Who Stays?

You really don't want others opinions huh? I haven't even read all the answers but if you are already snipping at the group for given you other alternatives then why should anyone else answer.

Neither, if you can't make alternative consideration then neither should go.

The blood relative should go.

That said...not being able to find a sitter in a month is preposterous.

Get a sitter. No need to make life so complicated!

Neither will enjoy without the other.
So with the givens, I'd say neither or the wife. She is blood and has more of an obligation and it will be her family at the reception. She can explain he's home with the kids and he looks like a hero. If he goes and explains she's home with the kids, he looks like a jerk.

It's obvious that the wife doesn't think much of her blood relative and couldn't care less that he's getting married and she doesn't want to go;
Since she is using the old "we couldn't get a sitter even ONE MONTH or TWO WHOLE MONTHS in advance" excuse, the husband, who is actually happy for the groom, should go. Besides, he probably needs a break from the Mrs. and all her bad talk about the groom's long line of previous women and how she asked a "simple" question on Mamapedia and no one gave her the answer SHE wanted to a "question" she should have been able to resolve without asking online, especially since she turned around and used it to put down the women who were only trying to help.

Obviously you already have an answer in your head; therefore, this is nothing more than a rhetorical question and a waste of our time to answer.

"No sitter is available" is even more inclusive than "regular sitter isn't available". I really do think *IF* you both wanted to go the "no sitter is available" problem could be easily solved in Houston, TX. It's unfortunate that it didn't go exactly your way and you need to fire back with the "just like women" comment.

** Then don't say "sitter is not available" when you absolutely WILL not hire one for this wedding (don't make it looks like a sitter even matters). You have a nanny so you must leave the home at some point. I don't understand why you won't go and enjoy yourself at this wedding and on your future trip (that you posted about that was a huge disaster of you not wanting to go...well, your multiple versions of questions are gone but the thoughtful answers remain). You are missing out on not fostering a wonderful relationship with hubby if you keep doing this**

Re the last sentence of your SWH - ouch! Sometimes bringing something "new" up actually helps...

Given your restrictions, I'll just recommend that both of you should skip the wedding.

Btw - I thought what Jo said was very smart and could actually be helpful.

Dawn

You stay home for sure. I think you'd be much happier and since you have decided a sitter is not an option a full month before the event then obviously you do not really want both you and your husband to attend together.
A bit of advice concerning this and several of your past questions. Maybe you should consider just asking the questions without all the rules, parameters and pointing out your "off limit" responses. Sometimes when we are so busy trying to control things which are out of our control we miss the simple answers in life.
Just a thought, if you choose to take my advice, enjoy your day alone with your toddler!

Conventionally the relative attends but in your case I would recommend your husband attend without you.

Just curious on why no sitter? I'm sure there is someone who can watch child for a few hours. Both should go

What everyone needs to realize is that not all people have a regular "sitter". I am a SAHM, and our kids either go with us everywhere we go, or my parents watch them. I don't let other people watch my kids. I just am not compfortable with that. Never ever EVER in a million years would I go to SitterCity or Care or a high school guidance office to find people to watch my kids. They are just a glorified Craigslist. That being said, we don't know if your regular sitter isn't available or if you just don't have one. Even if you DO have a regular sitter it isn't unreasonable for them to already have something planned a month or two in advance for a HOLIDAY weekend people. Whichever way it is, the sitter isn't available, and in my opinion neither situation is "preposterous". My personal opinion is to just not go. However, since the wife is blood relation I think she is the one who should go even if the husband does have a good relationship with the groom. The bride and groom are the ones who placed the "no-kids" restriction on their wedding, so they shouldn't be upset with one of you if you don't show up because you have to stay home to care for the kid. If they do then that is their issue. If you both really want to go then I suppose the idea of one go to the wedding and one go to the reception is a good idea. You might just have to flip on who gets to do what.

I don't hold it against anyone that doesn't want children at a wedding.
Personally I would find a sitter, but it sounds like you are not willing to budge on that.
Also if I was the blood relative, I would be the one to go.

