Bed Sharing with Active Baby

I would put her in a crib of her own, and I never ever slept with my daughter.
When she is old enough to under stand things she will resist sleeping by herself, so put her in a crib by herself.

Most people put their kids in their own beds. Have you ever watched TV and seen where kids are rolled over on and killed? At ten months she should be in her own bed!!! Just my opinion...please dont be offended.

I was totally against co-sleeping until I had my second. My son is now 8 and never had any interest as a baby/toddler in sleeping with us at night. My daughter (18 mo.) is another story. She is a lot more sensitive and she wants to co-sleep. Some nights she is fine, some nights she wants to sleep with us (20% of the time). The first time I felt so guilty and ashamed. I have only ever heard bad things about co-sleeping, but slowly my opinion is changing.

Bottom line: Some kids just need to co-sleep!

I would do whatever makes hubby comfortably simply because he would do it for you and you don't need a nervous nelly in bed with you!

Happy ZZZZZZZZZ zzzzzzz ZZZZZZZZZ

Our son is 21 months old and has slept with us pretty much from day one. We tried in the beginning to get him to sleep in his crib, but he was just too determined to be near a warm body at night! ;) We do not have rails on our bed, probably because he sleeps in between us, and we block him fairly well at night. Also, my husband and I go to bed at different times. I wait until our son is completely asleep before we go to bed, so he isn't moving around and waking my husband up. In the morning, if I'm able to get up before my son and shower, he'll sometimes wake up and get out of bed. We've taught him to go down stairs backwards and feet first, so he does that with the bed too, and seems to do just fine. We are planning on getting him to sleep in his own bed soon, only because I'm getting tired of having a separate sleep schedule as my husband and having to stay up later to wait for the baby to fall sleep. Also, we'll be moving to a new house soon, and our son will have his own room away from us, so I'd like him to be able to sleep in it. We'll see what happens! Good luck with your own little one.

First off co-sleeping is a very bad idea. Your child will always think it's o.k. to sleep with mom and dad. It is going to be extrememly difficult to break her of this habit when she gets older. She needs to be in her own crib and not with the two of you. She is much safer in a crib with the high rails that she can't get over. Move her out of your bed and into her own. Your daughter has got to learn to sleep on her own or else she'll be in your bed with you and your husband when she is 5,6,7 yrs. old. Do it now and put her in her own crib.
D.
I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

I'm with your husband on this one. Better safe than sorry. It won't be long before you can put your bed together again.

I just read the other responses that you received and wanted to quickly tell you something. First, I think it's too bad that instead of answering your question people decided to preach at your about your parenting strategies. Second, I imagine that you know this, but co-sleeping is quite safe and does not produce dependent children. Google James McKenna or William Sears if you need more info on co-sleeping. Also, the No-Cry Sleep Solution has a whole chapter on co-sleeping safety.

KUDOS TO YOU!!! for co-sleeping that is AND for still breastfeeding your daughter!!! *CHEERS*
If you and your husband are worried about her falling out of bed put some big fluffy pillows on the floor on the side of the bed where she sleeps. My daughter slept with me clear up until we moved in with my husband and now she sleeps with my MiL by choice. She still asks to sleep with us once in a while and yes it is for comfort. My daughter knows that A) she needs to ask early in the evening if she wants to sleep with us and B) on the weekends she doesn't get to sleep with us. No your daughter doesn't have to nurse at night for nutritional reasons but that doesn't mean it is a bad thing. As long as it still works for you and your husband keep it up!!
We are one of the few countries where co-sleeping and breastfeeding are frowned upon. I'm sorry my breasts, while being fun for my husband, were not put there just for him to enjoy. They do serve a purpose and that is to feed our children. I'd also like to mention the other 60-80% of the world is TOTALLY INSANE for co-sleeping, how dare they! lol

To those who don't co-sleep, if that works for you then good luck and I'm happy for you but don't tell those of us who do co-sleep how we are wrong and 'hurting our children' just because we do something different then you please.

Thank you so much for co-sleeping. What a wonderful thing to do for your baby. It's great that you're listening to your instincts and following them even when it goes against our culture. I have an 11 month old that I am co-sleeping with as well. We also have a bed rail and have taught him to go down feet first. I don't worry nearly as much, now. We do have our mattress on the floor. Maybe you could make a soft surface around your bed and teach her to climb down feet first.

Oh, and good grief! Like people don't have sex or a good relationship with their husband if they co-sleep. Get real people. Maybe you should get more creative!

