I Have Affair with My Co-worker

After reading the other's responses, I don't have much to add. You know what you are doing is wrong.

Do you believe in Karma? Because I think it just slapped you in the face.

If you can try to find another job. It will be too uneasy for you to continue working there.

You got off very easily on this one. Hubby could have found out. The boss could have found out...

Affairs are made to look romantic in the movies that is why many women try them out. Don't fall for the Hollywood fakeness.

What do you think our advice will be? Of course we will say leave the guy alone. What you are doing is not only wrong, it's pathetic, low, and physically/emotionally demeaning to yourself. Your body, your spirit. I'm sorry, but it's gross. You are acting like a single person, but you are not. Do you think if this "man" ia willing to fool around with a MARRIED women, he cares anything about you? He doesn't. You are a body, a thrill...a thrill he would get from someone ELSE, if you hadn't taken the bait.

You are being a low rate version of yourself. A floozy. You need to either work on your marriage, or leave your marriage. Do you have children. (Grown or not, doens't matter.) If you do, is this the person you want to be for them? Wouldn't they be ashamed of their behavior. Their mother, the one who fools around with co-workers, knows it's wrong, does it anyway.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you need to hear it. STOP with this nonsense. You mean absolutely nothing to him. NOTHING. Repair your marriage, or leave. Have some self respect and stop with this excuse for a man. What you have with this person is NOT real. You are a play thing, for which he gets his jollies. How sad and sick is that?

You're going to get upset because the man you're cheat with has someone else?

Pot, meet Kettle.

C.:

You know what you are doing is wrong. Yet you continue to do it? How many years have you been married? How many children do you have with your husband?

What would I do? I would 'fes up to my husband. Ask his forgiveness and start putting all that energy I am into my affair into my marriage.

To be honest? You sound like a self-centered child, not a grown W.. What are you going to do if your husband leaves you? Run to your boyfriend? Now tell me - how much are you going to trust him in the future knowing HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP started??

Quit this affair. TODAY.
Find another job.
Practice Self-Control.
Put the energy of an affair into your marriage.
Get into marriage counseling with your husband.
If you don't want to save your marriage - divorce him. He deserves better than a W. who would cheat on him rather than put her energies into their marriage...yes. that's mean. But it is the truth. and you know it.

Good luck!

Oh C., please stop having the affair. Instead, go to a counselor and work through what is wrong with your marriage. After you talk to the counselor for a while, ask your husband to go to counseling with you. You don't have to tell your husband about the affair, but you do need to talk about what is wrong with your marriage. It's important put the energy you are using with this other man into your marriage instead. If you are only thinking about your co-worker, you can't make things work with your husband.

Good luck,
Dawn

my advice is to stop the affair. that's really the only right thing and you already know that.

being an adult means doing the right thing even if you don't want to.

One thing about affairs is that someone always gets hurt.
A little hormonal exhileration isn't really worth it.

Truly, in the end, it could be YOU getting hurt because your husband could leave you, Prince Charming could move on and you will be alone with the damage you caused.

The fact that your lover asked what you would do if he got a girlfriend leads me to believe that he understands this isn't a permanent situation. He may enjoy your trysts, but it sounds like he's got his eyes open to all prospects.

You need to end the relationship. Save your job or leave it. If you're not happy in your marriage, you owe it to yourself and your husband to figure out why and see if your marriage can be saved.

If you are done with your marriage, file for divorce and get on with your life, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you do end your marriage, I wouldn't jump into another relationship. It seems to me like you need to find out what is lacking in yourself that led you to stray.

It's just my opinion, but you need to be the one to end the relationship with your lover and get back to reality.

No offense.

um.
stalk him?
threaten the new girlfriend?
have a public tantrum?
what do you THINK the advice is going to be?
:/ khairete
S.

Wow, well, at least he's being honest with you, which is more than I can say for what you're doing to your poor husband.

Just stop it.
Affairs at the work place are one of the worst things you can do.
Sooner or later they end.
And then you have an awkward uncomfortable work environment.
Ultimately the only solution is for one of you to quit and find another job.
You don't mess where you eat.
You don't put your job/career in jeopardy with behavior like this.
If your marriage is in trouble - deal with it.
Resolve your problems or end it.
And if you end it - then play the field all you want.
Just never date anyone from work.

