Not a Happy Mom :(

Sometimes mine are angels, and sometimes they act like such little monsters I want to rip my hair out! I know how it feels to be out somewhere when the kids decide to act crazy. As some of the other moms have pointed out, it helps to have the talk before hand. Sometimes a civilized conversation reminding them of what is expected is enough. Give a few scenarios of what may happen at the event, and of what responses will be acceptable or not. Tell them a list of consequences. If they think you're a joke then get tough. Don't be afraid to use a loud stern voice and threatening tone. Give them an immediate consequence to show them you aren't bluffing. I don't need to to this with my kids everytime we go somewhere, but every once in a while they need to be reminded. We always want to keep everything pleasant and positive, don't we? Things get ugly anyway when they decide to act up in public, so just set the tone before you get there.

I hate it when that happens and we ALL have been there! The consequence should be taking away something they love. Did they do or have anything they enjoyed today (ie, dessert, vides games, tv, bike, etc)? Take something away and tell them why and do not give in to their cute faces or begging. Just say BUH to the BYE dude you blew it! If my son persists after that, I make him go to his room until he mellows out and stops asking for whatever back.

You should have packed their little bee-hinds right back into the car, apalogized to your brother and hightailed it home.
Kids don't get to act like that mama! I know you are tired. But, you put them in time out and they spit their tongue out at you? Oh no. That's not gonna fly. And the other one yelled BACK at you. You give a good warning and then there is a consequence. Your boys are PLENTY old enough to behave.
You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of issues if you can't get this fixed ASAP. If you go out and your boys misbehave, GO HOME. If you are at the park and they can't listen, GO HOME. If you are at a party and they are acting like fools, GO HOME. Pretty soon they will learn that if their behavior is innappropriate that they have to GO HOME. Make home boring, make home have chores. If they wont do them then they wont watch TV, play video games, play with their toys.
You must be firm. Good luck to you
L.

2 things
for next time..

When your children were misbehaving whren God mother arrived.I woul dhave said to the boys. "If you continue this behavior, we will not go and sister will go alone with god mother.".

Then if they began to behave, I would have said," thank you for behaving, but here is a promise. If you misbehave at Uncles house, I will have god mother bring me and you 2 boys home and she and sister will return to the party."

And then I would do it.. There is no way I would have left the house if my child was already misbehaving.. And she knows it..

You do a disservice to your children if you do not make the hard choices, like missing your brothers party.. You then can tell the kids later. "I am so sad that we could not be with Uncle, because you 2 cannot behave. It made me sad I did not get to spend time with him.". This is the best way for them to learn empathy and realize they need to take responsibility for their behaviors..

I would take everything they hold to be dear to them. Each time they asked for something the answer would be "NO! You misbehaved by doing......... and until you realize this is not acceptable you will not be doing or having....." Make it hurt! Eat ice-cream in front of them and when they ask if they can have some explain that they can't because...... Take their TV time, computer time, game time, favorite toys, blankies, what ever they enjoy. It will turn around but be prepared to have to do it often until they realize you are serious. Make those little boys drink from pink cups. Surprise them with their favorite desserts, but don't allow anyone that has been naught to have any. Make them do more work around the house to pay you back for their naughty behavior. They can vacuum, do dishes, sweep floors, pick weeds.... They may not do a very good job, but it doesn't matter. You just need to work some energy out of them.

I believe in spankings and I don't care what other's say or think. It works! If a child of mine ever stuck their tongue out at me it would be followed with a swat. I spare everyone else the opportunity to spew their beliefs at me by taking them in the bathroom to carry out this punishment. I must say that after I swatted my first child in front of my parents, they clapped. She had gotten way to spoiled because I just didn't get it that I was smarter, bigger, and more stubborn than she could possibly imagine.

Don't let those cute little babies bully you! You are in charge and you can do it. If you think it's bad now, imagine what they will be like when they are 16 and you can't put them in timeout. That will spur you into action!

Janie L., one of these days that whole police thing will bite you in the fanny! My husband is a cop and he would look the parent square in the eye and tell you to get your kids under control. We are raising our fair share and he doesn't want to raise those that don't belong to him.

I realize it is hard to do at a party, but I would have taken them both to a quiet room and made them miss the fun for a time.

Going out like that starts at home. First, try to get a handle on their backtalking at home. Be swift. Be firm. Make them realize you are serious about consequences for their behavior. Do not be afraid of them or any reactions you might get from others. I'd much rather see a screaming child be removed from a restaurant than listen to said child continue to scream during my meal.

Also, make expectations clear before you leave. My SD could be a handful as a young child when she was excited. We went over the "rules" of the outing. We were going here and here. She would be able to play when we got here. We would have lunch at x time. She was expected to behave or x would happen. I will never forget the first time I took her and her brother out Christmas shopping for their dad. I came home feeling like I'd done battle.

You can find your "voice" as a parent and use it. It won't be perfect (there were still days we left a restaurant and took doggie bags home) but it will be better. Don't let them slack at home so they don't give you a hard time out. Even going to the post office or grocery store is a good time to practice being good and listening. We also like to praise the kids when they DO behave. "DD, you listened when I told you to not to run ahead. Thank you for listening and waiting. We have more fun when you do the right things."

