Another Mother Is Disrespectful Towards My Daughter

I think going for a ride along might be fun. Just because you are sharing the cost doesn't mean you both can't go. It would give you a better view of how the mom is intending her actions to be taken.

In this situation my temper would get the better of me and I would tell that woman what I thougth of her and pull her from her carpool. I get really witchie when someone does something to my daughter.

Your daughter sounds really sensitive.

Do you really believe she makes ugly faces at your child? Or do you think this lady just has a stern or strange way of looking?

Do you think maybe her voice is booming and a bit blunt? Maybe your daughter is not used to this.

I am going to guess your daughter is taking things too personal.. From what you wrote... "My daughter came home the other day and told me that this mother would often make nasty faces at her when she would talk which I find bazaar. Yesterday when my daughter asked her's a question about joining Girl Scouts at the school the mother jumped in there conversation and yelled at my daughter stating that all the 3 & 4 grade girls would be joining!"

I do not get why saying "all the 3 & 4 grade would be joining" is offensive or mean..

Remember what they say at school.. "You believe 50% of what your child tell you about what goes on here and we will believe 50% of what your child tells us about what goes on in your home."

I'm with Laura A on this one. You're hearing this second hand. It's very normal at that age to misunderstand someone's intent, especially an adult that she doesn't know very well. This mom could make these faces all the time, and they may have nothing at all to do with your daughter. Also, her comment about all of the 3rd and 4th grade girls joining could have been her way of trying to reassure your daughter that she has nothing to worry about and she would be included. She really could have thought she was helping.

Ask your daughter more questions as a way of trying to understand a little better the circumstances and helping your daughter to realize that she really might have read the situation wrong. See how that goes. If your daughter is truly uncomfortable, then maybe carpooling is not a good idea right now.

It is quite possible that your daughter is right on the money here and that this women is rude and overbearing, but really, it's not going to help any by confronting her about it. If you notice that the behavior is as your daughter describes, you can find gentle was to bring it in to the conversation and help her to be more aware and work on being more friendly, but I don't think confronting her now is going to help.

Support your daughter and do what's best for her, but wait on talking to the other mom about this.

Can't beleive some of these responses. Get to know the woman before you judge her based on info from a 9 y/o. Is it possible your daughter is mis-interpreting things? Maybe this Mom just has a different communication style. Maybe your daughter is a typical 9 y/o and doesn't "read" people real well yet or hasn't been exposed to people who speak and communicate differently from your family. Give the ADULT the benefit of doubt before you assume she's mean or crazy. Please make your own determination from an adult perspective.

They only conversation I would have with the other mom is to tell her that you changed your mind about the carpooling and would be driving your daughter yourself from now on.

What a looney.

Stop the carpooling. If she asks why, tell her then.

I agree. Stop carpooling. That basket case wouldnt be driving my kid anywhere.

I don't know... I would suggest getting to know the woman a little better before jumping to any conclusions. I know with my own child if someone raises their voice (even slightly), he thinks they are yelling... we're pretty quiet in our house. If they are in the car and the radio is on, she may be yelling to be heard which is different. What kids of faces is she making? Eye rolling is not okay... squinting to try and hear what the kids are saying... fine.

Ask your daughter a few more questions and spend a little time with the mom. She may be an abrasive, but not unkind person in which case your daughter needs to learn that not everyone is quiet in nature. Or... she could be a raging B, in which case a little time with her will tell the tale. If it's the latter... stop the carpooling.

**My mom used to turn the radio up and move the sound to the "back" of the car so WE would have to speak louder... hence making it easier for her to hear what we were saying. Such a clever spy! Conversely, she had to raise her voice though for us to hear what she was saying b/c of the radio and b/c she was facing forward.

Protect your child by removing her from this situation. Find another carpool situation or make the sacrifice of driving her yourself. No confrontation necessary. Just brush the dust off and keep it moving.

I may just give it one to two weeks more and keep following up with your daughter on this odd behavior to see if it continues. If it does, I would end the carpooling with this mother immediately. A confrontation will do no good and could harm future interactions with this mother.

