I Need Good Advice Regarding a Family Wedding Issue.

You've got to be kidding....there is no family wedding issue unless you both make it one - one rule for all - kids under 21 aren't invited - plain and simple. You'll have to get over it - sorry for being harsh!

Whomever is invited to the wedding will be on the front of the wedding invitation envelope. If a name is not there, they are not invited. This is up to the Bride and Groom, only.
C.

I just attended my cousins wedding, they had the same rule, no 1st cousins under 21. Now, I have a brother who is 20 and a 19 year old sister and they were not invited. My my brother who is 30 and I were invited.
It did bother me, but the bride and groom had to make a decision of where to draw the line and that's what they chose. I think you just have to respect their decision. We went to the wedding and had a great time. The girls are plenty old to hang out that night and they would probably have fun just seeing eachother. Go have a good time.

No one is trying to slight your children. When I got married, years ago, my husband and I made the decision not to invite ANY children to our wedding. It was a hard decision because I had quite a few nieces and nephews that I was very close to, but a few that were very obnoxious. All were invited to the actual wedding ceremony. Go figure, the "best man", (husband's brother who was divorced, with two ill-behaved children), and my husband's sister, who had two children, made our lives miserable by stirring up trouble and threatening to boycott my wedding. It caused a lot of strife. However, I couldn't, in good faith, invite some children, without inviting all. After two months of planning for a wedding 14 months away - eloping started to sound very appealing!

God bless my mom for having the brilliant sense to throw me a bridal shower and invite ALL my nieces and nephews - about 14, in all. The adult guests complained that the kids were" too loud"," always moving", "blocking everyone's view" and" always gathered around me". Children ranged in ages - 5 years to 14 years. I was vindicated! I enjoyed the kids and It put an end to the "child controversy!".

Flash to the wedding.... my brother-in-law got drunk and some of the other guests were wild and I was grateful that I had made the right decision in making it an adult fare. I had ONE guest who did not honor my request and brought her 12 year old son - a very nice boy, nonetheless, a child. This did not sit well with those who had children, however, I did not know, in advance, she would bring her son. I heard about this for a while.

So, my thought is, either suck it up and honor his request and don't take it personally, or don't go. It has nothing to do with "family coming first" and everything to do with making it fair, for all. You can even rent a hotel room and bring a babysitter with, overnight, so that your children can actually see the wedding service - the most important part of the day. The children may get invited to a Bridal Shower or may be included in festivities, associated with the wedding. Making this a huge issue, so early, takes away from the beauty of the event. It is WHAT it is and it is THEIR special day! Your reaction to their decision will have a lot to do with "how hurt" the children's "feelings" will be.

Good luck.

We had a simliar event happen in June, but we had to travel to Fl! We respected their wishes and didn't bring the kids to the reception. We hired a babysitter and had a great time. It took a lot of planning and extra money, but I didn't want to be the one who rained on their parade. Ultimately, it is their day. Hopefully they one have one. Your teenagers will recover, but the relationship with the rest of your family may not. As soon as they have children, they will understand how hard that was for you to do. Good luck.

It doesn't matter if you think the situation is ridiculous or excludes others; this is their wedding and they get to host it however they want no matter how unfair you think it is, no matter how much unemployment they receive while planning an extravagant wedding (I don't get what that has to do with anything other than being annoying), no matter what they are asking for in gifts. Sure, many people might think this is tacky and appalling but it doesn't give the guests any right to "make up their own rules" because they "don't like how things are going".

If they did not invite your children, then don't bring them. It really is that simple. (I wouldn't be happy about it either, but its not right for you to bend the rules while everyone else complies)

My GOD. Things are no longer like they "use to be". Too much money is envolved in the wedding banquet now days.Tell hubby it's not personal not bringing the daughter the rule goes for all children or minors. You'll have a better time if he just lets loose and enjoys himself without having to worry about a child getting stepped on bumped into etc. Have fun. You're still great parents but kids need time away from parents also. Enjoy yourselves.

The answer is....too bad! It's not your wedding to plan. And you don't need to hire a babysitter - your children are old enough to be left alone.

