband and I have talked about it and we have agreed that you don't put yourself into the situations that could possibly turn into even 'thinking' about cheating. Everyone loves to be complimented and told they are beautiful, etc so I think over time, it could happen. Stay out of any situation where it could happen, have respect for your spouse, and hopefully you can make it through 50 yrs without any close calls! :o)

I'd go with your hubs on this one believe it or not! I think the potential to cheat is in all of us and so we have to be on guard not to let anybody cross any lines with us. I am so not talking about paranoia or anything. I just mean for example that if the same man starts to make little comments about how nice I look regularly, If he knows I love guitar and brings me some extra picks, etc., I don't look at it as just being nice, unless I have known him a long time and am secure the friendship is true and tested. I don't want to have any weirdness with anyone, it just isn't worth it. I will distance myself from him. I know my hubby will come home sometimes and tell me how a woman acted toward him or a comment a woman might have made to get my feedback on whether or not she was hitting on him. We just use each other as a sounding board to stay in each other's mix and to thwart and possible pit falls. We don't think we are above it, we choose to be faithful and to just dowse each other with love. Now I am not one to check a phone or facebook or worry if he is out late or any of that drama. I just think that anybody can fall no matter how awesome they think they are so I want to stay in fresh communication with my guy, be honest and continue to choose to love him and discover new things about him. So I would say, yeah, anybody has the potential, probably everybody gets tempted and hopefully most will stay true! Just my opinion! :D

I agree with SH; possibility does exist in everyone. Cheating happens for so many different reasons and I'm sure most said they would "never" do it. Just like divorce; we all believe on our wedding day that we'll be together forever, 'til death do us part. 50% of us are wrong.
Knowing and accepting the possibility exists makes it easier to prevent it.
My husband and I too have discussed this, among other topics, and I think it's a good one to have.
Great topic, you really got people thinking!!!

My boyfriend is not a cheater at all..i would be more likely to cheat than he would..that's how good he is..and i would never cheat b/c i know he would never..so what's the point in cheating on someone that is so faithful? Its only when i've dated a guy in the past that i knew was cheating..then i didn't care ..does this make sense? And..my man has been in bands all his life..but he's just not the type to cheat..really looks down on it..I couldn't even read him this post or he would get upset i bet..we're always together..have been since the day we met..i feel lucky that i never have to stress and worry about him straying.

D.

Not for me, i am very loyal, almost to a fault. I have been cheated on in my Younger years by almost every man ive dated, i never retaliated, and had plenty of chances. Bonds are sacred, cheating is weakness and dangerous. The Bonds of marriage i take very seriously, ive been through hell and back and would never slip, not ever.

I can say that with 100% certainty, just as i can say id never hit my kids, shoot heroine, jump off a cliff without a parachute, eat meat, or marry my brother.........i would not cheat.

I think because guys operate via their eyes, for most of them there's a tiny chance. I agree for me it's 0. But my husband of 18 years ended up in the .5% and is currently living elsewhere. We have 2 beautiful daughters that he ADORES and frankly I think kids adds to the likelihood. He started seeing me as a maternal figure as soon as they were born and lost all interest in me as a lover. So sad. So I guess I agree with both of you guys YES, women, not so much.

If the marraige is not good, then anything can happen. Neither of us would cheat on the other. I do not trust, however, the constant change of working groups (i.e. Hollywood). If people are working with new groups every 9 months, there is the chance of new relationships sprouting and being stronger than the one they are already in. (My whole family (100's of cousins (1st, 2nd and 3rd), and all marraiges did well except two).

I agree with your husband in most circumstances. Under the right set of circumstances, just about anyone might cheat. My first response to this question was,"Not a chance, no way," but reading what your husband had to say about the possibility exists in most all of us to do bad things including cheating, I changed my mind. I am a Christian and believe cheating is wrong for so many different reasons, but I do believe all people make mistakes especially at difficult times in their lives. I think realizing that we are all human and capable of making mistakes is the best way to make the choice to do the right thing.

I cheated on my boyfriend of four years (and by "cheated", I don't mean have sex... i've only had sex with two men in my whole life). I don't regret it a bit. He was the wrong person for me, but we stayed together so long because he was my first, so I figure I should stay in the relationship. There were so many things about him that bothered me though- we fought constantly. So many things about him irritated me, I didn't even like him at all- then I got my head on straight and broke up with him.

I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband of 9 years. I love him deeply, he's my other half. I literally cannot look at any other man and have sexual desires.- I'm totally not interested. I don't find anyone else sexy- honest! I'm just very interested in my husband. My husband is everything to me- best friend, good husband, good father, sexy, funny talented, good-looking, hard-working, caring, etc... I'm loyal, but I don't need the loyalty reason to stop me. When your husband CAN'T be beat on ANY level in your opinion, then why the heck settle for something less while ruining the greatest relationship ever and causing your kids stress and grief over it? I've got #1 here, I don't even stop and consider who #2 could be...

I think cheating has a lot to do with each person, and who they are with. If they are with the "wrong" person, then cheating could easily happen, but what I think is better is that you don't cheat at all, and just break-up with the wrong person instead, it would do everyone some good. Why be with someone if you have desires to cheat? My husband fulfills all my desires and needs... and vice versa.

If I get married again, I won't know until it happens. Tee hee hee. However, I am not going to fool myself to think it can't happen. Anything is possible.