I have to reply to this because this is an extremely sore spot for me (my hands are shaking as I write this, and I'm not even mad at you or anyone on this website). Perhaps someone planning a wedding will read it and realize how rude and mean-spirited it is to exclude children from weddings, especially if they are family; and make better choices. Children are family when they are born, not when they become eighteen.
My niece got married about 3 years ago. She was my goddaughter. Worse yet, she was my daughter's godmother. I say was, because I know longer consider her deserving of either honor. She got married five days before Christmas. Her invitation fairly trumpeted "no children are allowed." It certainly screamed that on the response card. No mention was made of providing babysitting. So, I spend the next few months trying to figure out what to do with my five year old daughter, right before Christmas. I can't ask family to watch her because they will be at the wedding. Her grandparents lived two hours away from the wedding location. Her aunt who lives nearby would have had to take time off from work to watch her. I can't afford a babysitter I don't know for several days, plus the wedding expenses (the wedding was on a Friday!). But, really, my well-behaved daughter was being excluded from a big family event, right before Christmas, and I just found that unconscionable from a family that supposedly loved children. Right before the wedding, I found out that my brother had hired a babysitter for out of town guests. Furthermore, it seems everybody knew about it except the one family that really needed to know (mine!). I was supposed to ask! My sister, who is unmarried with no children, knew about the babysitter before the wedding. What did it matter that she knew about the babysitter? I guess everyone was too busy to send an email, text message or leave a voice mail--not. It was done accidently on purpose so that we would be excluded (lots of evidence of exclusion by this family). And we had been in contact before the wedding because our dad died two months before the wedding. Not even a by-the-way, this is off the subject. So, of course, my brother, who was perfect, had to blame me for his failing as a host. After the language he used in his email to me, it's a wonder I came to his funeral (he died a year later. I had nothing to do with it). Don't all of the fairy tales warn you about making godmothers mad? I think my sister-in-law was supposed to tell me, she didn't want me at her daughter's wedding, so she "forgot" to tell me about the babysitter.
So, I now my "family" knows how to keep me away from family events. My cousins' daughter is getting married in September (yet again, have to take a couple days off from work, take dd out of school). We get her invitation with NO NAMES on the inner envelope. So, I email my cousin, are we even invited? Are children allowed? I get the response that children aren't allowed and "we have to abide by J.'s wishes" (yes, her name is J.) even though her parents are paying for the wedding. Then, because I got in trouble because I didn't know I was supposed to ask, I asked if my cousins if a babysitter would be provided, since we would have to travel to Scranton, PA for the wedding. Nope, no babysitter. Guess whose wedding we are not going to now? I've saved lots of money by not attending either of these sorry, rude affairs. No one got a gift, either.
By the way, if I had entertained the thought of not having children at my wedding for even a nanosecond, everyone in my family would still be screaming at me, even from the grave. And my parents would not have paid for my wedding (the sum was so small I probably could have paid for it myself). I also figured, the more the merrier. Besides, no one would have come to my wedding, including everyone in my family, if children weren't invited.
My dd was able to attend my nephew's wedding, where she was well behaved, ate my dinner, generally had a good time and stayed up past 11 pm without a tantrum.
Another nephew is getting married in Houston next year. The first words out of my mouth were "are children invited." My sister-in-law looked stricken and told me she would find out. Because if my dd isn't invited, what's the point of dragging everyone to Houston to just sit in a hotel room during the wedding? And my sister-in-law knows I won't be coming if my dd isn't invited. And if my husband goes without me. . .
This my not have helped you in anyway, but it might have helped you crystallize your feelings. These relatives may just be looking for a wedding gift, not really hosting guests. It's a big expense just to sit in a hotel room. But ask the hosts if a babysitter will be provided. If not, don't go.
And for anyone hosting a wedding, either invite children, since it is a family event, or provide a babysitter. Parents of the bride and groom, remember you are the hosts of the wedding and you do have some say in the proceedings. And make sure the guests know all of their options beforehand. Don't make them ask or guess, because no proper host would put their guests through that. Put names on the inner envelope of the invitaton! And reconsider that destination wedding; you don't know who won't be able to afford the trip to Jamaica. Do you really want to exclude grandma?