With the help of a close friend or family member on your side, maybe you could organize a slumber party or other special event for the cousins to have while you're at the reception. My sister and I once hosted a party for the little kids while the wedding reception was going on in another part of the hotel. Believe me, the kids we were with were much happier there than they would have been at the "adult reception" anyway.

B., I am responding because the vast majority are saying go to the wedding and too bad about the underage kids. I disagree. We had the same issue last year. The only difference was the wedding was out of town (we were expected to travel) and my son was not invited as he was under 21. We decided to forgo the wedding. I personally believe that family comes first. I think it is silly to compare a $100 babysitter fee to the cost of the wedding. They chose the lavish wedding not you. That doesn't mean you should spend that amount on a babysitter unless you want to.

Now, with that said...Will you regret not being there? If so then go and deal with the cost of a babysitter. You don't want to live with regrets.

I personally believe weddings are an invitation to a party/celebration. If you want to go under their terms go. If not then don't. I know it's not that simple but that is how I boiled it down when we decided. Good luck deciding and then living with your decision!

I don't think I would go. I just don't understand families that exclude children from celebrations that are CREATING more family. If you think your children will be hurt then I would just send a gift and stay with your children. If they ask, then tell them why you did not attend. I guess maybe I come from a lower class but in my family weddings are FAMILY occasions and children are part of the family. What is cuter than watching the little ones all dolled up dancing on the dance floor? I have gone to a fancy no children wedding once but it was for a friend and they don't have many children in their family. It was kind of hard though cause we couldn't stay very long because I couldn't get a sitter for the whole day, and that was the kind of event this was. The wedding, the long layover, then the reception. We could only stay like an hour into the reception and then we had to leave. But if the issue was more that my children would be hurt by it, I wouldn't have gone.

If the groom and bride are 30 something they probably have close friends with children who will also be excluded. Imagine their hurt feelings if they see other children at the wedding simply because they are related vs being close friends. The only fair thing is to say no children

That being said, if family togetherness is what is so important, why not stage a fun evening for the younger cousins at your home 45 minutes away and then host a pot luck picnic for family on Sunday. There are many low cost options for alternative locations, parks and beaches etc. if you cannot accomodate at your home. Be sure to take the high road and inform the brde, groom and parents of your intentions (and invite them!)

Let the bride and groom have the wedding they want and don't put on any more pressure. And I am the person who had my 2nd cousins at the wedding because I was close to them and wanted them there and had 7 nieces and nephews aged 9 and under stand up in my wedding.

Easier said than done, but you are spending a lot of your energy on something that is still a year away. You can't change this so make the best of it--don't ruin your enjoyment of a family milestone by making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Good luck!

Hi B.!
Wedding are very expensive and they are already working on cutting down the adult list to 160 so why would you think that children should be invited?? They are trying to keep it smaller and it is just not possible to invite the children. Enjoy the time with your husband. We had children at our wedding, but we didn't mind paying for them and we had the room. I understand that your children would love to go to a wedding, but this just isn't the time!

L.

All these hurt feelings and the wedding isn't happening for another year???? Yeesh. How is the guest list even public knowledge yet?

It sounds like your family is thinking only about themselves. Everyone is invited to 2 out of 3 events. You can all attend the prenup dinner and the ceremony. Great! Time for everyone to be with the couple and wish them well. The reception is very costly and they can invite whom ever they want.

I say quit making such a big deal about it. This is not your wedding. Have you even received a written invitation to anything? When the time comes, decide what is most comfortable for you and you kids and do that.

Don't get sucked into the drama. Just offer the new couple your love and support throughout their marriage. That's what's really important.

It sounds to me like you have two very different issues here. You sound very disapproving of the way this wedding is being handled to begin with. I can't say I disagree with you- it sounds like both this couple and the bride's parents are not being very realistic or practical. HOWEVER, that part of it should not be your concern. It's up to the people paying for the wedding and IN the wedding to work that out. As a guest, even if you disapprove, I don't see how it relates to the second issue.

