Your Opinion, Too Strict?

Standing ovation for you! Thank you for being a parent who can recognize "other people are there to relax and enjoy dinner not to hear my gorgeous girl belt out the ABCs and play the drums".

We need more parents like you who aren't afraid to discipline their children in public :)

You did right. I can't stand "family members" getting in the way of parenting! I think you did a perfect job.
My husband and I go out on dates TOO rarely these days (sniffle, sob, weep) and we pay for a sitter so we can really reconnect and spend some time together without chicken nuggets, children interrupting, and sippy cups being dropped. Nothing worse than paying a sitter for my kids so I can have a conversation, and someone ELSE'S kids cutting up instead. Thanks for being a mom that understands that.

I think the way you reacted was perfect. I would have done the exact same thing. I feel the same about appropriate behavior and starting early is easier than trying to fix it later.
Good Job

Bravo, Mom!! You did not overreact. In fact, I think your point of view on the dining experence is spot-on -- I would have done the same thing. Consider this me giving you a bouquet of flowers!!!

I think it's important to differentiate that this situation is NOT about teaching your children proper table manners. This is about teaching your children to respect the other people in your surroundings...and to refrain from infringing on other people's rights.

For the posters who have responded: "Kids will be kids," "Spontaneity is a critical part of rearing our children," well, of course. But I'll beg you to keep your restaurant choices limited to places in which that behavior is acceptable -- Applebees, the local pancake house, Denny's, McDonalds, etc. I won't even notice when your kids are loud or act up at these places -- and if I do, I'll probably smile at you! Because it is okay to be a "little performer" in that setting.

At a PF Changs, any behavior in which your child is loud enough to cause prolonged attention from other tables is completly inappropriate. And, hence, disrespectful of the other people in the room. This is infringing upon the other patrons' rights to their own experience at this type of restaurant. I don't really care if the other patrons think my child's drumming on glasses is adorable...I will teach teach him that he is not always the center of attention -- and that he must consider other people's feelings. And if he is too young to understand, I will not take him to such a restaurant.

Good for you B. B!!!

You did exactly what I would have done.

I think you did the right thing. You are teaching your daughter proper manners in a restaurant. Good for you for following through with your discipline. You are the parent and are doing a good job raising your child.

No, I would appreciate what you did, especially if I were the one dining next to you.

When I go out to dine at a relatively nice + restaurant, I am not interested in hearing any children no matter how talented play drums, run around etc.

I did not allow my daughter to do that at a restaurant either.

I hate going out and watching parents just let the kids go. NO ONE, enjoys dinner and I have left a restaurant before ordering when I was seated around loud, unruly kids.

One of the reasons we frequent higher end restaurants is to make sure we have an enjoyable evening with peace and quiet.

I wish more parents were as considerate as you are. I sometimes see a table with bad kids and ask the waitress to sit us elsewhere. Your relative is wrong.

Not at all. You did exactly right.

Nope - perfect repsnse in my opinion. :-)

Nope- you set a limit and stuck to it. You are teaching your child how to behave in public and that when you ask her to do (or not do) something, you mean business!

I wish more parents would set these types of expectations... we do it with our son too and at nearly 3 he enjoys eating-out with us and is able to be in public with us without acting like a little maniac!

As much as I love my kids to be creative and make music, not at the dinner table and certainly NOT at a restaurant. Sounds like you re-directed her attention perfectly and avoided a meltdown while still following through on your discipline. Well done.

I would have done the same. Don't forget your family member isn't the one who has to teach life lessons to your child - which includes basic manners - you do!

Nope, I totally understand! If you're going to bring a young child out for an adult meal, you have to keep them from ruining OTHER people's meal.

You said no, stopped the disruptive behavior. When repeated, you followed through and your daughter *gasp* dealt with it!!!! ;)

I say your relatives should think about how "adorable" it would be if it was a child they didn't know at another table making tons of noise through what they hoped was going to be a nice, adult dinner!

Nope. You are teaching your child how to behave in public. Nothing wrong with that at all, IMO. I bet your family member either doesn't have kids, or her kids aren't (or won't be) nearly as well-behaved in public as yours will be. Keep up your good work! :)

I think you reacted exactly right. And by that I mean, I would have done the same thing (ha ha). I, too, get that look from people when I enforce rules. Or worse, they excuse behavior that I will not let slide. They say "Oh, that's okay!" right when I'm in the middle of teaching them manners, or to hold the door for someone, or to clean up their mess. It's not OKAY!! But getting the look is just the price to be paid when raising responsible human beings. You did great.

