7 Year Itch? - Puyallup,WA

My pastor has a saying. "The grass looks greener on the other side until you get there and then you realize that they have dog poop in their yard too."

Take it from a child of a father that looked for "love" outside of his marriage to my mom. IT RUINED OUR FAMILY!!! To this day I have 2 siblings that do not speak to my father. My parents do not speak to eachother. As children we were torn between two homes. It was awful...depressing...and such a waste. To this day we are all reeling from the betrayal, lies and dishonor our father brought to our family. I love him dearly and we are continually working on building a relationship...but I have lost respect for him.

Stop looking outside of your home for love and instead turn to your husband who you made a covenant with. Love your kids enough to not break up their home. You are looking for something to fill a void in yourself...find some help to find out how to help yourself. You have a husband that is making some changes...wake up...you have a good man!! Love is not the only thing that makes a marriage work. Put on your work gloves and get to work on "loving" the man you married. I get so sick and tired of all the marriages failing simply because "I am not in love with him/her anymore", "We have changed and we are not the same people as when we got married." DUH!! Life experiences change us...wear us down...then you add kids to the mix and it really can stretch you. It takes determination that you won't quit, to get you through the ho hum days.

I would suggest you find a different job and drop any contact with the man.Tell him HE is not worth ruining a family for. A higher paycheck is not worth ruining your family!!

Go on dates with your husband. Make love to your husband whether you feel like it or not. Do things to make your husband happy. Spend time with your husband and your kids doing fun things. Sometimes when we focus on others and not simply wallowing in what we are not getting...then we find true happiness and joy.

I wish you luck. Please don't throw your family away all for "love". There is more to life than this fantasy you are having. A man that is willing to entertain a relationship with a married woman with kids is pathetic in my eyes. Focus on the man of honor that you married!!

I heard a saying once and I have never been in a situation to use it til' now.
"The grass is not greener on the other side...so mow your own damn lawn!!" Start mowing!!

Almost three years ago to the day you posted a question and said your husband was your best friend and soul mate!!.

Really, you have little kids and are thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Your husband seems to be the one working on this while you are living in fantasy land. Your husband even accepted you with a child from a prior relationship. If you know it is wrong and terrible...knock it off! Quit your job, get another job, get help but think of your FAMILY. Do you think the work lover is all that awesome?? He doesn't respect marriage, doesn't respect you, neither of you do. "Work lover" has just had you in an exciting, secret way...how do you think it's going to be with three kids, an ex-husband and two people with no impulse control??

The grass isn't greener. So...say you leave your husband...then what? You get together with this co-worker? How long does that last? Statistics and experience, says not long. Then, you are still unhappy. You still have a broken home. Your children are still apart from both of their parents. Your husband doesn't need to change, YOU need to change. Is he a good man? If yes, then you are the problem. He is not the one falling in love with someone else. YOU are. Get into counseling and get away from this man. If that means you quit, you quit. What you are doing is wrong. It is disrespectful to your husband, to your children, and to your family unit. Your children deserve a better example then a cheater. You ARE cheating. If it's not physical yet, it will be in time. It's emotion, at the very least.

Also, it's highly doubtful you're actually in love with each other. Love, does not involve cheating and potentially ruining relationships and family lives. Lust, yes. Love, no.

I wont sugar coat this at all and appalled that others have been so polite to you.
You say your husband is making changes...what about you. You are the one cheating on your husband..if anyone needs to make changes it is YOU. Look at yourself and get help to find out what is broken so badly that you see it as ok to start an emotional affair with a man at work. You need to make changes to show and try to gain back the trust you have lost with your husband.
I strongly suggest you read the book Not Just Friends.
You need to cut off all contact with this guy. If you have to have work related contact with him then a friend of your marriage needs to be aware of your cheating. One that will support you and make sure that whatever work contact you have with this guy stays strictly work related.
You need to give your husband access to any and all ways you were in contact with this guy. That means passwords and free access to your phone,computer and so on.
I also suggest you check out this message board for help.
http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?fid=13
You need to look into counseling for both yourself and you and your husband.
Your husband may not show it now but you have hurt him in the worse way possible. If he stays with you,you are the one who will be doing a lot of work to repair what you have broken. That in love feeling you have with this other guy is nothing but a fantasy. Think on this..he will cheat with you then he will cheat on you.