If you're married and want to continue to be married, end the affair now. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be for your marriage to recover. As it is, you already are so emotionally and physically invested with the coworker that upholding your marriage will be very difficult.

If you no longer want to be married to your husband, talk to him about it, file for divorce, and then you're free to do what you want.

What you're doing is terrible. I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose, but there is absolutely no chance of this ending well.

You need to let go of this co-worker and work on your marriage. Affairs are not "real" - real life is not part of them which is part of the appeal. Do you honestly think that someone who is cheating with a married woman is a person of good character? It is just bad all around. Avoid this person, end it, and repair your relationship with your husband, unless your husband is cruel and abusive - in which case you need to leave both of them.

You know this is a parenting site, right? I've noticed that none of your questions have anything at all to do with parenting, from my quick glance.
Not sure what your question here is. Not a lot of people here will condone the affair or tell you to trap a guy who has no future with you.

Do yourself a huge favor and intentionally stop bringing pain and chaos into your life. Stop the affair and decide what you are going to do about your marriage. I assume you have kids because this is a Moms site. You owe it to your children to not bring undo chaos into their world. Kids are the biggest casualties in these situations.

You are needy woman, who is cheating on her husband. If your marriage is leading you to do this, then you should be woman enough to get a divorce and spare your husband. I assure you that once you become available this office boyfriend will want nothing to do with you and that would deserve you right. You need to direct your energy, efforts and time to your marriage and finding out why you have chosen to do what you are doing. Stop embarrassing yourself. Maybe someone in the office will report you two. Please don't think that it is a secret at the office. You being the needy one, will surely give it away. He has nothing to lose, but you do.

You are feeling the same way your husband may feel if he were to discover you are having an affair. End the affair or be prepared to end your marriage. Reconnect with your husband and disconnect from this man who truly doesn't care about you or your marriage. He is obviously playing games and was looking to hurt you. Is that really the kind of man you want to have loving feelings for?

The same way you got entangled with this man get retangled with your husband. Spend time talking with him, listening to him, flirting with him. It may even be time for you to look for a new job. Get yourself out of this aweful position and end the soap opera like drama in your life.

Put your feelings aside and think with your rationale mind. Find happiness, affirmation or what ever it was you were looking for in your coworker from some other/safer source. You know this is wrong, so do you intend to set yourself up for more hurt and what about your husband and children?

Being on the receiving end of a husband cheating on me. Do even know the damage your causing to your husband. What a horrible devastating feeling he will have. How can people be so darn selfish. If you do not want to be married please separate and divorce before you start something else.

C.,
I know you're confused right now, and some of the advice you're getting is harsh. However, a change of scenery is probably the only way to recover from the hurtful feelings. And I'm pretty sure that the more you are with this co-worker the more he will hurt you. It will take courage to make the break from the other guy and be true to your husband, but you can do it. God offers forgiveness for our mistakes, and although the consequences don't go away, He can be our strength as we work through them. Call out to Him and He will help you. You may want to go to a church in your area and ask for a marriage counselor. They can usually recommend someone that is good.

My ex had an affair that not only destroyed our relationship, but his relationship with his children. They will always hold this against him and it changed who they were. He also lost his entire career and any credibility he has established.

Affairs are NOT real relationships. Figure out what you want, but end the affair now before hurting even more people. You don't need to destroy everyone else because of your selfish choices.

Are you in an arranged marriage? Do you now or did you ever love your husband?

If you are unhappy in your marriage then get out now. Find a good counselor who can work with you to find exactly what you are looking for in a husband.

I think it would have been emotionally safer to get another cat, C., to replace your obvious emotional instability and lying tendencies. The cat would have been far more dedicated to you.

Wow, you've gotten some harsh responses. I think affairs are easier than we want them to be, which is why so many people think it will never happen to them.