As for the issue of the children. I have a VERY well behaved child, but we have been invited to weddings where even people who know him have not included him. If you include one child- even older ones- politeness dictates that you would have to open the invite to ALL your relative's children.

Its obvious that you are feeling slighted on behalf of your children. I can see being disappointed that they won't get to see their relatives, but honestly, that is NOT the responsibility of the wedding. The wedding is about two people making their commitment to each other.If they have chosen not to have children at the ceremony, that's their decision. You sound angry that you will have to get a babysitter- but that's just life! We have events for my work and children are NEVER invited, we can't really afford a sitter, but we just manage. If you really cannot afford one or feel so strongly about this, then just don't go to the wedding. Send a gift and a congratulations card and leave it at that. Don't attend feeling bitter or resentful- that should not be what the occasion is about.

If your major concern here is honestly that your children will not get to see their family members from out of town- do something about it! Arrange a family get-together for the day before or after the wedding. Contact out of town family members who are special to you and make a point of inviting them to stop by the house and see your children. There are a lot of ways to arrange this- even at a big wedding, out of town guests usually arrange to have some 'down' time to sight see or relax, so see if they want to use that time to visit with your family!

I say go to the wedding just the adults and find something fun for the 2 teenagers to do together. They would rather hang out with each other than all the adults anyway. By the time of the wedding they will be 13 and 16, that is plenty old enough for them to hang out together and watch movies or something, one will be driving by then!

Not to get on a soapbox, but we all seem to forget that a wedding is about the couple getting married, nothing else. If you wanted to make your wedding a family reunion, fine. Evidently the bride and her family (who are hosting the wedding) do not.

Good Luck,
D.

B., Get a sitter and go to the wedding without the kids. It may be not just money as the issue with the family plannign the wedding. It may just be that they don't want the hassle of children. I love kids. But I am in the group that doesn't want children at a grown up function. And it sounds as if this family is putting together a grown up function. The previous poster who suggested having a sitter with all the family kids in a hotel room sounds fun. We did that down state one year. The hotel had movies so we got pizza and snacks and movies/video games and the kids had a lot more fun actually than the grown ups who had to sit thru a reception with very few people they knew. Let this be about the bride and groom. Take the kids to the other functions the prenuptial dinner etc and let it go.

I would do whatever the couple in question want as it is their day not yours. So get the babysitter for the kids and enjoy a night out yourselves. Weddings can be the most amazing opportunity for family fighting and disagreements - avoid this and go with the flow. It is pretty common for people to want their weddings to be an adult affair and it can be tricky to have a cut off where you let some children go and say no to some others. If anyone is desiring a family get together with kids, then have a family event with kids - invite them to your place and have a holiday celebration, a fall barbeque, whatever. But don't get into any fight/hurt feelings over a couple's desire to have an adult wedding. Enjoy.

Hi B.,

Ugh, family situations can be so tough! We have had our share, so I understand exactly where you are coming from!

That being said, there are a couple of things I gathered from your post. First, what it really sounds like to me is that you and your husband have all kinds of issues with the nephew and his bride, deservedly so, and are using the "no one under 21" stipulation to hang your hat on. You may not even realize you are doing that, but if all that mattered was just this stipulation, the majority of that backstory would not have been necessary for us mamas. All you would have to explain is the 21 rule. It seems like you guys don't approve of people in their position having a wedding like this to begin with - and I can't say I disagree - afterall, being broke and even considering having a custom tux made smells a lot like taking advantage to me. I get that.

However, the 21 thing by itself is really no big deal. People do it all the time with weddings. My cousin just did it with her wedding. And frankly, we did it for ours. We were married in Hawaii, invited only immediately family, then my parents hosted a reception at home where we insisted no one under 16 attend. I have at least 3 cousins who could not be there because of this rule. Guess what - too bad, so sad. The last thing we wanted was little kids running around a cocktail party. I'm sure you can understand that. It's unfortunate that your children are being left out because of this rule, but they have to draw the line somewhere. For us, 16 made sense - and based on the age of your children, I gather they would still be left out if 16 were the rule.

