Crying It Out??? What to Do???

Please don't go the cry-it-out route. I had a very ill baby too. Cry it out might work for kids who are well but not ones who have been in a lot of pain and need to be soothed, She really needs you. My daughter is 4 now and sleeps 10-11 hours straight through the night but it was a LONG road to get there. Looking back, I would not change a thing. As a baby she slept on my lap a lot or slept with me but now she is a very independent and confident young lady now who prefers her own room and loves to sleep in the dark best of all. I think part of that is because when she really was small and truly helpless, I never left her to feel as though she would have to fend for herself. I kept telling myself, what mama animal in nature ignores the cries of her helpless young? And I never did ignore her cries. I read somewhere that if you ignore their cries you are basically telling them they are not worthy of inconveniencing you. Obviously I didn't get a lot of sleep. For years. But it was worth it. She trusts me and she has a lot of confidence. I remember reading the Elizabeth Pantly book "No Cry Sleep Solution" and some of the ideas did work for me.

Putting her down in her own bed awake while I pretend to putter around tidying up the room. She would drift off to sleep.

Solid nighttime routine, dinner, bath, books, then telling stories in the dark (I got really good at making up progressively boring stories).

Air purifier machine to create a soft white noise background (very soothing).

Turn off the phone ringer at night.

I got a fabulous ladybug (Lone Star Baby and Dillards have it). It projects stars and a moon all over the walls and ceiling and we ride in the "moon boat" to visit planets and imaginary places. Some of the planets are so far away we have to close our eyes and "sleep" on the way. This is working really great right now.

Another thing that worked was putting her to bed and then pretending to have forgotten something, like brushing my teeth, feeding the guinea pig, etc. Then I really did come back afterwards and slowly kept leaving for longer and longer periods.

I also did not rush in as soon as there was a peep from her. I have a video monitor and wait to see if it is going to escalate.

Some nights, just like any human, she is simply not sleepy yet. She has a reading light on a timer and I allow her to read books to her stuffed animals. This really puts her out. I usually work on my computer and watch her on the monitor from another room. I don't stay in there with her on those nights.

Your baby needs to be close to you. It is fine for her to sleep with you. She needs to know that you will meet her needs when she calls. I have three children of my own, and am a foster mom. Children will eventually wean theirselves to their own bed. Don't worry what others say you only have them for a short time, and you want them to learn early that they can depend on you.

First off, I think you're doing great. I haven't read the other responses...so I don't know what they've said and I say this cautiously (meaning, not wanting to offend anyone because I know there are many different views, just wanting to share my personal advice/feelings). I am opposed to crying it out. I think it is a last resort type of thing - meaning, if you're feeling the desire to throw your baby across the room, it's better to lay her down and let her cry while you leave the room and get control of yourself and calm down. Otherwise, I'm all for any method that doesn't include having them cry-it-out. If you're wanting to have them learn to fall asleep without you rocking them, there are ways to teach them to do that with you still there. I have had the "Baby Whisperer" recommended to me before. You might want to look into that.

I rock my babies to sleep each time and then lay them in their crib. They sleep in my room and pretty much always end up in bed with me. I feel like I get more sleep this way.

As for your daughter waking up as soon as you lay her down, you might not be waiting long enough before laying her down. There is a time period after they fall asleep where they can wake up very easily. You have to wait until that passes and they fall into a much deeper sleep and they can be laid down. I generally wait 10-15 minutes before laying my son down - I start timing it from the time he closes his eyes. Generally he'll go through a phase of twitching some (generally after 10-15 minutes he'll do this) and he'll sigh and I know he's completely out. But if you wait too long (25 minutes?) you might miss your window to lay them down. I find it's pretty easy (once I knew what to wait for) to get him to lay down in his crib.

That being said, there are times when he is much more sensitive to things and seems to wake up much easier. Those are frustrating days! Generally it's due to teething and it'll pass after a couple days. So I have the choice to sit and rock him for his whole nap, or try to rock him for a few more minutes and try lay him down again (which often still won't work), or I just let him get up...depending on what's going on. She might be teething right now.

Anyway, good luck figuring out what to do! It's amazing how difficult babies can be!

She may still not be feeling 100% thus being near you brings her comfort. I never believed in the letting them cry it out - I tried that with my first based on the advice of the pediatrician and that was the last time I listened to his advice on anything. I ended up just bringing the babies into our room. You can put the crib right next to your bed with the side down and see if that works. For my second son, he always started out in his crib in our room and then if he woke up at nite, we would bring him to our bed. I know many do not believe in the family bed or co-sleeping, but it was the only way that we got any sleep when my boys were young. The theory that they'll always want this doesn't hold up. My oldest was in his own bed in his room when he was 3 and we never had the battle of getting him to stay in his own bed or room. My younger son was in our room longer, but ditto once he was in his own room, he was fine. You have to do what works for you and your baby. But, again, if she's been sick for so long, she's likely still not 100% and really does need her mother to comfort her at nite.

I have tremendous compassion for you as I, too, am the mother of a child who was a not-so-great-sleeper. Babies cry for different reasons and babies with different temperaments need different things. Cry it out will work. The question is at what cost. Yes, you can use CIO to get your baby to fall asleep on her own but consider what it could do to her sense of trust, and her internal wiring. And just because your child will start to sleep on his own and appear happy and rested (you too) may not mean that there are no consequences -- either short or long term. And sometimes we swap one problem for another.

I think that The No Cry Sleep Solution book that's been recommended offers a gentler method than crying it out. There are other ways-- they may take more time but they are more gentle. There's no doubt I am a better parent when I am rested. But I feel I have to focus on my child's deeper needs.

I think it's worth mentioning that Ferber has said that he was wrong about some of his earlier writings. And even Harvard research supports why crying it out is not the best long-term solution.

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...

What helped me was to think of a long-term solution and long-term relationship building. That way I could focus on the bigger picture when I was exhausted. Good luck to you!

It really is okay to let her cry, but when she has been sick for such a long time, it is natural to be worried about her. Just know that in the long run she (and YOU) will get better rest if she is in her crib.
Remember that even though she is non-verbal, she still understands a lot-talk to her in the evening about how she is going to sleep in her bed tonight. Make it sound fun. If she doesn't already have a special sleep item, blanket or toy, pick one out and tell her it is her sleepytimebear or blankie. When you put her down and she yells, leave the room and be as clam as you can. After five minutes, go in, do NOT turn on the light, and reassure her that she is fine and she is going to sleep in her crib. Give her her sleepytime item and remind her to snuggle it and feel good. Then leave for ten minutes and do the same if necessary. Increase the amount of time between "visits" Tomorrow she will cry less and then next night probably not at all.
I know it all sounds simple, but I also know it is a killer to hear your baby scream-she is okay and will sleep better on her own.

