Getting Ready for Mommyhood

You know, my life changed drastically, but those things you mentioned are the minor things that I didn't even really notice. Money got diverted to diapers and miniature clothing instead of double tall skinny vanilla lattes and lunch out every day with my friends. Chores? they now include bathtime every other night and picking up tractors and little people, Sex Life? Well, that's not a whole lot different than it was before. Though for the first few MONTHS poor Daddy was on his own.

The ways in which my life changed were: I feel more compassionate towards other people. When I get upset with someone, I am shocked back into the reality that they were someone's baby once. I can no longer watch violent movies or television shows. I get TONS of hugs and kisses from a chubby cheeked toddler. I respect and miss my mom more than ever. Make sure you let your mom know how much she means to you. My mom died the day after my son was concieved. I never thought about just how much she did for me or how much she went through (my dad passed away when I was 15, so she was a single mom for a long time.)

So my life changed in BIG ways, in profound ways. The basics, they just kind of filled in like water through a jar of marbles. Just make sure your jar is full of marbles :)

Hi M.,
First I wish you the best of luck in 2007!
I hope you and your fiance have or will talk about how your finaces are going to work. That was a huge adjustment for us, we had many arguements about lots of things. We've been married 7 years and last year we read "the Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. I highly recommend it. The book is a financial plan on how to build wealth using your own paycheck. You learn how to have your money work for you. We are currently almost done with step2 which is paying off all debt (except the mortgage). Finances is one area that will cause a lot of stress if the two of you are not on the same page with it.

Your first baby! So exciting!!! Although, if your labor is hard or your recovery time is a bit longer/painful definately enlist the help of a friend or family member. I didn't do this with our first one and sure wish I would have. And decline visitors for now if they get to be too much. You need your rest. Make meals up ahead of time and put them in the freezer. So when baby is here you or your hubby can just pop them in the oven.

Sex...well depending on the delivery, it may be a while. Your husband had to understand this also. It doesn't mean you can't be intimate with each other, there are other ways to show each other love. Men do need to have that release, so you will have to make sacrifices in this area even though you don't feel like it. You marriage will be better for it.

Are you going to nurse your baby? If so, stick with it as long as possible. I nursed my 2 boys for their first year of life. It is one of my favorite times. It was h*ll the first month with our first child. The main thing you have to practice is being relaxed. The only way I can really tell is if my shoulders aren't completely down/relaxed them I'm uptight (which is most of the time). This is the number one thing about nursing, you have to be relaxed in order for everything to work. If you're uptight, the baby won't get milk.

I'm glad you are reading everything you can now. If and when there is a second baby, you won't do a whole lot of reading. I hope all goes well for you. Please email me anytime... ____@____.com

Everything changes!!! All of my friends are waiting to have children until they are stable...What is that? We didn't have a lot of money when our first one came and that didn't matter. It just make us work harder and love her that much more! Now here we are 4 years later and expecting baby number 3!! I am not sure who to tell you to get ready, just know that everything will change, but for the good!! You have a brand new baby and that is the best thing ever.
And remember that through all the "new" things we will all be here to help you!
Congrats and Good Luck!
A.

hi sweetie! sounds like a joyouse time for u i remember my first child oh my how things changed! i got help from my mom alot i thank her till this day i know have 3 kids and that even changes a person i have a busyer life now. but your 1st child u are loving and paitient and all. Sex didnt change after my first we still did it and oops baby no #2 arrived lol! so its not as bad as u might hear it too be its time consumeing for the 1st few months depends on u and what u have planned for ur baby after its born like are u bottle feeding or breast feeding bottle feeding u have didffrent bottles i always tooka time to sterilize mine and boil them and the water for baby to drink . i did this when baby went down for nap and i always took that time out for me and only me...... that way u dont get burnt out on just the baby and my husband was a god sent for the first month or two he night fed him and that was a relife on me. be good to urself and this new one u will find that family will help u if need be. take the oppertunity to have them help u out its a god sent when u have that!