Here's the thing - you don't have to be happy about their rule but you do have to accept it. If that means you don't want to attend the wedding because your kids can't go too, then don't attend. My husband's uncle didn't attend our reception for that very reason. People do have the right to make their wedding whatever they want it to be. We knew some people might have an issue with our wedding choice, but our wedding was FOR US. If they didn't like it, they didn't have to come. Plain and simple. No hurt feelings on our end - when you make certain stipulations, you have to accept that some people can't make them work. As for my cousin's wedding...well, we have 2 small children and couldn't get a babysitter for the event. So we didn't go. She was fine with it and so were we. We just considered it part of the sacrifices you have to make in life when you decide to have children. Unfortunately, not everything is going to be open to them, even in their teens.

At the end of the day, I think you really need to examine the reasons behind your hurt feelings. I think it all stems from a disapproval over the entire wedding. You need to know that this is not bad thing - it's ok to feel how ever you want to feel. Don't judge your own feelings. But before you can act on your feelings, you need to acknowledge them, and in an honest way. Only then will you know how to move forward.

Hope this helps - good luck with your decision.

Hard as it might be, this is really a day for the bride and groom and not so much for your daughter. I understand all of your points and it's unfortunate that it has to be one or the other, but it's still a day for your nephew and his bride first and foremost. I would hire a sitter for this one day -- she gets to come and join in the night before, right? - and let it go at that. Can she and other cousins who are not coming all be together with a sitter or 2? That would make it a fun kid night while you are off having a fun adult night. Is there a brunch that the family can get together at the next day or some sort of outing that can be planned? There are ways to make the weekend a family weekend, reserving the wedding/reception for adults only. And maybe it's time to make that Thanksgiving thing work again so you have another all-family venue on your terms to look forward to!

I belive you should go to the wedding and leave the kids at home. I am sure this wedding will cost $100 a plate or more. The line has to be drawn somewhere on who can come. If the rule si 18 or 21 there can be no exeptions or someone will be hurt. At my Wedding my husbands family wanted to do the same thing. We said No Kids. They thought there 9 and 12 years were wopnderful and should come. The dinner was costly and we did not want children. I didn't want little ones crying and running around. You need to be respectful of the Brides rules and wishes. In my family we know the rule is no kids. I was shocked these soon to be in laws would even make this an issue. The kids
came to teh Ceremony and were with a babysitter during the reception. We also ahd one couple who was offened by this rule. The hubby cmae and wife and kidlet stayed home. The only child was my 12 year old step son. Just my fmailies opnions

Hi B.,

last year i was excluded from a wedding that my boyfriend was invited to because the couple said they needed to limit the people and would do this by only inviting all the cousins with their spouses if they had met the spouses before. So that seemed acceptable. But when my boyfriend got to the wedding and there were lots of spouses that they hadn't met before. Actually, the difference became 3 people. My boyfriend counted and started asking around because he was really sad that close family would do this over 3 people. So my boyfriend felt like he was treated unfairly. As it seems that your family has made a strict cut-off and is sticking to it I think that is great because then all feel that there was a rule and that is how they planned it. I think you should go and enjoy a good Date-Night out with your husband. I understand that it feels a bit weird that your kids can't go but maybe it can be fun to do the dinner and dance with your hubby and just look at it that way. I am sorry your husband's sister doesn't have more pull. It is great that she does want to include everyone. If you choose to not go, then it could be a bit sad for your husband's sister because there would be a void of those people on her side.
Whatever you choose, good luck and I hope there is peace in the family after the wedding.

V

B.-
You are 100% right on this. I am so sick of hearing people excuse this kind of outrageous behavior! There seems to be some bizarre notion on bridal sites that any and every decision, no matter how rude or hurtful, gets a pass because it is dressed up in the guise of a wedding. That is ludicrous. Does everyone have to be invited/included? No. Can we invite 20 out of 22? Umm, only if you're a spoiled, selfish jackass. I read a post recently where all family siblings but one were included in the wedding party -- the poor girl expressed feeling hurt and half of the responders came back with "Shut yer trap. It's the bride's day and she can do what she wants!" Same thing where all the siblings on both sides were included, except for two step-siblings. And the bride in that case rejected any suggestion that they be included at all - not as readers, candle lighters, ushers -- nothing. And neither situation involved bad feelings or broken relationships! Quite the opposite, in fact. Ugh - I am sick of it. Mean is mean. Rude is rude. And in situations like the one here, there isn't middle ground. It is wrong, hurtful and sickeningly selfish.