Really nothing we can say will make you feel less of an attraction to this man. But I can tell you that after you have left your husband and children, they will hate you for many years. And they will NEVER understand. You also will feel deep regret every single day of your life. I am speaking from experience. Also, the wonderful man you are sneaking around with? Well, in 7 years he will be the same as your husband. Boring. But then you'll really be alone because you will have lost your family. You're playing with fire and only you can stop it.

If you want to save your marriage then you need to remove the third person from your marriage. Typically, the third person represents what you feel you've lost or don't have in your own marriage... he's fulfilling something you need and aren't getting at home. Right now it's still a choice to have these feelings for someone else. I'm making a guess here, but if you have feelings for someone else then I'm supposing that yo and your husband have been having some marital problems. This other guy just happened to stumble along into the situation. It could have been any other guy.

Get some marriage counseling. Don't make the other guy an option. He's not. You're married. Don't destroy your marriage without trying to rebuild, because it's not just your husband that needs to change things. YOU are the one who looked outside of your marriage to feel better, YOU are the one who looked outside of your marriage rather than trying to fix things first.

If you're serious about saving your marriage then I would seriously consider transferring departments or transferring job locations. No more contact with this other guy at all unless it's purely professional. If you're having sex with him, then stop. If you tell him you love him, stop. Or else you risk ripping your family apart and your children and husband will be the ones to suffer. And I would bet you a million bucks that lover boy won't stick it through the rough times.

No amount of money at a job is worth destroying a marriage over. I am sure your husband would agree. Run, do not walk, away from this temptation. Now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Feelings change. We are fickle. He is feeding your pride. Life with any one person for a long time gets mundane at times. Even this new guy. Problem is, you will bring yourself into the new relationship. As you know, you cannot be trusted to be true to your vows. Unless, of course, you decide to be now. These lusty feelings will fade in time. Are you really willing to leave a wake of destruction behind you? Are you really willing to ruin the lives of your innocent children over an infatuation that will likely end in disaster? You are a foolish woman who is tearing down her own house if you do not get yourself out of this situation. Now.

First of all your feelings for your coworker are not based in reality. Sweet mother you work with him, you see one side. You see him at work, okay he is funny or not, whatever it is about him you like. So is your husband to those he works with. Heck he could have coworkers pondering this exact post. The thing in until you go out with someone, live with someone it is not real. You don't really know him.

Sorry but this is the same lecture I give people who have "fallen in love" over the internet. It isn't real, it is all smoke and mirrors. Of course you put forth the best you online or at work. Do you really think all your fantasies of life with him are how it is really like? Do you think he cleans the toilets, cooks all the meals, never farts in front of someone?

You are not in love with your coworker you are in love with the fantasy of something different!!!

Ya know what go ahead with the coworker. My husband's ex met someone online. She is miserable and I have the greatest guy on earth. If you don't want him because of a fantasy let him find a woman who appreciates reality.

This may seem harsh but I am trying to get you back into the real world. Clearly you are not living there at the moment.

Unfortunately your marriage doesn't stand a chance if there is another man. It's up to you to correct it, for your kid's sake. Don't beat yourself over the head for what's happen, but just realize that it just means your marriage has unresolved issues.....or you never would have looked at another person.....well, you can look, but you NEVER would have got "involved."

My heart breaks for your kids and your husband, they're worth the fight, they're worth the work, they're worth the change. Seize this as an opportunity to grow your family/relationship in the right direction.

It's never too late for change. I promise you, you will be in the same place with your co-worker in the future....if we don't clean up our own issues, we just bring it along to our next relationship.....and at what cost? It's at our children's cost.

Make it work, give your husband a chance, and get rid of the troll who would engage with a married women with 3 children.

S.

Love isn't just a feeling, sometimes its a choice. You made the choice 7 years ago to commit your LIFE to this man, not the next 7 years until something felt better. Choose to love your husband by spending time with him, doing things for him, and most importantly get away from that other guy...HE ISN'T AN OPTION!

y.