I read this, and just starting laughing. This is me every night. I have a 10 month old DD. I am glad to know I am not the only one who has this issue. We go through about 3 rounds of this every night even when she is not sick. Last week she stayed with her grandmother for 3 days while I was out of town, no issue. My mother put her in the crib AWAKE with her doll, she played a few minutes then laid down and slept until 8am the next morning. At home up by 6AM every day. As soon as I get back we are back to the same old routine. I think maybe she just likes being with you. At least that is what I tell myself. When I get so tired I can't take it anymore I put her in bed with me to for a couple of hours then after a couple of hours I can move her to her bed. Anyway, I would just do what works for you, I can't stand the cry it out method either. Sorry, I was not much help...just wanted you to know you are not alone.

I think you need to gradually get her use to this. She has been so close and feels so secure with you next to her. To just put her in a crib and walk away would be very frightening and upsetting for her. It took time for her to get that way and now you will need to take the time to help her feel secure again without you. There have been several ways given to you and I would use the one that seems best for you and your child. When my grandson began the separation anxiety, I use to put him in the crib during nap time and play games with him or sing and just let him know it can be fun in his crib. He would eventually get busy with a stuffed animal in his bed and take his attention away from me while I was doing something in the room or sitting in the rocker. He would eventually lay down and go to sleep. After a few days, when I would play with him with his stuffed animals he would start playing with them alone and I could just walk out of the room and he never noticed I left. You can also leave the room and walk back in several times and then she will get use to your going and not feel it is the last time. She just needs to regain feeling safe in her bed and that you are near.
It will work out and much better than the crying and her wondering why you aren't coming to her. I think secure happy babies are much happier and sleep better than crying to sleep with sobs. This is a phase and with your loving guidance, she will learn to adapt.

It is true about letting them cry it out for a couple days...you can check in on him/her every 20 minutes, just to let him know you are still there...but DO NOT pick him up.
I keep a set of ear plugs, so I can cope a little better during these hard times of adjustment.

She will cry like crazy the first night. The second will be better and then it will get better. I trained my daugher to get me up 2 x 3 times every night until she was 2. Then, she learned to go to sleep after around 3 nights of lots of crying. Give her a lovey and get ear plugs. You need to win this one.

G.

I am in the same boat as you. I cannot offer any advice on how to stop it, but I can emphathize with you. My hubby and I have decided to let our baby girl sleep with us. She has been for about 5 months now (she is 10 mons old). I know it will most likely make it worse when she gets older, but I don't really care. We all sleep better when she is close to us. I suggest letting her sleep with you. Someday she will grow out of it :)

I have two little boys 2 yrs and 9 mo. My youngest likes to cling to me, so I kind of understand where you are coming from. When I lay him in his crib, I prop him up on a boppy pillow and I give him his cereal bottle with either his mobile playing or his turtle playing. His turtle is one of those toys you strap to the crib and it has lights, music for 12 min. straight, and little fish swiming in the tummy of it. Sorry, I don't remember the name of it, but there are different kinds like that. If you don't have one of those try to get one. He always goes right to sleep. If you do the cereal bottles at night, I normally make mine with 4 oz. of formula and I use the formula scoop to put about 2 to 3 scoops of cereal in there and then I fill the rest of it with baby fruit. Then you heat it up. If you do this, don't use bananas, they constipate your baby. I hope this helps you...Good Luck!

It isn't easy to let them cry it out but it worked for me. I did it with our 10 month old. The first night he woke up in the middle of the night, I waited about 10 minutes before going in there and then went in to check on him. He wasn't happy. I told him it was time to go to bed (of course he probably couldn't hear me through the screaming). I left. Waited 5 minutes, went back in, told him time to go to bed, left and waited 6 minutes, then 7, 8 minutes etc. He stopped crying after 45 minutes and went back to sleep. Then, the next night it was only 20 minutes and then next 2 nights didn't cry at all. We had a little lapse in there, but I stuck to it and now he pretty much sleeps through the night and if he does wake up, he will play sometimes and then put himself back to sleep. There has been an occasion that he doesn't go back to sleep, in which I do go up there. He is getting 4 teeth in on top so I never know if he is in discomfort. It doesn't seem to disrupt his sleeping through the night if I occasionally tend to him during the night. I'd give it a try for a couple of nights (just to see) - I've heard that some babies don't respond to the cry it out method. Naps are a different story- I still rock him to sleep! Good luck!

Wow - I hate to hear all the trouble you've had with your little one, but it seems like you are going to have to let her cry for a couple of nights. Look at it this way the pain of hearing her cry for a few days, opposed to having her camp out in your bed, until she decided she no longer wants to be there.

I am struggling with the same issue with my precious beautiful girl. I have given up on putting her in her crib and consequently, she sleeps with us. I do not sleep well and haven't in a year, but I won't go through letting her cry it out. It is too much stress for me. I don't even want to fix the problem as I am nursing my two month old. I am not writing to give or get answers, but to simply let you know that you are not alone. I hope it helps.

H.,
My little girl who is now 3 was a bit of a cryer, especially when she was even younger than yours. My sister who has 4 kids told me about letting her cry it out. It was not easy to do, but it worked. We had some rough nights and days, but it was worth it. The trick is doing it gradually so you don't go insane, and also doing it during the day at nap time when you're not so tired. She needs to know that her bed is where she sleeps all the time. Let her cry for longer and longer periods of time until she understands that's how it's going to be - like 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes and so on. It's never easy letting our little ones cry, but if you keep giving into her, she will be sleeping with you for years. I have a friend whose daughter is 5 and still sleeps with her and her husband. I'm glad I listened to my sister because my daughter was sleeping well at night in her own bed earlier than 6 months, and we've rarely had any problems getting her to stay in her own bed as she's gotten older.
I hope this gives you some hope. There is some light at the end of the tunnel and I pray for restful nights for you and your family.
Take care and God bless,
K. G.

