Should I Stay or Should I Go - Fort Worth,TX

As other posters have stated, marriage isn't easy regardless if you are married 5 months or 50 years. Marriage continually changes as do the people in the marriage. Have you thought of taking up a hobby or going back to school or an excercise class? Plan a date night and go out and have a good dinner and talk about how you two can change things and become better life time partners. Counseling isn't that bad and you may both find out things that need to be worked on. The vows say, "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part." Really look at the words and think about them deeply. Remember it is easy to get married but hard to divorce (laws and emotions and things) maybe we should make it harder to get married besides the premarital classes that some religions require. Good luck to you. The other S.

You don't bail on a marriage to "the most wonderful man in the world" because of an infatuation with another man. Marriage is hard, and it is work, but it is worth it. You're lucky your husband is giving you a choice, many men would have kicked your keester out the door. Cut off all contact with this other man and get some couples therapy with your husband asap. You made a commitment, you need to live up to your commitment and do everything in your power to save your marriage. In your own words your husband is wonderful; stop investing time and emotion in someone else and redirect that focus to your marriage.

Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't.

P.

I say repair your relationship with your "wonderful" husband, most especially if he is willing to help repair this knowing all the while your heart is somewhere else for the moment.

The "other wonderful" man is in your fantasy world. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Look at what you have the potential to destroy if you go on this whim......at least 1 possibly 2 marriages, uprooting the stability in your home which would be damaging to your child.

I looked at previous posts from you and just last March you were contemplating pregancy again?? I don't understand why you would want to get pregnant with wonderful hubby and such a short time later be in love with someone else as well.

I must agree that you are married to a wonderful man. Not many husbands (or wives) would tolerate and support a spouse who has professed love for someone else and is considering bailing on the marriage.

I truly do not mean to come across rudely..... Just think..if your husband told you he was in love with another woman...how likely would you be supportive to keep the marraige intact? It sounds to me like you have a gem of a husband.

My hubby and I are approaching 21 yrs of marriage. Yes there are times that are tough but marriage is tough and we manage to work through it, not only for us but for our daughter.

I suggest weekly dates, we have never failed to have a date weekly unless someone was sick. I am probably one of the most open minded here and look at many things differently. Communication is VITAL in marriage. We have wide open lines of communication and views and I believe that is what helps us make our marriage work.

Best wishes to you......and your family

First, I would stop any and all communication/contact with the other man. You and your husband of 12 years (with a child) need some time to get some marriage counseling. I would not throw away 12 years to "the most wonderful husband in the world" especially for a relationship that sounds like a flirtation! I am not saying what you should ultimately do - but you and your husband (if he is willing) need to find what was wrong in each of you and your marriage that led you into this situation and see if your marriage can be healed and saved. You most definitely need counseling for just yourselves as individuals as well.

Is this other man married as well?? Think of the 2 families affected by this "affair" - an affair of the heart can be as damaging, if not more so, than a physical affair - so don't decieve yourself with the fact that you never had sex with this man.

I wish you luck. I won't get preachy or even bring religion into this b/c I don't know your beliefs - but if you want spiritual counseling or a Biblical perspective - I can share that, though I am sure many other women here will...

You say you are in love with two men...but my question for you is do you love your son? I feel that as a parent, it is our duty to do what is best for our children. I doubt that breaking up his family is what is best for you son. And don't forget that if you leave your husband, there will likely be a custody battle for your son and you could end up losing him. If your husband is the "most wonderful husband in the world" he certainly deserves better treatment.

One question I have....this "other" man obviously knows you are married. What's to say he won't "emotionally" cheat on you?

I agree with the other posters. Totally cut off contact with this man. You've invested 12 years in a marriage, don't throw it all away.

Also, please remember that little 4 year old...your choice will affect him for the rest of his life.

I think your heart is in love with one real man, and in love with an idealized man with an imaginary future. of course the "other" guy seems great -- life with him lives only in your imagination, and you wouldn't imagine something that was boring or monotonous would you?

Whatever is missing from your marriage can be found if the two of you work together. You don't just stumble on a long, rich marriage -- it happens by making intentional choices that move you in that direction.

Also, on a practical note -- if the "other" guy is pursuing a married woman, do you think he holds marriage in high regard? How do you think this is going to play out if he's with you?

And what about your son?

If your best friend were telling you this same story, what advice would you give her?

The reality is that at some point, you will have to reconcile this emotional "straying" with your family -- your husband, your son, your extended family (every one of them is/will be affected).

However, you can choose when to do it:

You can choose to reconcile now, get the appropriate help for your marriage, and save everyone a lot of pain and heartache (including yourself), and start working towards a rich and fulfilling marriage, and provide your son the stability and model of a relationship that pursues truth amidst trial.

Or, you can reconcile later -- after you cause months or years of pain and suffering for everyone around you, break your husband's heart, and break your son's heart, upend their world, and model insecurity and instability for your son.

I think you know what the right answer is.

You should honor your marriage. There is always going to be someone else to be attracted to. You have to be an adult and turn away from relationships like this as you are a married woman with a child. I am sure you know this in your heart. Relationships never work when unfaithfulness is involved. Resisting adultery is one of the 10 commandments, do you need anymore proof that cheating will create a lot of unhappiness for everyone. Don't make the mistake of letting your selfishness ruin your life.

Get counseling and stay with your husband. This other man may be wonderful (unless he's also married, in which case, he's a dog and you're fooling yourself). You're exhausted from being a mom, and your communication relationship has probably broken down as well. You're infatuated, and the emotional relationship with this other man is easy and safe - that's why you fell into it. If it were a "real" relationship like you have with your husband, all the boring, negative, frustrating, etc. stuff would be there and you'd be feeling the same way.

Thank goodness your husband can see what's happening; find someone to help you recapture your relationship, and make sure your husband knows you love him.

You owe it to your child to stay with your husband. If he is a wonderful man as you say, the choice should be easy. Why put your son through that kind of heartache when you are not even sure about this new guy?

Wow, you wanted advice, and you sure have gotten it. It seems universal. I hope you will choose to follow it. You hold several people's futures in your hands. What you choose will either build strength, stability, and trust into their lives or cause enormous heartbreak, pain, and loss of trust, for your son and husband, especially.

One way to look at it more objectively is to pretend that you are your own mother watching her daughter struggle with this situation. Would you advise your daughter to destroy her admittedly happy 12-year marriage by running off with another man? Would you think it a good choice for her to bind herself to a man who thinks nothing of destroying a family and taking a son from the father who loves him (or, worse, have his mom abandon him)? Would you think she was making a wise decision, throwing away 12 years of good for someone she has two months of feelings for?