I would suggest that you look at your children - if you are still up, go in their room and look at them as they sleep. And then imagine yourself telling them that you and their daddy are divorcing, they they (or their daddy) will move from your home and that you will not be living together as a family anymore. And just for yourself, in your head, add that you are tearing apart their world because your are "in love" with a co-worker.

As others have said, no money in the world is worth the hurt that you are going to put your children, your husband and yourself through if you are going to act on this impulse.
You are unhappy with DH, I get it, really, I do - going through a rough patch myself here. But one look at my daughter and I swallow my selfish attitude of feeling somehow entitled to be "in love" with someone else like a horny teenager.
Chances are whatever is going on in your marriage is not all your DH's fault and you played your role in it as well (I certainly did). Get counseling, make a commitment to yourself and your children that you are going to work on your marriage until you have exhausted every last option before you are going to put them through hell for the years to come.
And being a child of divorce, let me tell you: that divorce decree is only the beginning of endless years of squabbling over child support and visitation/custody and on and on. There better be a better reason than being "in love" with someone else before you take that step.

I am not writing this to be rude or mean, I really understand where you are coming from, and I do believe in strong frank words for this kind of advice, because that's what helps me. You are an adult and have responsibilities that go beyond your own satisfaction. I would give notice ASAP.

Something like this happened to me at 7 years (way before we had kids) and it was a hard HARD time. I stayed with my husband and I am SO GLAD that I did. We became more in love than ever and we really worked on our relationship. We have been together 20 years now and we have the best marriage...he is my best friend and I feel incredibly grateful to have him in my life. I don't know what to advise you bc it is your life, but this kind of thing is so so so hard on children. My mom left my dad when I was 4 and my brother and I had SO many issues growing up. I have had to work through a lot of things...like low self esteem for example. I don't have the best relationship with either of my parents now although we all try.

Ahhh, what a hard place to be. Each of us has different morals, beliefs, priorities and yet what can we really tell you that you don't know already? Marriage is that one thing you know it should be forever because it means the integrity of the FAMILY. Blended families are "forced" to work while natural families just do, wether or not the couple, which is the first cell, the foundation of that family, stays "in love" or not. Think about it, when you all get up in the morning, that feeling of comfort, where everyone can just be themselves, how could you ever reproduce that when the man in your house is a stranger to your children? People all over the western world break families and make new ones, a mother or a father choose to insert an external person in that environment that was the natural family once, children are definitely going to feel broken by the whole thing.They'll survive, yes, they'll adapt but still...not "natural". Unless your husband is abusive, or a cheater or has some issues which could be damaging for you or your children, I would reconsider leaving him. Every marriage has its hard spots, phases when you don't really care for each other much, and then another cycle comes and it all goes back to normal. In the meantime you see your children growing older, you and your husband help each other and grow old yourselves while focusing on them and, bam, 30 years have gone by. Talk to elderly women who stayed married and ask them what their life was like, ask them if it was worth it. You need perspective. You'll do what you'll do, in the end...just remember there's more to marriage than "the spark": i call it family. Good luck, you are in a very hard spot and I hope you make the right choice.

I'd quit the job right away and focus on your marriage. It is SOOOO easy to develop feelings for a co-worker, but you've GOT to snap out of it! I started developing a workplace crush on a former co-worker, and THANK GOD that he got a new job, because it was really unhealthy and unfair to my hubby, not to mention unrealistic. This was almost 4 years ago, and when I look back I just think to myself, "You were such an idiot to even consider it!" As Bug said, the grass is NOT greener. DATE your hubby. Flirt with him. Look at him with the eyes you used when you first fell in love with him. Remind yourself why you chose him to be your husband and the father to your children.

I pray you haven't done anything physical with your co-worker, because that can definitely cloud your judgement.

On Monday I'd give your 2 week's notice to your job, and an IMMEDIATE notice to your workplace infatuation that it is done.

Edited to Add:
After you quit your job and your infatuation, I suggest that you pick up the book "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives."