Well she knows what buttons to push with you and that's to cry and you give in. This will take time to work out some habits, like sleeping in the bed with Mom and Dad...we all fall into that trap and then were sick of it later on. It is really not good to have the kids in bed with us over the long term. There are others that disagree but, I want a good nights sleep with my partner and not with my kids. Decide on a date your going to do this and reside yourself to be "committed, firm, and have a lot of patience's" do not give in to your feelings. I know your daughter is only 10 mos but they are smart and understand more than what we give them credit for at this age. Before bedtime you tell her she is going to sleep in her own bed and mommy is close by. When you put her down with her bottle, blanket or special stuffed toy she will scream and cry like she has been beaten...you can either sit on the floor across from her crib or in a chair if you have one in the room...tell her only once...your right here to reassure her then from this point on...don't say anything, no conversation...nothing....you will sit there as long as it takes until she falls asleep, then you can leave the room...it could take 10mins or an hour....you do that every night. Once she figures out she's not getting picked up and your not giving in and sleeping in her bed is fine....the crying will stop. She will eventually just lay down and go to sleep once you take her to bed....all kids are different...she may take 2 days or 2 weeks...what ever it takes you do it and don't give up and do not fall a sleep in her room. In the future when she is sick...come up with a different plan other than mom and dad bed to sleep in....that is my suggestion and it works.

my 11 month old went through the acid reflux and ear infections so i never had the heart to make her sleep alone. but when she turned 10 months I did. I finally got brave. I gave her a bath,read a book,prayed and kissed her goodnight. then I shut the door and never went back. First night she screamed about two hours and then off and on. Within a couple days she was only moaning. Some advive I was given was to get ear plugs or even spend the money and get a video monitor so you can make sure everything is ok. I got the monitor. Sometimes it is hard to watch but it eased my mind. You can do it. and just so you know I did a lot of crying right with her but she now sleeps like a champ. You may also want to make sure there are no ear infections cause that will cause some problems. hope it helps!

I could never do the "cry it out". It just breaks my heart! I sugggest the book The Baby WHisperer. If you follow it to a tee you will create a good sleeper. Good Luck!!

It must have been very frightening for her to be so sick. She doesn't understand why she was feeling like she was, so is probably wanting you to protect her from it.

My best suggestion would be to co-sleep with her for a while longer, then give her a toddler bed in your room, slowly moving it to her room as she is ready.

I would never just let her cry it out. She is crying because she is frightened and wants you. She feels that you could protect her from whatever was hurting her. If you let her cry it out until she stops, she stops because she has given up.

Personally, though, I co-sleep with my kids from the day they are born until they move into their own toddler bed in my room. Then, I slowly move the toddler bed farther and farther from me, until I finally move it into their room and purchase them a new bed set (to encourage the excitement).

Check out the book "the No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
Book Description

A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep--with no tears

There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby "cry it out," or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Pantley's successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep--all with no crying.

Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution:

* Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night
* Determine--and work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms
* Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night
* Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier

Download Description
"A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep--with no tears There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night: the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby ""cry it out,"" or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Pantley's successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. The No-Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep--all with no crying. Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night Determine--and work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier "

YES, YES, YES, YES,.......................Let her cry it out! I am the mother of 2 yr. old twins. I was SO unbelievably sleep deprived when they were only 5 mos. old, I asked the doctor what to do. My daughter was had colic like symptoms until 3 mos. & had to be rocked to sleep in my arms (so I thought).......she really just wanted to be soothed in her own bed, her own way.

At 5 mos. old, my doctor told me, "If you love your children, you will put them to bed & let them fall to sleep on their own". He said it would take 3 nights. I WANTED TO PROVE HIM WRONG as I thought, NO way. I hate to say it, but he was right.

We fed them, put them down & the first night, they cried for over an hour. We went in every 10-20 min. & just patted them & made sure they knew we were here.

The second night, they cried for 40 minutes (better)! The third night they cried for 20 minutes & that was it! After that, they soothed themselves to bed.

The unfortunate thing is that your daughter is smarter at 10 mos. old than 5 mos. old. This is your challenge. She will need the same pats on the back every 10-20 minutes but don't pick her up.

Some other mother advised me to get this music light at the store (Wal-mart or Babies r us). It hooks on the crib & it shows a little video on the ceiling. It's really soothing & takes their mind off of laying there. It has little 4 little birds in a nest, a moon & sun. It has 3 different volumes, battery operated. My daughter is 2 and a half & we still play it EVERY night.

My son also has a CD player & listens to the same CD each night since he was younger. They sleep in separate rooms & have separate things they like. We even take the CD with us if we spend the night elsewhere.

Last, make sure you have a set routine. She may seem a little young but start now. Whether it's a bath, then books, then rocking or whatever, do the SAME thing the SAME time of each night.

Putting her in your bed sometimes, her bed sometimes, moving her around is disrupting. She needs to know what to expect at bedtime & be consistent.

I would like to hear back from you if any of this helps. I have also been sleeping with ear plugs for 2 yrs.. IF you can imagine having twins, you never get sleep! I can still hear them cry but I do not get woke up by their every wimper.

Best of luck. If I can do it, you can do it. You & your child will be better because of it. This is an example of "Tough Love". Read this every day until you acomplish the task.

J.

H.,

I just did this within the last 2 weeks for my 7 month old. It was exteremly hard, but the good news is I put her down at night after rocking her to sleep, she may wake up a little, but goes right back to sleep and sleeps through the night now. Not only did crying it out get her to sleep in her own bed, but it taught her how to put herself to sleep which is the most important. Before this I was up with her 1 to 2 times a night.

The first night I did it she cried for 45 minutes. I made sure I had the TV on and was watching something I was really interested in. I did not turn her monitor on as her room is just down the hall from the living room so I could hear her clearly without the monitor (didn't need to hear her screaming any louder than I already could). I went into her room every 5 to 10 minutes to pat her on the back or bounce the mattress, but DID NOT pick her up. I think that was the hardest part. The next night she only cried for about 20 minutes, the night after around 5 to 10 minutes and that was it. Now we lay her down and may get a sniffle out of her, but usually she stays asleep with no problem.

Hope this helps and good luck with it.

L.

If your daughter likes movies, I highly recommend trying to get your hands on a Fisher Price Flutterbye crib toy. I don't know if FP makes them anymore, but I found one on ebay:

http://cgi.ebay.com/FISHER-PRICE-CRIB-LIGHT-TOY-FLUTTERBY...

My daughter was never a good sleeper (slept in a side-to-side swing for the first six months and swaddled until eight months so I could get some sleep). When she outgrew the swing and Miracle blanket, I was at a loss for what to do. I knew she liked Baby Einstein videos, so I tried to find something that would mimic a video to get her attention. The FP Flutterbye crib toy did the trick. She was around 8 months old and was able to turn it on in the middle of the night so we didn't have to get up. She's 3 1/2 now and in a bed, but we still keep the crib toy next to her bed. She hits it in the middle of the night if she wakes up and the music puts her back to sleep. I don't think she watches the video anymore, but that is what hooked her at 8 months.

Good luck!!
S.