How would you feel about the desctruction of life-as-he-knows-it for your grandson? Would you think it a good thing that he would spend the next 14 years being bounced between homes with no stability? That his weekends wouldn't revolve around his activities, but around shipping him back and forth between households, and all the difficulties that would bring (no, Johnny, sorry you can't go to Zack's party, you know it's your dad's weekend)? How would your grandson do when either his new step-dad or his dad gets a job far away, so that he then has to spend most of his life without one of his parents? (And, mom, you should know that when boys of divorced parents get to be teenagers, they quite often feel the need for their dad and move to live with them.)

Your statement that something is obviously wrong with your marriage really troubles me. No matter how wonderful anyone's husband, wife, boyfriend, etc. is, there will always be other people one could have chemistry with, or be attracted to, etc. The universe is made up of interesting, wonderful people, and we could probably love many of them (although the number of relationships that actually work out over time is much smaller--remember how in love you thought you were with any number of guys before you married your husband? I think my number must have been must have been close to a dozen!). That doesn't mean that every time one of those people wanders into your path you should abandon the life you've built with your family.

Every choice we make in life is a choice not to pursue an alternate path. That's okay. Even though EVERY MARRIAGE is lacking in some area, that doesn't mean it would be perfect in another. I'm 44, and have known many happy couples. I have yet to meet one whose reltionship is perfect. That's because we are human--flawed and sinful, even on our best days. No one person we choose will ever meet our every need, nor would we meet all of theirs.

The choice we can make is to live our lives with character, keeping our commitments to one another. In my marriage, knowing that we've stayed together when times were hardest is what brings incredible meaning to the relationship. It's what makes the relationship special, not the tinglies we had in the first few months. Those pass with every relationship.

You have the opportunity to model strength, commitment, integrity, and character for your son. What he sees you do will determine the kind of man he grows up to be. Do you want to raise him to be a man who honors his word and can be trusted, or a guy who sees women and relationships as disposable and subject to the whims, hormones, and feelings of the moment? Do you want your grandchildren to have little time for you someday because their time is already sub-divided between two households? What you do today will set the stage for what your son will do in his family someday. You are a very important person. You are SHOWING him how to live his life. He only has one mom, and you are it. Please live up to the responsibility you have.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but the selfishness in our society today is more than I can bear. I don't understand how you could so carelessly consider destroying your family and hurting a wonderful man who obviously loves you--just on the off chance that life might be better (for you) with some other guy. Trust me, you, your son, your new hunk, and your husband would all end up miserable and damaged for life. You would not be able to live with the pain you caused. Your son would resent you, you would resent the man who caused this, your husband would be reluctant to trust another woman, and you would hate yourself.

What you might be lacking (can't tell from what you have shared) is a relationship with God. We will always have some part of us unfulfilled without Him in our lives. I would encourage you to find a church that you feel comfortable with and go. You need to know how much He loves you! His word tells us that He is our true husband (meaning He fulfills all our needs for love). He absolutely adores you and wants you to know how much you mean to Him. Seek Him, and you will find Him. Your family life will only get better.

I know many of us moms will be praying for you! God bless--hope to hear back how this all turns out!

You should stay. It sounds like you have a very good
communication with your husband so I think you can work
things out. I have been there....and staying was the best decision. This other guy is just an infactuation, not real love. You also have your child to consider.

How Selfish of you to do this to your FAMILY!!!
Get over it buck up and be a real woman and MOM!!!

12 yrs vs 2 months
+ 4 year old son

Really?
Do the math.
No advice needed!

Dear A., I can really tell you are torn as to what to do so I hope I can give you something to think about. My daughter found herself in this same situation. She did take the relationship further and to her horror she realized the second man was the exact same as her husband -except, his good qualities were the ones that were missing in her husband and his bad qualities were the same as her husbands good qualities. Once she realized this, she realized the other man WAS the same as her husband. She had picked exactly the same man as her husband. It helped her to understand what was missing for her in her marriage. She was able to verbalize this to her husband and they worked on it. That was eight years ago and they are still together. However, be aware, it was not easy because the second guy really loved her and getting him out of her life was very hard and hurt him tremendously, which hurt my daughter too. In addition, it created a big trust issue between my daughter and her husband that took YEARS to work through. How did he know if this wasn't going to happen again somewhere down the road? How did he know that leaving was always going to be the answer to a problem? How would he know if there was a problem? He had lots of questions she couldn't give him a definite answer to.
I am in my mid 50s and I can tell you, these things don't happen unless you are looking for it and you let it happen. You are correct when you said "obviously something was missing from my marriage..." Or you THINK something is missing from your marriage! I find it interesting that you wrote "was missing" from your marriage - as if, it has been fixed now, or, you have already made up your mind to leave.
You need to do some soul searching and find out what YOU want and determine if your husband can give that to you and is HE willing to! You need to know what this other guy has that has attracted you to him. How is that different than your husband?
Even at the point you are at now, getting your marriage back on track will take a lot of work for both of you - how hard are you willing to work? You know marriage requires a lot of work! It is a job in itself! Even if you choose the other guy, will he wonder if you won't find someone to replace him?
If you were not unhappy before this other guy came into your life, then you were drawn to him for a reason. Know your feelings, understand your feelings and know what they really are. Be patient with your husband and keep the lines of communication open for the sake of your child. God Bless You and Help You - T

You need a big dose of Dr. Phil. If they will do it with you they will do it to you. No one is going to love your son like your husband. Get counseling and work to stay in your marriage. In other words check your hormones and grow up!!!!!!!!!!!

To paraphrase an overused quote...

The grass is (NOT) always greener on the other side of the fence.

EVERY relationship will have problems. Seek Christian counseling to help you see things clearly and get to the root of any problems. If you leave your "wonderful" husband for this other man, the other man will most likely NOT be so wonderful. I suggest you stay with your husband and your child; count your blessings - it sounds as if you have many. Ask yourself this question, when the "new relationship infatuation" dissolves with the other man (and it will) am I going to want to start looking again? Relationships go through seasons, that is the circle of life. Marriage is hard work and if yours feels a little stale, freshen it up. (Date nights, a romantic vacation, learn to be friends as well as lovers) I believe you will be surprised and fall in love with your husband all over again! When you commit to a family it is no longer what is best for me, it's what is best for us.

They say the grass is always greener on the other side....Once you get to the other side and look back, the grass where you were is greener.