In this case, you might have them write apologies to anyone they annoyed, like your brother and friend.

Oh Mama... I feel you. My kids have done this and it is so embarrassing. For mine, and I bet in your case too, they were so excited they were just off the wall. I would have taken them into another room when your friend got there and let them know your expectations and if they couldn't settle, I would not have taken them. In the car if they were winding up again, I would have turned around. At the party, I would have given them a chance to settle and then we would have left. All these scenarios are THEIR choice and their behavior dictates what they get to do. Sometimes that really hard to do because it's something we want or feel like we need to do, and we want them to be able to do something fun. So... the sooner you respond to their behavior with firm consistent consequences, the sooner they'll know you mean business and make different choices.

The yelling and tongue thing I would nip in the bud really quick... that's beyond just being out of control excited. I send my kids to their room when they are disrespectful. They can yell and stick their tongues out all day long in there, but they can't do it to me or in the common areas. It doesn't have quite the impact for them when they are in their rooms doing it by themselves.

Good luck!!

You should have packed them up and asked your friend to please take you home. I am a firm believer in one warning and then a consequence. I always went over the rules with my children before we went anywhere, store, party etc. I would tell them if they didn't behave we would leave and I would do it. Going over things before hand allows them to know what you expect from them. Children will test the boundaries as long as we let them but they also need to be reminded what is expected of them. A few times of picking up and going home and they will get the message loud and clear. No empty threats, consistency and consequences that is what worked for me. Good luck!!

Our family has a family night one night each week. During this time we have a short lesson and family activity. Earlier this year my sons (who also happen to be 5 & 7) went through this kind of phase. Lots of fighting, crying, whining and disrespectful behavior. So for 2 months our weekly lessons were on making a happy home, which included our new discipline procedures. First we talked about wanting to make our home a safe, happy place for our family, and that each family member is an important part of making that happen. We talked about how it feels when there's fighting, crying, whining, etc, versus how it feels when everyone is getting along, working out disagreements calmly, and using normal voices (we're religious so we also explained that our good behavior invites the Spirit of God into our home). Then I explained that it takes A LOT of energy out of everybody when there's fighting, etc. So, we will all work together to make sure our family has enough energy to enjoy each day. When the kids make good choices and get along, they add to our family energy and we get privileges (family movie night, invite friends over, go swim at the pool, etc). When the kids fight, argue with me, or do not respect our property, they take away energy and have to work to replenish our family energy (help with the chores they least enjoy, lose screen time, cancel playdates, etc). As much as possible, I try to tie the consequence to the specific misbehavior. If they are not ready to leave to the library because they were fighting, or otherwise not following directions, they either do not get to go into the library at all (yay for the return drop box!) or they do not get to borrow movies (a privilege) for that week, depending on the offense. If we have to miss going out because of misbehavior, then the boys have to accomplish X amount of chores. Let me tell you, my baseboards sparkle! Each week for family night after the general introduction, we talked about specific ways to keep our home happy: what to say and do when there is a disagreement; acceptable ways to show anger and sadness; doing nice things for each other just to be nice; practice talking in a normal tone of voice (say the same phrase using different tones of voice and explain that certain tones of voice hurt your ears or are unkind); sharing and taking turns; using good manners. You cannot make your kids listen, but they can choose what kind of day they will have. They can make good choices and enjoy playtime, outings, etc. Or they can make bad choices and live with the consequences. Consistency on your part is the key! You need to follow-up with a consequence every time. As soon as misbehavior starts, warn them that if it continues there will be a consequence. If you know what it will be already, you can warn them specifically. Otherwise, the general warning will do. If the behavior continues, implement the consequence. If you need time to think, either send them to their room or put them to work while you figure it out. If you're out in public, leave. Even if you can't go home, go to another room, or your car, where you can deal with the situation more privately. For yesterday's behavior, you should have the boys apologize to their godmother, uncle, and you; they lose the opportunity to swim next time they are invited; they need to tell each other 3 nice things they like about the other; they need to tell you 3 nice things they like about you; have them role play what they could have done differently. It's not just about punishment - it's also teaching them appropriate, alternative behavior. It's hard work, but worth it! Soon they will learn that you are serious when you tell them to stop, and they will begin to follow directions and get along more. They still won't be perfect angels, but you should definitely notice a reduction in undesireable behavior :) Hang in there!

Personally, at that point I would have taken them to the bathroom or some other out of the way place and give a couple good hard swats on the bottom.
Yes, prevention is best, making sure they are well rested, fed with good healthy food, and had an explanation of proper behavior beforehand. But once they are out of control I have found that it takes a shock or a change of venue to snap them out of it. Timeouts don't work and losing a privilege later is too far away to be effective - either that or it results in whining crying and begging on top of the other bad behavior.
I also like the idea of getting them dressed and making them sit somewhere out of the way until your ride is ready to leave.

