OK sorry this is so long but I'm not sure what to do. My son will be 2 on Sunday and the last several nights he has not wanted to go to bed. He's slept through the night since he was about 5-6 months old and has been a very good sleeper since then and has never complained about going to bed. We have the same routine that we have everynight jammies, books snuggles then to bed between 8:00-8:30 at the latest. Well now he doesn't really complain while going through the routine but once I go to put him down in the crib and walk away he starts crying. I know it could be several things but I'm not sure what to do because I've never had this problem with him and it's driving me crazy!! It's funny becuase I don't even have touch him all I have to do is stay in the room, as soon as I try to leave the room he starts crying. Last night it took me about a 1/2 hour to get him to sleep, I think he was finally tired enough that when he heard me open the door he whined for 2 seconds and went to sleep. He started a new daycare about a month ago and I know that with it staying lighter out later it's hard for them to go to sleep. It's almost like he's scared or something with him not wanting me to leave the room. This morning he was up at 5:00 AM, which he's never up that early so I don't know what is going on. Like I said he still transitioning into this new daycare and they say he is doing very well the thing is he hasen't been taking as long of naps there as he usually does and he has been very clingy to me and has pretty bad seperation anxiety. Anyone go through this?? What did you do. I would prefer not to cry it out but I will if I have to. I don't want to set a precendence that he can scream and I'll give in. I think I'm in some unchartered territory with the terrible two's!! Thanks for all your advice.
oh my gosh my daughter did this too. but it ended up she was scared of the dark so we got some rope lights and hung them up in her room to go to sleep. I dont know if he has a new found issue with the dark but maybe that will help
Hi L.- Happy birthday to your son! My son turns 2 on Friday, and about 3 weeks ago he started acting differently at bedtime. He had loved the bedtime routine since he was just a few months old, and it was all running smoothly, but then he started trying to keep us in the room longer... asking for water, etc. My little guy didn't actually cry before or after we leave, but definitely didn't want us to go. In our case, I think it's just a combination of longer nights (it's not really dark when we put him to bed about 7:30 or so), and growing awareness/interest/activity. I wonder if in your case, it's the separation anxiety added in?
I think at this age they are starting to learn how to manipulate situations and people. Your son may be truly sad that you are leaving him for the night, or he may be trying to test you to see if you will give in. Or some combination of both. If I was in your situation, and if it seems like he is okay (not in pain or truly fearful of something), I'd be consistent about leaving him for the night.
Good luck!
(ps - you may also want to check with the daycare, if you haven't already, to see if anything is going on to upset him there.)
Hi L.,
Right around the age of 2, toddlers develop a new sense of their surroundings and it's typical for them to go through a little separation anxiety. The recent change to day care is probably exasperating that fact too. I totally understand your thinking in not wanting to give into his being upset, but you have to think of it from the point of view that he's communicating his needs with you and needing you to respond in a way that continues to build the trust in your relationship. Although toddlers can be manipulative, and you do not want to nurture that behavior, they're also still pretty new to this world and figuring a lot of things out, especially as they develop and begin to understand more of their surroundings. The most important thing during these times is the security in their homes/rooms and with their parents, which will also help to prevent problems to continue or coming up again in the future.
If he's been falling asleep on his own since he was that young, then this is probably just a phase. If you can wait it out and be patient, then it will likely work itself out. I understand that this digs into your evening time, but at different points in their life, things just come up that we have to be flexible with.
Also, does he have a nightlight or anything in his room? I've also found that leaving some quiet music on (something very mellow and soothing) is helpful for both of my boys to make them feel more comforted when they're falling asleep. Lifescapes at Target (or something similar) has a lot of great CD's for falling asleep with just music and sounds.
I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do!
L.
I am sorry. Two thoughts: (1)your son is the right age and, with transitioning to a new daycare, in the right situation to be experiencing separation anxiety. The fact that he calms with you in the room speaks volumes. I would suggest accepting that, for the first few weeks, you may need to do so -- until he feels safe in his new environment. Then you can wean him of your presence. YOu might find Elizabeth Pantley's Book 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' -- she is a local author/mom and her ideas are really pretty good.(2)re: length of sleep -- again, he is growing up, so his sleep needs are shifting AND in the summer, NO ONE sleeps as long. Has to do with the change in light. Human beings really do adjust their sleep schedules depending on the light of the day.
Hope some of this helps.
Jenny
My 2 yr. old has just now started sleeping well and actually wanting to go t bed. We got him a night light that projects stars and that has helped a ton. You may want to check to see if your son if napping at daycare. He may be over tired when he is going to bed. We also moved bedtime up a 1/2 hr. which means I don't see him as much and he doesn't seem tired, but he oges right to sleep!