What you probably found elsewhere is newness. It doesn't last. People, especially the opposite sex, are not showing all of themselves when trying to attract/seduce you. It's so easy to be sympathetic with you when they are not the cause of the current relationship problems. Eventually you will end up in the same situation again. I agree with the other posters. You need to stop with this other man. It is truly hard to find a wonderful husband. Since you have a child and you do love your husband, you need to work on your marriage.

I can tell you from experience that love is not easy. I have been married 3 times. The first one was abusive. The second one was a drunk. I finally found the love of my life in my husband. I was young when I married the first time and naive to marry so early after with the second one. I did not have children with either of the other men, so that was not a factor. I am totally committed to my husband. We have a child together and we love each other. It is not fun all the time, but we work on it.

You really need to do some introspective thinking. Figure out what you are missing and determine how you and your husband can find this connection again. You may need to get counseling on your own as well as with your husband. Apparently you did this when you found this other person. You need to find a professional not someone you are chatting with.

Best of luck to you, your husband, and your son!

I've been on the other side of this. My ex husband had an emotional affair with another woman and it was probably more difficult to get over than if it was sexual. He shared intimate thoughts with another woman that he would not share with me. If your husband is "the most wonderful husband in the world" then what were you thinking when you let another man into your heart. I am sorry to sound harsh, but you asked on an open forum for our suggestions.

I really hope you find the answer that works best for your family.

I agree with the others. You have invested a lot in your marriage, but most likely the other relationship is a new infatuation that has that thrill that "older" love doesn't have anymore. If your husband is aware of the other situation and is still around that says something about his commitment,you should take that seriously.
1)Cut off all contact with the other man
2)See a counselor
3)Spend time working together to get that spark back in your marriage
4)Consider watching Fireproof and reading the book Love Dare

I wish you the best of luck in your choices that you are about to make.

As to your question about what happened to others in the same spot...I have never been in quite this spot, but I have several good friends that have. One decided to stay and work it out...they are still married. None of the relationships that started while they were married ended up working out in the long run. If you want out of your marriage, get out of your marriage, but not for another relationship.

I wish the best for you in your decision.

I was in this same situation. Married at 20 been married 11 years, got bored without really knowing I was bored. Reconnected with the past love of my life from high school. Started feeling like I could leave and make it work with the new guy. Talked to my husband about the feelings I was having. I actually did cheat and the passion was amazing because all the flirting and mental connection led up to this amazing night, but then reality set in that truly that is all it was. Passion because it was something different. Passion because I was doing the wrong thing. I told my husband, we went to counseling and he stayed with me after that. I love him more now than I ever have because for a man to stay and forgive truly shows me his unconditional love for me. The other guy ran off and married my best friend and had a baby. He was not committed to courting me after me and my husband healed. He wanted to pull me away from my husband as a challenge and when it didn't work he moved on. Your husband is a gift from God and if you leave him that is like telling God here is your gift back.

I encourage you to work things out with your husband and end all contact with the other man (he is the temptation -like the forbidden fruit). Remember when you were dating your husband and how you had the exciting, give you butterflies in your stomach, feeling - those feelings and love matures over time. This is advice I heard at a conference once "Love is not a feeling! It is an act of the will. You have to decide everyday to love your spouse. Somedays it will be easy and other days it will be very hard." I say fight and work hard for your marriage. It is worth saving.

Well, you have got a huge amount of advice here, all very good.
Bottom line. YOU HAVE A CHILD. Are you ready to drag this child through one weekend with mommy, one weekend with daddy? Split holidays? Not have your husband there on Christmas morning because it is YOUR holiday? Are you ready for that?

Your HEART is NOT in love with two men. Some nice guy is paying attention to you and that feels good. It's flattering and lovely and he has "turned your head". That's it.

You have 12 years of shared experience with a man YOU describe as wonderful.The fact that he is discussing this with you and has not thrown you out, pretty much makes him a saint.
This is the man who was with you in labor, the man who you created another life with, the man who has no doubt held you when you were scared, comforted you when you were worried and lifted you up when you were depressed. You've no doubt done the same for him. That's a marriage.

So, you are willing to toss all that aside? Really?

Something is ALWAYS missing from a marriage. That is not a bad thing, it's a reality thing. In a marriage you have to deal with REALITY. When you look up and see that something is missing from your marriage, you make an effort and put whatever that missing ingredient is, back into the marriage. Marriage is hard. Living with another human being is hard. It is not supposed to be a cake walk. It's supposed to be work and that is part of what makes it worthwhile. You have a good guy already and you have a child with him. You already know the answer to your question.
Next time ,(and there will be a next time, because life is filled with temptation) don't walk so close to the fire, admire it from a distance and enjoy the glow, but don't get burned. You don't want life as you know it to go up in flames.

I would urge you to find a faith-based marriage counselor and go as soon as possible. Check with your church (or some in your neighborhood) to put you in touch with someone. You said that you and your husband have talked; that's a step in the right direction but it will help to have someone help you think through all the possibilities and consequences.

God bless you as you figure out what will be best for your son.

It's natural after 12 years of marriage to have "something missing." But you say your husband is an exceptional and wonderful man. He is also Dad to your little boy. Divorce is horrible, in so many ways. Why bring that pain into ALL of your lives? Suppose you leave and marry this other man. In about 12 years, you may very well have "something missing" in your marriage to him, just because that happens to couples over time. I say stay with your wonderful husband, find a good marriage counselor, and find out what's missing. There is no "perfect" marriage, and working through this can make the 2 of you stronger and better than ever.

Stay and work on your marriage. Stop all contact with the other man. We all go through times when we contemplate "what if", but you say your husband is wonderful. That is worth trying to make work. I hope you can find happiness in your marriage again.

A.,
Think about this...the fact that you spoke to your husband about the situation and he didn't FREAK OUT, tells you he is the better man. And the fact that the other man is still pursuing a married woman with a child tells you that his intentions are not moral.
What would your son say? I've been with my husband for almost 12 years. I get it it is hard. But I always imagine what life would be without him. How I would feel if one day I get that knock on the door and he is gone. It hurts just thinking about it. How my children would feel how I would feel.

Edited: I wanted to add that having children that young slows a marriage down. I have two kids under the ages 5 and 2, we have not been out on our own since the day before my son was born 5 years ago.

A., I believe that you should stay in your marriage. You obviously love your husband. Why give up all you have worked so hard for in your marriage? And you have a child too, think about what is best for him. Marriage is sacred, and you committed your life to someone. I think not being friends with this other person is the best way to go, and working on your marriage.