My 2nd daughter was almost like your daughter now, I was so desperate for some sleep that she mostly slept with us at the beginning and even distracted her colic with Veggie Tales that kicked in exactly around midnight for 3 months straight! Eventually, my hubby and I just let go and let her cried it out but with the monitor on so she can hear us instead. Everytime she cried, we would sing into it until she was quiet or calm. We also propped her up so gas bubbles or back up spit won't cause any additional problems. The other thing I did is place the shirt I wore that day underneath her blanket after her dinner so she can still smell me while trying to drift off to sleep. It helped made her fee secure, my ordeal only lasted 1 week... I hope things work out for you, but be mindful that every child responds differently to new stimuli and changes.
Also, check if your crib orientation could be the cause; if her crib is in direct line of "traffic" or dramatic light changes as in when you close and open the door, then that might be part of her anxiety. You wouldn't want to be startled with that, would you?

When you give her a bottle and put her to sleep how long has she been sleeping before you put her down? I know we were having this same problem w/ my 7 1/2 month old and I read somewhere that they need to be asleep between 10 to 15 minutes (even 20 for some babies) before you try to lay them in their crib. This gives them the chance to get into some deeper cycle. Anyway, it works 99% of nights for my daughter. Good luck w/ this!

I too had the same situation happen with my son. We tried letting him cry it out, but he would literally cry until he was sick, therefore we had to find alternative methods. We found that our son longed for a sense of familiarity; dad's smell, mom's smell, a familiar touch in the night, etc. So we took and placed one of my husband's shirts on the mattress tightly so he could have that smell. We also started the nightly routine in his room, bottle feeding was done while he laid in his crib, and we also patted him until he fell asleep. Either way, he was in the crib the entire time, becoming comfortable with his surroundings. They just need to know that you will be there... it took a bit, but once he was used to it, he hardly ever fought to sleep with us again.

I empathize with you!I had the 'crying out" problem with my now 18 mon old son! I tryed all kinds of things! Finally while at a reg. check up I asked my doctor about techniques to help my son adjust to sleeping on his own: He advised me,"the adjustment had to start with me! Naturally when they cry we feel guilty and succumb just so the crying will stop. But if you put her in her bed every night and leave, crying or not after 3-5days she'll just give in and sleep! But YOU have to bear the crying...just remember crying won't hurt her, ! " It worked for me( my grandma used to use the phrase, "tears aighn't Blood!I now know what she meant) and now I even take him to bed before he falls asleep and have established a routine of reading, singing lullabyes and prayers...then it's goodnite and I'm out! I can finally sleep a normal nite again! Try it and Good luck!:D

It really is hard, but you HAVE to do it. It took my son about 3-5 nights, but the first 2 were the hardest. Once it was done, it was wonderful. Just remember - as you listen to the cry - that they really need to be able to put themselves to sleep. Good luck!!!!

I never had that problem with my son, but I did read a fantastic book that helped with almost everything else we ever went through. It's called "The Baby Whisperer" and it was a life saver for me. It's by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau.

I hope you get some good advice - it's so hard trying to figure out just what our kids need to keep them happy. :-)

I am having the SAME problem with our son. He is one! We tried everything rocking him to sleep- went to put him in the crib and he's WIDE AWAKE!!! We've tried patting him on the back, we even let him cry for about an hour- all it did was make him more upset!!!
I talked to the doctor about this... and he says it's like a separation anxiety b/c we are away from him all day and he is at daycare. He misses us and wants to be close...he said that once he starts walking and gaining independence from us, that he will more than likely grow out of this stage and into his own bed!!!
I am waiting for that day- we are working on the walking thing ASAP!!! :) hahaha

I am trying to picture this. However, as a young child many years ago, I recall sleeping in a crib in my parents bedroom near my mother but not in their bed. Then one day about 2 or so I had my own bed in anotehr room and thought it was great.

I cannot recall having my daughter sleeping in my bed beyond a month or two after breastfeeding. When she was little and would nurse she would fall asleep between us in the bed and no one rolled over on any one. As she got older, I put her in a little carbed thing on the floor near the bed and she slept in that. I could hear her and she could hear us and not be in the big bed but her bed. By the time she was 6 months old she was in her crib in another room and was fine. I kept her in our room because I could not hear her crying and I didn't want her to be upset. When she was sick, I would make a bed on the floor and spend the night with them (she shared a room with her brother). Today she is 31 and a happy healthy adult who considers me her best friend. So the moral is start early and you won't have these disconnect problems. Yes, it is hard to hear your child cry but sometimes you have to let them cry in order to build up lung capacity and for them to know that they are safe and mom WILL be there to take care of them. Learn the different cries and you will really know your child and what they really need. You can't be joined at the hip forever as nothing will ever get done and we are not millionaires that can have help come in and clean and cook for us. So we have to organize and multi-task. Remember you are a person, woman, wife and then mother in that order.

Is there something she really wants (a doll, a quilt) that could be a "Crib-only" item? Something she loves on and is not eager to let go of it. She may be only 10-months, but even a Baby Tad that plays music and is huggable might be useful. My now 16-month-old daughter loves her Baby Tad and her "holey blankey" and comforts herself with those items and has since about 10 months. Good luck--I know that is very frustrating!

I went through the same thing with my youngest daughter. I really had a hard time leaving her in her crib. By the time she was 10 months old I had not slept more than 2 hours straight through and was at my wits end. I called a friend of mine to take her for a night so I could sleep one night through. I was then strong enough to stay up while she screamed all night long the next 4 nights. And, I worked a full time job during the day and took care of a 5 year old to boot on my own, as I was a newly single mom at the time. The 1st night, when she started crying, I went into her room, said to her very gently about every 1/2 hour to 45 minutes that its time for night-night honey, pat her back briefly and leave. She would actually throw up from screaming so much. I would just change the sheets and change her clothes, then quietly told her again it was night-night time and layed her down gently, patted her back for a minute. She screamed through the whole dang thing, for 8 hours that night. I instructed the baby sitter the next day to not allow her to take longer naps than usual. & I will know if she had too! The next night we went through this again. Throwing up and all. It lasted about 6 hours. The next night it last about 4 hours and by the 4th night she slept through the night only waking once and I assured her it was night-night and patted her back a few seconds and left the room. She went right back to sleep. On the 5th night, we both slept through the night finally. She was simply spoiled and wanted to be with me. Its hard to believe that a precious little baby can be that demanding. She was just spoiled and that's all it was. I kept my tone of voice level and gentle the entire time this went on every night. I didn't get upset, raise my voice and made certain that I didn't sound stressed. My baby was too in-tune with my every move and thought it seemed. This child has pretty much slept through the night since except during illness. Its a very hard thing to do when there's other persons living in the home during sleep training. They too cannot understand why you are letting the baby scream all night. You will end up fighting with dad, etc., over this, because no one has had any sleep. I know about the arguing because that happened with my first child when it took her a couple of nights to sleep through the night. You really cannot get upset while you are training the baby because they feel your stress the entire time and it just doesn't work then. You've got to disconnect emotions during the middle of the night while training them to sleep through the night. I was able to emotionally disconnect while sleep training because I knew it was the best thing I could do for my child at that time! But, you must check to make sure they are Ok and not banging their head or something against the crib, throwing up on themselves, etc. I had very hard-headed children that were bound and determined to get their way!! You need to start getting sleep or things can get pretty nasty is how I feel about it. I was prepared to stay up a week's worth of nights in a row if that's what it took to get a full nights sleep soon. It was worth it and I comfort and hug my daughters constantly to this day, just not in the middle of the night anymore.