Looking at your situation, I think something like this could help. Before you go, you talk with them and ask them what type of behavior they should have at the pool. Focus on how exciting the pool is and approach it in an exciting way when you talk about their behavior. Have them answer - things like obeying you, talking politely to others and to each other, etc. (when they do the answering, for some reason they do better at behaving) Then ask them what they think might happen if they don't behave well. Again, have them give you the answers because it somehow processes different in their brain. Some answers would be that they would have to go sit in the car (with you) until they feel they can behave again. Maybe take all the kids since you have no one else to watch them.

I could understand their crazy behavior before you left because they are excited, and excitement can turn kids a bit crazy.

(sorry, I am being so distracted as I type this, so I hope I'm making sense!)

At the pool, if they were rude or treating you with disrespect, then they already know what is going to happen. They get to go sit out in the car until they are ready to behave (or sit in the front yard - somewhere away from the pool and other people). If you had your car, I would have suggested to even take them home if you need to!

You don't need to get mad at them or anything like that. Just let the consequences do the teaching for them. If they were treating me like that, there's no way they'd get to keep swimming! And, I can totally relate to how you feel. I think that no matter how we parent, all of us can relate to having days where the kids are HORRIBLE. I have felt crazy on days like that!

I really like the book "Positive Parenting" by Jane Nelsen. I know the word "positive" can make it seem like it's a pushover book where you let your kids do whatever and run the house, but that is so NOT what it is. I really like it.

I feel like my entry here is super scatterbrained. I don't even know if I explained what I was trying to say!

Just know you aren't alone. Those of us with several kids can definitely relate to how you're feeling. It can be quite different when you have one or two kids...for me, when #3 arrived, it changed the whole dynamics! They can really feed off of each other and get crazy. Good luck.

I have three a baby, and a two and four year old. I take them everywhere by myself. Before we go anywhere(while I am driving) I tell them what I expect of them. Listen to mommy, stay close, different rules depending on where we are going. Last week my two year old threw a fit over nothing at the pool, I tried to put her in time out but she wouldn't stop screaming so we packed up and left. It sucks cause it's not fair to my son and it takes a lot of effort on my part just to go anywhere to pack our stuff. On our way home I talked to her about why we left and she sat in time out for a long time when we got home. Yesterday at the mall ( my kids love the mall) about 45 min into our trip my son started fighting over the stroller saying he was so tired so we went home and he went to his room to take a nap. He wasn't tired and never slept but I made him stay in there. I also told him we didn't get to eat chickfila and ride the carousel because we had to leave for fighting. These instances are VERY rare for us, most the time they listen, of course I have to correct them often but they are little and I expect that. They know I don't put up with them embarrassing me in public and giving me a hard time or we'll just leave. You only have to do it a few times and they'll get it. At home they get sent to their room.

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Unfortunately our kids never "choose" the right occasions to act up! I think they also feed off our anxiety and it makes you feel upset because you know how they really are, and that they are good kids. Brush it off and move on, if this is a daily occurrence then you might need to up the ante like others have said and take away some privileges. I recently went somewhere with my 6 year old, whom is not perfect but knows right from wrong. He absolutely acted outside the box and was naughty and cheeky. I was so embarrassed and disappointed in his behaviour - I took away his Ipod privilege and now he knows I mean business! I was so annoyed with him when I know he is better than that.

Ugh. It happens. Is it the norm or was yesterday the exception?

If it's the norm...all I can say is "hit them where it hurts"! No--I don't mean spanking. I mean what do they LOVE? Wii? A DS? Television? Then THAT is the punishment. No xyz for O. day, then two, etc. O. warning, then the consequence.

IMO, time outs at 5 and 7 ARE a joke. They just don't care about sitting in time out at that age....so move onward...to the "good stuff"!

Good luck!

Little boys can be such little s*#ts sometimes can't they? Just know that you're not alone. I find with three they often feed off each other's bad behaviour and the whole shebang escalates. When there's only one of you it's almost impossible to control them sometimes. It's definitely worse in another environment like the pool. I suppose you should just live and learn, and if possible, always take your own transport from now on so you do have the option of packing up and going home. Oh, and I find that using the police helps me too. Such as, 'the pool police will be looking out for naughty boys today,'. I know, evil right? But, desperate times and all that...

have a consequence that you will follow through on. Something that in no way hurts you. Like taking a way a video game, or a favorite friends play date. My kids are at their worst when they haven't eaten or had enough sleep.

Hi Partyofive, My advice is going to be different, because I have 27 years experience in being a mom, and I had two little boys also, it sounds to me and I could be wrong but t sounds like a lack of discipline, I'm not talking punishment, (Time Outs. taking toys away) those don't work PERIOD. Children need discipline that's Part of loving our children. We taught our children very early in age about how to begave in public and at/in other peoples homes. When your son stuck his toung out at you what was the consequences? if any. Your children should not have been allowed to stay they should have been taken home for that behavior. Many moms on this sight will tell you it's all normal, well not for well behaved, respectible children. Your husband should have dealt with their behavior when he got home since you did not. You are a unhappy mom we have all been there even me and my kids have always been very well behaved, but my husband has always been the disciplinarian with our kids, he was and still us very involved, and that's what it takes. Kimberly F. She understands the nessecity of discipline. J.