To quote you - "Married to the most wonderful man in the world."

So if this guy is so wonderful, why is it that you found it necessary to "cheat"/look elsewhere/stray/etc?

I am not bashing you. I do know that there is always a reason why someone looks to another for comfort/love/attention/sex in another that is not their spouse. I also know that not all cheaters will be cheaters to another. But odds being what they are...it is the exception.

I personally would write down a pros and cons list. What are the advantages to staying with the one you're married to? What are the disadvantages. Do the same for the new person. If the advantages to going far outweigh the advantages of staying, then you have your answer.

it is MY experience that once the glitter falls off the tiara, you will realize that everything you needed in this relationship, you already had in your married one.

Good luck to you. This is NOT an easy decision. Please know tho...that warm fuzzy feelings do not equate to real life situations.

I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY! YOU ARE NOT ALONE...everyone can judge and say things but it doesn't make you a bad person. You know what goes on in your household. You know your kids. Everyone says stay for kids... do your kids deserve to be brought up in a marriage of lies? Truth is that not all marriages work!

In Aug I left my husband of eight years to be with another man. I too was emotionally involved with this other man. The choice I had to make was hard but needed. I will not lie to you that I lost some friends and some family members have not spoken to me so it might not be easy. But for you to stray from your marriage there is a problem. Why live a lie? why live unhappy and confused? Sometimes things just happen that are unexpected. Also keep in mind this other man is needing you to be fair to him as does your husband. CHOSE, don't keep both hanging on for hope of a chance.

Best of luck to you, my thoughts are with you in whatever your choice is.

~ A. Z~ mother of two 10 and 6

There is something else to consider here and that is your son. If there is any way to work things out then you owe it to your family to try to work things out. Get counseling, even if it is at a church or somewhere free. You owe it to your family to try everything possible to make it work before looking or going elsewhere. Then if it doesn't work you can walk away knowing that you did everything you could to try and make it work. At this point I would say the other man is infatuation. The grass is always greener and it is a new relationship

All your responses are good, but I'll just add one more thing. Everything we see and hear today include messages that what we have isn't good enough. From commercials on TV to songs on the radio, we get these messages that there is something better than what we have, or where we live, or . . . etc. Stay with your first love. Ask God to fill you with His love to love your husband. He will. I know because I stuck and and it's been worth it.

We always want something we can't have, since childhood. If your husband knows about this and is still with you then he is a wonderful kind hearted man that you do not deserve but obviously have. Keep the REAL man and loose the guy that in time would cheat on you seeing how he is already a looser when he knows you are married to a great guy and "were" happy, this is just the begginning of him messing up a great home. Anyone that brings confusion and misery to your home is not good. You also need to think of what kind of example and confusion and hurt YOU would be presenting to your child. May God bless be with you. Seek GOD and you will find your answer. To answer your question: IF your husband will still have you I say STAY.

Based upon what you have presented here, I have to say there is no real choice involved. There is nothing wrong with your current relationship; you aren't unhappy with your husband and you have made a COMMITMENT to that relationship. In my personal opinion, to even consider breaking up your family in these conditions is just purely selfish. Think of what you would do to your son! Much less the man who has committed his life to you. I'm sorry to sound callous or mean, but based purely upon what you have said here, then you need to grow up, beg your husbands forgiveness, and pray that you haven't screwed up your wonderful family. And pray in general for your own personal growth.

I have been in a situation simular to yours although i was not married but we had been toghether for 5 yrs and had a 2 yr old daughter. i made the choice to leave and 2 mths later discovered it was just an infactuation. i wanted something new and different. well it didnt take long to realize i had been happier where i was. If i were u and there was nothing wrong with the marrige i would cut off contact with the other man.

A., You have a pretty good idea how most of us moms are feeling on this issue by now. I agree wholeheartedly with Shari M. Don't make any rash decision until you have figured out how you got to this place in your life. In my opinion, being involved in Imago Relationship Therapy will get you to a place faster than any other method where you can make an "imformed" decision about yourself and your husband (http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/). Shari mentioned Mark Felber and I went to his website. I don't know him personally, but I know what kind of training he has and it is excellent. Also, if you go to the Getting The Love You Want website, you will find an explanation of Imago Therapy and lists of other therapists. You can be in weekly therapy or go to a week end workshop and possibly get months of therapeutic progress done in one week end. I believe you owe it to yourself, your husband, your child and even your new love interest, to go to these websites, call these people and do what you need to do to figure out for yourself the best option for all of you. I think you can tell most of us moms feel it best for you to stay with your husband, but that is not our decision to make. It is yours. In the meantime, it is probably best to cut as much contact with the new guy as possible until you can sort yourself out. Do yourself a huge favor and call an Imago Relationship Therapist today. God bless you and I hope you find peace about this soon.

Since you are still in love with your husband, you should stay. Attention from other guys is all new and feels good, but one day too, you may be missing something from that relationship too. Then what? Move on to another man? Go to counseling with your husband, and if he doesn't want to go, go alone. It will help you find what you are missing. Maybe you are missing nothing more than a "spark" in your relationship with your husband.

From the child's point of view, please do not do this to him. I am 31 and still dealing with the repercussions of my bio-mom leaving our family when I was 2 for another man. This hurt has infected every relationship I have ever had and is contributing to all kinds of hardships in my own journey as a mom.

A.,

Since both men are exceptional, then why don't you choose your husband?? I am guessing that your marriage is good, but you lost that sexual desire/passion for your husband. If that's the case, STAY W/ YOUR HUSBAND, because I promise you, that if you leave your husband for this other guy, the sex/passion WILL GET OLD with the new guy, too. If you are only craving a hot and sexy affair, again, ignore (and get rid of) these feelings and stay w/ your husband. I have heard that the best affair you can have is w/ your husband! Also, let me add that you don't pay bills with this other guy - once you move in w/ him and pay bills w/ him, your relationship w/ him will also seem dull and boring and passionless. I think it is the "what would it be like" that has you craving this other guy. Well, I'll tell you what it will be like - good sex in the beginning, and then it will die off - very quickly, and you will be kicking yourself for the rest of your life for not staying w/ your husband.

Also, you didn't say if this other guy is in love with you. If you left your husband, do you know for certain that he would want a life with you?

If your husband wasn't a good person/husband/father, then this would be a whole different story, but since he is a great person, then this is a no-brainer - stay with your husband.