Instead of focusing on the hurt your coworker is causing you, I think you should focus on why it felt okay to you to stray from your husband. Counseling might be a good idea, but some deep soul-searching is a must.

Think about what you really want. Do you want a divorce? Do you want to work on your marriage?

You feel hurt because this relationship made you feel special. How can you get that feeling without having an illicit relationship?

Good luck. Cheating is much more complicated than we wish it was. Ultimately, it seems to me you are lacking something in your life that you need, so you are searching for it. Figure out what you need - that's probably the root of your problem.

Do you have kids? What would they think of you if they found out? What would your family think? Once your husband catches you, it will all come out to everyone you know.

Is the guy married? Can't imagine having any respect for a guy who'd do this to his wife... Every time you see him at work, you should have that kind of disgust - and more disgust for someone that would be passionate with a married woman. He just wants all the perks but doesn't want to have to make any kind of commitment. Talk about being used. Do you feel that is all you are worth? You are worth a lot more than that! Don't ever give anyone the time of day that will take, take, take - for free!

Why don't you put all that passion into your marriage? Pretend like you are trying to get your husband to ask you out all over again. What would you wear? How would you act? What would you do to get his attention? What would you do to let him know you cared about him?

Setting your husband aside, you are in a relationship where perhaps you have more feelings for your significant other than he has for you. I don't mean that to be mean or spiteful - but you have to consider how he feels. He's been in a relationship with you - knowing that you still have a relationship with your husband. That has make him feel a bit bad too - every time you leave him to go back home.

I think #1 is you probably need to end one of your relationships. If you want to be with your coworker, I'd suggest discussing the issue frankly with him.

#2 - You need to change jobs. Even if things end, that's a lot of baggage to have to carry around the office

#3 - I can't tell you if you should tell your husband or not. That could be a healing thing or it could destroy your marriage.

Either way as many other folk have advised - you've done something very damaging to your relationship. You need to decide if it's worth trying to save.

Girl get a DIVORCE before you start an affair. I feel sorry for your hubby, let him go and you move on with your life. You are only hurting yourself in the end. This guy is using you! Good Luck!

Why would you be upset if he finds a gf? You have a husband and while he should be running as fast as can be the other direction, he isn't. Broken hearted isn't even the half of what your husband and children will go through if your little affair gets out. Why should he respect you and think of a future with you when you aren't showing respect for yourself and you show you don't respect your marriage? What the rest of us think doesn't mean anything, we can judge and give advice till the cows come home but it is you and how you feel about the person when you look in the mirror that matters. How do you feel about yourself when you look at your children and you know you could end their security in the worst way? Marriages aren't easy and they are a lot of work, they aren't exciting and the attention isn't there as a bf gives, but it is also nice to have someone there to work together through hard times with. To laugh at the funny things your children have done and to keep you warm on cold winter nights. Your husband doesn't deserve this, your children really don't deserve this and I can tell you that a broken family is a hard thing on children. So do what you think is right but make sure it isn't something you will regret the rest of your life.

Break it off and get some MUCH needed therapy. Not only are you cheating on your own husband but you are getting upset when your crappy affair starts taunting you with getting a girl friend. Get a therapist... and a good one. That is my advice.

I am sure you already know that you did wrong. I think you are asking, how can I get past this? Why did I act so selfishly?

I think you need to get a different job and find a good counselor. Beating yourself up really won't help, because if you had high self-esteem, you would not have done this.

My advice? You're married, cut it out.

Affairs are fun, and a marriage can't usually compete with them, because everyday life isn't that exciting. Stop harming your marriage with this affair, especially if you have kids. If you have kids, you are harming your kids by continuing with this affair.

You sound immature.

FIRST of all-whats missing in your marriage thats making you stray away?
secound of all you never have an affair with a coworker-NEVER!!!!
but what ticks me off with your post is-we always are bitching about men being the unfaithful cheaters..if he did this to you-what would you do? leave him? this is just wrong on so many levels-but bottom line is you cheated on your hubby-SHAME ON YOU!!! if your really not happy-get a divorce and go sew your wild oats-and let your clueless hubby find a true faithful wife.it sounds like your looking for pity here-good luck with that-