You did a great job and that other family member needs to be grounded - even if they're a fully grown adult. Adults don't play drums at a restaurant unless they're part of the live musical entertainment.

I would have done exactly what you did. Good job, mama!

I don't think so at all - you did exactly the right thing, IMO. You "warned" her first, then followed through. I agree with the way you handled it. It would be different if you ripped the chop sticks out of her hand without so much as a warning! I would appreciate your actions if I were a patron in the restaurant, and I expect the same behavior from my children. If they cannot abide, we leave.

I would have done the same thing (and did at PF Changs with my 2 year old son last weekend!). Your children need to learn how to behave in restaurants, and being loud, playing with utensils, etc. can be cute sometimes, but it's rude in a restaurant, and not everyone eating there came for that show! Maybe the family member with the issue can purchase your child a little drum set, and she can play it whenever she visits them ;-)

You did the right thing. If this "habit" gets out of hand, out of control, annoys guests, management or makes a mess, guess who's responsible? YOU!! It's easy for them to encourage that behavior because they don't have to deal with it. If it were their kids doing this, I can pretty much guess that they'd react the way you did. Just ignore their sighs! They're trying to manipulate you. They won't succeed because you're a smart mama! =) Good luck!!

You absolutely did the right thing. Your kid, your rules. And a good rule, I might add. Way too many kids don't know how to behave in a restaurant.

Had I been in the restaurant I would have applauded you. So many people have no concept of their behavior bothering other people. I think you did the right thing. A lot of people pay a babysitter so they can go out to a nice restaurant to have a nice, enjoyable, quiet dinner. It is hard to do that when there is a, albeit cute, little one singing and drumming away.

You sound like you are doing an awesome job teaching her good manners. Thank you.

You definitely did the right thing. There are so many kids that are poorly behaved in restaurants, especially sit-down, semi-fancy ones. Other people are paying to be there too, and as cute as your daughter sounds, I doubt they want to be serenaded that way. Good for you, mama, I would have done the same thing.

No. You did just fine! Gotta ignore those clueless, usually childless "family members"...

She's 2 almost 3... She gets it... You did good.. Thank you for not letting her act as if though she has no home training...

I dont think you were being to strict or over-reacting. You are right unless its a kid friendly place like Chuck E Cheese, that type of behavior needs to be minimized. I take my kids to nice restaurants and they get the look of they even think about acting up. I also go to these places for adult time and though I dont mind other kids being there, I would appreciate if my kid free time is not drowned out by the kids at the next table. Dont worry about the others and I can already gather the hubby situation... enough said :-)

You did good, mamma. Other people paid to eat there too.

No you didn't overreact. You gave her a warning and followed through on it!! I wish other parents would do the same!! And don't worry...I get the same "look" from a certain family member when I don't let my kids have "fun" (according to that family member). Great job!

Nope. My guess is that the other family member don't have to deal with a 2 1/2 yr old everyday and to everyone except mommy, this is cute - I don't think so...You did the right thing and you were not strict. There is a time and place for everything and that was not the time or the place.

you did PERFECTLY - if you don't teach her manners NOW at age 2, when will you teach her? After she's been allowed to do it for a year or three? A bad manner/habit that has been allowed is harder to break then a new one.

I think you did the right thing. You have to consider the venue, the size of the crowd, the acoustics (lol). Get her a drum set for HOME!

i don't thinnk so. you have or trying to teach her rules of going out to eat and act in a way that you approve of. if someone else says it's ok to change all that than she will be confused. we go out to eat alot and my son knows what is expected of him when we are out. i won't allow any different no matter where we are. i agree that other people go out to enjoy themselves and not to listen to my son. so being too strict??? no way!!!! also too i have waitressed for years and have come up to parents and told them how nice it is to see well behaved children!!!

You know, it doesn't really matter what anyone else things, including your family member. What matters is what you and your husband think. You are the ones who have to live with the consequences of training (or not!) your children. Having said that, I think you are right and the other person is immature in his/her response.

Oh my word. Too strict? Hardly! You did exactly the right thing. Like you said, I'm sure the people sitting around you appreciated not having to hear the drum playing. We always make our kids behave in restaurants out of respect for others. We have even removed one of out kids (due to a major, screaming meltdown) and made her sit in the car with my husband until it was time to leave. She went home and ate PB&J. This will not be the first or last time your little darling tests you. Keep up the good work!