To spice up your marriage, initiate sex by wearing sexy lingerie. Have lots of sex - dirty sex, dress up (lingerie or whatever else), whatever floats your boat. Good luck, and please let us know what you decide to do!

You made a marriage commitment and have a child with one man you've been married to for 12 years, and have only known the other for 2 months. There really shouldn't be any question here. If there is indeed something missing in your marriage, your husband deserves you working on it. We all have infatuations from time to time, but they are not real and your commitment is. My advice is to stop seeing the other man before you do cheat physically, and keep talking to your husband. Love has many different stages, and it doesn't stay in the romantic stage forever with anyone. We have to work at it 24/7. I pray you make the right decision for you and your family.

I'd say, just consider one thing: If this other guy knows you're married, and is willing to let you stray from your husband to be with him, what's to say the same thing won't happen with you, once you two are together, with him and another woman in the future.

A tiger doesn't change his stripes. Whatever reason he has for you now is the same reason he'll give down the line when he leaves you for someone else.

I would not get involved with a man who is willing to be involved with a married woman. If he does not respect your current marriage vows I would always wonder if he would respect any vows you may make. Cut off all contact you have with the new man, work on your marriage and thank God if your current husband is willing to work with you. Maybe your marriage is not lacking maybe it is something in yourself that you need to work on. You will never be happy if you rely on others to determine your happiness.

YOu are already in a relationship-marriage and you have a son. Please try and work it out with your husband. go to marriage counceling with him. Please don't throw away what you have right now for what "might" be. Go back to the begining of your relationship with your husband- why did you fall in love with him in the first place? If you have kept a journal- now would be the time to re-read it. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Please try to work this out with your husband!!!!!
God bless!
~C.

A., please don't give up your wonderful husband of 12 years. There is more than just your current feelings at stake here--you have a child who will be impacted for the rest of his life by what you do now. Having feelings for someone else doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with your marriage. Marriages and feelings go through ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and that's why when we get married we make a commitment to stay through the good and bad times. Feelings change. Commitment ensures that we don't make mistakes which we will later regret. Make a decision to do the right thing regardless of what your feelings are right now, then reinvest yourself into your marriage. You can rekindle the spark that brought you together in the first place. I will be praying for you along with the other women who have responded in kind. God hates divorce because He knows how it destroys his children. Please turn this over to Him. He has the answer you're looking for.

A., wake up! Please tell me: Why in the world would you even have to think twice about leaving a 12-year marriage ('to the most wonderful man in the world') and a 4-year-old baby to enter into a relationship with smeone else? Could it be that after 12 years, some of the 'romance' has become more of a routine in your marriage? Are you missing the excitement of the courtship? Are you in a rut? Are you watching too many soaps or reading too many romance novels? I did this once - believe me, it's NOT WORTH IT - the grass is NOT greener on the other side. All I did was hurt a whole lot of people who loved me, alienated my family/friends and caused myself a lot of heartache and grief - not to mention years of loneliness because no one trusted me anymore. Is it worth it? If you walk out on this, you need to be ready to give up your son. You can't just expect your husband to say, 'OK, well, I'd like to see my son every other w/e and 2 weeks in the summer' ... YOU are the one leaving, so be ready to give up custody. Are you ready to do that?

What exactly is it that this other guy offers you? What if you choose him and then he changes his mind .... I mean if you did it to your husband and child, what assurance does he have that you won't do it to him a few years down the road?

Please, A., why don't you try to find out WHAT is missing in your marriage and WHY and if it can be fixed.

If you leave because your husband has 'forced' you into making a decision, you can't turn around and blame him in a few months when you want to come back home and he says NO .... it WON'T BE HIS FAULT!

Please, stop and take a deep breath and find out what's going on with YOU. This isn't about THEM, it's about YOU.

Good luck and God bless!

I would stay with your husband, after all you have children together and the grass always looks greener on the other side. You have invested 12 years of your life together.

Give yourself some time to find out what happen in your marriage. So many times we rush into other relationships to lose what was already there. Communicate with your man about you and him. Because their is more at stake than just you and your husband. Their is a child involved. Before leaving your man of 12years think it over. The grass on the other side on the other side will still need to be mowed. Have a great day.

Start with counseling and stay away from the other man. Cut all contact. GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE A CHANCE.

What you have found in him is probably just the giddy new infatuation love that has gone away in your relationship. It won't last, though!

I encourage you to buy and commit to the Love Dare book. I have seen it change very troubled marriages when it's given the commitment that it deserves.

Think of it this way -- You've invested 12 years into your marriage and have a precious son from it. Doesn't it deserve all of your attention and effort to save?

And honestly, your husband is a better man than I am a woman. Had my hubby (of 10 years) come to me and said what you told your hubby, I'd have packed his bags and thrown him out the same day!

You've been given a 2nd chance with your family -- DON'T BLOW IT!

The best thing you can ever do for your child is give him a loving home with his mom and his dad! There should be not decision to make other then you made a vow in front of God and family and friends to be committed to your husband through good and bad. The choice you need to make is to never speak to that other man and to start dating your husband again. Believe me my husband has done a lot of things in the past few years that would warrant in today's mindset for me to leave. But I made a vow and that vow is even more important now that I have children. I owe it to them to alway provide a loving home for them! Divorce destroys children. I have my masters in counseling and I have worked in education. I see the most civil divorce break the spirit of these amazing children. I will be praying for you and your husband and child.

Read Teressa P's post again. Listen to the wisdom of an older generation that we younger ones seldom have. Her post is blatantly copied below for reference:

From:Teressa P Date:Tue. Oct. 20, 2009
Dear A., I can really tell you are torn as to what to do so I hope I can give you something to think about. My daughter found herself in this same situation. She did take the relationship further and to her horror she realized the second man was the exact same as her husband -except, his good qualities were the ones that were missing in her husband and his bad qualities were the same as her husbands good qualities. Once she realized this, she realized the other man WAS the same as her husband. She had picked exactly the same man as her husband. It helped her to understand what was missing for her in her marriage. She was able to verbalize this to her husband and they worked on it. That was eight years ago and they are still together. However, be aware, it was not easy because the second guy really loved her and getting him out of her life was very hard and hurt him tremendously, which hurt my daughter too. In addition, it created a big trust issue between my daughter and her husband that took YEARS to work through. How did he know if this wasn't going to happen again somewhere down the road? How did he know that leaving was always going to be the answer to a problem? How would he know if there was a problem? He had lots of questions she couldn't give him a definite answer to.
I am in my mid 50s and I can tell you, these things don't happen unless you are looking for it and you let it happen. You are correct when you said "obviously something was missing from my marriage..." Or you THINK something is missing from your marriage! I find it interesting that you wrote "was missing" from your marriage - as if, it has been fixed now, or, you have already made up your mind to leave.
You need to do some soul searching and find out what YOU want and determine if your husband can give that to you and is HE willing to! You need to know what this other guy has that has attracted you to him. How is that different than your husband?
Even at the point you are at now, getting your marriage back on track will take a lot of work for both of you - how hard are you willing to work? You know marriage requires a lot of work! It is a job in itself! Even if you choose the other guy, will he wonder if you won't find someone to replace him?
If you were not unhappy before this other guy came into your life, then you were drawn to him for a reason. Know your feelings, understand your feelings and know what they really are. Be patient with your husband and keep the lines of communication open for the sake of your child. God Bless You and Help You - T