BUT, ASK YOUR BABY'S DOCTOR FIRST BEFORE YOU DO THIS, JUST IN CASE THE DOCTOR FEELS IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOUR CHILD BECAUSE OF COMPLICATIONS OF SOME SORT. AFTERALL, EVERY SINGLE CHILD IS DIFFERENT!

I hope this bit of reality dose helps you and good luck!

Been there, done that, wiser Mom!

Don't do cry it out...Try the Pantly method of No Cry Sleep Solution - get the book, it's an easy read and a much more natural, soothing way to get your baby to sleep.
good luck

DO NOT LET HER CRY IT OUT....the first two years are SO important to tend to her needs, fears, etc. She is learning trust. Try to do something gradual...lay her down, awake, and sit near the crib. IF she gets up, lay her back down, say "night night". IF she gets up again, lay her back down without saying anything. I had to do this routine for two nights with my daughter and now she sleeps beautifully on her own. Find a method that works that meets her needs and gets her to feel safe in her bed...just don't resort to crying it out. Crying a few minutes is okay, but trust your gut and respond to her. It was so hard for me too, but I am so glad I went with my gut and did not have her cry it out.

I read part of the book: The No-Cry Sleep Solution (can't remember the author)

I am not a fan of crying it out... my kids would cry incessantly and work themselves into a state in which they could not possibly sleep. There are other ways. Is there any reason why she can't sleep in your bed? If that is what she's used to and it doesn't bother you, I don't see why not. Or, maybe you can move her crib into your room so she can be close to you, but not in your bed all night. Or maybe she can sleep somewhere else besides the crib, if that is what she objects to. (One of my kids slept on a quilt on the floor for awhile, after she rejected her crib. I reached a different compromise with my other daughter, in which she slept in her crib part of the night and part of the night with me.) The bottom line is, in my opinion, to do whatever you need to do to get the most sleep!

If there are any questions concerning sleep I turn everyone to a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Wiessbluth - it really works. Now, have you thought of putting a warm heating pad on your daughters crib BEFORE you put her in bed? That way she won't go from her warm spot to a cold crib. Be sure to shut it off and remove it completely from the crib right before you put her in so she won't get tangled in the cord. Also, recognize that your daughter may feel like she's falling in her sleep that wakes her up. Try holding her close and leaning all the way into the crib with her - I used a stool to get high enough; I'm too short to reach deep into the crib. Finally relax about the habit of sleeping in the bed with you. If it's okay with you and your husband then let her until she's a little older and then try again. They're only this little for such a short time.

My child had the same problems, reflux and everything. He didn't want to sleep either especially in his crib. I put an egg crate sponge on his bed Under his sheets to make the bed more comfortable. and I also put a Loud buzzing fan in his room. Letting him cry worked for a while just to get him comfortable in the crib. Just keep putting a pacifier in her mouth and cover her up. He would go to sleep and then wake up every 4 or 5 hours. Once your child is crawling and walking she is going to be a lot sleepier and will put up less of a fight. You may also want to try and limit the naptime or make it earlier in the day. These are all things that slowly helped my child sleep. He is 11 months now and has been sleeping in the crib for about 11 hours a night. He goes to bed at 8:30. I hope some of this helps

I had the same thing with my youngest son - EXACTLY- this too shall pass. We let him sleep in bed with us and made sure he naped in his crib during the day, then at night when he fell asleep in our bed we waited until he was sound asleep and very gently transferred him to his crib. It seems like we put his crib in our room (maybe it was a playpen). I also had to be careful not to hold him all day, let him learn to occupy and soothe himself a little. He is 13 now so they do live through it and so will you.

Look up Ferber method. The basic deal is you slowly help them adjust to sleeping on their own. Put your baby in bed awake but calm say quick good nite routine and leave room. Let her cry for only a few minutes ( not more than 5 at first) then return to room and sooth her but don't pick her up. ( That is strict Ferber, I would pick up mine but only for a minute and then lay them back down) Say good nite again and leave for a couple minutes longer than before. you continue this upto around 15 or 20 minutes until she falls asleep. I would practice this at nap time for a few days before getting too strict at nite. It is a long process but it pays off. Hope this helps.

When my son was that age I would do the same thing. I did not have a crib for him he has a twin size bed I would lay him on the bed and lay their with him until he fell back to sleep. I would then put a pillow on each side of him. That worked for me

I think Mary is right on the money. Your dd has had a rough start it sounds like and this needs to be considered. Even Ferber recommends the cry it out only as a last resort, only for a few minutes and not when the child has an underlying problem (ie sick, etc). You can look online and there are studies that show letting a child cry it out is not a healthy thing. Also, as you've found out, it is not for every child. My child didn't get better after a few days, would cry for way too long and would only get more and more upset (and therefore AWAKE).

My experience was similar to Mary's. We were the people who though we'd never cosleep until we met our son. My son slept with us and then moved to his own bed by the time he was 2 1/2 or so with no real issues. He's never been clingy and plays independantly. So a lot of the so called "conventional" wisdom does not hold true.

My motto is -- do what works and what gets YOU the most sleep. If that mean the child sleeps next to you in your bed. So be it. It's your business not your peds or your playgroup friends, family etc. It will not mess them up and frankly, you'll be a better parent if you've gotten some rest and weren't up all night stressing about her crying, etc.

Hi H.,

I feel your pain. I am not a fan of letting them cry it out. I do not like to hear babies cry. There is a difference between I am tired and I am not happy. You mentioned your little one has been sick. My little boy had bad reflux and mild RSV as a baby. My daughter had several ear infections and was a high maintenance baby. That is what my Pedi said when I took her in to see if she had reflux too. So what worked for us was..For my son I had a bouncy seat(motorized vibrating seat). At nap time he would sleep there or in his swing. He would also fall asleep where ever he was playing. At bedtime we would put him in his car carrier next to our bed (buckled in). If he sturred during transition we would rock the carrier and ssshh him back to sleep. When he got too big for that we did the supper nanny technique. The transition was hard but it worked. He got to where he loved his bed. We could just put him in for nap time and he would lay down and put himself to sleep. We did put a pillow in his crib and he liked cuddle rags.

