Divorce - Happy Valley,OR

You have to let him go. Find a new direction for your life.....& be as positive & as loving as you can....when you have your children with you. Please do not fall into the trap of the ex-wife verbally abusing the father of her children! He is entitled to happiness....as are you.

Join a church, a gym, take a college class.......find something to fill your time. Read a book, write a book! Do something for you! A puppy or adult dog adoption would be a perfect solution to your loneliness.....I wish you Peace.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. This is the crappy part about making the choice that you did, and rarely do we see far enough down the line to consider the devastating result of the things we choose.

I have been through a divorce once, and it was a terrible time in my life. The main thing I found helpful was allowing myself to feel what I felt. I know that sounds silly, but seriously, if you need to cry, then do it. If you need to scream at the top of your lungs, do it! Basically, whatever you need to do to get through this time, allow it, as long as you are not hurting yourself, or someone else. This was very therapeutic for me during my divorce.

One thing I do want to point out is that you say that you made a huge mistake. Is talking to your ex hubby an option? Maybe let him know how you feel. It may be that he feels the same way, but is "hiding behind" this other woman to avoid his true feelings. Just a thought. An apology would probably be the first thing to offer and then just tell him your heart.

This is certainly going to be a difficult time for you. Get with your girlfriends and hang out. Get a new haircut, or a pedicure. Sometimes pampering ourselves is a really good thing to do to get through a rough spot. Whatever you decide, good luck to you. I know what you're feeling.

K.

We reap what we sew. There's not much you can do anymore, since you made the decision to cheat. You always hear people saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" and your husband probably knows that and that is why he isn't interested in a relationship with you anymore.

The best way to get through this, is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and own your actions and deal with it. You are in this predicament because of your choices, not someone elses. If you take resopnsibilty for what you did, you can heal a lot faster than if you blame the marriage. Go, and learn from your actions and don't do it again.

You will probably always feel guilty for this, so you are going to have to let him move on, like you chose to do.

.

Wow. Karma is a powerful thing. I think you're mourning what "could have been" not what was. All you can do is move forward from here. Try to repair the damage to the point where you can communicate well for the sake of your children.
Talking to a counselor of some sort might help you to go through your feelings. I think the stages of getting over a marriae are very similar to the stages of grief.
Good luck.

Do you have custody of your children? Build your life with them.
I have a few comments that I would like to share. I can never figure out why people who are married wait so long to have children. It's so out of sync with astrological data and timing in life to wait and wait and be into the grandparent era in life when your own kids are young.
But, you are in these circumstances and you must move into a new way of life with them. Share your hobbies and interests with your children. On your weekend with the kids go bike riding, take in a movie, go to a play. You live in Portland where the second best dance company in the US is: OBT. Get tickets and take your children to a matinee. Go to the children's museum, take a trip to Seattle on the train.
Do things they find interesting. It'll spark up everyones life. I've met other mothers at the museum of science and had coffee with them there and struck up interesting conversations. Even the zoo can be a good winter activity.
Take a Weds night singing course or a foreign language. You need to do for yourself whatever it takes to get going again. He bored you and you were bored. Do not bore yourself.
Living well is the best revenge.

If we had a crystal ball our lives would be so much easier. But we don't. The best thing for you to do is get some counseling for yourself that will help you move along with your new life. You do not need a man in your life to be complete. You need to find friends, do things that you enjoy. Make a life for yourself. But most of all, you need to be there for your kids, no matter what. Be respectfull of your ex and his new life, and move on. It is hard, but eventually you will come through it and be at peace with yourself. Hardships and hard times sometimes makes us a better person in the long run.

First let me say I am so sorry you're feeling the way you are. It is horrible to feel that way. I think you need to let your ex know how you feel. Tell him you made a mistake and let him know you'd like to get back together. Then you've got to work on yourself. Be someone he'd want be with. Find some good books, I suggest starting with the Secret by Rhonda Byrne, then books by Wayne Dyer, Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen. You have got to get happy with yourself. Let your ex know what you're doing and that you're changing your life. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but the best thing you can do is pray! God wants your family together and he can make it happen. I will pray for you too. Please keep us posted.... and remember it took you awhile to get in this situation. It will take time to get out of also. Be patient and pray.

Sound like you could use a good therapist. Right now you can see what you lost, and you are watching another woman gain from your regrettable actions. You may realize that your boring marriage could have been saved and spiced up had you not destroyed that chance. There is a lot of self judgment and guilt that can go along with that. You have to move on with your life as you can not change the past, and maybe talking to someone who will not judge you, but whose soul job it is to help you, can help you work through all those feelings you are having so you can adjust, adapt, and figure out how to be the best co-parent you can be, and how to accept this new mother figure into your life. Just keep remembering when you think of her, a child can never have too many people who love them. Find someone to talk to soon.

I would say NOT to go through it alone. Get some counseling to help you sort out your feelings, to learn how to deal with your children during this time of transition, and to figure out what you should do about apologizing to your ex (how, when, and whether or not to do so). You still have to be parents to your 2 children so you need to have some sort of relationship. You need to take care of yourself - join a support group, find a therapist, talk to friends, figure out whether you should have a career (same, different, whatever). Until you are clear, you cannot make rational decisions.

He could be rejecting you because you rejected him, he may feel that he didn't really love you if he couldn't see that you were unhappy. He may be on the rebound - but so were you when you had an internet affair. You were forming another bond before you ended the first one. I'd spend less time figuring out what he's doing (which you cannot control) and devote all your time to your own needs and those of your children. If they are being thrown into an instant new family, they're going to need a lot of help.

Good luck.

Wow- not sure what even to say that you don't already know and I don't want to rub salt in your wounds. Realistically I would think the only thing that is going to help you is to find someone new. You said yourself that you "feel so alone" You need to not be alone anymore. And once you find this man you will again start to realize that you were out of love with your husband anyhow.

And until you meet someone I would suggest doing something that will consume much of your time-with a clear goal in mind. Maybe become a cert fitness instructor, take a class at a college and learn something you have always been interested in, train for a triatholon, open up a small business,etc. It sounds like you will probably have a lot of time available when he is with the kids and this will help fill it.
Not sure if you are religious or not but you may find some solace in that. If you don't have a religion you may want to look into one or even join a non-denom church. Developing your spiritual side may be so helpful right now. And you may even meet someone there ;-)