the amount of love that you NEVER in your wildest dreams thought you could feel for another human being. take what you feel for your parents, spouse and siblings and take it X10. :-)
the night i brought our first home i cried a lot. so many emotions. i was scared, but in the same moment felt so much love for this little guy. all those emotions really surprised me. and i'm emotional person as it is.haha.
I now have 2 (9 1/2 months apart due to 2nd being premature), i would say after the first, yes, going here and there quickly wasn't as easy, but not that bad. it helped me slow down as a person and walk slower, take things slower.
one thing no one told me,, was you will probably experience bladder issues. haha. i came home, was washing my hands in the kitchen sink in warm water. and literally peed on myself! i didn't have to go. so i thought. but as i started, i couldn't control or stop the going. haha.. no one tells you this..haha.
when they are younger and not walking, things like going places, sex and getting things done is easier. after that it gets tougher and cleaning a house doesn't get done. it's all a trade off. i'd rather spend time with my kids anyway, and clean less. it's temporary, i know that when they are older(they are 2 and almost 3), things will change. also, things are always changing. don't worry that once the baby comes y ou may not be able to do some of the things y ou did before, because there will come a time you will be able to. just don't loose who you are. you need to have some 'me' time to be a better mommy. don't feel guilty about doing for yourself. you may say now, oh i won't,, but you will..hahaha we all have.
i have a hard time letting people help me.. i wish i was different,,but i do tell others if people offer, take it. it makes them happy and honored just knowing you are letting them help you. it's like a gift they can give.
also with sex, the best way i explained it to my husband was it's hard to turn off the mommy brain to be the wife/sexual brain. it takes longer and even takes my husband talking about 'snuggling tonight' that morning before he leaves for work, then during the day.
Trust your instincts. if you feel something is wrong, ask questions again and again. take a cpr class.
i'm sure people have told you that you won't get much sleep that first month or more. as tired as you have been in the past, maybe being out with friends then needing to get up for work,, take that X10..haha..and it just won't be for a few months. we go thru spurts where my two will wake up for what ever reason and not want to go back to sleep.
it's ok to get frustrated, about a situation. you are not a bad mommy is you l oose your cool or get frustrated. it's what you do with it after you feel it that matters. i have had to walk away from my screaming crying child in their high chair and lay down on my bed for 2-3 minutes and take deep breathes. that short of time can help. or put the baby in their crib and get myself together. talking to other moms or your husband/S/O about your feelings helps greatly.
one last thing,, if you know your triggers for getting frustrated(mine is trying to get the kids out the door and in the van) recognizing it is important. if you talk in a whisper or with words like sweetie and such(all sugary),, it's harder to loose your cool and feel frustrated/angry..it just is for some reason..hahaha..
just asking these questions makes you such an awesome mommy right now!!! your child is so lucky!!
keep us posted please.. i love hearing birthing stories and we all need other moms to talk to about the days trials and smiles. i always thought i would be the mom who focused on the negatives of the day to day stuff, i'm so happy/surprised, i don't. and all the happy stuff is what i remember at the end of the day
T.

Just think of your life now... you can take naps, you can go places with your spouse, you can leave the house whenever you want, you can take showers and enjoy them, you can run into the store quickly. Thats just a few of the things that will change. My life changed so much when I had Preston. Im definatly not saying its all bad. He is almost one and Im due in April with a daughter. Im dead tired and really could use some quiet but I couldnt imagine my life ANY other way. I love being a Mom. I read every book there was but nothing could have prepared me. I am excited and scared to have my new baby because I know things will change again. The worst part was trying to keep our realtionship good ( my husband and I) We rarely had sex for a long time. When you are meeting the demands of a baby and working the last thing I wanted to do was go home and satsify someone elses needs. I just want to go to sleep and be left alone. Sometimes its still like that. We went through a jealousy, where my husband was so jealous of my son because thats where all of my attention is aimed. Once he got involved things were better. Good luck to you. The only thing I tell myself when I get super overwhelmed is that they dont stay babies forever and someday it will get easier! =)

