The school my kids go to is quite a drive - about 10 miles each way - when I drive them to and from school in the morning and afternoon, I am making this trip 4 times (so 40 miles minimum). When there are extra activities going on at school, I may have another 1-2 trips in a day = even more miles to drive (60-80 just to/from school). This past year we have been at this school, I drove always, I never did a carpool. I have to admit, I do have a fear of another person driving my kids - I know I am an excellent driver, but to put your kids safety in the hands of a stranger - does that make you nervous ?
The other situation to this dilemma - my daughter is friends with a girl (Jenny). Jenny's mom (Alvira) and I have met on one occasion and I wasn't too impressed. I feel like Alvira is 35 going on 14 with her blue streaks in her hair. The real issue is that Alvira and I had a huge disagreement over the telephone. I called my daughter who was spending the night over at Jenny's. My daughter informed me that she wanted to watch a movie with Jenny, and Alvira at their house. When I found out what movie it was (I double checked it out on kidsinmind.com and knew that NO way did I want her to see this movie). I told my daughter over the phone, 'no, I did not want her to see it.' About 20 minutes later I received a phone call from Alvira - (the first contact/call I have ever had with this woman) I was in complete shock, as never before in all my years of parenting did I ever have a parent come back in my face and question my decision that I was firm about. This woman Alvira argued with me saying, 'I don't see what the problem is with this movie, my kids have already seen it, and I don't see what you find wrong with it !!' I then told her that I made my decision based on my findings after researching the movie, and I did not feel it was appropriate for my child to see it, and to not undermine me and my parenting by questioning what I choose is right for my daughter. She once again did not accept what I said, talking in circles - and she in the end said, 'fine then I won't show it to her.' I hung up in complete shock that this woman went off on me for 10 minutes - even after I told her my viewpoint on this movie and that I did not want my daughter watching it. I thought she had a lot of nerve to call and argue with me, especially after I had told my daughter that the answer was No !
I have only had the one incident on the phone with Alvira, and saw her one time at graduation about a week ago (8th grade) . At that time, she was sitting in front of me, turned around and said, 'Oh we should carpool in the fall, you could do mornings' I was vague, didn't say much, and she said we would be in touch to work it out.
Now skip ahead to today (8 weeks since the phone call, and one week since graduation). My daughter and my son went with Jenny and her mom Alvira to a movie in the theater. They saw a movie I didn't have an issue with. After the movie, this mother said to my kids, "Oh I am surprised your mother let you see this ! I didn't think she would let you since she is so controlling over everything you watch !' My son jumped in and said to her, 'I respect my mother and her opinions and if she feels something is inappropriate for us, I respect her decision - and I do not appreciate your comment!'
This woman Alvira is a complete idiot - my kids also said that in the car on the way back to my house today, this woman insults her kids (in front of everyone) making fun of her daughter who has two different colored eyes. My son defended Jenny and told her how unique she was and to not ever be made to feel less because of those comments. This woman needs a slap seriously.
Anyways, I want your advice - would you or would you not decide to carpool with this monster woman ? I know it would be helpful to save gas $$ in this time when money is tight - and would be a convenience for both of us, YET to know what kind of an insulting freak she is to her own kids (the one time my kids are in her car with her), and her challenging my parenting since she was offended that I disagreed with something she thought was o.k., and to bring it up 6-8 weeks later and slam it at my kids and mock me -- these factors make me think - 'hell no, I don't want my kids to ever be around this woman.' I wish personally my daughter wasn't even friends with Jenny, knowing she has such a bad influence with this mother.
Well, I would appreciate your input and wonder what you would do ??
I can't understand why you are even considering it, to tell you the truth. The right answer seems pretty obvious.
absolutely not! Carpooling is great if you find the right person.. but I would NOT let my child go in her car or even to her house any more. All of that driving stinks, but it's not worth it. Anybody else you can carpool with?
First, it sounds like you don't like her or trust her. Don't carpool with her----find another mom and carpool with them!!!
GL!
If I didnt like her I wouldnt let my kids ride with her.
It's nice how she offered you the mornings so she can sleep in. /sarcasm
I'd either say no thank you outright or offer her an alternative solution. Tell her carpooling sounds great but you don't mind picking up AND dropping off if she wants to chip in for gas. Then fill out one of those excel mileage expense sheets and have her split the cost of a 40 miles a day five days a week. Tell her she can pay it once a month or every week. Whatever is more convenient. Then leave the ball in her court. If she turns you down. Problem solved. If she takes you up on it, the only thing you have to worry about is her not ponying up any cash.
No Way! And I would limit the amount of time my kids spent with her kids...
10 miles away from a school? I'd move closer or find out why the school doesn't have a bus to transport kids.
Your children are already of sound mind - they not only stood up for you but for others....I wouldn't worry about Alvira degrading them....they already see her for what she is, a sorry case for a human, but because they enjoy Jenny - they RESPECTFULLY tolerate her.
You never know - your kids may be Jenny's saving grace...