Some times I overact without noticing, sometimes I tale much pressure for make my kids good kids that I forget smell the roses and relax for small thing, sometimes I let my bad day take over and do thinks I know I shouldn't do.
In those times I appreciate when a lovely, no judgmental family member give me a hint or help me out.
With that said, at the end is my job and responsibility to educate my kids the way I think is the best for my kids, even if they don't agree.
Sometimes they forget that things can snow ball with little kids and the just see the moment but don't think in the long term consequences that you see.
At the end, nobody knows your kids like you do.
So if this is something you do in your normal basic then you didn't over act, in fact you were not only educating your kids but being polite to others.

I have a "drummer" as well, and I can tell you there is no way she is allowed to drum at the table whether it's at a restaurant or at home. I try to have the same rules at home as I do when we are out so there is no confusion. My daughter is 2 and knows we don't look at other tables, we sit still, eat our food, and definitely don't drum. There are times to just relax as a parent and possibly let your kids do something they may otherwise not be able to do, but basic table manners is not the time.

I would have done the same thing! Good for you for standing up and teaching your child table manners. Just ignore the looks and sighs.

I side with you - when you are in a restaurant, children should have quiet activities such as coloring or reading a book. Maybe some people are okay with children drumming on water glasses, but that kind of noise drives me crazy! Especially since we really have to budget to go out to dinner these days, if I sat next to a table with a noisy 2 year old, I'd really appreciate it if that child had parents who kept her quiet with activities so we could enjoy our meal. :)

Sounds to me like you avoided a spilled glass. I would have done the same.

No, I mean Hell No did you not over react! You are the parent. Bottom line. What you think isnt appropriate, is right. I am a strict momma especially when it comes to the dinner table. Its a place to eat not jack-around. I would have totally done the same thing. You are a good momma, dont let other family members make you think otherwise. I do think that you have to be consistent because if she thinks that its okay at home then she will do it in public. Anyway, keep doin what your doin momma! Kudos to you for standing your ground... besides in the long run it will pay off!!

it is called teaching manners. You did the right thing! Family is so judgmental!! Try not to let them get to you. follow your heart and instincts!

Big huge parent star for you. I hate being in eating places and parents let the kids, scream, run around tripping servers and just being pains in the butt. Good parents teach children how to behave early in these kinds of places. My brother is one of those parents who lets the kid do what it wants. I hate going out to dinner with him.

I agree with you - people are there to relax and enjoy. Our kids are cute (and sometimes not so cute) to us, not necessarily to everyone else. I also try to ensure that my daughter behaves as good as gold when we are out. She may not be hurting a soul with something she does, but if she's out to eat like a big girl, she needs to behave like a big girl. We have color wonders markers and books for when we're at a restaurant. We have enforced this behaviour her whole life and now that she is 8, there is no trouble with her knowing how to behave (with or without us) in a public place. Stick to your guns! Good job!!

Sounded right to me! I expect the same behavior when we're out. Always have. And when is she suppose to be taught? When she's 6 and can't be controlled by then? No, you teach them from day one. You will always come across others who think you are either too soft or too strict. Believe me, next time you may be sitting with someone who thinks you should have drug her off to the bathroom for a spanking for the same offense, lol. You did just fine. If someone tries to make you feel guilty just make a comment that you intend to raise a well behaved child. Yes, the rest of the restaurant doesn't need to hear her beautiful singing. Save it for home. I know I don't like to hear other children being loud. My trio is now 6 and any of them who cannot sit nicely and talk and laugh within reason and have a good time without people's heads turning around gets a walk to the rest room to be reminded of manners in a public place.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

No you didn't over react. It sounds like she threw no sort of tantrum or fit or anything, so it sounds like you have a great little girl who knows how to respond to being corrected. If you let her get away with stuff just because the family is there, then she won't understand why she can't get away with it all the time. You were totally in the right!

I personally feel as though you did not overreact. We set very firm limits with my daughter since she was old enough to understand and she has excellent manners in a restaurant. I cannot stand it when people say "Oh they are just kids- they shouldn't be expected to behave in a restaurant." Baloney! Kids can learn from a very young age- and it makes going out fun for everyone-including the childless couples that are seated next to you. I agree that fun can be had at the table without turning the glasses into a drumset.

I didn't get a chance to read all of the responses, so I'm not sure if I am repeating. IMO, no, you did not overreact at all. Thank you for being a responsible parent and not allowing your child to run around like a maniac and make tons of noise in a restaurant...it isn't appropriate. If your kids can't behave, then they shouldn't be in a restaurant! We have 2 kids under 2.5. We have taken them out to eat a handful of times, luckily they have been very well behaved, but if they weren't, one of us would take the child out of the restaurant.

I worked in restaurants for years, you would be amazed at how some parents allow their children to act. And it is a shame for the other patrons who are out to enjoy a nice dinner.

