Our son will be 3 years old in April and rarely sleeps in his bed the whole night. To be more precise, he rarely sleeps through the night and we have gotten into this terrible habit of just grabbing him and taking him to bed with us when this happens because it's "the easiest thing to do." Now, when he wakes up during the night, he demands to sleep in our bed ("I want to lay down in your bed"). We have a queen size bed and it is getting smaller the bigger he gets. We would love to break him of that habit, but are not sure how to handle it without having a huge drama unfold. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you!
P.S. I should mention that he still sleeps in his crib, because we like to keep him "contained" because of his [non]sleeping habit. :-)
It seems that lots of people followed the advice shown in "Super Nanny," I'll definitely have to check it out. I also liked the cot in the bedroom idea a lot! We may try that. He actually slept through the night last night, which was very much appreciated. Thanks to everyone for the great advice!!
The super nanny solution works great. Have you ever seen that show? Look it up and watch ones about children with bedtime issues. Her method works great for most kids. It worked for mine and many other kids that I know.
My son went thru a phase just like that. It will pass if you don't make a huge deal of it. Never met a kid that was 16 and still coming to his parents room to snuggle up.
We got an inexpensive cot from wal-mart.com (about $25) and set it up beside our bed. Our son knew it was there and he'd come in, climb in and go right back to sleep. Half the time I never even heard him come in. He did this for a few months then stopped just as quickly as it started.
And the cot is really handy when we travel. It folds up super small, crib sheets fit over it, comes with a carry bag and it's perfect for the 2 year old to sleep in at a hotel since i worry she might fall off the beds as she's not used to sleep in a full size bed.
Put a mattress on the floor of your room.
He can go there and sleep.
That is what we do with our kids. We have a floor futon in our room.
It works for us.
At this age, they do these things and have night time 'fears'. And they have night mares too. It is developmental.
They grow out of it.
When I was a child, I did that too. I would, creep down our SCARY dark hallway, just to go to my parents room and squeeze in between them. They let me. I simply missed them and was scared in my room by myself.
I grew out of it. They did not battle about it. How they handled that, is one of my Fondest memories, of childhood, about my parents.
How a child goes to bed or not, does make 'memories' for them. Fond or not.
One day, they won't even want to be near you nor cuddle.
All the best,
Susan
I'm still co-sleeping with my 5 y/o... it works for us, tho sometimes my husband is a bit frustrated over it. It will pass, children DO want privacy at a point in their young lives. We've set up her room, got her a cool bed, and slowly easing her into using it. The issues are not just sleeping in their room, it's knowing they don't have another warm loving body to snuggle with when they wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares/hunger/bathroom/etc. Be gentle with your son, co-sleeping isn't a 'bad habit' and it's quite normal in most other parts of the world, even other developed nations.
I'd start going to HIM when he wakes and sleeping with him in HIS bed... then slowly weaning it off to a short cuddle and back rub.
Hi Jeanette
To be honest we went through the same thing and we just let him sleep in our bed so I am no good to you for advise.LOL
We were just stressing ourselves trying to come up with ways to break the habit. I think the most important thing at this age is that the family gets a good night sleep.
Amazingly since we stopped worrying about it he doesn't come to our room as often.It used to be every night when he was younger.
The last month or two it's about 2-3 nights a week. He will walk into our room about 6am and climb in for a cuddle and go back to sleep for an hour.
He is 3.5 yrs now so we reckon he will grow out of it naturally . There will come a time when that baby stage is over and he will not want to go to our bed.
Best of luck with whatever approach you decide.
B. K.
Here's some info on sleeping and details at link below as well as other articles:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/09/...
sleep patterns mature over time just like other developmental skills.
* Polls tell us that one-third of American children and their parents sleep together some or most of the time before children start school. Co-sleeping varies hugely by culture and ethnicity. So think about what you want to do, and discuss the pros and cons with your pediatrician.
* Make sure your crib is safe (locking rails), that your older child’s ‘big bed’ has side rails, and if you are co-sleeping, that there is plenty of room.