How high up is the bed? Is it feasable to teach your son how to get down? If not, what about putting something really soft on the floor? I have a friend that co-sleeps and they put one side of the bed against the wall and put a twin mattress on the floor next to the other side of the bed. Their dd learned pretty quickly how to get down w/o hurting herself. They plan on using the same system when she starts sleeping in a big girl bed by herself. And please don't let anyone tell you that co-sleeping is wrong. I really hate that people on here can be so incredibly rude to those folks that choose to co-sleep. If it works for you and your family...I say go for it! :)

S.
Letting babies sleep with you is the biggest mistake you could make. For one the baby could get hurt or smother. It has happened before. And babies that are allowed to sleep with you usually have a hard time adjusting to their own beds.
I have a neice that is seven years old and still doesn't want to sleep in her bed unless someone else stays there till she is asleep.Talk about the control that a child has. Please listen to your husband and get her in her own bed now before she does get hurt. I know it is hard to get up in the night to feed but is way better.Good luck and God Bless

I'm not sure what Tonya M is talking about - Rizzo's message? I'm just now responding to this thread - how could I have posted anything earlier for you to comment on? Maybe Tonya M is sleep-deprived because she's not cosleeping. Not sure.

At any rate, S. Y - congrats on co-sleeping and nursing! I've co-slept and extended nursed (still am!) all of my children. I wake easily too, but found it gave a little peace of mind to put the mattress on the floor. Remember, if you disassemble your bed, it's only temporary, you can always put it back together when your little girl is older :)

psst, Tonya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd2B6SjMh_w

I have to respond about co-bedding. I agree, you should do what is best for your family. As far as co-bedding in other countries, have you ever looked at their sleeping arrangements? They usually have a mattress on the floor, and much less fluffy bedding on the bed. Also, the rooms aren't kept as warm as ours. As for putting pillows around the baby if the parents aren't in the bed--DON'T. If a baby rolls up against the pillow, which they can do at any age, they could be smothered! There are some theories on SIDS that babies are rebreathing in their exhaled breath, and that causes a buildup of certain gases in their system. If they are up against a pillow or bedding, that would contribute to this breathing pattern.
Good luck to you on an informed choice.
R.

Unless you have some certain age set for a time which you plan to share your bed, why don't you start getting her used to her crib--maybe start with naps during the day and move onto bedtime. Betcha everyone would sleep better. Just a thought, and I know there are those in favor of co-sleeping that disagree with me!

I have two daughters 3 y/o and 1 y/o. Both sleeps with us in our bed. I tried to use crib and bassinet, both, with our first daughter but it never worked. She still sleeps with us in our bed, even though we bought a toddler bed for her.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I planned not to let this happen with her too. So instead of bassinet I attached crib at one side of our king size bed. I tried to put her in the crib during the night time as much as possible. It was also easy for me to feed her direct in the crib (she sleeping in the crib facing towards me and I lying in the bed facing towards her) because of attaching the crib with the bed. We didn't use the crib door at first.

Since we were not using the crib door thus it was easy for her to come on the bed and she had some falls too (thank God nothing serious). So when she became 1 y/o (in Apr. 08) I put the door on it and lowered the crib bedding to get the appropriate height. Now I feed her once around 10 pm and then again around 4 am. All this time she is sleeping in the crib. It is working fine with her although after 4 am she comes back to bed with me. But I guess we are doing a great progress. My plan is to pull her crib away from our bed once she will start sleeping in her crib for whole night.

One more tip is that I am putting her in her crib in day time too, whenever she is taking nap, I believe this is making her more familiarized with crib.

We actually sleep with the babe in the middle. Both of us are crazy blanket hogs, so we have our own twin size blankets. If ds sleeps with us, she goes in the middle with her own little blanket. She is 18 months old & we have been doing this since she started sliding off the boppy. We started using the pillow in the very beginning because she would also spit up & the pillow gave her just even elevation to avoid that. It works great for us & every one sleeps well, usually. Once in awhile, she will turn & someone will get kicked, but we just turn her back & go back to sleep. Congrats on co-sleeping, isn't it great?

Hi S..

It is different for every parent and every child. With my first 2, we had them only share our room for a couple of months. The 3rd was still nursing quite frequently all night long and so we kept him in our room until around 10-11 months. When he started getting more active, we moved him to his own room in a crib. I had gotten so attached and also was worried that I wouldn't get any sleep with still getting up with him all the time. He actually did wonderfully. Another possiblity might be to move a crib into your room. Also, I had to get up and get a shower before the 3rd one was awake and once he was mobile, I knew it wasn't safe to leave him in his bed (even for the 5 minute showers I take). We are now expecting #4 in July. I plan to co-sleep again (with the arm's reach co-sleeper). We'll just see what kind of personality this baby has and if he/she needs to be with us that long or not. As much as I love having them co-sleep, I also worry about having to break them of that. I have many friends who have had trouble with that and have 4 year olds still sleeping with them. That's not for us. We actually like to have sex once in a while (and definately without children there!) :) But you have to do what is safe and right for your family. Hope that helps!