B.:

I applaud you for setting very appropriate boundaries, and your daughter for listening and responding. My 2 yo son also loves to drum, and my husband and I work hard to channel that talent away from the dinner table. We use a prescriptive approach :) When he hits his spoon on the table, we say, "Too loud!" We use "too loud" instead of "no" b/c it's a phrase our son used in other settings, so we knew he understood the meaning. Usually, he'll try to tap softer, then softer, and softer, until he gives up or we say "Still too loud" and take away the spoon. We're happy b/c we've set some boundaries; and he gets a little lesson in loud/soft and control.

Personally, I find dinner behavior to be one of the greatest challenges. We want him to be a civilized child. And we want him to explore his world (i.e. food, cuttlery) and enjoy the dinner table. I can't tell you how many times the bowl ends up worn as a hat, the bread is flung across the table, and the rice is "mixed" into the water. We chose our battles, we encourage statements of "All Done," and (when dining out), we strive to convey some sense of "Daddy and Mama are NOT all done yet." And, usually, one of us takes him into the lobby for some run-around time. It sounds to me like your daughter is very well-behaved. I hope your family comes around to support your efforts. When she visits their home (and plays among their breakable possessions), they'll be happy they did!

i totally agree with you. my daughter will be 3 soon and when we eat it is time to eat not play. we do this at home as well as restaurants (because i feel like what they do at home they think they can do other places). we have crayons and books that we take with us, but you sit with your napkin, you say please and thank you and you eat your meal...it is not a time to play and i hate disruptiong people at other tables. when i see other kids at tables screaming it drive me nuts. the WORST is when people let their kids up to run around...ugh!

Wow! You have a lot of responses! Im sure I am with the majority when I say you did not over react! If she didnt make a big deal out of it, neither should you. My dd has always responded well to discipline, partly because of her personality (thank goodness!) and i honestly think because of the way we have handled things. My husband and I are total "re-directors"...make her laugh, set boundaries, and dont make a big deal out of things. None of our 3 kids have EVER had a meltdown in a restaurant, store, etc. And i know how lucky we are for that!! Enjoy this time, guide her in her reactions to things, and buy her a set of drums at home! Hey...that's how Justin Bieber started! haha

Completely appropriate! It is our job as parents to set boundaries and expectations. You gave a warning with consequences and followed through. Good job! Consistancy is the key, but if we don't teach our children appropriate behavior at 2 it very quickly turns ugly when there are no boundaries in place when they are 12! Stick to your guns and go with your instincts...they are spot on!

well, this is a hot topic!

I personally applaud spontaniety in all ages....as long as it ends when it needs to....& does not disrupt others for any length of time.

Within our family & friends, it wouldn't have been the 2 1/2yo.....it would have been the entire family once somebody started it. & if it had happened at another table, we would have either applauded or joined in! But then again, we are the family with my DH yelling "throw me a car/4wheeler" at our local parades.

Relax....& embrace LIFE! That's how memories are created....

I agree with you. If you let them do stuff like that when they are young then by time they are 4, it is a lost cause! I like to think I am a "fun mom" but kids have to have boundries!

I think you were completely appropriate. Personally I wouldn't want to be having dinner next to a table where a child is banging on the glasses for an extended period of time. Since I have kids her age, it wouldn't bother me if it only went on for a minute or so...but any more than that would get annoying. I mean going out to dinner is a treat for most people - I want to relax and enjoy myself when I'm fortunate enough to be out at a restaurant!

Also you're totally doing the right thing by following through on the rules you set. You told her if she banged the glasses again, you'd have to take the chopsticks...so you had to take them when she did it again. But I still think that it was the right thing to do to ask her to stop. And I guarantee you, if you weren't so good about teaching your daughter table manners, in 4 years when she can't control herself at the table, that same family member wouldn't think it was so cute. No disruptive, unruly 6 year-old was ever called cute!

I personally would not let my 22 month old play the drums on the table, and glasses. We do let him sing. He sings very quietly and can't be heard anymore then our quiet conversation. If he was singing loudly, I would tell him to use a small voice. I don't have a problem with children laughing, talking in a normal voice, or signing quietly. We can't expect our toddlers to be mute! You said belting out, so I'm assuming she wasn't quietly singing :)

I see nothing wrong with what you did.

heh looks like you got a lot of answers...I would say no you didn't overreact; the other family member with the "look" is probably either childless or very laid back, or both? (male?) She's your child, and yes at least a few people at a sit-down restaurant would be annoyed by her impromptu concert, as adorable as it is. Throw it on you tube, it'll probably go viral! :)

I wouldn't stress about it. I would have been annoyed after awhile listening to the drum playing, so better to stop it right away.

