Behaving at Dinner or in Public

Take them out to the car and put their seatbelts on. One of the adults can sit with them, while the family enjoys the meal. My husband and I do this with our toddlers, which is why I believe our know 6 and 2 year old don't misbehave at the table. At home, send them to their rooms, or better yet to seperate rooms with no toys. They get one more chance ot apologize and be reseated, otherwie no more food, no dessert. And then you need ot actually follow-through.

Frankly, I don't really understand this seems like such a challenge for you? You may feel bad for making them leave, but it will only take a couple times. No, they don't need to be physically assaulted for acting like children (as mother suggests) not are they necessarily spoiled (as Daddy suggests), but they cannot be allowed to continue to act out that way without consequence and without realizing it effects everyone. It's simple, you can't behave at the table then you need to leave. Simple direct and relevent consequences.

And an additional note, sit them seperate from one another if they cannot cooperate and invest in a couple little bags with some quiet dinner games, books, activites. Additionally, do they know wha tgood manners are? Do you tell them to sit on bottoms, put napkin on th lap, speak in an inside voice, not wiggle and squirm, no grabbing food, say please and thank you?? Sit downa nd ask them to help you write a list of expectations fo rmeals with you.

Adult dinners can be long and boring for active kids. When we take my children out to dinner, I usually have them each take a backpack along with them that is filled with coloring books, crayons, Oriental Trading Company or other similar catalogs, a couple of their favorite (quiet) toys and maybe a couple of surprises (usually new dollar store toys). That way they have something to entertain themselves with while the adults are talking and eating. This is what works for us and our children for the most part. It's all a work in progress.

Good luck!

what do you mean they won't stay seated? what do you do when they get up? i'm with your mom - they need to be discipline in some way the minute their rear ends leave their seat. next time you go out, explain on the way to the restaurant how they are to behave - and practice these behaviors in your home. i know a lot of ppl that allow their kids to walk back and forth to the table a dinner, eat a bite, go play, eat a bit, go watch tv, etc. and then wonder why their kid doesn't sit still in a restaurant. practice the behavior at home, and set clear standards for their behavior when you're out. don't back down, and don't threaten something that you're not really gonna do. they will get it.

2 hour dinner in a restaurant would mean 2 times, the girls should have been allowed to go outside and walk for a few minutes.. Maybe one time with you and the next with your husband.. That is too long to expect them to sit in a boring restaurant.

We like the mamas before always had an activity bag or a small tool chest that we kept in the car with all types of "quiet activities".. Crayons, paper, small puzzles, small cars.. We also took snacks so that if the food did not get there in time we had something for our daughter to eat.

The rules for any situation are

Hands to yourself.
Look with your eyes not your hands.
You may ask first if you want to touch something..
Inside voice.
No running inside.
If you are becoming frustrated, use your words.
Use the words, excuse me in a quiet tone. Wait for the person to respond.

These were the rules we always followed and we did not have any problems.. Children like rules. It lets them know the expectations. Compliment them while they are doing well.. "I like how you are playing quietly." "Thank you for not interrupting me while I talk to granny".

Spanking makes the parent feel good, but it does not teach the child anything except that when frustrated and you do not know what to do, hit someone..

So.... what time, were they out for dinner?
Were your kids tired?
When kids are tired, and at a restaurant... plus with the over-stimulation and noise in restaurants... some kids actually get more 'hyper' and cannot control themselves.
Its also about timing.
DON"T go out, to a restaurant, when/if the kids are tired.... or too hungry.
For example: we don't go out to restaurants with our kids if it is late or past say 6:00pm... and after the kids have napped.

Also, the 3 and 6 year old... probably play off of each other. Which siblings often do.
And there is a big difference in 'ability' between a 3 year old and a 6 year old. So.. .the 'expectations' have to be age-appropriate....

Next, you can 'practice' restaurant/eating behavior at home. Play pretend... and practice with them.

all the best,
Susan

If a restaurant visit is 2 hours, there's no way I'd expect a child to sit quietly for that long. Either choose a restaurant that is faster or that has a kid's area. We still will take our kids out during a long "lull" at a restaurant.

You can get them prepared ahead of time. For example, tell them that there will be sitting time and have them pack some quiet activities to keep them occupied. Also, assuming that the length of time is not that long, prep your 6yr old that she needs to sit still for the restaurant. Have her tell you what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. Most all 3 yr olds are too young for this.