My son slept in our room until he was about 1 yr old but in a co-sleeper. When he starting turning around, we just lowered the cushioned part were he slept since a co-sleeper is like a play pen.

I you want her in your room, why don't you get like a toddler bed and place it next to your own bed so she's there but in her own space. It may also help in the future for when you place her in her own room.

Good luck!

Hello! My youngest is a year and a half. She still wants to sleep w/ us sometimes, and i just can't. I need my space and you know babies although small take up the bed! What we used to do and still do w/ our youngest is we let her lay w/ us while we watch tv and wait for her to fall asleep. She goes to sleep around the same time every night because she knows its time to sleep when she is laying w/ mom and dad. My hubby also puts his arm around her and holds her so she can't move around and get down. Another way to look at that is bonding time w/ them(plus its really cute to see) :) When ur baby naps, you could try to just hold her until she sleeps and then put her in her bed, or just put her down to bed and maby let her play w/ her crib toys. The music box was a hit at our house. I hope my advice can help. Good luck! :)

We co-slepted with twins!!!! Actually they are 3 1/2 and are still both in our bed! We just put pillows all around our bed when we got out of the bed. People think we are nuts but we wouldn't have it any other way!

When our baby got to this age we taught her to come down from the bed on her belly, feet first. We also showed her how to do stairs and get off the couch and chairs as well. She learned well and remembers. Now I don't have to worry as much about her falling, because she knows how to do it herself. I have two older daughters who are always leaving the baby gates open, but she won't fall down the steps, because she knows how to do them. If she is left on the bed or a couch, she can get down safely. There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping as long as it works for your family. We did it with 2 of our 3 and it was so much easier and we got way more sleep that way! I hope you find something that works for you.

i agree with teaching her to get down feet first---she is ready to start learning. i remember that age with the first one, our bed was on the floor for other reasons and it was SO convenient! she could even crawl onto the bed to tell me she was tired, and she learned about the edge of the bed in a safe way. The Family Bed book says something like, "there will be plenty of time later for your bedroom to look like better homes and gardens." i remember that often as i switch and rearrange our often weird setup to whatever works best for us at the time....we can make it look pretty later.

Hello everyone,
I read one of Rizzo's responses earlier and it made fun of some mother's and said their responses were ignorent and made her laugh.
That's what I responded back with below!!!

Hi S.,

First of all let me just respond to Rizzo's message...I don't think that ANYONES reply is ever ignorent!!!!
Eveyone raises their children to the best of their ability.
If it is their first child, they are also learning as they go along.
I think this is a GREAT website to go to for information and advise and everyone should be intitled to their own oppinion without feeling silly.

When we had our first child we had a two story house and my daughter's room was up-stairs. I couldn't put her in her own room. So, she was in her bassinett in our room for a while and then we moved her crib into our master bedroom until she was atleast one. Then, I got one of the camera system's to put in her room so I could watch her sleep through a TV monitor and know and see she was safe and also help me determine if I really needed to go up to her room or if she would put herself back to sleep.

She did sleep with us for a while when she was a toddler. Then, it was extremely hard to get her to go into her own room again. She wanted to sleep with us ALL THE TIME!!!!

We know of someone that sufficated their little one with them sleeping with them. She didn't think it would happen to her. So, please be very careful with blankets and pillows on your bed.
I know you say you wake up easily when she moves, but you never know what could happen.

We also moved my daughter's toddler bed into our room for a while until she got used to it and then she went to her room just fine.

Good luck to you and your family.
I know you will do what's best for you and your family! :)

T.

I have to say that since she is 10 months old that it is time to get her into her own bed. You and your husband are going to have a really hard time breaking her of that habit later. I think co-sleeping is great at the beginning, but she is getting a bit too big for it if she can crawl, etc.

You are doing the right thing by co-sleeping, and we have lost a daughter to SIDS. That being said, I still believe in co-sleeping, our daughter was with us in bed. Like someone else said, human nature is to sleep with someone. Now imagine a little baby, new to this world, sleeping all alone, cold, alone, I dont mean that literally, and I dont mean to offend anyone. SIDS in the US is still one of the hightest in the world, and most other nations co-sleep. Our son is 5 and still sleeps with me, although in the last 2 weeks has been exerting his independance, " I am a big boy now Mama", and wanting to sleep alone. I respect his independence. Now I know alot of you Mamas will chastise me for allowing this for so long, but it works for us,our son needs us as much as we need him, ESPECIALLY after losing his sister. S., follow your heart, if Hubby wants to put matress on the floor for awhile, so be it, if it eases his mind. Besides, you are not going to have the "perfect home" for quite awhile. I never put the matress on the flor, but would have id Hubby felt better. He just "knew" Baby(ies) would sleep with us. I also breastfed, and you are right, before you and Baby are wide awake, it is so much better to just offer. Follow your heart. It will never steer you wrong, as God guides your heart. Best to you and your family, God Bless, A.

