What Are Your Views?

I refer to other adults as Mr or Miss "first name" and expect that they'll call them that as well. Mine are 2, 4, & 6. I don't force other kids to call me Miss Angi, but secretly prefer it.
I tell my kids to loudly yell "DON'T HIT ME!" if a kid hits them. This way a teacher or their parent (or me) will hear and come take care of it. If an adult doesn't come they are to tell the kids to leave them alone and that they don't want to play with them any more and walk away. I teach them that it's never okay to hit - especially when they hit one another and that violence begets only violence. At this age the kids hitting are young and need a parent to put a stop to their behavior rather than my kid hitting them back. This point of view may change when they're older and the "hitter" knows better.

1. I am torn. I think that I would prefer that they call them Ms. Christy or Ms. Sarah, etc... But I don't really enforce it, but we don't spend a lot of time with less known adults. We have a very big family so their are a lot of Aunties...

2. I teach my kids that it is never ok to hit, period. If brother hits sister then brother is in trouble, but if sister hits back then they both are in trouble. Same goes for cousins and friends. I feel very strongle about this one. If you are hit you need to tell someone. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking if someone hits them they hit back, it doesn't solve anything.

think about a daughter growing up and a man abusing her, would you want her to get away or beat up on him too? I would want my daughter to get away.

My mom was like you with the Mr and Misses thing.
As for hitting my parents also permitted it if I was cornered.

My kids call me dad and my wife mom. Its a matter of respect.

All my kids' spouses do the same except for two SIL. I prefer to be called dad. I prefer Grandpa and all my grand kids call me that. My wife is grandma.

My kids called other adults by Mr X or Mrs. X. Again it was a matter of respect. Part of the deteriation of respect for rules and authority is the lack of respect for kids to adults.

Good luck to you and yours.

(1) In my State and the multi-culturalness here.... kids call the friends of their parents or family "Aunty" or "Uncle."
It is appropriate here. It is customary.
It is not a big deal.
Or, in school, Teachers are called "Mrs. Smith" or "Ms. Jane." Depending on what the TEACHER specifies.

Personally, I don't expect, kids to ONLY call me "Mrs. Smith". They can call my "Aunty" or just "Susan." I really don't mind. They still respect manners per adult/child interaction.

For adults, that are not familiar or 'strangers' or not close with the family... they are called "Mrs. Smith" etc.

(2) If another kids hits my kids... they are taught NOT to hit. BUT... to speak up (they know how and what to say because they have been taught since 2 years old), and to tell the immediate Adult, in charge.
AND, to tell us, their Parents. My kids, do do that. They are very good at managing... their reactions, with other kids.
AND they are also taught, what "Bullies" are and how not to be a victim... but to REPORT it to the Adult in charge, AND us, their parents.

1 - We have the kids call adults by the name that the adult prefers. Some hate being called Mrs or Mr. I just ask and we go by that.

2 - We've taught similarly. If someone is trying to beat them up, they definitely can fight back. Or if there friend is being hit or beat up, they can stand up to defend the child. We homeschool, so luckily we don't have to worry about school rules, but if we did, we would still stand by that view. I see nothing wrong with turning the other cheek, but if a kid is being mean and trying to bully and intimidate, there is NOTHING wrong with standing up for oneself and not allow mistreatment. I don't believe it's wrong to defend oneself or someone else who is defenseless. I think it would be wrong to see someone being physically hurt, and for my child to be capable of stopping it (assuming he/she was) and to do nothing. I would hope someone would step in and help my child if needed. If it's an urgent situation, that would mean they would need to physically react and stop the aggressor. Or, if they had time, they should run and tell an adult.

Anyway, I know a lot of people probably disagree with that, but I'm not going to teach my child it's okay to be abused. Because it's not. But they also need to gauge the situation and see if they can deal with it without physically defending themselves (telling an adult), but sometimes that's not possible. Most bullies aren't really interested in verbally working it out anyway.

Now, if my child hits first - NO WAY.

1. My son calls adults Miss or Mr "Name", unless it is a close friend or family member - then he just uses their name. It was the way I was raised and I believe shows respect for those older than him. Heck, I still call people Miss or Mr "Name". :)

2. When he was younger I told him to find an adult (teacher etc) if another child laid hands on him. Now that he is 15 I leave it to his own discretion. So far, no fights.

Dear L.,

I tend to lean on the side of being extra courteous. I am teaching my children to address adults as Ms. Rhonda or Mrs. Robinson etc. If they are in an informal setting where they know the person well and that person doesn't want to be called Mrs.____ then I allow them to call them by their first name. My children say please/thank you and thank you for having me over etc. For the hitting, I say its best to use words first----but, they don't have to be a doormat. They are allowed to fight back, and use any or all self-defense mechanisms to get away and to tell a trusted adult. I don't think hitting is right, but if they have to hit someone or push someone in order to get away, then they are allowed to do that and they can hit them as hard as they need to. They will NOT get in trouble with me. I understand your reasoning and other viewpoints as well----Each child is different and each parent is different. I respect everyone's differences. :)

M

Kids can call me whatever and my daughter will call people by what they prefer as well. I teach, so my students must call me Mrs. E because of the boundaries. Friends' kids can call me by my first name, Miss K, or Mrs. E and I'll be fine with whatever they are comfortable with. I would prefer them to use my first name since I always called friends' parents by their first names because they asked me to do so.