I looked at your profile and scrolled through your questions, thinking maybe there was some insight to your marriage there. I found this, that you wrote of you husband

"He is my best friend, soul-mate, wonderful father, super supportive of me, etc. "

I also noticed that you have an older child from a previous relationship - do you really want to tear your family apart and introduce this oldest child to another "Daddy"? Years ago there was a neighbor boy who told us, of his Mom's new boyfriend, "I have a new Daddy, I sure hope this one stays" - at the age of 7 he had already had 3 Daddys.

What could be worth destroying the life you have built, with a man you love, married, and had children with? This other guy has nothing to lose - and he will "locker room" talk to the other guys at work - ruining your reputation and labeling you. You are an easy mark - let me guess - you "shared' with him you dissatisfaction in you marriage and he has made all the understanding, "you deserve better" comments - he wants to get in your pants - this ain't love.

Go to counseling - by yourself - then with your husband. Make it work - you loved the man once - you married him and had two children with him - recapture that.

Good Luck
God Bless

Statistically, the 7 year itch is a reality. You're there. You're entertaining the unthinkable which makes it much more exciting. You're used to your husband. This man is new and therefore exciting. Think back to when you were first involved with your husband. Aren't the feelings similar?

I married late and so dated many men. I can tell you from experience that the excitement wears off after a few months. I suggest that as long as you're doing what is a threat to your marriage you will feel excitement. You are energized by the forbidden relationship. I suggest that if you leave your husband that life will be very complicated. Divorces, even amicable ones are difficult. They play havoc with your life. Everything changes. This will put a damper on your new relationship. You will be seriously stressed which will take away from the pleasant excitement.

You have your children and their well being to consider. A divorce will throw them into a tail spin. You'll be a single mom who won't have so much time to spend with him. Your relationship will face the realities of children and meeting their needs.

I've known many married men who played the field. Once their wives found out, they were miserable. Most were divorced and most did not stay with their girl friends. It's fun to have a relationship with no responsibilities. Once life gets real the excitement is gone.

How did you and a coworker get to this point? This is one reason we are very strict in how we spend time with other members of the opposite sex and why we don't flirt and get too personal and such with them. Whatever it is you two are doing than stop. Take some vacation time and spend that time with your husband and family. Seek marital counseling. It sounds like you have invested more time and energy into your coworker than to your husband and marriage. Re sort your priorities and commitment. Is making great money worth destroying your marriage and family? This guy knows you are married and have children, and yet he is still luring you in? Sounds like a major loser creep to me that shouldn't be trusted. Stay far away.

Read Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book together. Also, the Love Dare /Fireproof your Marriage is a great resource for couples do together. If he refuses therapy, then at least doing something like this together can really, truly help.

Watch these three videos, they are only 3 minutes long and can help you in your decision and in reuniting your marriage.

How do I love thee:
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

Marriage and Divorce;
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?autoplay=true&index...

Expressions of Love, couples share their ideas on expressing love for each other:
http://lds.org/pages/expressions?lang=eng

You need to try to fix your marriage. Go to counseling, stop associating with the other man until then.

You are living in a fantasy right now. The "other" man seems perfect, but he has none of the real life responsibility your DH has.

If you are going to choose the "other" man, show the father of your kids some respect & divorce him properly.

Although, I think if you did that, the fantasy phase with the "other" man will end once you shack up & he has to deal with 3 small kids.

.

You can have feelings like this toward your husband. The grass always seems more romantic on the other side of the fence. If you jump ship and sail away with this co-worker, chances are you'll end up in a worse situation than you are in now. This rarely works out. I'd do everything you can to salvage your marriage and spice things up between you and your hubby. Even if it means quitting your job and moving your family. End it with this co-worker now! I wish you the best!

Don't walk but run from this situation. Nothing ever good has come from an affair. An affair will affect everyone not just you. Even if it has not gotten physical it has already crossed the line as an emotional affair. If you are interested in keeping your marriage together then you need to seek counseling ASAP. Stay away from the co-worker, and let him know that he needs to stay away from you as well. Is it possible that you can avoid this co-worker, or minimize the time you see him? The grass is not greener on the other side. You have children now, and it's not just about what you want anymore. Remember you vows, good time and BAD.