I think the issue is that the family member just thought your daughter was being cute and maybe got offended that you didn't share that opinion and ruined the "fun". I don't really think its a big deal either way. Had your daughter thrown a tantrum and ruined everyone's dinner, it may be a more complicated question. Since you told her to stop and told her the consequences then you had to follow through. But if she wasn't bothering anyone and causing a scene you could have let her play a bit more. She is only 2 1/2 and she was being encouraged. I wouldn't really worry about it.

I would have done the same thing had it been me. AND if I'd been sitting at a nearby table would have stopped by yours and commended your decision. Restaurants are not the place for children to make spectacles of themselves - unless it's a Chucky Cheese! Nice work, Mom!

Okay, first thing, she should not be playing the table drums with chopsticks at a restraunt. It draws alot of attention. How old did the family memeber look if you got a look at them. If it was a child, they should have been gotten on to for agging it on. If it was an adult, they must have not been mature enough to know the difference between respect and rudeness.

wow I'm suprised by all the parents who agree, while I agree since u said it you had to follow through, I also think at 2 1/2 she should be able to have fun, as long as its not super loud which chopsticks aren;t i mean shes only 2 once, I would have played right along side her and started a semi-quiet band. She has all the time in the world to be polite and worry about what othrs think , the innocnce and pure joy of that age should be cherrished it doesnt last long....

I am with you. There are other people who are out to enjoy dinner. Some
people do not mind while others do. Soon enough she will learn it is OK
at home but not in a restaurant. You did the right thing and obviously she
was not that upset about it.

You did the right thing in teaching your sweet girl proper table manners. Your family may have thought you were too strict and that you should have indulged her, but the other diners in the restaurant would have thought it was cute for all of two seconds and that's it. Some people aren't tolerant of small children at all and would/could have complained to management or made a snide comment directly to you.

As a mom to three daughters I would have smiled and then hoped you could settle her down before the sour pusses in the restaurant could complain or say something rude and then hurt your feelings. But then I would also hope that people would understand that children aren't robots to be controlled and sometimes our children are little performers when they know they have an audience. :-)

Good for you! I have 3 kids and they don't get to act like that in restraunts and I can't stand hearing overly noisy children when I am out to eat. I want to enjoy my dinner especially if I am not with my kids!

If you didn't think it was appropriate dinner adequate I don't understand why you are asking.It sounds like you felt guilty for making your child follow the rules just because someone else had a different opinion.You need to decide what is more important to you,keeping a family member happy or or teaching her rules and manners.It is up to you and your Husband to parent her,NO one else!There is no need to question yourself unless you or your Husband feel you were wrong.There is no need to question rather you should have let her continue the behavior that disturbs others.I don't let my children do it and I hate when others are not so considerate of others!

Updated

If you didn't think it was appropriate dinner adequate I don't understand why you are asking.It sounds like you felt guilty for making your child follow the rules just because someone else had a different opinion.You need to decide what is more important to you,keeping a family member happy or or teaching her rules and manners.It is up to you and your Husband to parent her,NO one else!There is no need to question yourself unless you or your Husband feel you were wrong.There is no need to question rather you should have let her continue the behavior that disturbs others.I don't let my children do it and I hate when others are not so considerate of others!

Updated

If you didn't think it was appropriate dinner adequate I don't understand why you are asking.It sounds like you felt guilty for making your child follow the rules just because someone else had a different opinion.You need to decide what is more important to you,keeping a family member happy or or teaching her rules and manners.It is up to you and your Husband to parent her,NO one else!There is no need to question yourself unless you or your Husband feel you were wrong.There is no need to question rather you should have let her continue the behavior that disturbs others.I don't let my children do it and I hate when others are not so considerate of others!

I think you were totally in the right! Especially at PF Chang's, had you been at Chili's or McDonalds it would probably be a little more acceptable but you are right, as cute as it was strangers don't want to hear an adorable 2 year old banging on things. The people around you definitely appreciated what you did! Because you stopped it they were able to smile at how cute it was for a second not grimace at how annoying it was for 30 minutes!

Was she being loud and obnoxious... or was she having fun and being relatively quiet and low key? I've seen kids do it both ways. So, if she was being loud, then yes you absolutely did the right thing. If not, maybe overreacted a bit. But that's just me. I tend to let my kids be a little more playful before the food arrives so long as they aren't distracting or being loud, but other parents prefer strict table manners at all times. It just depends. It doesn't sound like you freaked out at her so, I don't know why it should offend anyone.

You did the right thing - behavior that is ok at home isn't necessarily ok in public, and you are trying to teach her the difference.