Grow up. You have created a fantasy that your life will be perfect if you choose the other guy. All you will do is create pain in the life of everyone you love.

Go see a counselor for you and figure out what is going in your head to even consider this scenario.

Meanwhile be nice to your husband. He doesn't deserve this.

wow - what happened to your marriage vows? for better or for worse? and it doesn't sound like you've got it that bad if your current husband is as wonderful as you say. you need to work on why you would let something like that happen - imagine how you would feel if your husband did the same to you (even though you were a wonderful wife). and what about that precious child? what are you teaching him about instant gratification? stick it out with your current husband, seek counseling if necessary but most importantly take your vows seriously . . . Also, kudos to all you christian/godly moms who are praying for this family, it renews my faith in human kind to read your responses.

i believe in Karma.........dont think the grass is greener on the other side......

i will only add to the advice this: if counseling should not work for you and hubby, then don't go running straight to the other guy. take some time to yourself. you may discover in a few months that you really do want to be married to that great hubby after all. or you may discover that the other man only wanted you because you were with someone else. if you do discover that you want your hubby, let's hope he'd take you back.

Lake Arlington Baptist Church has a counseling center called IMPACT. Their number is ###-###-####. They have great counselors there that will help you through your issues. I have been married 12 years and considering a separtaion because my hubby is dealing with depression, won't take the meds, and won't go to work and wants me to find a better paying job. He wants a mom not a wife. I am so frustrated it is not even funny. I have reasons to leave - you don't. Work it out with the most wonderful man in the world....your son is depending upon you.

There have been many wonderful posts. I just wanted to bring up something that you need to consider before making a choice. Leaving your husband is going to cause your son a lot of pain and confusion. This is from someone who has left their husband (for different reasons). Right now he is too young to understand but he will still feel the pain. Later, he will want to know WHY you left his father...WHY you didn't try harder to make it work...and will be able to verbalize his anger, hurt and frustration. He will tell you that he feels like something has been missing and will demand answers. (That is if you choose the other man). This conversation with your son is going to cause you a lot of pain and the realization that you let your own selfish (yes, sorry to be so harsh...I'm not judging that because I have been in the past too)needs come before the best interest of your family.

You have a good man. You say so yourself. You have a son that needs two parents working together. If your son was grown and married would you want his wife to quit on him and hurt him? Think about all the consequences of your actions. To me the choice seems obvious...and even though I do not know your whole situation...just going by what you have said, I think you already know the right thing to do.

btw...this "other" guy may be "infatuated" with you now but if he is willing to have an "emotional" relationship (which more than likely would be more if up to him) with someone who is married...he may do that to you also. Even if he doesn't, you will not have the trust to build a strong relationship. AND this man will never love you the way your husband does as the mother of his child and he will never love your son the way your husband does.

Choose your husband, and work on your marriage. Put your husband and your son first. That is who you married and created your family with.

If you really beleive your husband is wonderful, stay with him. Find out what is missing in your marriage and work on it. A marriage is a constantly growing, changing creature that goes through ups and downs.

But, please consider what is best for your son. Having and being a divorced parent is a huge challenge that stirs up many serious issues, even if you find Mr. Right the second time. You may be able to get rid of the husband, but never the divorce.

I really do feel for you, A., because I am sure you are in a difficult era of your life, emotionally. I think what you need to hear is that this is an era, a phase, a small pocket of time in your life, as well as that of your husband and child. I think everyone at some point in their marriage has wondered (at varying degrees), would it be better with someone else? Would I find something that (right now) seems to be missing in my marriage?

I saw a post the other day from a woman who had been through FOUR marriages. I don't remember exactly what she was responding to, however, one statement she made really stuck out to me. She said something along the lines of "RARELY is it EVER better with someone else". This is a woman who has moved on to another man FOUR times! I think she has some experience with your situation. Another way of saying this is "the grass is not greener on the other side". It's kind of like when you see a cow with its head sticking through the fence eating the grass on the other side. Haven't you ever wondered: "Why is that cow doing that?! The grass is exactly the same on both sides!" I don't want to get too lengthy, but I would just say this: You have put 12 years (plus the time you spent dating your husband) into your marriage. I don't know where you are spiritually, but you made a commitment (for better or worse) before God. You also have a four year-old. I read once in a child-rearing book that children NEVER recover from a divorce. NEVER....even once they enter adulthood! Is this really worth making that kind of mark/scar on your child? What are you teaching him about marriage, commitment, sticking it out, or giving up? Please hear me when I say, I am not judging or lecturing you. I just think these are things you must ask yourself in this situation. Marriage is never easy all the time. It's like a rollercoaster, with constant ups and downs. There will be easy times, but there will also be trying and difficult times...times when you feel either that you don't know your spouse at all, he doesn't know you at all or that you just have no real connection with each other. Just know that with effort, persistence and commitment, these times will pass. I really do believe that in the great majority of marriages, sticking it out is not just worth it, but will result in a fabulous marriage, a life happily ever after. It's just the getting there that might not ALWAYS be the greatest! Hang in there, sister! I hope this gives you something to think about that will lead you in the right direction for you and your family!

I am sorry but the commitment that you made isn't just for "love". You took vows and if you knew what that really meant you shouldn't be torn. It isn't like this man has beat you or has some addiction to drugs or alcohol which makes a person a very different person. You need to do some soul searching with yourself. I have been married for almost 10yrs and it isn't like I don't look or have thoughts but I have a family and so do you. You need to put that first. You really should break away from this other man and find what made you want to marry your husband in the first place. I didn't mean to be so harsh but I think that a lot of the 51% of people that get divorced, do it for very selfish reasons and don't try hard enough. Good luck and God bless.