Unless your husband beats you, is verbally abusive, mean to the kids, is an addict of some sort like to alcohol stay put. These switches of mate seldom turn out that great when they begin by a bust up of the original pair.
We fall in and out of love with our partner over the years. Hitch up you pants and go home. Your husband is the father of your children. Step fathers in the main are problematic for your children and especially so for girls.
A good man is hard to find. You know almost nothing about your coworker. Not even if your children would like him. Tell him it is over and stick to it.

K., snap out of it. You have a wonderful family. Being infatuated with someone is a decision you are making and a path you are choosing to take. Cut all ties with the co-worker immediately. Think of your three children. Think of how much a broken family hurts everyone. Put some effort into falling back in love with your husband. Tell him in a gentle way what has been happening with this co-worker and the two of you start putting spark back into marriage NOW. Go on a romantic weekend together. Go on some dates. Do some teenage stuff like have sex in your car or whatever. Anything to put some spice back into your marriage. Renew your vows. Go on a romance kick! I have been married for 13 years, I was 21, he was 24 when we got married. We've got a 4 month old, 4 yo and 5 yo. We're still very much in love. Not everyday! Yes sometimes we get into a rut and then have to snap out of it. One or the other of us will do something about that. Please K.. So many people just get divorced for such stupid reasons these days, it is so sad when there are children involved! Can't we be stronger than that? I am rooting for your marriage and family. AND BY THE WAY - a co-worker who is getting romantic with a married woman who has 3 children is not a man of good moral character in my opinion. The infatuation with you could wear off and then what...

it's easy for those faults in your husband to become amplified when you are having a relationship with another man. But you have to remember, the new guys is only perfect because well, he is the new guy. He makes you feel different that what you are feeling at home, in your marriage, etc.

There is such thing as the year itch. I experienced the same thing. I was fortunate that the person I was having a relationship with was on the other side of the country. We met up on business trips. He was awesome and everything my hubby wasn't at the time. He was in the process of a divorce. At the time, I had no child, so it was a huge huge allure. I was on the edge of giving it all up.

But then the reality clicked of what was going on. It seems like you are at that "reality" point too, if you are asking these questions. I remember having that same feelings and excitement about my husband. And thought, wow, if this happens after 7 years of marriage and I leave and start over again, what will I be doing in 7 years? Was putting 7 years into a marriage worth losing? It wasn't that my husband made me "unhappy" or we really had problems, it was just that this other guy made me feel soooo good. I ended the relationship. and focused on my marriage. We are about to celebrate our 17 year marriage and have a beautiful daughter age 5 years.

I can't give you any advice, just my experience. I did not tell my husband, which may not be fair, but it was an internal battle I needed to deal with because it was about me feeling satisfied. We weren't having any marital issues. Let me rephrase that - all marriages have issues and isn't perfect, I was just needed something more that I thought I was getting. Does that make sense. There is a chance it may be to late, and although I would say that your should try and work it out of the kids sake, I would say sometimes it doesn't. If your house is filled with hate and fight, then it isn't worth it. But if there is a chance that you and your hubby can work thru your issues, I would tell you to chose that over the fling. Because think, 7 years from now, will I be getting the same itch? And I also think that you should leave a relationship based on the facts that it isn't working and never ever for another person.
I know this is a hard struggle. Hang in there. The answers will come to your heart and you will know what is right for you.

Oxytocin, the "love hormone" and Pheremones. If you break it down scientifically, it does make sense. Too, celellul regeneration is... every seven years: )

I have a good friend who went through this. It was almost as if she was blinded to affect it could have on her children in the long run, she was so overcome with emotion. She was married to a truly amazing man who she went to counseling with but this very hard time lasted over a year. They are still making reparations, but on the road to stability.

It feels good to be desired, its not terrible. Its normal! Its new. Taboo. That flirty feeling is fun. Feelings aren't wrong. What you decide to do with those feelings are the deciding factor about how YOU feel about you.

Its time now to use your head. You may not even want to, but its time.