I agree with Jubee. A confrontation with this mom would be absolutely pointless and could lead to further torment of your daughter. I would just tell her that you have made other arrangements. It would be hard. I would want to tell her right after I had pulled the last hair out of her head. But, I would refrain (sigh) from the hair pulling and move on.

My daughter's ten. A year or two ago -- at your daughter's age -- she definitely would consider anything other than the calmest of tones to be "yelling" by an adult. And she would watch for the slightest change in facial expression when being talked to by an adult, and might well have thought some adult's expressions bizarre or negative.

Kids this age are very sensitive to how they think others are treating them and speaking to them -- notice that I say how "they think" others are treating them, because at nine your child, and mine, did not and do not have the experience to judge others' voices, tones and expressions very well. Your daughter absolutely, sincerely believes what she is telliing you -- so don't say to her "I don't think you're telling the truth." Instead I'd gently talk to her about whether it's possible that she misunderstood how someone's face looked, or misheard something. I would frankly give the adult the benefit of the doubt unless you know from your own experience that this woman communicates poorly. It's entirely possible that the "yelling," for instance, was nothing but the mom having to raise her voice a little to be heard over the kids talking or over road noise -- heck, my daughter was irked yesterday with me for "yelling" at her though I was raising my voice slightly because my ears are completely congested and I can't even hear how loud I am, and we were in the car with a ton of road noise. So kids can, in all sincerity and believing what they say, still say things that aren't accurate.

If you confront this woman as you propose -- angrily and assuming your daughter is 100 percent right -- you may be digging yourself a real hole with her and even with other parents at the new school, if you are seen as a parent who flies off the handle with another parent based on a few comments from your child. I would instead talk to your daughter and then maybe ask the mom, "Hey, Sally sometimes comes home and seems to feel she's not getting along with you. Has anything happened? Can I help somehow? She might be misinterpreting things."

Honestly, it sounds like this Mom may just have a colorful, loud, or blunt style personality that perhaps more sensitive people, like your DD, may find distasteful. It's hard to say without actually being there if she was actually rude or disrepectful. The important point is that your daughter is uncomfortable with her, no matter if this Mom intentionally acts this way or not. I would just very nicely tell her you've reconsidered carpooling, and have decided to drive your DD yourself each day. If she asks why, I wouldn't repeat what your DD said, I'd just say something like you've decided you'd like the time in the car with your DD each day and don't want to miss seeing her to school yourself.

Forgo carpooling and drive her yourself...this is nuts.

Have your daughter join the Girl Scouts - maybe find another troop...

Otherwise - just tell the other mom thanks - I'll be driving her myself from now on...if she asks why then you can tell her what you told us...matter of factly not rude or mean like her - but just state what your daughter felt - she may not agree - who knows...but your daughter is your priority..

good luck!

There's a lot of room between "confront" and "quit the carpool". Can you just casually talk with the woman and ask her how things are going with the carpooling for her and her daughter? See what she has to say. Then, perhaps mention that your daughter is a little uncomfortable or that it's still an adjustment period for your girl. See where the conversation takes you and what sort of feel you get for things from the other adult.

Conversation and communication is not the same thing as confrontation, and it doesn't sound like, in this situation, any sort of confrontation is needed.

Be done carpooling now. If your daughter is not comfortable to the point that she told you, it's bad.

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I bet most people think it didn't happen or that your child is too sensitive.

I would stop the carpooling after discussing it calmly and getting her side while trying not to burn bridges.

This could be a really good learning opportunity for your daughter. She can see people are different - in this case - nasty and rude to be around. It's a good way to learn tolerance. Lord knows that as you grow up, there are so many people that you have to deal with an tolerate.

Or you could find another car pool. I wouldn't bother to say anything. People like that rarely change. If she is acting like this to s 3rd grader she is obviously insecure about herself and finds it easiest to show her aggression towards kids.

If this woman is being this way to your daughter I would do a little more investigating to find out if she is this way to other children that she car pools or has car pooled. then I would definitely confront her but not let my daughter car pool with her any more this woman maybe emotionally abusing her daughter if she does not let her speak for herself and her child may be to afraid to tell anyone.