Our son is almost 5. He is generally very well behaved, gets along wonderfully at preschool, sunday school etc. BUT... when our god kids come over to visit hr turns into a different kid. The god kids are 2, 5, 9, and 11. THey are maniacs themselves and they really bring it out in our son. He is the worst of all of them when they come over. We tried time outs we tried taking away priveledges. Nothing seems to curb this behavior. As soon as they leave and before they arrive he is my normal loving well behaved son. Withing 30 minutes of their arrival he has had at least one talking to about running in the house or grabbing and climbing on people, snatching toys, acting mean, or totally ignoring us when we are talking to him. What should we do?
Usually our god kids listen once they are reminded of the house rules and they cause little to no issues for the rest of the visit. It is our son who continues to defy the rules and our punishments.
You need for your god kids to follow your house rules if you expect DS to. I would speak to their parents about their behavior in your house.
Don't have them over for a while and explain to everyone-and I do mean everyone-nicely-why you have arrived at that decision.
Do your godkids follow your rules when they're at your house? They should. Your house; your rules.
You can't expect your 5 yo to sit there if the other kids are all running wild!
If your consequences have never gone beyond time outs and taking away privileges, you need to pump it up, so when you warn him before they come what is expected and what will happen, it's something that he cares about. It will have to happen a few times for him to believe you too, but that's OK, better than having him act this way forever after.
You're saying he's always wonderfu at every other time, so it sounds like you're just "trying" time outs and privilege removals because this is the only time he acts out. Without consistency, nothing works, so if this is his only time discipline is needed (rare kid!) it's hard to establish consistency. Also, these things are very mild, so why would he care? It's way more fun to carry on with the crowd. That's why you need something a lot firmer to counterbalance the uncontrollable urge to do all the things you're mentioning with these kids.
If there are any other times you could be a little more firm with behavior, even elements of this like ignoring you when you talk, climbing on people (or not responding when you tell him not to do stuff at home), acting mean (could be just talking back in a normal setting) be sure to be totally consistent so he's already confident in what you'll do when these playdates come up. Usually it's the discipline at home in private that really pays off in public and social settings.
And strike a balance, you're not expecting him to be angelic when all the other kids are wild, he needs to blow off steam, but you do need an effective tool to keep him with the herd and not way off in outer space. Right now, he does not have an effective deterrent that makes it worth it to him to take heed. Good luck!
Is it only these particular kids that he gets overexcited around? Does it happen at playdates at other people's houses? What about indoor playgrounds with lots of unsupervised kids?
Is the purpose of the visit so that the kids can get to know each other? Or for the parents to socialize? Or are you babysitting them without their parents?
You could try more structured or planned activities to do with the other kids since he does well at school. Keep an adult with him at all times to talk him through the situation. I have a friend who has a teen watch the kids while the parents chat. Make sure the other kids aren't somehow pushing his buttons. Have a quiet room that feels safe where he can go to take a break without being followed(if he's not used to having to share his space or things). Or maybe enlist the help of the older ones to let you know when he's getting out of control(not to tell you every little thing he does wrong).
Hi, A.:
I am confused about your situation.
You say your child is wonderful before the god children come over.
Then they act act and you tell them to straighten up. They do.
Then you say your child disregards your authority.
I need more information.
D.
Remind EVERYONE of the house rules before the playtime starts. If I were you, I would write the expectations on a poster board and post them right in the middle of the play space. Before they start doing anything, discuss with them what your expectations are for ALL of them and that this is about respecting your house and everyone in it.
I would also make sure to acknowledge and praise them for playing appropriately. If your son gets out of hand, tell him which rule he broke and put him in a time-out for a solid 10 minutes (longer if he's still wound-up). Do it each and every time b/c remember that time out in and of itself is not a "punishment", it's about removing the stimulus (crazy playmates) long enough to pull it together and rethink his decisions.