My daughter on the other hand wanted no part of her crib. She slept with my husband and me. We enjoyed the closeness. For some that is not an option. When it was time for her to sleep in her room we tried another supper nanny technique. She was older and sleeping in a big girl bed. I put her to bed in her room and sat on the floor until she fell asleep.

I hope you find the system that works for you.

In this country, most people are not comfortable with co-sleeping. Night time can be scarey, and a child feels most comfortable and loved with mom. If you are fine with your child sleeping with you, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We have 3 kids, all of whom slept with us until they were ready to go to their own beds. We found night time to be quality cuddle, story, communication time. They were about 7 yrs. old when they each "moved out", but it worked for us.

Hi H.,

I have 5 children, one of which is 4 months old. I am a firm believer in letting them cry it out. It is not easy by any means, but it definitely makes life easier. The babies do get the hang of it. I remember those days of having the baby be limp and wake up screaming the minute they are laid in their crib. Some days are easier than others. The beginning is the hardest b/c they may cry the entire time in their crib (for naptime lets say), but it does get better. Last night my four month old kept waking up for who knows what reason. It was great being able to put on her music and get back in bed. Of course I would check first to make sure she wasn't wet or dirty. Good luck! It is tough, but it can be done. E.

I think you can handle it one of two ways. First of all, she is old enough to manipulate the system. I don't believe that for a second with a newborn but a 10 month old is. How do I know? I have 5 children. So, one thing you could do if simply put her in the crib and pat her bottom. We are trying to work our 13 month old into this right now. I put on soft lullabye music or I sing and pray over him. Then I stand there and pat his bottom. With my other children, it took about 3 days to do this but I would literally leave the room and come back every minute or so (and then extend the time out each day) to reassure them I was there. My youngest is rather stubborn (he's also been in in bed with us longer.) He does finally sleep in his crib initially. Right now our issue is the middle of the night.

oh, how long are you holding her after she falls asleep with the bottle? That can make a different. She make look asleep but she's not truly into deep sleep. I usually hold my babies for 20 minutes before I lay them down. That way I am sure they are truly asleep.

The other thing you can do is simply wait this out until she's older. I know you don't want to hear that. I did the CIO with my oldest when she was a newborn and I will never do that again. But that experience caused me to be more gentle in my approach to my other children. I don't CIO early. And right now I am giving my son the most opportunity to sleep with me as he seems to need it. If you are working then your daughter may be telling you she needs you close for a little longer. This may be your opportunity for that. If you are afraid of what other people will think of you if you do continue to sleep with her, then don't. You aren't a bad mother for allowing you child closeness with you. I think that is a wonderful thing for you to do. I sleep with my babies from the time they are newborn until about 4 months. Or least that is my plan. My little guy didn't like my plan so I worked with him. He sleeps about half the night with me. I will be weaning him soon but I can't and won't until my husband is will to get up with him and help in the middle of the night go back to sleep. Until then, this is my call.

I do understand the exhaustion thing. But being a mother is an exhausting job. And you are working two exhausting jobs right now. It doesn't get any better than this those. Relish in those midnight snuggles because before you know it she won't be in bed with you. This is a season. My oldest is almost 9. I regret not giving her those snuggles. I miss her as my baby. Take heart though. There are many moms out there that spend their nights doing the same thing you are doing. You aren't alone.

God Bless,

K

Hello H.,

Here ar some thoughts... I think she's not feeling 100% OK yet.

have you tried wrapping her in her blankie (like when she was a newborn)...then perhaps she won't feel the 'cold' as you're putting her in her crib.

can you put her crib in your room for a few days? or easier yet... put a matress in her room and lay there until she falls sleep and then you sneak out?

any chance that you can play the same music in your room and her room....that way when you bring her to her room she hears the same sounds?

does her room need to be a bit warmer?

play/read with her in her room before giving her the bottle.
spend more time w/ her in her room during the day... so it doesn't feel so foreign to her.

I had the same issues w/ my daughter before she was diagnosed w/ asthma. it turned out that she's allergic to latex and would get sick after going for her well checks.

you could let her sleep with you a couple more days while YOU get more rest and then you'll have the energy to try again. If you're too tired you won't be able to deal w/ her crying.

Good luck!

Hi H.. My son is also 10 months and I periodically go through the same thing. In fact I had that problem last night and I just let him sleep with us so I could actually sleep. However, most nights I make sure he sleeps in his own bed and sometimes have to let him cry it out to get him to sleep. I know it is difficult for you to do as I feel very guilty myself, however if your daughter gets used to sleeping with you, you will have this problem for years to come. I know other parents that have their kids still sleeping with them when they are 3 or 4 years old because the child won't sleep in their own bed. My trick to getting my son to sleep at night in his own crib is setting a regular schedule (meal, bath, and then give the bottle until he falls asleep). I usually rock my son for an additional 10 minutes after he has finished his bottle and appears to be asleep. Then just before I put him in his crib, I make sure that I am holding him is a supine position so that his positioning does not change. Sometimes, I have to sway back and forth to make sure he goes into a deep sleep. I then carefully lay him down and leave my hands under him for a few seconds until I can remove them without him waking. This has done the trick for me on most nights. In the event he wakes during this process, I have had to let him cry it out (which is usually only 10 to 20 minutes at most). He then falls asleep. The first few times of doing this was very difficult but it gets easier with time.

Good Luck!

I couldn't let mine cry it out either. It just didn't seem like the right thing for me or my boys. I did use the method where you put them in bed and sit in the room right by the bed until they fall asleep. Then after a few days you sit in a chair a little farther away from their bed until they fall asleep. Then move by the door until finally your out of the room altogether. This takes time and she may still cry at first, but at least you won't feel like your abandoning her when she is so upset. Good luck! I know it will all work out for you both.

I read above one of them said maybe your not waiting long enough to lay her down which I had that problem for awhile (my son is 13 months) I have to wait till he falls asleep and then lay him down after he has been asleep for about 15 minutes! Or another thing I did which he doesnt do bottles anymore so I dont do it anymore is while I was feeding him and he was almost asleep I would lay him down and continue giving him the bottle till he was out and then swap with the binky real fast and although I am not much on the crying it out for a long time my son every once in a while wakes up in the middle of the night cries for about 30 seconds and then falls back to sleep on his own,...and then I go check on him after I know he is good asleep because when I have rushed in there in the middle of the night he doesnt want to go back to sleep but thats the only time I really let him "cry it out" BUT like I said it only lasts 30 seconds or so not 30 minutes I hope I helped u in some way!