Are there any pencil & paper games you can play with them? There are lots around to choose from. (do an internet search)

And I agree, spanking does have the CruellaDeville tone to it and why give your girls bad associations with eating out. I wouldn't want those unhappy memories either.

You didn't mention how you discipline them in your original post. Do you address the behavior, do you correct it when it happens? Do they know the rules of being in a restaurant?

I'm one of 3 girls. My parents took us out to nice, not-so-nice restaurants all the time when we were growing-up. They received compliments all the time because we had a strict code of conduct in public.

My kids (ages 2 and 4) have the same thing. You can't always expect kids to be perfect. We made the mistake of going to a nice fondue restaurant with an 8 month-old and 2 year old the day I learned my cancer had been treated successfully. I spent 1/2 the meal outside with our son walking up and down the sidewalk. But, it was better than being inside having him disrupt other people.

We, too, keep a bag of activities in the car and bring it into restaurants/stores with us. We also have already set the expectation of what the rules are at home and out in public. They know the consequence of not following the rules (to be determined by each family as appropriate).

Good luck - at the end of the day, I agree with those who say, you're the parent, not their friend.

I have a 4 1/2 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. My 4 year old does perfectly fine in restaurants and knows that she has to stay in her seat and is not allowed to make a ton of noise. My son is also being taught that he has to stay in his seat until the meal is over. It's a little harder with him, especially if the meal takes a long time, but if he starts acting up, we leave the table and go outside to have a talk or stand in a corner somewhere for timeout. He is not allowed to sit at the table and scream or pitch a fit about sitting there. I bring activities for them to do (mostly my son...my daughter will usually color on the kids menu page they give out at most restaurants).

I hate to say it, but your Mom is probably right on this one. They are plenty old enough to know how to have manners at the dinner table. They are also old enough to sit in a seat and participate in a meal with the family without getting out of their seats and walking around. In the future, if they act up like that, I would take them out to the car for a timeout. Don't turn on the radio or let them have anything to read or any toys. They just sit in their seats in the car quietly. Then, explain what behavior you expect from them (this should also be done on the way to the restaurant) and if they don't want to act appropriately, then they will make another trip to the car or go home. I wouldn't let them act that way anymore and you need to have consequences when they do. I think the spanking goes a little too far (I'm not against spanking, but I don't use it every time they act up and certainly not for just not sitting still in a restaurant....usually just for dangerous behavior or outright defiance). If your husband thinks you spoil them, then you need to take it to heart. You don't have to be Cruella Deville, but they don't always have to have something or be doing something either. I'm sure there's a middle ground. You may not even realize you're doing it (I've had this problem). Maybe try writing down every time you buy them something or get them a "treat" or take them somewhere for a few weeks and see how often it's really happening. It may be more often than you realize.

Anyway, if your post is mainly about their behavior in public, I would say that it is something you need to work on. They are plenty old enough to behave when you're out. Best way to approach it is to talk about it A LOT with them. Talk to them when you leave the house about where you're going, how they are to behave (your expectations) and the consequences for not doing that. They'll get it, they just need some practice and some consistency. As for your Mom being embarrassed....my Mom always said that if you're easily embarrassed, then you shouldn't have kids (or grandkids!). :-)

what i have done in the past whith my kids is i always say be on your best behavior at dinner or we will leave and you can stay home with a babysitter while the rest of us are having dinner with everyone else. You are not being mean or nothing but if they want to stay they will behave when the frist time it happens set one or both aside and said remember no yelling or getting up or down,or ill take you home real quick. they my not believe you at frist but when you take them in the car and act like your going home they will appolige and then say ill give you one more chance so behave please then reward them if they are good after the dinner say since you were so good today you made me very happy you can pick out a movie or pick out a snack or stay up 15 minutes more for bed. try that and see what happens

I highly agree with your mother on taking them to the restroom for a spanking!!! My 4 yr old son knows that when we go somewhere and he acts up he will get spanked. Especially restaurants, he knows that he is not to run he is not at the park... I just give him the look and he knows. It sounds mean but they have to be disciplined to know how to behave in certain places. Normally, before we leave the house I tell him where we are going and that there is not to be any crying, whining, being loud(yelling) because we will get kicked out and they wont let us come back! He gets this scared look on his face. Good Luck!!!

I never took my son at a restaurant till he was about 4 yrs old, and even then it would be fast food with a play area. One at a time might behave, but 2 kids at once can create some negative feedback and they both end up out of control. Adult meals can be so long and it takes more attention span than they have got. Practice eating manners at home and eat at the table.
I'd hire a sitter to stay with them at home when the adults want a meal out more often for a few more years. Kids this age are really happier eating at home (unless it's Chuck E Cheese).