Think about it - what is fun about a non-marriage, no children romantic relationship? EVERYTHING! That is because you don't have to deal with practical things together, you just enjoy eachother. Lets fastforward down the track of leaving hubby for this joker (and that is exactly what a homewrecker is). Everything is all fine and dandy, the divorced life is sweet - then you get more serious with this guy then you marry him and live happily ever after for 7 years and then move on to the next? Really? Is that what you want? Because that is what you are trying to validate. Marriage is hard work, and it is not for thrill seekers. But it is worthwhile. So you can drag your family through the mud (and your professional reputation for that matter) for a hormonal buzz that like any high, will not last. Or you can ditch the job and the home wrecker and do some soul searching to figure out what you value.

Usually the grass is greener on the other side until you get there.

N.

Are you ready to walk away from your current life?
If you do, there's no getting it back again.
You might be sorry.
You feel attracted to someone else because something is lacking in your marriage.
Work on your marriage before you determine it is not salvageable.
Do everyone a favor and make a clean break from prior relationships before starting a new one.
Never, never, NEVER get involved with a co-worker - you don't mess where you eat.
What are you going to do when the infatuation wears off and you break up?
Office romances can turn bitterly nasty when it's over - one of you are going to have to find a new job.
Even if it works out you may have to find a new job (many offices state spouses can not work at the same company or certain departments).
It would be awful if you lost your family and your job and it turned out it was all for nothing.

You know what a marriage class teacher told all of us (group in a class), "you think that new love is great? You leave your husband or wife for that new love and a year later that new love is doing those same annoying habits and irritating you just like the old one". If the problems in your marriage are just re-kindling your love than get away for a weekend and do something romantic to be gaga for your husband again. Go to marriage counseling. If you think you and your husband are done, separate and move on. You aren't terrible, I know divorce isn't that great but if you don't love him you don't love him. On the other hand, don't leave him just to get with another guy because if you and the other guy break up you may start regretting leaving your husband, what I mean is if you leave him leave him b/c you don't love him or he won't change.

Forbidden fruit AND no responsibilities. Get marriage counseling. And if this Side Dish of your is married as well, you really need to question your priorities. Marriage is hard work. Being "in love" with someone at the office is easy cause real life isn't attached to it. Honestly, I question your Side Dish's ethics cause he let this happen and he knew you were married - unless you've hid this from him somehow. So tons of wrong in this situation.

Many people on here have written you the truth, and I hope you listen. You are ruining your family and there is no nice way to say it.
Sorry, but falling out of love with your husband and falling in love with someone else just doesn't cut it. Love is a choice and is fully within your control.
You have a responsibility to your family to quit your job and cut ties with this man. Your husband is making changes to save your marriage and you need to make changes WITH him. Meet his efforts because just one person making all the improvements in a relationship isn't effective. BOTH spouses need to be working on the relationship.

I hope you make the right choice and work on repairing your family.
Good luck.

Take it from someone who has gone there and lost a family. Don't do it. Get into couples counseling and consider quitting your job. In hindsight when you get to a place where you will be able to look objectively at what is now transpiring you will want to die for the opportunity to just up and quit and maintenance your marriage. I had 3 small kids at the time...all under 5 yo. Even though it's been 4 years...the pain doesn't subside, I gave away everything I had worked so hard to build for butterflies, emotional support and a good lay. I know it seems like you can't stop the cycle, but you can....you just have to really want too. It really doesn't matter what anyone says to you...you will do what you desire to do. I hope that your situation turns out better than mine. Statistically you and this other person you think you are in love with will not have a chance, although it doesn't feel that way right now. I get it. Good luck.

Well, my marriage never made it to the 7 year mark, and I have no regrets moving on, but when I moved on, I moved on with my child's best interest as well as my own in thought which makes the decision all the more rewarding for me.

However, in your case...

if this is just a matter of your heart not being in your marriage then so be-it. But if it's about the fun, sex, thrill, wining and dining that's lacking in your marriage, then you and your husband should work together to restore it, rebuild faith and trust.

BUT if you are truly not into him and want to move on because you simply feel it's time, then you need to stop screwing your co-worker and plan a proper, dignified departure with your children in thought!!!!!