Neither of my boys were great sleepers either. I do not believe in the letting them "cry it out" method...we tried it once with my oldest son when he was about 10 months old and he cried so hard that it took us 3 hours to calm him down afterward and then we had bigger sleep problems after that. What we finally did with both boys that worked for us was to start putting them down for naps TOTALLY awake. We would tell them that it was nigh nigh time and that we were going to put him in the crib. He cried for about 2 minutes and then fell asleep. If you start with nap time for a week or two, then you can start the same at bed time. We had both kids in our bed from birth until 3 0r 4 months so I know how it just becomes easier because lord knows we are already sleep deprived! I wish you lots of luck! Let us know how it goes!

Sorry, but the best way is to let her cry it out.
Start by putting her in the crib at regular bed time. Let her cry for 5 min...go back in and pat her back. Leave again for 10 min...go back in and touch her a little and say it's ok to lay down and go to sleep. I'm sure she will still be crying cause she has seperation axiety.So leave again for 15 min...do the same stuff. Leave for 20.....keep going in 5 min increments like that till she gives out. Just stay calm. It will take a few days for her to get the clue, but you will both be happier and well adjusted in the end.

dear H., I know that it is very frustrating...you want to get a goodnights sleep but the baby, etc.... I am the mother of nine children oldest is 21 and youngest is 3, I have a grandson who is 2. My daughter wondered the same thing about her son, he is fine in his own bed sometimes and sometimes he just wants the comfort of mom and dad close by. So on those nights he sleeps with mom and dad. Your baby girl is only 10 months old... she has had a very rough start in this old world and the only comfort she knows is you, her mom. You carried her close to your heart the whole pregnancy and her needing that comfort and security has not changed! Some of my children did fine in their own beds, most wanted to sleep with me. My 19 yr old son was born with asthma, he slept on my chest for the first two years of his life... of course I got tired of sleeping that way but one day he would be grown and gone and one day he would be too big for me to snuggle and hold him so I did what was best for him and loved the closeness. My sister has three children, her philosophy was that they need to stay in their bed in their room from birth and she let them cry it out. Her children are now 22, 19, 13... they are very polite kids but they are not affectionate... my sister couldn't understand why I didn't treat my kids like that and the reason is because of how I knew in my heart her kids would turn out. My four year old daughter just recently decided she was big enough to sleep in her own bed, as long as her bed is by ours!! lol..
You will get all kinds of advice from different people, personally, for me, I let my children sleep with me as they need to, but as for you... Listen to your Heart and You decide what is right for your baby and you.
Good Luck.
L.

I know it is hard to hear your baby cry that hard for any period of time-but I stuck it out for 8 days in a row for my 6 month old. I basically slept outside his room to peek in to make sure he was okay but didn't see me. I thought I was a horrible mom for doing it, but after the 8 days he slept 12 hours straight through (I would give him a dream feed at 10 pm until he was 1). Just remember a baby needs continuous sleep just like adults and you are doing this for both of you.

I have doen this before. I think it is better to rock them just until they are about to fall asleep, then lay them down in their crib. This way there are no surprises. Since she is 10 months she will be able to cry a lot longer than a 2 month old. If you are really going to do it you have to be ready to let her cry until she falls asleep.
If it makes her feel better you could go in there every 10 min. or so and love on her. This made my kids worse so I just left them alone until they quit crying.

Good luck!!!!

M.

There is an alternative medication route by using Omega 3 and DHA's for children along with a diet free of Trans Fat, deep fried foods, sugar & corn syrup (which is in almost EVERYTHING that is prepackaged), flour products, artificial chemicals, and sodas. Check your local Health Food Store like Whole Foods for the above mentioned items. Ask their nutritionist/pharmacy person for advise too.

This is the same problem we have had with our 9 month old son. I am bad about letting him nap on me during the day...it's just the way things worked out. He has always slept better on me rather than in his pak n play. So rather than fight that, I just let him nap on me. Anyway...at night time we ran into the same problem. What we have ended up doing is letting him fall asleep on one of us at night time and then putting him into his bed. Majority of the time he wakes up when we do this...so we give him 15 minutes and just let him cry. It's hard to do. Usually within the 15 minutes he will get himself to sleep. If he doesn't get to sleep within the 15 minutes, we go and get him and do the routine over...until we can get him to fall asleep on his own in there. I keep wondering when we will be able to just put him in bed and let him go to sleep WITH OUT the crying. Not sure when we will get to that stage. But for right now, this is what is working for us. I'm sure it's not the best way to go about it. I still can't bring myself to let him sleep in his own room. We have always had him in his pak n play in our room at night. But this is what works for us. We are expecting another boy at the end of April. Sure is going to be "comfy" in there with TWO pak n plays in our room. :D I can't stand to let him cry it out either. I try not to let him cry in regards to much of anything...but when it comes to bed time...I know that if I want us to be able to go to sleep (I get no sleep if he is in bed with us)...I have to let him try and go to sleep on his own for that 15 minutes. Hope this helps a little. If nothing...know that we are on the same boat with you. :) I can't imagine what its going to be like with 2 babies doing this. Hopefully my 9 month old will grow out of it by then.

K. M.

First of all H., I know how heart wrenching those screams can be... my oldest son, now 4 1/2 had a hard time with sleeping. I still cringe when I think back to those days when I would do everything in my power to get him to sleep and then try to lean over the crib rail and place him on the crib mattress without waking him up. Let me just tell you... doesn't work. I am also a mom that has a VERY hard time with my child's cries (although you get tougher as they get older)... the one time I tried the "cry it out" method with our son... he cried and screamed until he made himself sick! I did some research and found a technique I could embrace and that was really quite successful! The primary things you'll need are some time, commitment, consistency and ear plugs.
OK here goes: GOAL - helping your child learn how to soothe themselves to sleep.

You'll complete the sleep time rituals that you have as a family such as bottle, rocking, books, quiet music, whatever. Then, you will put your child down into the crib drowsy but awake. Your daughter may sit right up and want you to pick her up but don't! I then said good night or have a good nap and would lay down on the floor right next to the crib with my earplugs in. A great alternative nowadays is the i-pod... listen to some sanity music yourself while you daughter works herself to sleep.

The way this system works is that you will complete your ritual, put her in the crib and then be close but not touch her while she settles herself to sleep. My son cried for 25 minutes the first time I did this but it was not frantic crying and he ultimately laid down and fell asleep AND... slept great!
Repeat Stage 1 (Laying beside the crib) for appr. 2-3 days.

Stage 2 is the same except you go and sit or lay down in the doorway ( I recommend with your back to your daughter... helps her to focus on herself and not mom). Do this for 1-2 days.

Stage 3 is the same except that you sit outside the doorway with the door almost closed. Do this for 1-2 days.

Stage 4... Goal attained. Soothe, say good night, put your little angel down and walk out of the room!