I found it interesting that you never said you were unhappy in your marriage or anything other reason why you would let yourself even contemplate leaving your husband. Is it just because of this other man? If so, I'm sorry to say but that's really putting yourself in a horrible situation. If you are married to an exceptional man (as you said) why would you even consider it? Like another poster said, if you're unhappy, etc. then you leave your marriage for the reasons specific to your relationship, not for any other reason. ESPECIALLY another man.
I guess the psych way to look at this too, is there some reason that you find what this other man is doing that interests you? Is it the extra attention? Maybe there's something that your husband can do to make you feel that way in your marriage. But ultimately, it's the "newness" of another man finding you attractive. No more than that. There is nothing else there to base a relationship.
I agree with everyone else, stay in your marriag and try to work on the issues (because there must be some) of why you would even let yourself get involved in this situation.

I have been married to the same man for 44 years. Have we had our ups & downs ? Sure we have. You have invested 12 years of your life and you think you are prepared to toss it out the window? Is this other man married? If he is do you realise you are the "other" woman? That's the "other" woman not "the" woman in his life. You need to grow up ! You took vows when you married. Go look in the mirror and ask yourself, "did my husband marry the most wonderful woman in the world"? If you think you can solve this problem by simply choosing you'd better be sure one of them will want you when you do. You need to decide, do I want to stay married? If not end your marriage and then you can choose a new mate. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you have a child to consider also.You already know what the responsible thing to do is, you are looking for an easy way out, you should be looking for the right way to stay in.

You are married! That is your answer. You have a son! If your husband is a good man who is not abusing you or cheating on you, then why are you looking outside your marriage?

You have already recieved tons of good, sound advise! Just in case you need to hear some of the same yet again... You made a commitment to your husband to build a life with him & remain committed to him 'till death do you part'. That life now consists of a son that you brought into the world together. The right thing for you to do would be to stand behind the commitment you have already made. Your husband is obviously a wonderful man AND you obviously have a meaningful relationship with him if you are able to talk to him about this kind of a struggle. Like many of the other mom's I question whether or not this 'other' guy is REALLY 'exceptional' as you say. If he is aware of the fact that you are a married woman, the right thing for him to have done would have been keeping his distance. This 'situation' (as you call it) was evidently created by BOTH of you. You really need to ask yourself if this is how you would want to start a relationship with someone. I would almost bet it would not be nearly as solid down the road as your marriage is now with your husband. Would this other guy have trust in you after knowing that you sought
love with him while you were married to someone else? He would probably assume that marriage & commitment don't mean much to you & who would blame him for feeling that way? On top of that... would you have full trust in him after he sought you out while you were a married woman? He obviously doesn't place a very high value on the sanctity of marriage. PLUS- What kind of message would it send your son? I just have a hard time believing that you & this other guy would have the kind of solid relationship that you obviously have with your husband. Stick it out, work on your marriage & know you are blessed to have a husband that is willing to work on it with you!! Remember- 'till death do you part' AND 'for better or for worse'!!! Tell this other creep bye, bye! Focus on being a wife to your husband & a mother to your son & forget that other guy exists! That is what is best for everyone involved! Especially your son!!

Sounds like you still love your husband. "We have a 4 year old son" is a pretty important part. My advice is put on your big girl panties, sever all ties with Infatuation Guy and focus like crazy on strengthening things with your family. I divorced 5 years ago--for me it was the right decision but I did it with someone else involved--really taints things. It has effected my kids in a way that still just kills me. If your marriage is going to end, don't do it just to exchange it for someone else--have it end on it's own merits. I'm not being judgemental--I know very well how strong that obsession with someone else is when there's something missing at home that had that other thing seem so appealing. There's a guy, Gottman that has written some great stuff about marriage--can't remember the name but it's something about 7 Effective...(something) Marriage. It's worth checking out. Please please please think a million times about that little preschooler's live you are talking about. Sounds as if your husband is pretty patient and must love you like crazy. If there's good there, concentrate on that.

I can see how that could happen especially after a years of marriage and kids. I think anyone can easily find another person to love. I was in love two times before I met my husband. Falling in love is very easy to do; maintaining a relationship is the hard part. You fall in and out of love; it is just an emotion. I am not in a position to tell you what you should do b/c I don't know your exact situation. However, I would ask yourself is it worth losing everything?

So, allow me to paraphrase..you have been married to your husband for over twelves years and its been wonderful. Then along comes a smooth talking man who you have allowed to become emotionally intimate with you and its because your marriage is lacking something?
I think you are infatuated. You have a wonderful husband who is allowing you to break his heart and now offering you a ultimatum. I would take that and put away childish thoughts.

This is a question only you can answer. You can't look to others for answers, you MUST make this decision yourself. By asking someone else to make your decisions you are removing the blame from yourself.

My recommendation is to stay. You have 12 wonderful years under your belt with your husband. Yes, something may be missing in your marriage but that is only because the two of you have become so comfortable with each other and have begun to neglect your relationship. Something new and fresh is what you have found with the other guy. You can have something new and fresh with your husband but you have to continually work at it. You will have the same issue with the other guy as time goes on plus you will have to deal with the shared custody of your son. For yourself, your husband and your son, please stay, go to counciling and start spending special time with your husband. Your relationship can get stronger but you will both have to work at it. It will definitely be worth it in the end. I speak from experience.

STAY! Get into counseling and CHURCH and be determined to make this lifelong committment work for you and your family. Do not become another statistic. It is too easy to throw in the towel and I am sure you are stronger than that! I have never been divorced but my mom left my dad for another man 14 years ago. She only dated that man for a year after her divorce, she is still single and alone today, and tells me on a regular basis how much she regrets leaving my father. My father is now remarried for the past 10 years and is happier than ever. The grass usually isn't greener on the other side for the one that decided to leave. Be strong, fight for what is yours, and save your family!

Since you have a young child, you need to stay with your husband and go through counseling. I would also recommend some of Dr. L. Schlessinger books about marriage and family. Sometimes there is not anything lacking in a marriage but in the person, namely you. I would remind you that to go with another man is extremely selfish. Not only would you destroy the love your husband has for you, but you would forever alter the relationship your son has in your family. If this other man were truly honorable he would not be pursuing you knowing you were married. Then how can you trust him to stay with you. What about when the next woman comes along that he can emotionally attach to. In my mind the stable enduring love of your husband is truly what you need. After all he has given you the room to even make a decision, says alot about how much he loves you and truly wants you to be happy. I say get counseling, fall in love with your husband again and stay as far away from the other man as possible.