But since you are making this a who goes post, then it seems like you really don't want to go.

How about leaving it up to the bride/groom to decide.

ETA: You have a nanny? Nanny's know other Nanny's/babysitters. So is your excuse of no sitter is available or is it you aren't willing to find another sitter?

If the baby can't come we don't come. Always been that way. My husband and I both agree. My toddlers have always been nurslings and can't be left with a sitter for hours in order to attend something as long as a wedding and reception as well as travel time. We send a gift and our regards.

Personally I would find a new sitter. I am going to assume this isn't this weekend which means you should have time to do so.

Another idea is just ask them if you both can go to the wedding and keep the child in the cry room. Then whoever is in the party mood goes to the reception.

Bring the kiddo over here, we'll watch him/her!

Why is there a baby sitter not available?

Sittercity.com
Care.com
Check your local high school guidance office - sometimes they have kids in classes that are geared toward babysitting.

Whichever wants to go the most. Good luck.

Both stay home. Sounds like the marriage may not last anyway ;-)

If the event is local, can you split it? One go to the wedding and one to the reception? Or one to the wedding and part of the reception and the other to the rest of the reception?

If the blood relation is close enough that the wife would/should be in the wedding family pictures, then the wife should go to the wedding and stick around long enough for the pictures. Then, the husband can go to the reception.

if it were my relative, I'd want the actual relative at my wedding, if at all possible. That being said, I'm not sure if you really want anyone's opinion or just a validation of your own opinion. You have over a month and and can't get any sort of sitter? You have no friends or people from church or neighbors?

My vote is husband goes. Wife stays home with kids since sitter is NOT an option. GL

If it were me and my fiancee, and there were absolutely no childcare options out there (which I find hard to believe...it's a MONTH away...not exactly last minute), neither of us would go. But we'd be sure to attend the bridal shower/bachelor/bachelorette parties if we could and let them know we'd have loved to be there.

Flip a coin to choose who goes...or neither of you goes. Seems fairly simple.

Wife goes. (Blood relative logic)

We dont have a sitter either, dont know why people are hung up on that. I'm a SAHM, and we have no family down here. There really hasnt been a need for a sitter and we dont know that many people all that well. I dont feel comfortable leaving my daughter with just anyone. That's just me.

Anyway, do you both want to go? If one of you really wants to and the other is sort of ho hum about it, then the person who wants to goes. If you both really want to go I say the wife wins because it is a blood relative.

Both people to wedding with child if at a church. Reception Wife goes, because it's her family that will be there.

Added: If your husband is ok with finding a sitter and you are not happy with the choices he has- my answer would be that he goes because it is possible for the both of you to go- however if you both do not like sitter options or you live where no other people are present then I would go with the above

Sorry, but if my kids aren't welcome - neither am I... you accept all of us or none of us!

I'd be willing to bet they'd let you bring your child if they knew one of you couldn't come without it.

But I'd say neither or both if A) your baby can't come or B) you really can't find a sitter.

Husband goes. Wife stays home with kids. Don't understand why everyone is so angry????

Let your husband stay home with the toddler. You attend the ceremony and make a brief showing at the reception, just long enough to make the rounds with the family, congratulate the happy couple, drop off the card and money, and have dinner. Then go home right after the champagne toast.

I'd say either one could go and the other could stay home, since you are both close to the groom. I would say whomever would have the best time solo hanging out with the other wedding guests could go. I think it is totally understandable if neither go if neither want to go by themselves. If both want to go, I'd call the groom and explain because it is a holiday weekend, you are having trouble finding a sitter. Ask if they know of any other of the local guests who may be willing to share their babysitter for the evening. I would NOT ask or hint around to see if I could bring the toddler, please respect their wishes and don't put them in that position. And they should also respect your not both attending if childcare doesn't work out. I would understand a lot of babysitters not being available on a holiday weekend, they ought to have understand hosting a wedding on a holiday weekend would ensure some people will have conflicts.