Your co-worker is a temporary bandaid for a longterm problem and that is your issue of discontent. You have children and it seems you focus on the good times and money that come from working a job that makes it convenient for you to cheat your family and believe it or not, yourself!!!!!

What is this man really thinking of a wife with children, sleeping with him unapologetically? Think about that, not just the fun and laughs, sex, and whatever else this temporary high is giving you.

As for changes, it sounds like your husband may have fallen short, or taken you for granted. HOLD HIM accountable for that by communicating your feelings to him instead of throwing your lover in the mix. The fact you say your husband is now changing means he played a part rippling the marriage.

If it means anything to you to salvage your family then try, if you simply want out, then you must plan properly and act with dignity. Best of luck and put your children first!!!!!

Reality check needed. Feelings are not to be trusted at all. Not a good tool to make major life decisions for yourself, your husband and your kids. There is alot to be said about commitment and trust and you've already broke one and are considering the other. I suggest you consider the idea that life is messing and unhappy sometimes and that finding someone else is only a temporary fix to your current dilemma. Seek therapy for yourself and for your family.
Best Regards,
C.

K.:

WAKE UP!!!! The grass is NOT greener!!! What you are feeling is the "hormonal" "love"......just like you did when you started dating your husband...

You need to STOP. And I mean STOP. What you are doing. You are not only hurting yourself, but you are hurting your family. How can you go to sleep at night knowing you are CHEATING on your husband? That your husband knows you have feelings and IS TRYING to change?? Girl - you need to wake the heck up.

All the attention you are focusing on this "new man" you need to focus on your husband. This isn't a one-way street. You aren't perfect. You need - no, you MUST contribute to the marriage as well. Your husband shouldn't be doing all the changing.

I'd get my resume out there and see what's available to me, IF my family and my marriage were important to me...you need to get away from this guy. He is NO FRIEND. I can tell you that once you leave your husband and family for this "man" (and I use that word loosely) here's what will happen:

1. your children will lose any and all respect for you.
2. you go live with this "man" whom you profess to love and get into the 'day to day' life? ooohhhh yeah...that warm fuzzy is going to slip away and FAST!!!
3. you will NEVER trust him...EVER. and why should he trust you? What will stop EITHER ONE OF YOU from believing that what you two have and share will be different than something else?
4. You will long for the comfort of your marriage...you will want to go back once the day-to-day grind kicks in and the shiny glow dissipates.....

Sorry - but you are a FOOL. That is not meant in a flaming or mean way. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF into thinking this is anything more than a fantasy.

You need to stop being a selfish person and focus your energy on your family and marriage. You are fooling yourself if you think this is "real love"..it is a fantasy. Your husband is putting effort into the marriage...you are not concerned...when it is REALLY YOU WHO NEEDS TO CHANGE...

I wish you luck in your future endeavors. I truly hope that you will be able to recover from this and realize that your marriage and family need you and can be everything and more IF AND ONLY IF you put the effort into it....

I don't get why you are expending all this energy on something new when you could be doing all of this with your husband. GROW UP.

Don't fall into this temptation! You can recapture those feelings for your husband. A family is always worth saving and you do not want to put your kids through this type of ordeal. For whatever euphoric feelings you have for your co-worker right now, it will subside and years of guilt and regret will fill its place for the damage that results from it. I recommend the following books to help you regain focus and whatever may be missing in your marriage:
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The Power of the Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Go to www.loveandrespect.com for more information about the book and workshops they also present. I know several couples that have attended these workshops and have said it literally saved their marriages.

These books will show you how to recapture the love you once had for your husband and have a truly deep love for each other. The feelings we get from "falling in love" are a phenomenon, but it only lasts for a couple of years at most. Loving relationships and marriage take a lot of work, but it is so worth it. Especially since it sounds like you haven't really gone to the point of no return at this time. You don't want to go there! Good luck and I hope this information helps!
A.

Believe it or not we choose our feelings. Choose to find what you once loved about your Husband & when you think of him smile. Think about all the heartbreak leaving him will cause you, him & your children & when you do think of this co-worker & frown. Tell your co-worker you feel you need to distance yourself from him because of these feelings. Hopefully he will respect your family unit. Marriage like anything worth having is work & commitment. You don't have kids with this co-worker it is easy to romanticize this relationship you both have none of the stuff of life to deal with at this point. Make the effort to fall back in love with your husband.