Personally, I don't see the issue with children at weddings, as these are typically positive, family oriented events. They are often very intertaining and help to create very memorable moments. It is difficult to explain to them why they can't attend "an adult event" but this might be a good opportunity to pursue that dialogue. Relly think about it, will your children be hurt if they don't get to go to the wedding? It is not likely that they will feel this same degree of "hurt" that you are feeling.

You didn't mention if kids were invited to the wedding. However, if this is the decision of the bride/groom then this must be respected. It's THEIR event and if they have given proper notice, then that allows you to have adequate time to make child care arrangements. You could arrange an activity for the kids to do something fun instead. I doubt if they would mope around because they are missing the wedding. Especially, if they are pre-occupied with something fun. The other option is to respectfully decline. Please don't feel hurt by the bride and groom's decision. Some people include child care arrangements in their wedding and hire someone to supervise young guests,thereby allowing the adults to enjoy and adult evening. Not everyone does this though. It's a tough bullet to bite, but I would respect the bride/groom's wishes.

Hi B.,

If it really means that much to you and your family maybe you can offer to pay for your childrens' plates? That way your children will get to attend without adding financial burden to the brides' parents. Your children are old enough to behave so that should not be an issue.

So sorry to hear that you have this decision to make but you will have to.
I know why more and more people are starting to have all adult receptions because they are not really always family friendly. They are let get together get drunk and rowdy kind of events and that is not place for children. We went to a reception once where the bride was so out of it she lifted her dress up and flashed her guests. Some Dj's can play some objectional music.
When my husband and I got married 25 years ago, we got married outside and had a great family reception with a live band. That does not happen anymore. No one could afford to hire a live band.
When it comes to food for a wedding it can be very expensive and if it is a sit down dinner the paying party may not want to pay adult prices for a child.
Finally you say you have wonderfully behaved children and that is probably 100% true but if your children get invited what do they tell the families that have the children who can't sit still or cause disruptions?
My thought on the matter is I would go to the wedding and then head home. I would stop off for your own dinner, since you are already all dressed up why not stop.
Don't get mad at the family, it is there choice to make and as far as gifts are concerned you do not need to give them money just because they would prefer it. I have real problems with people saying we would prefer cash or a gift. Let us buy our own items. Well if they want to buy an item, here is a gift card.

Good Luck on this decision.
S.

B.,

You can bring your children to the actual ceremony and the nuptial dinner, which I would do. Since you are the in-law of the family, I would bring your parents or any member of your family, get a hotel with a swimming pool and have your parents or sister, brother..etc. watch your kids at the pool while you are at the reception...leave early and join your kids with family fun at the pool. I have no doubt that your kids would have a better time.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with the sitter idea, and the age parameters are not ones I would have set. Would it be possible for you to do the prenup dinner, attend the wedding together as a family, and/or host a celebration meal of your own (barbecue, restaurant etc.) where all are welcome? I also think maybe a gift card from you might be a nice idea, since they anticipate being so space-challenged. I hope this all works out.

Wow, I don't know what to say. It's ashame they won't invite your older children to the wedding. When I had my wedding, one couple requested to bring their "only" daughter to the wedding (she was like 11 yrs old) so I added her to the guest list to be kind. But if everyone started requesting to bring their older children (we didn't invite any children---only the flower girl was invited since she stood up in the wedding)then I would have to draw the line somewhere in order to keep the guest list down. So while it's ashame that your older children are not invited I can certainly understand why they are not being invited.

If I were you I'd do whatever you are most comfortable doing.