Most of us put the child in it's own bed so we can return to the normal married status of husband and wife sharing a bed and children sleeping in their own.
If the child falling out of bed is a big concern then the child needs to be in it's own bed, with it's own rails.
If the only solution is to take the bed apart and sleep on the floor so you can all sleep comfortably together then by all means take apart the bed.
I am presuming the child sleeps in the middle of the bed between the two of you, since that is where my children slept when they had an extremely rough night or nightmares. If that is the case then the need for bed rails, etc. is unnecessary, isn't it?
P. R

We pushed our bed all the way against the wall to at least have 2 walls covered (the side and top) One of us was always on the other side, so that left only the bottom to worry about. We put a rail up there. Since I was also very aware of her , I wasn't too worried about her falling off there. One day we decided that since she was probably going to be a co-sleeper for life! (LOL, JK) that we would move her bed into our room and took off the side railing. We just moved the bottom rails of her crib to make her bed even with ours. She will sometimes sleep in her bed, since she is still right next to me, but prefers at this point to sleep in ours. We were thinking that this might also help her get used to her own bed, so that one day, she may sleep in it, in her own room!

My husband and I used to co-sleep with our daughter, but we actually stopped at around eight months when she started being more mobile. It wasn't because we didn't want to sleep with her, she just wouldn't sit still and we also were worried. We had to start having her sleep in her crib. We both had the same fears as your husband. I will say that she made the transition quite easily and hasn't looked back. That's probably not the answer you're looking for, though. I hope you figure out what makes all of you happiest. I also agree with most other co-sleeping parents, that it really is a natural thing. Actually, America is one of the only places in the world that DOESN'T culturally accept co-sleeping with their children. Strange, isn't it? Do what's best for your family.

Put the mattress on the floor until she's ready for her own bed. Then, she can roll off and it won't matter:)

When my son was a baby, he is now 3 1/2, our bed didn't have side rails on it, so we just pushed the bed completely up against the wall every night, but we checked it each night to be sure it hadn't moved out of place. Hope this helps!

Our son (16 months) still co-sleeps with us. He is very mobile, but yet he has had very few spills out of the bed. I pushed our bed (full size) against the wall, and then placed a twin size bed against that. We don't have rails or anything else on the bed. My husband will sleep on one side, while I sleep on the other to keep our son in the middle. Thankfully he has been a good sleeper (sleeping through the night since he was around 4 months old), but there are times when he wakes in the middle of the night and will squirm around until he finds me. I also sleep pretty light because of this, but I think it is great to be able to answer his cries right away.

Kudos to you for doing what comes naturally and co-sleeping with your daughter :)

We have since put our bed on the floor. (My mother did, too)

My daughter is 7 months and she is in our bed for the same reasons you listed. We have our bed on the floor, to keep her from falling to the floor!

I did not have a problem with my older daughter, now 4, she switched right from my bed to her own toddler bed within 2 days of buying her a toddler bed before 2 (she breastfed till 2). I didn't coddle her or force her and I think it helped her be independent.

We are on baby #4 and have co-slept with all of them but #3 (he didn't want to sleep with us, even in the beginning). At 10 months, there is typically less concern for her falling out of bed than at 5 or 6 months when she rolls but can't crawl and has way less muscle control. If you have rails, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Truth be told, we haven't even ever had rails on the bed. And if she does fall out of bed, check her over and watch her to make sure she is ok. Likely, she will be fine. Tumbling and stumbling is a part of growing up for kids and learning how bodies and the world work together.
And by the way, don't be discouraged by other parents telling you that sleeping with your child is wrong. As adults, we prefer someone sleep next to us (like our husbands!). Why would our little babies that depend on us for everything not want the two people they love the most snuggling them every night? This is a wonderful gift of security that you are giving your child.

I believe you don't need to worry about your baby falling out of bed, like you said you wake up at any movement. I think men sleep harder and don't hear these slight movements so they worry more. We co-slept with our little one and our bed was high off the floor with no rails and we did not have any issues. But if it makes him feel better put the mattress on the floor.

What i learned is that they learn that you will fall off and if they do fall than i know it is scary but they learn if they do but one of mine didn't ever fall and for some reason knew not to go to the side or knew how far to go. My bed is high up also ok. you say you have rails than you will be just fine. Don't put your bed on the floor b/c than when she goes to her bed than she won't know that if you go so far that she will fall of and get hurt later on. They do learn how far is far. I got 5 little ones and all them found out one way or the other. i hope this helps

I wouldn't worry about her rolling off of the bed while you are in it - you are aware of her when you are there - I wouldn't leave her there when you are not there.

If it makes your husband sleep better and everyone feel safer I would do the bed on the floor. We did that before we bought a king bed and then we felt safer having more space.

Having a bed on the floor is fun and cozy : )