I'm not exaggerating this just to make it sound fitting to your question - EVERY couple I know that has had a bad stretch in their marriage was at either 7 or 8 years. And when I mentioned this to an older couple that I know the wife told me it's not just at 7 years when the relationship comes in third behind little kids and busy jobs - it's about every 7 years!! So my husband and I really tried to be proactive when we hit that mark. Now at 10 years we're feeling super in love again! Not that we weren't before, but I think it's really just a natural cycle. And right now is when your vow is being tested. You swore in front of God and all your friends and family that you would be faithful to him through thick and thin. This is the thin part when love is an action, a practicing of your will - not just a fickle emotion.

You have to stay away from the temptation as much as humanly possible. Tell the man you are committed to your marriage and are going to fight your feelings and ask him to respect that. Then work hard as hell on your marriage. Make it your focus. Power through and the results will be totally worth it!! God bless you!

Ok, imo if you don't want to stay with your husband then you have to look at the whole picture not just the here in now. Is it worth it? You loved him enough to marry him and have kids, maybe counseling can help? Unless my husband cheated I wouldn't give up on him. What do you see in the other man that you don't in your husband? Is it something you both can work on? Life is full of risks but is this one you are will to take? I urge you to step back and look at the man you exchanged vows with. If you can honestly look at him and say there is no love or compassion then do what you need to do. Although if that is the decision you do want to make, dont further hurt your husband. Tell him and move forward. Best of luck to you love :)

I believe the 7 year itch is real. I also believe it passes. I' d advise you don't rush in to shattering all you've built. Fight for your family. See how you feel 6 months from now.

I suggest couples counseling. You need to find the spark that brought you and your hubby together in the first place.

Also remember one thing (if this man is married) if a married person will leave his (her) spouse for me he will leave me for someone else. That means you too. You need to be totally commited to your hubby and your marriage. That's not to say that you won't be attracted to a good looking man but you don't act on that attraction. You go home and thank your higher power that you have a hubby who will (fill in the blank) maybe hold your head while you are tossing your cookies with morning sickness or making sure you home is comfortable and decently clean.

Usually men are the ones who need to learn this but aparently you do also no job or no amount of money is worth losing your family.

It is well-known that whenever a man and woman work closely together, they are apt to develop feelings for one-another (think of how many of the ice-skating duos eventually marry). By maintaining continual close contact with a co-worker that "appeals" to you, you are inadvertently jeopardizing your marriage. Where we invest our time is where our hearts will also be invested. If you want to get to know someone more intimately, you spend time with them - and vice versa.

Spending time together at work is not the same as love. If you are seeing him outside of work you are wrong to continue and you should sort out your feelings for your husband before you get involved in a different relationship. I have been with my husband for 18 years (married 16) and we have our ups and downs- kind of in a down right now, actually. At the end of the day, though, I remember that I promised for better or for worse and hope and work for better. We can irritate each other, but I still love him. It's not always easy, especially when we're both wiped out from demands of home, work, and small children but I choose to stay with him.

Here are my heart-felt suggestions, for what it's worth:

1) Change departments at your work - completely withdraw yourself from this person's presence. If that's not possible you MUST leave your job to have any hope for your marriage (that or he has to go).

2) Get into marriage counseling immediately (with a counselor who actually values marriage).

3) Imagine your kids as teens, having to cope with their mom who fell in love with someone besides their dad, and how confusing that will be for their development (they're little now so it's not as much of an issue). It will come out at some point.

4) Think big picture. Not right now, but 5 years from now, 10 years from now, etc.

Please get help, immediately.

JMO.

Do you believe in God? If so, pray for wisdom. Lust is not love. You do not know your coworker like you know your husband. What is your level of self-control? If it is high, stop thinking about him. Every time you start to think of him, stop yourself, and fill your mind with loving thoughts about your hubby. Trust me, it's not worth it. Marriage is real, your coworker is not the man you swore yourself to for all your days.