I wouldn't commute with this W.. It's obvious you don't trust her. I would find other parents from the school that give you the "warm fuzzies" and work it out from there!
As to the commute - INSANE!! TOTALLY INSANE to live 10 miles from a school and not have bus stop....I'd say MOVE!!! (sorry - but it just boggles my mind that someone would 10 miles from a school and there isn't a bus)...
I am quite frankly not sure at all why you are even CONSIDERING carpooling with this woman. It doesn't make a lick of sense really. Reread your post and then ask yourself this question. Just kind of crazy-on one hand you are completely against this woman and admit you don't like to let your kids drive with someone else-and then you may want to carpool with her?
So no, you should not carpool with her. Unless you want a yearful of extra drama in your life.
Alvira is not someone you trust and so I would rather drive than carpool with her.
I carpooled with a group of parents I barely knew when we started. One was the ex wife of a man friend and the other his current wife. Current was a royal obnoxious pain and the ex was a total sweetheart. One of the mother's was a jewelry maker and I throughly liked her. We were five families who managed an entire two years together.
Find a group of women you like. That's my advice.
I'm not sure why you are even asking this question, you've already answered it for yourself. To take it further, I would be inviting Jenny over to our house to play after school in order to show her how a normal family functions and give her the self esteem boost that she surely is in need of! Poor kid.
I would not carpool with her. I would do my best to be kind to her for your kids sake though. And maybe instead, just have Jenny over to your house.
No, it sounds like she doesn't have good judgment. I wouldn't trust her driving my kids, and I wouldn't want my children spending that much time with her in the car. I feel your pain, my son's school is 17 miles each way and I haven't found anyone who lives close enough to carpool.
I think you answered your own question when you called her a monster.
No thanks, I'd gladly pay gas money than subject my kids (and myself) to her.
:)
Wow, 10 miles one way and you have to drive them to school? Can't they ride the bus (save on gas and time)?
If riding a bus is not an option, I would maybe carpool but not with this particular mom.
I think I would limit my children's time w/ her. Maybe try hard to have her daughter over more rather than your children over there.
BTW, it sounds like you have remarkable son!
No - call the school and see if they can recommend any other parents in your area to carpool with. Good luck!
I think you already know the answer to your question, honestly. I know you can't control who your kids are friends with, but you can limit their contact. Perhaps you could instead try to have Jenny over more often. It sounds like she needs to be in the environment you have for your kids. I would limit the amount of time your children are exposed to her environment without you there.
Are you kidding me? You answered the question yourself...Oh, hell no!
OMG - I stopped reading about 2/3 of the way through... NO WAY should you let your children carpool with this lady - EVER.
I would also make sure that all contact my children had with them was at my house or under my supervision... if not for the poor little daughter who is being disrespected and your son so beautifully stood up for.... I would back away form this family all together.
How old is your son BTW??? What a great little man!!!
ALSO - you may want to look into how many kids are coming from your area... the catholic school out here finally had enough kids to get a bus service going. You will have to pay for it, but it's cheaper if everyone drives their kids to one meeting spot (large parking lot in the area) and they all get on at once. Look into that as an option.
No, I would gladly pay a premium to not carpool with someone like that. Your kids sound mature and well grounded, isn't there a bus they can take? I know some parents never want to let their kids ride a school bus, but if that is an option, you may want to consider. My 11 year old has a 40 minute bus ride, and she actually says she enjoys it because it is pure social time with her friends. Otherwise, I'd keep driving them myself.
I would never carpool with her. I actually don't think my husband and I would allow our children at her house either........ I wouldn't want to put our kids in the situation of having to defend themselves or your families lifestyle to another adult. She is undermining you. Don't allow this to happen. The kids can still be friends but I just wouldn't allow the kids to go to their house.
Good luck! As parents, it is our job to protect our children.
In a very calm voice when she calls you I would let her know all that you have told us. Next I would type up a contract with rules for her & have her sign it. Let her know that you will carpool on a trial basis with her & that at any time you might cancel. If I were you I would start trying to find others who live near you that goes to that school & make friends with them & try to carpool with them. Have some pity on her daughter Jenny, It will probably do her some good to spend time around a good example of what a mother should be like (yourself).
I like Nicole P & Patricia G ideas, only I would make her pony up the money up front.
Maybe you have an opportunity to get things sorted out this summer? If so, great, carpool in the autumn. If not, then it's time to talk with your daughter about her friendship and find someone else to carpool with.
Nope, I wouldn't do it. Make something up about needing to pick them up to drive them to activities and that in the morning you run errands after you drop them off. I'd steer clear of her and invite her kids over to your house instead.
"these factors make me think - 'hell no, I don't want my kids to ever be around this woman."
Read again what you said above. Go with what you really know deep down. You already know the answer in your gut. Find ways to cut expenses. This is not worth it.
The money you save on gas can go to counseling your children might for hang out with this woman you call a "monster." Great investment!!! You answered your own question, You don't want your kids around her. Don't do it!!!
No, life is too short to have drama in it. Unless you really want to bring that into your life. I would make something up that seemed to fit why I couldn't. :)