Hi mom this is a wedding it should be a happy moment in the family life but it's not. If it was me I would talk to the bride and groom they should have a little say so over their wedding. If not I would not go I do not know what's up with weddings and funerals its sad when family don't get it, this is a time of happiness. I was not invited to my niece's wedding nothing big they went to the city hall and they only wanted their mother's and father's and grandparents but what about auntie's I am like mother or the next best thing and I had been her mother when her mother was not able and this really hurt me to this day and they don't even know it. Because I think they just don't care. So to spare yourself of any pain just don't go Good Luck

Just my two cents, but I say go to the prenuptial dinner where everyone is invited and your kids will be included. You and your husband should decide if you really want to attend the reception or not. If not take your kids to the wedding and then go home otherwise go ahead and get a babysitter. Either way the kids will be included in the event to some extent.

I think that you need to consider how your nephew will feel on this issue. If famiy is truly most important than his feelings need to be considered. Since he is not paying anything toward the wedding the bride's family is in total control. Trust me when I say this isn't going to be the first or last that your children won't be invited to a family event. If your nephew wants you to be there and enjoy the reception than you should go.

Sorry for your dilema. I suggest going with your hubby & have a date night. If they dont want to budge then dont make a big deal out of it. Honestly the kids probably wouldnt have fun at a loud maybe obnoxious wedding were adults dont want to be prohibited because kids are around or worse not care that kids are around & really embarass you & your daughter. Try not to look at this as a family reunion but an adult only party. Since your brother in law has a kid maybe yours & his can stay together with a sitter & they can have a sleepover together, I bet they would forget about the wedding & have their own fun.

Get a sitter and enjoy the evening with your husband. It is becoming more common place for people to have formal evening weddings w/o children.

Totally my opinion. I would go to the family dinner and wedding where my child can attend and not the reception. Maybe you and get together with you brother in law and go out with the kids. They don't get to see each other that much and might enjoy hanging out together. If you convey the message in love to your nephew that you can not attend the reception, hopefully he will understand.

Unfortunately, it always seems like the people that pay for the wedding have the only say in the wedding. Maybe it would help if the bride could spend some time with the girls in question. If she could see what nice girls they are, maybe she would reconsider. Maybe your sister in law could talk to the Mother of the Bride and try to sway her. If none of that seems to work, then I would bring your daughter to the service and get her a sitter for after. Maybe another relative from your side could go along to the service and then take her home so that you can stay for the reception. That way you won't have to drive back and forth. If there are only three girls that this pertains to, I think the Bride is being very stubborn. After all they are not babies. You could always boycott the entire thing? Seems to be that your husband's nephew needs to step up to the plate and tell his new wife-to-be that he wants his cousins there and that's all there is too it. If he can't speak up now, good luck to him once he ties the knot. If he is not willing to speak up, he should be confronted as to why?. Maybe they both need to be reminded that marriage is about compromise. If only brides and grooms can see what really matters at their weddings before it happens. Think back to your wedding? The things we worried about the most before the wedding, don't even matter, and didn't really matter on that day. I had a table full of kids at my wedding (hubby comes from a big family 9 brothers and sisters, tons of kids). We left it up to his brothers and sisters if they wanted to bring their kids. Some did, most did not. My day was perfect and everyone that came had a great time!

Those who are not invited should not attend. As much as the family disagrees with the decision, it is still up to the bride and groom.

Host a brunch at your place where everyone can come and catch up. Have everyone come in a day early if schedules and finances allow and have a pizza party on Thursday night or a picnic or brunch on Friday before the wedding.

Bottom line, get creative about how to get everyone together since they'll be in town.

Get a sitter for your daughter (or have her hang out with her cousin) and enjoy the wedding or ceremony. Make it special and rent a hotel room near the site and let the girls swim and hang out and then meet them back there after the reception. Your daughter and her older cousin are old enough to be left alone together. Or let them hang at your house. Supply them with movies, money for pizza delivery and maybe new nailpolish and "spa" supplies where they can have a girls' night in. Alert a neighbor so if something comes up, they know who they can call.

Bottom line, you're making the bride and groom's wedding about you and taking their decision personally. Yes it's a family affair, but it's still ultimately their decision. Just let it go, and have a good time. Figure out some other way to get everyone together while they're in town and if the bride and groom can't join you, then they can't.