M.,
Have you ever seen that commercial that says "Having a baby changes everything"? Well, it's true! You don't even think about the little things that it will change, like how you talk! :) But the major things that change are like you said: money, sex, free time. Babies are SO expensive! I think I knew that with my first child but not to the full extent! Breastfeeding really helps save a lot of money, not to mention it being better for the baby, but it is HARD! If you can stick with the first couple of months it will get better and will be so worth it, but if you can't don't feel bad! I nursed my first until she was 7 mo, when I got pregnant with my second. I started bottles with my second after a month because I kept getting reoccurring mastitis. Now I wish I would have stuck with it, but at the time I think it was better for her to have a sane Mommy than breastmilk! :) Speaking of...Another issue is birth control. If you don't want another child right away, be sure to start ASAP. Just like they say, it only takes once (even if you are married with a 7 mo old!!) Our second daughter has put a strain on our marriage because we weren't ready (physically, mentally, emotionally) for another. Sex has lost most of the magic, it's hard to switch out of mommy mode, and most times I just do it because I love my husband and it keeps us connected. As for household chores, let them slide as much as possible!! :) The laundry can wait until you get a nap, the dishes can wait until you get a snack, and get as much help as you WANT! I didn't like a lot of people around the house with my first because I didn't feel comfortable. With my second, my mother in law stayed with us for two weeks and I don't know how I would have got along without her!! Hope this helps, congrats on your first baby, and good luck!

Congratulations! Your life changes dramatically, but in my experience, I didn't mind a bit! In my case, I had 7 years of marriage before our first baby (who is now almost 5 mos.) and I enjoyed all of the freedom I had, I enjoyed it so much, that I was ready to do something new. So even though I don't go out to the movies on Friday nights and I don't spend an hour doing my hair and makeup- all of those little things I just don't have time for anymore- but I don't care because I love being with my baby and it is worth it.

BEFORE I OFFER ANY ADVICE- I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR: Everyone- even strangers- will offer you a lot of unsolicited advice once your baby arrives- remember- you are the Mom- always reserve your right to nod politely- say "oh what a nice idea"- then do whatever the heck you want!

Babies are expensive- but for us, we don't notice it so much in our monthly expenses. Of course the initial things cost a lot (crib, sheets, toys, car seat- all of that baby gear)- but at the same time, we saved a lot by getting "gently used" things whenever possible. And friends and family bought TONS of clothes- I bet I've spent less than $100 on clothes and we have enough clothes to cover the first year. I am breastfeeding and working so I did invest in a good pump (go for the best- you'll be glad you did). And my husband changed jobs so we work opposite shifts so we don't have to pay for child care. So, other than the initial equipment and doctor bills for during the pregnancy, labor and deliver and well baby checks, weekly expenses haven't really increased all that much for us so far.

Household chores- this was a big adjustment. Again, my husband is home with baby during the day and I'm home at night. So, it took some negotiating but we came to an agreement on who does what. I would recommend picking maybe 2 things that you must have done to feel like you don't live in a mess- for us, if dishes are done it makes us feel like the house is clean- also, we "reset" between shifts. For example: just before I get home, my husband just picks things up quick (dog toys, baby toys, straightens up the nursery, etc.) and then I do the same for him before I leave for work. As for the rest- do it as needed.

Sex life- big change so far. I had an episiotomy and let me tell you, it's been 5 months and its just starting to feel enjoyable again- the first time (6 weeks post partum) was just downright painful. I've also had a much lower sex drive so far. And, because we work opposite shifts, we end up spending time together just catching up. We still have 2 nights a week where we eat together and spend quality time together (our baby is a very good sleeper with an early bedtime)- just be sure you are communicating and finding other ways to be close while your body heals and your hormones adjust.

As far as immediately following the birth: let friends and family help as much as possible. What I found to be the most helpful, was having already prepared meals. My Mom filled our fridge and freezer with casseroles, quick meals, sandwiches- stuff that took just a minute or 2 to heat up and it was so helpful! Those first couple of weeks, you just are so busy adapting to your new schedule that you just don't have the energy to cook- but you need good nutrition to heal your body and, if you breastfeed, to build a good milk supply. So, even if you don't have family to cook for you, I would suggest making meals on your own and freezing them so all you have to do is thaw a nutritious meal.

