My 18-month-old has been falling asleep on his own for a while now....there have been times where I put him in his crib and he doesn't even cry.....and then falls asleep on his own. (most times he would cry for 5-10 minutes tops and then fall asleep).
For the past two weeks, he screams when putting him in his crib (same nighttime ritual....bathtime, pajamas, warm cereal, brushing teeth,and then 10 minutes with mom in the rocking chair and placed in crib.)
He screams now and I have let him go as long as 20 minutes and after that I can't take it anymore.....he is still standing in the crib and quiets once myself or my husband opens the door. He just doesn't want to be alone and wants to be held until he falls asleep. Problem is- it takes him hours now to fall asleep.....Either way we are ALL losing much needed sleep! What do I do? I can't go on with just 2-3 hours of uninterupted sleep again (I thought i was done wth this after 6 months old!)
Has anyone had this sleeplessness resurface at this age and what did you do?
Thanks in advance,
L.
Thanks ladies for all your responses. What we have been doing is sitting next to his crib until he falls asleep. Most of the time this avoids the crying. He will lay there and a lot of times sticks his hand between the bars so we can hold it and will fall asleep. But he also sometimes stands and playfully get our attention since one of us is there. We have been talking minimally to him that it is quiet time and laying him back down in his crib and shusshing him. He falls asleep but after about a half an hour of winding down. I think we will try this for the next few weeks and hopefully try to not sit next to his crib, but in the chair across the room until he falls asleep and then hopefully for a certain amount of time sit in the chair and then leave the room. Will keep you posted!
I feel you pain L.. I am going through the same thing with my son. Accept I have been putting him in my bed to sleep with me at night. I work early and my husband works evenings. Good Luck and ladies please keep posting!
I know how you feel!
S.
You pegged it perfectly - it's seperation anxiety. One simple way to solve it is give him something of yours when you put him down. This can be a shirt, a watch, a bracelet (if it weren't night time I'd say a beaded necklace as that's what I use with my bad seperation anxiety tods) or a stuffed animal that you use. AND let him know that you will NOT be coming in to rescue him as that is just making him keep going on and on - he's thinking if I cry long enough and hard enough mom always comes so I'll just keep crying and she'll come back. You have taught him to cry basically by going back in and now you have to unteach him that. He will cry and cry and cry but you have to be strong and not go in.
18 months is hard. There is a lot of development going on, teething, language, movement, growth in general and yes separation anxiety. The key to most everything is to decide what you want to do. Can you let him cry it out, do you want to rock him? do you want to bring a chair in the room. These are all great ideas but you need ot find what works for you and stick to it.
Don't decide to let him cry and then give in after 30 minutes pick him up and rock him. He will learn that if he crys you will come and rock him and will keep cryinguntil you do. If your going to rick him to sleep do it from the start.
If you want to teach him to sooth himself you can do something like the chair thing or go in and rub his back every 5 to 10 minutes and then make it longer daily, but don't get him up.
This is difficult for every parent but if you make a plan and stick to it for a few weeks it will work.
good luck
We had the same problem with our son but the screaming fits had happened since he was 10 months till 17 months to get him to bed we had to hold him till he fell asleep and then put him in his crib. After staying for the Holidays at the In-laws and our Aunts house he fell asleep on the mattresses all by himself. He just wanted to be a big boy and sleep in a bed like his sister so we took apart his crib and got a bunk bed. His sister sleeps on the top with a new mattress and put her old mattress on the floor on the bottom and now he crawls into bed and sleeps by himself. You can always just use the mattress from his crib until you want to get a bigger mattress. Just lay it on the floor so he doesn't role off and hurt himself.
I don't have much of an answer, but we are going through the same thing with our little one. He will be 17 months soon and he is doing the same thing with us. He is also waking during the night and we are having to go in and help him fall asleep. The only difference is we recently moved and I think some of it is the new house, new room. I was trying to let him cry and then he started to get out of the crib!! I have read the different books too and have not found one that really "fits" this type of issue. Good luck and you are not alone:)
Is he teething?
Maybe there is another problem, not so obvious to you?
Try to get him really really tired before bed time and maybe he'll just knock out.