My son actually completed this entire system in 5 days and it was very successful. I realized that I had not given him a chance to develop his own techniques for soothing himself to sleep. I found this system to be one I could buy into emotionally and I could clearly see the progress. They also suggest giving a security item with this process. We used my son's favorite stuffed animal and he still sleeps with it today.

Hope this helps.

I've tried to let her "cry it out" but she just stays awake and plays in her crib for 3 hours until she's hungry again. My daughter used to sleep through the night but doesn't anymore. I have to rock her to sleep every night and for her naps or else she'll never go to sleep. She's 13 months old now. She's slowly gtting better at waking up at night. I just figure, she'll eventually outgrow this so enjoy the snuggle time while I can. Also I do whatever gets me the most sleep at night. She still wants to eat twice a night. If I try to skip a feeding, she'll wak up every 30 minutes or hour until she's fed, so I just feed her so we can both get sleep. Don't let them cry it out, there could still be something wrong.

First of all, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. There is not a one size fits all solution to sleep issues. My two kiddos are night and day difference and what works for one didn't work for the other. I would recomment getting the book Healthy sleep habits for the happy child. Sleep is very important for development and he walks you through a variety of ways to teach your kids to sleep well. I love this book! Good Luck to ya!

I did something similar with one of my kiddo's. It really isn't their fault that they get use to sleeping in our bed, we taught them this is the way to go to bed. I broke it by putting them to sleep in my arms, in a chair or bed in their room or in the living room, somewhere other than my room. Then putting them in their crib. After a while I then would just stand by the crib and rub her back until she fell asleep, so long as she could feel me touching her, she felt better about sleeping in her bed. Then I would sit and read in a chair next to her bed so that she could see me, and would just tell her shhh it's time to go to sleep I will be right here. She eventually became ok with going to bed in her bed, it was a long process though. I couldn't let her just cry herself to sleep, not only did it break my heart, but she could make herself throw up when she was upset, so giving her a bath and changing sheets every night got old really fast. But, all kids are different, I hope some of this may help make it easier on you.........

I truly feel for you. I went through the same thing with my son. He started sleeping with me when he got sick at 6 months and he still sleeps with me now at 2.

If you don't want to be in my shoes, I'd advice you to just let her cry it out. Two weeks or so in the beginning is a whole lot better than years of bad sleeping habits. Even though he sleeps in my bed, he still wakes up several times during the night. He hasn't learned how to put himself back to sleep. I was just to tired to deal with it at the onset. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night without being woken up.

Deal with it now. At 10 months. it shouldn't take too long. You just have to be persistent. Good luck!!!!

Hi H., you mentioned in your post that your little one is asleep until you lean over the crib...is it physically possible for you to hold onto her all the way until she is fully laying down? The "holding on for dear life" may also be a sense of uneasiness she feels while she is being laid down. Try leaning all the way over, holding onto her until she is actually on the bed. Also, have you tried placing her on ther side? I read that placing a baby on the back puts them in a "defensive" position, I used to have to place my son on his side in an infant positioner and he would sleep very well. Also, I know there will be some that disagree, but if she is rolling over on her own, have you tried laying her on her stomach? Again, I know some will disagree, but its important to get the much needed "healthy and happy" rest you both need!

Check out a website called askmoxie.com - it's a blog and there is a LOT of information on it. People responding to questions with their own stories of how they dealt with things. I still do some co-sleeping as we moved a lot while my little guy was growing up (he's only 10 mos old) He sleeps on a mattress in his room (which is very child proof since he can move around freely; I start out in my bed, but nurse him when he wakes and most of the time I fall asleep while nursing. So I can't really help from experience! I kinda feel like these days won't last forever, and as long as I can get a reasonable amount of sleep, he's getting the lovin snuggles he needs. Good luck

that's it, you got it right. let them cry it out. the more you give in the longer it will take. i know it is hard but you can do it!

I'm the mom of teenagers, 14 and 17. My oldest loved to be held until he was asleep and then the same problem you have when we laid him down. I worked full time and couldn't stay up holding him, etc., so one night my husband and I agreed on a plan. We made sure we developed a routine we could stick to: bath, story, hugs, as we went down the hall, we told each family member's picture good night, then prayers in bed and a short story. We got a stuffed animal that became his "buddy". Then we told him we loved him and left the room. We went back every 4-5 minutes and calmed him down without picking him up. We would rub his back, sing a little, etc. After about 30 minutes, I told my husband if I went back in the room, I would pick him up as I couldn't stand it any more. He took over from there and it was another 15 minutes before our son went to sleep. The next night it was about 20 minutes total, the next about 10 and after that, for about two weeks, he would give a 45 second cry just to see if we were coming back, and then would lie down and go to sleep. This was the best decision we made, but I couldn't have gone through with it without some help. Our second one, I was more careful to not hold as she went to sleep. I would rock her and then purposefully lay her down as she was still a little awake and we didn't have to go through this. Hope this helps!

when my baby was small (long time ago), he got into a bad sleeping routine. His pediatrician put him on a six week rest medication....a certain amt for 2 weeks, less the next two weeks and less the next two weeks...then off of it. This was to establish his sleeping routine again. You might talk to your doctor about it.

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems
by Richard Ferber

This book helped me with the whole crying out thing. It worked perfectly and you got to go in and check on them at timed intervals to make you and your child feel better.

I don't think I'd do a "cold turkey" crying it out in this case. There's a book called "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West that lays out a modified "cry it out" that you might prefer. Basically, you go through your regular bed time rituals, then put her to bed, but you stay in the room, sitting right next to the bed so you can pat her back, talk to her, etc. You stay in there until she's asleep (you'll probably need a lot of coffee for this!). As she begins to go to sleep with less crying, you begin moving your chair closer to the door until you're sitting in the hall, then finally able to walk away. This process takes a while -- maybe a couple weeks from the first night to the point where you can walk away -- but you don't feel like you're "abandoning" your baby.
Our first child was an excellent sleeper right out of the gate. Our second was the challenger! We did this "sleep shuffle" with him and it was effective. We had also had a similar story with him being sick off and on for a long time, so we had a lot of things to un-do. Once we did this, any time we re-visited sleep problems (and you WILL re-visit sleep problems...) we did the quicker "cry it out" way. He was older then, so it wasn't nearly as traumatic for us!

As hard as it is, I have found that the best way to deal with it was to let my child cry. It is soooo hard, but you have to understand that she is not hurt, she is not sick anymore, and she is going to learn through this that she can be independent and not rely upon you to always bring her comfort. She needs to learn to comfort herself. Set a timer for about 10-15 min, then leave the room. If she is still crying/screaming, go pat her back and comfort her for about 5 min, and then set the timer for another 10-15 min. This will take time though.