The most unexpected part immediately following the birth was the sleep deprivation. I had no idea how little sleep I would get. Nobody prepared me for that and it was the hardest part for me. Tips that I can't emphasize enough: 1) sleep when baby sleeps 2) learn to breastfeed in sidelying position 3) get your spouse to help- for example: when it's time to feed baby (you have to wake the baby at night those first few weeks to feed-especially if breastfeeding) have your spouse wake the baby (sometime this is more difficult than you would expect- for us it was a process of changing the diaper, rubbing baby's arms, legs etc to wake him before I could feed him) bring the baby to you so all you have to do is feed the baby, then have your spouse take the baby back to bed or, soothe the baby back to sleep. For me, at about 4-5 weeks is when I stopped waking the baby to feed at night and only fed him at night if he woke on his own for feeding. So for the first 4 weeks, the most I slept at a time was maybe 2 hours. By 5 weeks I was getting blocks of 3 hours of sleep. By 8 weeks closer to 3-4 hour blocks. By 3 months one 5 hour block a night and by 4 months he was sleeping 12 hour nights (once in a while he'd wake briefly in the night)- but then it was easy to get sleep- I did get up once in the night to pump though.

If I had one book to recommend to you, it would be "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I don't know where I'd be without that book. I not only learned about my baby's sleep patterns, but my own. And, like I said, I am thrilled that at 4 months, my baby was sleeping from 7pm to 7am.

The biggest tip: be flexible. Babies change so rapidly- physically, emotionally, sleep habits, eating habits- just when you think you have it all figured out, baby will change- but you get better at noticing the changes in patterns and it gets easier to adjust.

If you choose to breastfeed- don't let anyone tell you it doesn't hurt- it hurts like a son of a gun those first 2 weeks- but I swear- it gets better and by 4 weeks- you'll wonder how it was ever difficult to begin with. 2 things: Lanolin on your nipples after every feeding and after showers and Soothies- they'll get you by. Just be patient with yourself and with the baby- you are both learning a new skill.

I hope you love being a Mom as much as I do. It will be challenging, but you will figure it out- just take everything one step and one day at a time.

You are so smart trying to prepare for life after pregnancy! I remember being so focused on that that the biggest shock for me was when it came to BREASTFEEDING! I just assumed it would come so naturally and easily that when reality hit I was unprepared! If you plan to breastfeed, then certainly it could go smoothly, and it ends up being hugely fulfilling for both of you. But it is work having the baby learn to latch on, and then suckle properly, so that it doesn't cause pain for you, and frustration for both of you. Make sure you make good use of the hospital's lactation consultant and ask her for resources for once you leave the hospital.
That's my two cents! Your other respondents have already made lots of good points. The only other thing that I would stress is that when people ask to help- take them up on it! Let them bring you meals, or tidy up the house, or grocery shop, or watch the baby when you need to nap. Don't feel guilty about it!! You really, really need your rest and don't feel like you should be able to do it all!
Best of luck and congratulations!
T.

Life changes like you would never expect. I was 21 when my daughter was born. My life went from revolving around me to her being the center of my world. Money gets tight sometimes and you have to choose between that really cute shirt for you or something for her and its always her. Household chores you learn to do one handed, never thought I could do dishes and feed a baby at the same time. Sex life is a little harder when crying interupts you.
My friends and family were great they were there for us anytime we needed. My husband returned to work after only five days and my friends would come over and entertain her to let me sleep or to just visit.
I read all the books just like you and nothing could have told me what life would be like. Sometimes it gets frustrating when all your friends are calling you to go out and you can't, but I wouldn't change my daughter for anyting in the world.
Congrats! and good luck!