In this situation I would expect the Blood Relative's attendance.

Wife goes since she is family.

Interesting. Maybe you and your husband want to flip a coin?!

This may be a choice: you could talk with your husband about one dropping the other off for the wedding part then switch for the reception. For example, you attend the wedding while your husband has your toddler at a nearby McD's or park; then you visit the park with your toddler and he gets to talk to the groom and friends at the reception (or vice versa).

You would still be polite if you sent a gift or card and both of you stayed home. If asked, just say that not being allowed to bring your toddler as well as getting the late notice, didn't allow you both to attend (period).

Just my two cents worth.

Both of you stay home. Have a nice and relaxing holiday weekend as a family. When the happy newlyweds come home from their honeymoon, have them over for a nice BBQ :-)

ETA: Whether or not you are willing to get a sitter is irrelevant. It is clear that you are not considering that option. I'm not sure why everyone is making that suggestion to you either.

I would say both or neither, honestly. Why is there no sitter available? I mean, I know that can happen, or a sitter to get sick and have to cancel... but I am going to assume that you have known about this wedding date for awhile... You could even use someone NEW, ya know?

Or does this wedding require overnight travel? In which case: neither goes. Just RSVP with regrets. Problem solved.

Given: Husband and wife go to wedding and enjoy the holiday weekend. No sitter for child: Child stays with sitter that they have since both want to go.

Couples do need to get away from parenthood to keep their love life alive and remember why they got married in the first place. You lose yourself as Tommy and Carol for daddy and mommy.

The other S.

If it were me, I'd find a new sitter (I know you said take it as a given, but I just don't see it that way).

In this situation, if the wife doesn't want a new sitter, husband goes, wife stays home.

If the husband doesn't want a new sitter, wife goes, husband stays home.

New sitter=both go, and it will be way more fun

You said you have a baby. Don't know how old.
Mom... should stay home, with baby.
A Man cannot breastfeed.
If you are nursing. Unless baby takes a bottle.
Toddler then stays home with you too.
Since the wedding does not allow children.

It is planned for a Holiday weekend. Which Holiday?

Weddings and then the reception after... can take a long time. Hours.
Again, since you have a baby and if baby is nursing etc., then you stay home. With the kids.

I assume, you or Hubby do not work on the weekends?
If so, then one of you have to take off from work, as well.

One of you have to attend.
And the couple of the wedding, just HAS to realize in a mature way, that you have a Baby... (plus a Toddler) and thus, both of you CANNOT go.
Not everyone can get a babysitter, or want to. That is a personal choice.

Tough one! Are there a lot of family members going (since wife is related to groom)? Is there a cousin or niece (maybe 15-19 years old) that would rather sit for some extra cash than attend a wedding? If only one parent is going, then I think the wife should go because it is her blood relative.

Who wants to go the most? It seems that in this case it's the husband, so he should go.

If both really, really want to go -give sittercity.com or care.com a try. In Houston, TX -I promise you -there is a sitter available.

Whomever stays home is who wants to go the least. In this case, I would say - Send hubby and you stay home. Someone gets to have a good time and the other does too.

Well, I am going to say that unless the whole family lives in a commune setting then a babysitter is available, you just haven't met them yet. There are tons and tons of people that live in Houston Texas and there are trustworthy people who work through agency's or child care settings who have been through security checks and are perfectly able to watch a toddler for a few hours, even a half a day.

So, in my opinion you have chosen to say that is a valid excuse. I for one would be looking around and using a select few babysitters from now until then so the child would be comfortable and able to be happy with the chosen person. I know the young women at my friends ward in Spring are always babysitting and have numerous calls each week they have to turn down.

Find a sitter at the wedding location. Yes, I know you said your regular sitter isn't available - but all major hotels have a list of trusted sitters and even if you haven't used one before, you can give it a try!

If you don't do that it sounds like you and your DH might have to fight it out to see who gets to go to the wedding.