Good luck :)
If you don't want to do cry it out, this happened to my daughter and what I did was sat in her room until she fell asleep (I did this until she got over the separation anxiety). She was also taking a really long time to fall asleep, but I just kept adjusting the bedtime (forward & back), and because I was sitting in there, I eventually figured out her perfect sleep time and just tried to get her in the crib 15 minutes before that so I wouldn't have to sit in there long. After about 3 weeks of me sitting in there, she started interacting with me while I was sitting in her chair and I would have to tell her that it was time to rest and that if she didn't settle down, I would need to go to the kitchen for 10 minutes until she settled. I would leave for about 10 minutes and although she was crying, she did learn to put her self back to sleep. After that, I just reassured her that I was right outside her door and that I was there making sure she was safe. I still always reassure her that I am right here and sometimes she does call me in just to check, but I usually only have to go in once to readjust a blanket.
I did try moving my chair closer to the door after about a week and tried sitting outside her door too, but for some reason, even that freaked her out because she wanted me where she could see me best, but you could try moving the chair until it’s eventually outside the room. I also had to go in a few times at night to repeat the sitting in the chair process, but I wouldn't pick her up or talk to her, just sushed her.
I also really had to reinforce her security item. She was already using baby Elmo as her security item, but I really stressed how he was there with her and I would make a big deal of putting him to bed and saying I love you to both of them. I also bought a few new books that talked about the security items that she still likes to read.
I also thought maybe she was sick or teething and took her to the doctor, but nothing was wrong with her, but it’s always a good idea to check. You may notice other separation issues with her now too – for me, my daughter only wanted me, had a hard time being left with anyone at daycare, and even my husband, and she also started climbing out of her crib to come looking for. I had to get a crib tent and had a hard time keeping sane, so I feel your pain!
Good luck tired mama!
The same thing happened to my daughter around that age. I had always had a super sleeper (12 hours a night) and all of a sudden, she kept winding up in our bed just so I could get some shut-eye. I HAD to get her reacclimated to her crib though, her brother was born a day shy of her 18 month birthday. I wound up buying both a night light and a projection thing for the ceiling. I would turn those on and leave the room. They really seemed to help. She did have to CIO sometimes, but eventually she went back to sleeping like a champ again. GL, I know how frustrating it is!
Hi L.,
I know exactly what you're talking about. I've worked with toddlers for many years as a Nanny and I specialize in toddler issues as a parent coach. It's very common for children who slept well as infants to have issues as a toddler. Sometimes it's because of new fears their growing minds have create, sometimes it's because they need to go to bed a little earlier and sometimes it's because they know you're still up and they want to play with you.
I suggest a couple things:
1) use a dimmer switch or dim lamp to allow a little more light than a night light
2) use soft soothing music or a white noise CD to drown out adult noises
3) put him to bed 30-45 minutes earlier than you have been. Toddler's sleep routines change VERY fast. If your child misses, what I call the sleep window, they can actually become too tired to fall asleep. Even slight changed to their bedtime can make huge differences.
4) If all else fails, one method I like to use with crying toddlers at bedtime is the pat the back without words method. The parent goes into the room and provides comfort though touch, but no words or eye contact. This gives the child security that Mom & Dad are there, but does not reward the behavior with emotional contact. It's also easier on Mom & Dad, because you're able to do something besides listen to your crying baby.
I hope these suggestions help!
R. Magby
L.,
Just survived the same phase with my 18 mos old daughter. We have exactly the same bed time routine- and suddenly about a month ago she was refusing to go to sleep and she was waking at least once a night- staying awake for an hour or more. Turned out she was getting her first set of molars. It did not matter what we did for three weeks- then just a quickly as it started she went back to going to sleep with no problem and sleeping through the night. Just try not to alter your routine too much- we ended up having to sleep train again for a few days and let her cry it out for a couple days before all totally returned to normal.
Good luck and hope sleep returns soon!
M.
Hi L.,
My daughter did the same thing and I thought she just wanted to be held because she will stop crying when I picked her up. After a couple nights like this we decide to take her to the doc just to check that everything was ok. She had an ear infection and when she was laying totally her ears will hurt more I guess. So we fix that and then a couple days later she start crying again, this time her gums were very inflamate, so we give her her teething drops.
Is all better now, what I am trying to say is that you may want to check that nothing is wrong just for a peace of mind. The sooner you know that everything is ok and this is really an anxiety thing then I would recomend to keep going to check on him to assure him you are there for him but don't pick him up, perhaps offer him differents security objects (blankets or stuff animals) until he find his favorite one. My daughter favorite ones are a easter bunny and a snurff, lol.