I'm STILL learning about motherhood and my daughter is now one and I have a son on the way. You can resd so many bokks and stuff(I did the same), but they never say it all. You learn it with experience. It is a big change to have a child. Hopefully you will be at home with the new baby. Stock up on diapers, and not just newborn, they move to ones very fast. I think we went through about 5 40pack diapers in the first week!!! That was somethong I didn't expect. You will change him/her and in the next few minutes have another mess to change.lol. Babies are expensive so always make sure you have money for stuff they might need. You might end up going to the stoere in the middle of the night for something. But don't buy too many clothes in the beginning(the first few months), because they grow so fast and alot of clothes they won't even wear or they will only wear once or twice. The first little while you will want to sleep when baby sleeps. But after that your time to get stuff done around the house will be at that time. Slings come in very handy. As for your sex life, that is different for each couple. I didn't have intercourse again til more than 2 months after my daughter was born. Whatever you do, make sure that if you don't want another child right away to get on birth control at your 6 week check-up. No matter what anyone says, you CAN get pregnant while breastfeeding. And I do recommend nursing baby. Nothing compares to that bond with your child. Well, I hope that some of my advice helps. But like I said you learn with experience. You can get tons of advice, but you'll still come upon things you never even read about. Congrats and good luck!!!

I read in a baby magazine while I was pregnant that having a baby was like having an atomic bomb go off in a marriage. I thought, "Well, that's not a very nice thing to say!" and then it happened to us!! If you have a loving supportive, helpful partner, things will go so much better for you. My husband didn't help out much at all. All the nighttime feedings were on me because I was breast feeding but it didn't have to be that way. He could have gotten up and brought the baby to me to feed, etc., and we could have shared more of the repsonsibility. My advice would be to get your sig. other to help out as much as you possibly can, that will make your life so much easier. I love my little Sweet Pea and can't imagine my life without out but she is so much work... and making a marriage work is very hard too!! Good luck!

Mellisa,
Whey they say a baby changes everything its so true! My husband and I loved to sleep in, now... we think sleeping until 8 with only 2 or 3 get up in the nights in sleeping in. Before my daughter I loved to be out late with friends, and just go on the spur of the moment. Now my favorite place to be is at home with her and my husband. I get so much joy just out of playing on the floor with her. It is amazing how you redirect and refocus. There have been time when my tired husband and I have become frustrated with each other over simple things, but for the most part our relationship has only grown stronger. Its taken work on both sides, he is very understanding of my mood swings (especially right after birth) and I try not to be too tough on him. (no one likes a nag, and who really cares if the garbage doesnt go out this minute!). Money has definatly changed, I buy $12 jeans for myself so I can buy her toys, clothes and diapers. And I don't really mind it, I'd rather spend my money on her than on myself. I've also become more of a saver, before it was like, well if anything happens we'll just tighten up and get by, now I've got someone else to worry about. I've also increased my life insurance. If anything happens to me I want my family cared for. As for sex... well its not quite as often, there is definatly less time and energy, but we make time, and it is just as fun as before. Sometimes we have to get creative, since the baby slept in our room for 3 months, we had to move to other parts of the house. I think its really differant for everyone, but you will adapt and grow so much as a person. The most unbelievable part is how much I just love being with this little person. She is my everything and everything I do, work, play, revolves around her. And I love that. Oh, and also, I'm trading in my cute little car for a minivan! I swore I'd never drive a minivan, but now I see why they are a favorite amongst moms! Good luck with your little one! Treasure the moments in your heart.

Congratulations, first of all! You asked some wonderful questions & have got some really accurate posts here! There's a couple things I wanted to point out. (1) My life changed dramatically. Sleep deprivation was my biggest adjustment over the first 2 months. I was, at the time, living with my son's father but he wasn't helping with the A.M. feeding shifts & I was a stay at home mom so I was napping when he napped. I would recommend that highly. You'd be surprised what 20 minutes of hard sleep will do for your energy level. (2) Household chores can wait. I would exhaust myself doing chores when my son was sleeping then I had no energy when he was awake. I wouldn't recommend that. If you're not tired- get some done- if you are-forget about it. Dishes and laundry will be there the next day. (3) I had no sex drive after I delivered, honestly. I tried about 2 months after and I was in tears because it was very uncomfortable & it hurt. I would just recommend you don't hold back saying you're in pain, if you are. Your fiance will understand. Good luck with everything. It's an amazing change of life.