T.S.
C.,
It's sad, but it does happen more than we want to think. I've never cheated (on my husband or even a boyfriend) but I was close. I'm very proud to say that I made the right choice and stayed faithful to my marriage and husband.
Coming from someone who was on the verge, I can tell you that it's not a good place to be. In my case, my husband was just unsupportive at a time I really needed him. I tried talking and talking to him about the issues I was having. I suggested counseling and he wasn't very receptive (if he wasn't receptive, it wouldn't have worked). I begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, threatened...you name it. Finally, I admitted to him that I was looking for townhouses to buy on my own, that woke him up and he listened. Thank God, because I really didn't want my life to be without him.
While I was going through this period, an ex-boyfriend of mine was doing the same thing with his wife. We started talking/venting more and more and we both started to imagine a life together. After spending some time with the Ex, I realized that as exciting as it was...I didn't want it. He was an "ex" for a reason and it was clear. I simply wasn't in love with him at all. I loved and cherished my husband.
This was about 5 years ago and we got through it. At this point, we couldn't be happier. Although my husband knows I was talking to Ex (and I think deep down he may have an idea), he doesn't actually know how close I was to being unfaithful, he doesn't need to.
I'm telling you this from this point only so you can understand that it does happen and it doesn't make your friend a bad person. She's making a bad decision, but maybe she has hit rock bottom with her husband. I used to say, "If it's that bad, then leave." That's not always the easiest thing to do, though. In my case I was still very much in love with my husband, but he wasn't giving me what I needed in a time that I needed it. Luckily, I was able to show him how much I needed him to be there for me and he was able to change. Three years later when I miscarried - twice, he proved to me that he can be there for me.
If you are close to this friend and you would like to keep her as a friend, reach out to her and maybe try to help her fix whatever it is that needs fixing. I think you'll find that she will appreciate you being there for her. I guess I wouldn't be so quick to judge at this point. Now, if you reach out to her and she insists on just talking about the "other man" all the time and doesn't seem to have any remorse or guilt...that's a different story. But, at this point I'd suggest a one on one lunch with her to try and be there for her. Your support may be just what she needs to get back on track with her family.
Good luck,
T.