Would This Aggravate You Too??

That is unacceptable. She may be embarrassed but she's going about this wrong. I agree about letting the little boy know this is wrong and that you will end playdates if he can't be polite. Communicating with his Mom definitely is not working.

Yes, I'd be mad. Her child is being very rude, and she is encouraging him by laughing at it all. It is not silly, it is rude. This would bother me a lot. You've already talked to her, and it's only gotten worse, I would say no to playdate invites at his house for awhile because you don't like the yelling and door slamming when it is time for pick up. Maybe then it will sink in.

You cant fix or control other people. You can't tell other people how to parent. At her house she can parent the way she wants. It's obvioulsy more of an issue for you than her. Is he an annoying brat - you bet! But that's kind of thier deal.
I would slow down on the playdates too, until he matures a bit. But then you are really punishing your son for his freinds bad behavior. You dont mention how it plays out when the playdate is at your house?

I agree, unacceptable!

Maybe a break between the two would teach this other little boy his behavior is not okay, and that it won't be tolerated?

As for the Mom laughing, that would get to me too. Teach your child how to behave!

I agree with u. This child simply is not being taught manners and how to respectful to adults. If this situation doesn't change I would cease the playdates. I don't mean to sound unkind but the other mom doesn't seem to grasp proper discipline. She sounds like she lacks basic common sense.

No, I think you are doing the right thing by giving your son a 15 min warning. The door in the face, not acceptable and had it been my son/daughter there would have been a nice pop on the butt for the disrespect of another person. Makes me wonder about your friends parenting skills. I would have the other boy to my house to see if he behaves the same way when you send him home after 15 min.

This is the tip of the iceberg. You are not overreacting.

About the slammin, the 5 yr old is being an unreprimanded brat for that.
Ignore the rest, make your son leave when told.
You are just a superior Mom.

Yah the Mom and son would irk me.

If that were me, I would scold the boy even if the Mom was there.
If she gets irked, well I would tell her its my home.

I would ALSO teach my son, about how to choose friends.
And how, this boy is an example, of NOT a good friend.
Use this situation, as a way to TEACH your son, about discerning people.

Good for you for sticking to your guns! You are totally right. His behavior is unacceptable and his mother is sending a shabby message by laughing at his behavior. I assume she does this bc she cannot control him and is embarrassed. Either way, time to find a new best friend. Or at least let him know that he's not welcome to come over and play anymore bc he's disrespectful and that bc of his behavior your son won't be spending as much time there. That child needs some consequences. Too bad for your little boy. Makes me wonder what else goes on in that house that she overlooks...

Next time he contradicts you or does something like slam the door - tell him you will not allow your son over to play with him for a week - - and if this happens, fill that time with something fun for your son since it would not have been due to HIS bad behavior, but the other child's.

I would be steamed! About all of it! No child should call the shots about when play time is over. If I say 15 min. I will NOT be told any differently by a child.

You are not making too much of it, and your neighbor IS being too lackadaisical (great word, by the way!). Oh, and if some think you are too strict? Who cares! Be as strict as you please, YOU are the mom! :)

Nope, id do the same thing. When i say something i mean it, even if in my mind i realized maybe i could have let up a little. If you give in one time then they will think there is a chance you may do the same another time. It leaves room for arguments, contradictions and whatever else. You said 15 minutes, thats whats it means. It sounds as if your neighbor understands it but is a little embarrassed by her son's talking back. Writing it off as "silly", no big deal as long as she doesn't undermine you.

Slamming the door in your face is unacceptable! And an adult laughing about it, even more unacceptable!
What if you don't give him the 15 mintue warning? Would it work if you just told him what time he had to be home and told the friend's mother when he went over there? Then walk over and get him about 5 minutes before so he has time to help put toys up/ put on shoes, etc. Then you totally avoid the 15 minute arguement- it's just time to go.
My sister had issues with a neighbor's son as well- being disrepectful, making a mess in their house (he smashed food into their basement carpet), etc- to the point where her kids are only allowed to play with him outside. They know, his parents know, and he knows it is because of his behavior.

No, you are not being strict. One time contradicting you, no problem, compromise, but two, three four times, no. You have rules for your house and that is for your son to finish up in 15mins. I would definitely limit how often my son plays over at their house. All play from now on for the sake of my son would be at MY house or in and around the neighborhood. She is obviously making fun of it, and that to me is disrespectful and rude!

You have a couple options: either you can bring it up again (likely, to laughter or no avail) to the mother, or you can just ignore it.

Actually, a third option would be to arrange to pick your son up outside, on the porch. Don't even step foot indoors during pickups. Let your neighbor's son yell at his mother, not at you.