Hope some of this helps, hang in there!
I have three comments:
1.He sounds like he is afraid to go to sleep. He is about the age to have nightmares. I would suggest getting a new stuffed animal like a bear, lion, tiger. Find a story with the animal in it the has him doing something protecting in it. Then tell your son this animal is his protector, in his sleep or awake. Make sure the animal is always in his bed. Have him and his animal check out the closet, under the bed, etc..., and chase the "bad guys"away.
2. It may be time to get rid of naps (sigh...) so that he is tired at night. I like the idea of darkening his room. Also wear him out--like swimming lessons, running around the park after work,
3. The separation anxiety is a phase (sigh) and it will pass, but you need to help him live through it. He is just worried you will not come back. It is a sign of intelligence. Take him to where you need to drop him off, tell him you will be back, etc... and leave, don't look back. If you always return he will survive the separation anxiety just fine.
His level of awareness is developing. Separation anxiety, yes. New daycare, yes. Overly tired, yes. All these things and more can make it more difficult for him to accept being in a room by himself. It's a period in his life where he needs the comfort of you. There is nothing wrong with staying in his room until he falls to sleep. Nothing wrong with rocking him to sleep and then putting him in crib. He's a baby, a toddler who is wanting the contact with his Mom. He's developing a sense of trust with you. Let him. Kids can't be pidgeon holed, put on a shelf when we're done with them for the day and we want 'our' time, their time is our time. It may take you an additional 30 minutes each night to tuck him in and for him to fall asleep, but he will rest and sleep sounder as a result. New surroundings for a toddler are very disturbing and because they don't have the language skills to express what they are feeling, their concerns/emotions are expressed in their behaviors, especially separation anxiety and bed time routines.
I'm not sure I can offer you much advice, but I am going through something similar with my 27-month-old. He hasn't changed daycare, but he screams now when he goes in. He started crying a bit on the way to daycare in January, but now is incredibly clingy. I am pregnant with twins due at the end of July and I think he's understanding more than we thought... He has high language skills, so we basically know if he's teething, or whatever. I currently sit in his room until he falls asleep and this is the best it has ever been. We tried the crying it out method several times throughout his life. The last time we tried it, he launched himself out of his crib (which he's never done before), opened two doors, climbed down the stairs and opened the door to the family room in about three minutes flat. This from a kid who couldn't open doors before and who it took 10 minutes to get down the stairs! Another night I tried it again, but was in my room and he could see me. He started climbing out of the crib again. We got him a twin bed and he likes that a lot better, but I still have to sit with him. Ocassionally there are weeks when this takes an hour. This is usually when his teeth are hurting and he's having trouble getting to sleep. He is also waking in the night most nights, but I find I can just call out to him from my room and he goes back to sleep...
I don't know what to suggest, except that this is probably a phase as with most things. I would try sitting with him and then moving the chair closer to the door each night, etc., until you're no longer in the room. Unfortunately this hasn't worked with us, but nothing has that has worked with others, so you never know until you try!
Good luck and I feel for you!
Oh, dear - no rest for him means no rest for you, too --. Yes, I think you have ''diagnosed'' the issue exactly- there are three parts ( likely) to the problem:
1 as he gets older he WILL develop 'new' behaviours - and less need for sleep
2- a new day care has really upped his attachment issues ( very natural - AND
3. it's not only light later outside- it's light EARLY, as well-- can you try darkening his room? - start sending aspecial comfort item to day-care? - decide what your response will be to his protest, which is saying '''' DON"T walk out of the room'''''--decide- and then stick to it -
Blessings-
J.
aka- Old Mom
3
we just went through that with out daughter. For about a week we indulged her, and stuck around, etc. However, things did not get better, they got worse! Also, she wasn't sleeping nearly enough and we could tell how tired she was during the day.
So, we decided to go back to our normal rules - you get tucked in, we leave the room, you go to sleep. We told her - as long as you are in bed, we'll leave the door open so you can see us, but if you get up we're going to close it. After a night or two of this she learned the deal, and now is back to her happy sleeping self.
It was really hard to do this. She cried, and we had to stand strong, which was difficult. However, i truly believe that it was the best choice. By staying with her we were giving her enough distraction so that she would just stay up - sort of on edge waiting for us to leave. Now she just goes to sleep.
I will say, we have also been trying to make sure that she knows we're around, and using the technique of saying something (I'll be back in one minute) and then following through to try and help her feel more secure. I don't know if that helps or not.
Oh, she has woken up suddenly in the middle of the night in a panic a few times since then. I always comfort her until she is calm, but then follow the same bed time routine. It seems to work. (During the bad week i would stay with her until she was 'asleep', which basically never happened, so instead of being awake for 20 minutes, she was awake for hours.)