First, choose your battles. Eating at sit down restaurants is hard for younger children. Take them to places that are kid friendly, or get the food and go home and eat.
Next, disciplining your children does not make you Cruella Deville. You are the one that is responsible for teaching them how to behave in public. My husband expects our son to know how to behave and I have to remind him that is OUR job as the parents. We have to teach them to behave and if that means disciplining, then that is okay.
Set some reasonable goals for your children, make a plan, and then stick to it. It is a learning process for them and you.
Just my two cents,
R.

I'm sorry I DO NOT agree with many of the post saying they should be allowed to go wander around that a sit down dinner is too much. Guess what, the first time you start doing that, that is what they are going to expect to do wherever you go. And I'm sorry that is one of my pet peeves is to be in a restaurant and have kids getting up and down constantly. Bring a small bag of things for them to do crayons, paper, pens, travel size games, a few small toys from home. Give them one thing at a time, put the others away while playing with that thing.

This isn't being mean it is teaching them basic manners. I have 3 kids and we did this with all of them. Sometimes they would battle wanting to get up, but we didn't allow it and they learn very early on that they would sit until we were done. They are now 17 and 9yo twins (boy/girl) and I would be able to take them to the nicest restaurant and know they would behave.

I agree with SM!

You want to talk about embarrasing? Your mom would not want to be around us, LOL!

We signed up our son into soccer and hubby was conned into being the coach. Our DS wanted all the attention from hubby... and that included negative attention. DS would scream and fight so much that hubby couldn't even coach the other kids. We came to a point where I would give him three warnings... if he didn't change his behavior, we would go out to the car and watch everyone else play. He acted out and reached my limits. We went out to the car and he screamed and cried the whole time! That is the whole hour of screaming and crying. I ignored him the whole time while we sat there. We did that three times (yes, three different days of the whole hour worth of crying). Ugh. But, he learned we are not going to put up with bad behavior.

Look into 1-2-3 Magic. Also, try to get an activity bag for them when you go out. Crayons, books, puzzles, etc. I just found a new game I want to get the kids called "Find It"... it's on amazon.com

Don't forget about positive reinforcement too :)

My 2 yr old is this way and I TRY my hardest to avoid any restaurant where I know we'll be seated longer. If we go out to eat, we stick to the places where we can get in and out within 30 minutes. Pretty much anything longer puts us in a situation of dealing with my 2 yr old crying to get out of his high chair and "wanting" to run wild. We never let him run wild, but that's what he would LOVE to do! :)

I do think your 6 yr old is far too old to still be behaving this way. My 4 yr old son used to be like my 2 yr old in restaurants but he's completely matured and is very well behaved. You can't ever let them think they can get down and run around. They have to learn that in restaurants you sit down and behave in your chair, otherwise you're gonna be confined to places like McDonalds or Chuck e Cheese for your outings but a 6 and 3 yr old "should" definitely know Right from Wrong and it sounds as if they're just wanting to push your buttons.

Like another poster said, your mother may be right in this situation. I am not a spanker but at their age, they are truly just misbehaving and there's no excuse for them to still be acting this way when they can speak and understand what you're telling them so well. I still remember being a child and the instant I misbehaved in a restaurant my mother took me straight to the RR and let me have it. I can promise you , that was the last time it ever happened but she knew I was old enough to "Not" behave that way.

Good luck with everything.

Your girls are too old to be behaving badly out in public. Good for your mom for having the courage to tell you. I know it's hard keeping kids well behaved in a restaurant BUT i don't agree with the posters that say go to kid friendly places instead, what does that mean, they can behave like crazed animals in one place. Kids should behave pleasantly in a restaurant no matter what kind it is.

I have 3 kids that are 3, 5, & 6 & we go out to all kinds of restaurants with them & expect the same behavior whether it's a 5 star or McDonalds. There is a time & place to have fun. And believe me it's been work to get them to behave because they all get eachother going & are very rambunctious kids but almost every single time we are out we get compliments about how good they are.

Advice is to let them each pack items in their own bag that will keep them busy. But the most important thing is to tell them your expectations & if they don't listen to you after a warning that you will have to leave the restaurant. It's the same thing if they were behaving poorly at the zoo, my kids know if we are out somewhere & they misbehave we will leave. Perhaps you can tell them they can have a piece of x, y, z afterwards if they behave properly. I have threatened my kids with hot sauce if they act up & that gets them back in line real fast.