I've found that some people don't seem to mind their children being rude. That's likely what you are seeing with this family. Nothing you can do, request or say is going to change how she parents. All you can do is control yourself and your own actions. The little boy has the right to feeling disappointed (although door-slamming doesn't fly in our house either), and even has a right to being sad or grumbling. Arguing, however---

When I have an 'little arguer' in my preschool group, my technique is simple; to correct their assertion once (As in "Yes, we are going home now") and then *ignore ignore ignore*. He sees he's making an impression on you, because you are responding. Furthermore, what's there to argue about if no one will argue with you? It will be good lesson for that little boy in terms of his relationship with you. When you don't respond, his mom can get a clearer picture of *him* and his actions, because your actions aren't distracting. Explain it once, and then you're done. It's not like he's asking a question about rocket science, now, is it?:)

I should add, too, that kids do have opinions and beliefs that they want to argue and discuss, and I consider this a separate situation from just plain non-compliance when an adult has given a direction. I'm not against arguing/heated discussion around ideas or desires, per se, but in this capacity, when we are giving direction, my pat phrase is "This is a time for doing, not a time for arguing."

Added: I really liked Angie's idea of 'no longer warnings', just a short one to clean up and 'time to go'. Sometimes, a longer warning means more time to act out.

my response? "if there is arguing with mom, the playdate ends now. period. i will be back in 15 and you WILL come home, son."

and follow through. don't even bring the other mom into it. this is actually made easier if your son IS in on the begging. then it "sounds" like you are chastising him...but you are actually saying it loud and clear for both of them.

the slamming door thing i would have been like, "OKAY! playdate over. let's go son." he doesn't need to stay and clean up if his FRIEND and the friend's mom are going to treat you that way. that is RUDE and i would not have laughed it off. i would have gotten my son and walked away. send a clear message to both of them that YOU don't allow yourself to be disrespected like that. i also wouldn't call them for awhile. otherwise it WILL continue.

Wow-no I would be really upset too. Here is what you should do...."ground" your son from playing over there for a couple of weeks. Just say that you do not like the difficulty that happens when you try to get him home. Tell your friend this too-hopefully it will make her a little more serious about reprimanding her son and make the son realize that he is being punished also-because of his sassiness his friend is not allowed over. It is up to you if you want to let them play at your house or not. I wouldn't.

Mom needs to get a back bone and set her kid straight. He is a rude child.

I would say guess what my son is not coming over to play, and I find it rude that you would laugh at me, if you would like to send your son over to play that is fine but from now on if I say 15 mins I mean 15 min. Let her know you are hurt that she would find this funny.

I guess you can't force your neighbor to make her son be polite. The door slamming was rude, sure, and so is the contradicting. I think if they're playing at your house, you should correct your son's friend. I also think you should tell him that next time you say it's 15 minutes, you'd like him to accept it, or else it will become 10 minutes until playtime's over. If he talks back again, tell him it's 5 minutes. I know it would deprive your son of playtime with his friend but I bet you would only have to do it one time and the smartypants responses would halt. It sounds like your neighbor, the mom, is taking a different approach with her discipline where she figures laughing off his misbehavior and maybe making light of it will make this phase pass faster. And who knows? Maybe she's right, only she knows her own child's temperment. But that doesn't mean you have to play along too.

Not overreacting. The door slamming would've been a problem. To humor him if this continues, call the mom 30m before you want your son home and have HER tell her son that they have 30m more. Its up to you if you go over 15m beforehand.

M.

No you are not overreacting. You have some great advice. Tell that little boy and your son this is how it's going to be bc you are the mom and you make the rules. If they choose to contradict you the playdate ends IMMEDIATELY. I'm sure the other mom is laughing mostly bc she is embarrassed and she is not so good at handling her son. Hopefully as he gets older and gets worse she changes her ways and is more black and white with him and is not afraid to lay down the law. It's hard to be a parent, that's for sure!

It can be such a pain when your children's friends demonstrate unacceptable behavior so well! Still, I'd look at this not as him contradicting you, but as his (albeit, immature and rude) way of saying how much fun he's having with your son. Yes, it would be better if he asked instead of yelling what he expects or wants, but he's 5. I think it's an age-appropriate response (though not acceptable).

Next time you go over for the warning (which, by the way, my kids always needed), you might want to add something when the other little guy chimes in -- like, "I know. It would be nice if he could stay longer. But if you yell at me when I say what time Joey needs to come home, I'm afraid I won't be able to let Joey come over the next time." Or, if you bring your son over to the friend's house, when you drop him off say something to the frined like "I'll be back later to give Joey a heads' up about when he needs to come home. I need you to not yell a different time when I do that, OK? That makes me think maybe he shouldn't come play. When I come back, can you just tell me you're disappointed, please?"

Not sure modeling correct behavior will help, but nothing else is so it may be worth trying.