I hate to say it, but avoiding drama will be hard. While there is no problem with co-sleeping, as long as both parents want that, it does not sound like the road that you would like to go down and that is just fine.
First off, talk to him. Let him know that you love him but mommy and daddy need sleep and you cannot sleep with him in the bed. Ask what he needs to feel better in his room. Book on tape? Music? More light? Picture of you guys? The ability to get up and play quietly?
You might need to take a long weekend for this one, but get focused and help your son feel better in his room. When he comes out walk him back, tuck him in kiss him, tell him you love him and go. The longer you stay the more upset he will get. Also the longer you stay the more he may feel that there is to be upset about. If he cries a little that is ok. If he is screaming, crying to excess or hyperventilating go in kiss him, calm him and ask him what he needs to feel better. Tell him that he does need to stay in his room. He does not have to sleep but he needs to stay in his room until.... You may need to go through a few ideas before you find something that works. Be understanding but do not add to the fears or create new ones. "Being in you room is scary. There might be monsters and you cant sleep and it is lonely..." Just support him in whatever he says. "I miss you mommy. I want to sleep with you." "I hear that you miss me. Would you like a picture next to your bed so that I am with you in your room?"
B. Davis
http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family
there is
We had the same problem...I told my daughter that when she turned 4, she was going to start sleeping in her own bed in her own room (We also had tried the little bed in our room but she would still get in our bed in the middle of the night). I told her at least 9 months ahead of time so she had time to get used to the idea. The closer it got to the date, I started talking about it more and encouraged her to be a big girl, talked out any fears, etc. Anyway, a few weeks before she was supposed to go, she started sleeping in there by herself! We got her a fancy castle bunk bed as a reward and she has never returned! I can now sleep without a foot up my butt!
Try this. In the middle of the night before he gets into your bed, get up and tell him you will go with him down to his bed instead. Expect he will NOT be happy about this change! He has formed a habit, but you can break it. Walk with him, or carry him back to his own bed. Tuck him back in. If he is pretty wide awake or pretty upset, you can lay with him for awhile. I usually pretend to fall asleep. Be careful not to "actually" fall asleep with him, or stay too long. After awhile, either he will fall asleep, or if not, at least he may be warm and comfortable enough back in his own bed to not want to get up again. Then you go back to your bed for the rest of the night. Repeat this as necessary. Somewhere in his little brain, it will hopefully eventually stop triggering his waking up if he knows subconciously he will just be walked back into his bed. If he's just screaming for you and you're getting up to go to his bedside, you may have to wait longer intervals before coming to his side, and also then explaining to him if he has a need, he needs to come to you, and not yell for you. I don't know if he's doing that or not, but my kids both tried that for awhile, and I think it is very common. Good luck!
Sounds like you need to research The Super Nanny Bedtime Method. It works wonders but you have to stick to it. It will take a few nights but it is well worth the time.
I feel ya our daughter now 7 slept in our bed until well after 3. We finally realized we needed a full nights slepp and so did she. You cant sleep good with a kid in you bed kicking you and sleeping sideways. So we had to start from beginning just getting her to go to sleep in her bed at beginning of night. We started out in her bed sleeping with her as soon as she fell asleep we'd leave. Then we moved to her floor next to her bed. I sugest getting him a big boy bed and putting up a baby gate also if you are worried about him wondering at night. Then we sat in door way. Then we left all together. At night you have to do the same thing. Eventually it gets better. It took us about a month, but was totally worth it! I think we saw it on super nanny.
I know what you mean and unfortunately is gets worse the longer you do let them sleep with you. The longer something is practiced we know the harder the habit. Have you tried laying down with him until he falls asleep each night? Also, a warm bath right before he lays down can be soothing. But every child is different but the sooner the better in breaking this habit.
Just remember that if you avoid parenting situations because you don't want drama, you will have a very spoiled child. It's worth it to deal with the drama. Knowing it will not be easy, just keep telling yourself that the sooner you fix this, the sooner you will get to enjoy the results! The longer you put it off, the more you have to deal with his demands.
There's going to be drama.
Just keep taking him back to his own bed.
No easy way.