Most kids would be happy that they don't have to go to the whole drawn-out she-bang. These things are very expensive, tend to have adult food, and get crazy. Go as a family to the pre-nup dinner, then the ceremony and then go home. Don't make a fuss--it is their day.

go to hell u and ur wedding ., praise allah, allah akbar the creater ,allah who reated evry thing can also do any thing and he is above all............allah made me and islam win against the west regarding the movie about prophet mohammed the best prophet and u still say bad things about him,,,,,,hell, with u
singed by w from sudan

Hi B..
I think you are overreacting. When my husband and I got married, we chose to not have any children at the reception. Noone is slighting your children. It is the bride and groom's decision. Go to the church as a family and let your kids stay home with a babysitter. You say they will be hurt, but I'm sure they will get over it when they are at home watching a movie and eating pizza!

I myself also like to include my child in most everything, but I also understand the importance of having 'alone' time with a boyfriend/husband. Your daughter will have plenty of weddings to attend over the next several years as she gets older and is asked to be in them and attend them -- her feelings won't stay hurt forever. As for you guys, a date night sounds very much in order...get a sitter, let the kids order pizza and rent their favorite movies and you and dad go to the wedding and have the time of your life. Good luck!

We have been in this same boat with some very dear friends. Our decision, we had one girl at the time, was to go to the wedding ceremony and dinner the night before. We did not attend the reception after the wedding. We felt that because she was always considered as part of the family, why should now be any different? We felt that we showed our support for the bride and groom and also respected the feelings of our daughter as well. We also felt we had done what was true to our hearts and stayed as a family.

Dear B.,

I understand your hurt feelings. As you say, you know its there wedding there plans. i would go have fun see your family. sometimes its very nice to get away with your husband, and have a nice time as a couple. you could rent a hotel room and meet family for breakfeast, or even a next day event for the whole family, all kids included. personally, my daughter got married last October. its very hard to maitain a list. there alway's cutting back. we had a ni kids reception. because of the sitting... we would have loved to invite everyone, but couldn't.. what people don't realize if u invite one child you have to invite the next. before you know it your paying 56.00 a plate with bar (or more) for a child. I wouldn't take it personal.

I hope you figure out a way to have a nice time.

Gods blessings to the couple. Weddings are so stressful, & Expensive.

D.

I think we've all known a Bridezilla or two. She might change her mind ten times about the guest list before she settles on children vs. no children.

I wouldn't worry about it now. Just take whatever decision she makes with a grain of salt - it isn't personal - this isn't about you. Just try to be happy for them.

Hi B.,
I understand your situation, but I think your logical mind is telling you what to do...bring the kids to the ceremony (as long as they won't disturb anything) and get a babysitter for the reception. Go, have a good time and let the cousins have a good time with a babysitter...then the next day invite everyone over to your house for a cookout so everyone can see each other. That's what it's all about, not the wedding. Don't begrudge anyone of having to invite all these kids if they don't want to. It's their perogotive (sp?) to invite whatever age group they want, they are paying for it! Even though the bride and groom sound a bit entitled, that is not your problem, that 's their parent's problem.

Best of luck and make the most out of a tough situation. If it was that important that you all get together, start having a family reunion every three years. Don't make people feel bad because you haven't put forth the effort as a family to get together more often.

Best of luck to you, relax and have some fun. Life is too short.

Hi B., wow that stinks! My dh's family is large and what they generally do is let the kids all go in a hotel room with the oldest underage cousins babysitting. But as you said that isn't an option. I liked the idea of you hosting a gathering, say maybe a pizza party the night before for those who don't have to go to the rehearsal dinner, and the others can stop by afterward if they want. That way the kids get to be part of the excitement without upsetting the bride's mojo. Personally I think kids need to learn how to behave themselves and can't do that if they're never invited anywhere. But when money is tight(ish in this case!) they gotta cut corners where they can. Your kids would probably have more fun at a sleepover at a friends' house than at a grown-up wedding anyway.

Good luck to you.
D.