OK, didn't read all responses so this is probably repeated advice, but I advise this. Cut off all ties with your emotional fair, seek counseling for you and your husband. You're right, something probably was missing for this emotional relationship to occur, and counseling can help you get the spark back. I went to a marriage retreat just this past weekend and the speaker does family and marriage counseling and she was phenomenal. I could give you her name if you're interested. She helped some friends of ours repair their marriage, and in this relationship one of them had an affair that lasted for months. They have repaired some of the damage and are doing remarkably at this time, so it can be done! I say do all you can before ending the marriage and taking your son away from his father.

Do some soul searching, listen to your heart, be patient and you will find your answer. I'm saddened by all the preachy, self righteous responses you have received. Take the advice that speaks to your heart, ignore all the rest. Every single one of us has our own past and agendas that fuel our responses, no one has yours. This is a situation only you can make a decision about as only you know how you feel. Just be sure the decision is best for YOU and not about this other person, again only you will know. Also if possible try therapy, I have recently started and it has been the very very best thing I have ever done for myself and husband!!

Here's what I think-
You have a wonderful husband (just like I do- and we are among the lucky few!) and you've been together for a LONG time. That gets boring. I guarantee you you are not "in love" with this new guy. It is most definitely infatuation! Love is in the everyday, normal things, day in day out for 12 years and beyond. Love is not throwing your spouse out because they have a crush on someone else. Love is hanging in there when you are tempted to stray.
Love is NOT taking someone that doesn't belong to them, ending a HAPPY- not abusive, not ugly, not hurtful or disappointing, marriage. This guy could really care about you...but for the long haul? And what about your son? Think about who has watched that boy grow since the time that pregnancy test came out positive. NO ONE will ever know or love your son as much as you and your husband do.
AND do you really think many people find a husband who loves them as much as your husband so obviously loves you? What are the odds that this new guy would even love YOU that way, let alone your little one? Very slim!
My thought is that your great marriage has gotten dull. It happens to all of us- it's a part of life. So what do you do? Spice it up! Start dating eachother again! Make a commitment to eachother to be spontaneous and go on dates together, leave notes and/ or little surprises for eachother. Call eachother just to say "I love you." Surprise your husband by getting a babysitter and kidnapping him the second he steps out of work to go out to get coffee. Apparently, you are craving excitement and there is nothing wrong with that. You CAN get that and still be a faithful wife and mother. Remember that you are not just considering cheating your husband, but also your innocent little son. Think what his poor little heart will go through with a divorce, and think of how you will feel having to explain to him when he is older that you caused all that hurt when you left his wonderful Daddy to be with someone you hardly know....
Stay Stay Stay! That's my advice. And work on perfecting your great marriage!

just my 2 cents

think about alot and if you decide for wherever reason you should leave your husband don't go with another men take the time to live your live without mens maybe the other man is not the great man you think he is.

think about a LOT

You got a lot of advise, but I can only suggest to see a counselor to help you sort it all out. It's hard for other people to know your entire situation from one paragraph.
I think a counselor will help you make the right decision based on what's best for you and your child.

I feel sorry for your husband. The fact that you're asking complete strangers for advice on whether or not to leave your husband for another man shows that you don't deserve him in the first place. I feel sorry for your son as well that he has to be put in the middle of this. Think very carefully about what you want for your family.

I think that you should ELIMINATE this man from your marriage and go to counseling! You should never bring another person into your relationship with your spouse. There are things you can do to keep yourself accountable so this does not happen again. I have heard that it rarely lasts when a person leaves a marriage to be with someone that they cheated on them with or at least thought about it. Divorces do not go well emotionally for children. You can control your thoughts. Your marriage can be whole again with lots of prayer and work IF you are willing.

You said it in your closing "married to the most wonderful man in the world." Keep your husband. The lust and infatuation with the other guy will diminish.

First of all, if you are a christian and married then it's tell death do you part. The other man needs to go. What ever LITTLE thing your husband has done to bother you, then FIX IT!!!! Leaving the so called wonderful man you married 12 years ago for another is REDICULOUS. Even if your not a christian, I would HOPE you have better morals than that. It's common sense. You shouldn't have even let yourself get into that situation to begin with. The OBVIOUS choice is to stay with your husband. I don't mean to be harsh but if it's what it takes to make you see the light, well there it is. Plain as the nose on your face. Have a Blessed Day.

I haven't read all the responses in detail but you've already gotten some great advice that I hope you'll take. I just want to add one thing. I was divorced years ago - it was a bad (borderline abusive) situation and ultimately I needed to get some distance. This doesn't sound like your situation, I just bring it up to make one point. Regardless of how things were, I didn't give my marriage a chance - I walked away without trying and to this day I regret it. You made a lifetime commitment and if you just walk away without trying everything you can first I think it will haunt you. Go to counseling (either just for you or both of you), pick up the book "Love Dare" or any number of marriage books, but don't give up without trying absolutely everything you can first. Trust me, it will be worth it, especially if you can restore your marriage.

"The grass is greener on the other side." Actually, the grass is greener where you water it! You've spent all these years cultivating your marriage so that's where its greenest! Stay, Stay, Stay! Kids from broken homes end up with all kinds of problems in the future & even don't do well in school. If you leave, you are killing your sons future success. Also, how do you know how the new guy will treat your son? What if he abuses that little boy? Could you live with that? I couldn't. That boy needs his Dad! His Dad will teach him to be a real man. That other guy will only teach him to lie, cheat & steal! Be happy that you have a great marriage & an awesome man. There are very few out there that are worth keeping. Don't fix it if aint broke woman! Sounds like you need a hobby to keep you busy & away from other men. Obviously, alot of prayers are being said for your marriage right now. Good luck & please go home to the keeper.

Stay with your husband. Whatever is missing can be worked on. Even though he is probably hurt by the information, it is wonderful that you two are able to communicate about the situation. Communication is the first step to solving any problem. Remember, that the grass always appears greener on the other side but this other man may not be able to provide you a lifetime of happiness. The newness of the interaction is what has grabbed you.

It sounds like you have a husband that really loves you if he's not kicked you to the curb already since he is aware of the situation. I think you need to find a good christian councilor. This other guy if he has not problem helping you cheat there is nothing to say he wont cheat on you if you get together. For the sake of your son you need to do what ever you can to make it work. If your husband was abusive that would be another story.

May God bless you!