Hitting: No hitting UNLESS you need to defend yourself and then whatever you have to do to get out of a compromising situation- DO IT! I refuse to allow my daughter to think she has to be defenseless should a situation arise where she needs to defend herself...otherwise hitting is NOT tolerated. Same was taught to me.

My boys use the Mr./Mrs. unless the other person asks them to use the first name. Some want the title before their first name and their children address me that way. But I prefer to be called Mrs. Lastname.
My boys are allowed to defend themselves if necessary. Unfortunately, they have had to do that. But that usually stops the bullying because they are quite strong when they have to be.

I agree with you on both counts.

Updated

I agree with you on both counts.

My son calls adults Mr./Mrs. Last Name unless the adult tells him otherwise. My husband and I prefer to be called Mr./Mrs. Last Name too. A few of my son's friends call me Mrs. K instead of full last name, and I'm fine with that.

We've taught our son that hitting is allowed when it is necessary to defend himself from physical assaults. Otherwise, hitting should be a last resort.

I know I am a little late. I feel the same way if they are in a school setting then they should call them Mr. and Mrs. and at any doctor office.

As far as hitting. I tell them to tell me or the parent of the child doing the hitting. I will address it, if I see that the parent or teacher is not taking care of the issue. Then that is when I tell my son to go for it. I am not going to have anyone hitting on my son. This to is my opinion. ;)

I prefer my kids' friends to call me by my first name. With my close friends, I always used first names. When meeting friends' parents, I always taught my kids to call them Mr/Mrs until or unless invited to do otherwise. Reminds me of a funny thing, when my son was 4 or 5 years old. He came home from a friend's house and told me that he had a problem. I asked what it was. He said, "Korey's mom told me not to call her Mrs B------ anymore, but I don't remember what I'm supposed to call her instead." LOL.
As for hitting, I would never be okay with my kids hitting someone who was rude or annoying. I always told them that if another kid hits them, the steps are tell them to stop, get away, tell an adult and if all of those fail, it's okay to hit them back. If another kid was habitually picking on them, I told them that all the kid needs is for you to hit them back once, and they will move on to another target.

1. I teach her to say ms/mrs blah and mr. blah. If they would rather first name then they say it. For my best friends I don't encourage it but that is because I already know they prefer first name.

2. If a child is just rude, then tell them to knock it off and don't play with them. If a child hits mine, she can put them on the ground (or hit if they are way bigger than her). I will not let my child be another's punching bag. I will show her ways to stand up for herself in the situation to make them stop hitting her but if they just hit her, I would expect her to put them on the ground. I won't tolerate bullies and just in general she needs to know how to defend herself. Self-defense is a totally different concept.

I have my 5 year old call females "Miss" and their first name. She calls males by their first name except the Dr...she calls him "Dr. Greg".

As far as hitting goes...my older kids know that they can hit back after the 3rd time they are hit...self defense and no charges would be brought against them. My youngest has a few friends at daycare who can get physical, but she does not retaliate and knows to tell the teacher.

My children call older people mr or mrs. People who are close to us are called by their first name. If someone punches my children I tell them to punch them back. My father was a boxer and we were always taught that. None of us have ended up violent and my children have never hit first.

I allow my kids to refer to adults by their names, except for their teachers. Also excpet for me and their dad and g-ma and g-pa. Not necessarily out of respect for me and my husband and the g-parents, but because its how i was raised. But its out of respect for their teachers.

I teach my kids to defend themeselves. Never start a fight, but if you have to....finish one. Life can be unfair and we all have to be able to protect ourselves or we might as well just let people walk all over us.

My boys call friends mothers "Miss X" or "Mr. Y"...
I prefer kids to call Ms. Cheryl

My boys both take Tae Kwon Do - I don't like them to hit - but they have the right to defend themselves....

I taught my daughter to call adults what they wanted to be called. If they wanted to be called Mr. or Ms. LastName, call them that. If they wanted to be called Mr. or Miss FirstName call them that. If they wanted to simply be called by their first name, call them that.

I taught my daughter that she was never to strike the first blow, but that if someone hit her, she was to fight back and fight dirty.

1. Friends of ours, parents of friends of theirs, any authority figures (teachers, etc) and anyone who is an obvious "elder" to them (older folks at church for example) are called Mrs/Mrs ___ (last name) or Mrs./Mr ____ (first name). Whichever of the two they prefer. It is simply a show of respect/courtesy. I expect my children's friends and my friends' children to call me Mrs ______ (either first or last name, depending on what their parents have them use). Until my kids are adults (over 18 yrs) they will follow that formula. After that, they are on their own.. but I suspect they will continue to show courtesy and respect because they are forming the habit now. In karate (both our kids take it) they are expected to call their instructors and pretty much any "senior belt" to them by either Mr. or Ms. (unless they have achieved Master rank, then they use that title). It is simply respectful.

2. My kids are not to hit first. If they can leave the situation (and find an adult or other authority) without getting hurt, that is what they are to do. If they cannot deflect enough to leave safely, they are allowed to hit/defend themselves until they CAN leave safely for an adult/authority. My kids are actually more likely to KICK than punch, though. That's what they practice the most in their martial arts---you have a longer "reach" with a kick than a punch, and at the end of the 'technique' your FACE is far away from the attacker, not closer in like with a punch.
Neither of my kids is very aggressive, but I know that my son has intervened on behalf of a friend with a wanna be bully...but he didn't hit him. He threw a block (not a wooden block,lol.. a karate technique) when the kid tried to shove him. That ended it because my son was not intimidated and reacted quickly.

HI L.,
You're not weird at all. My personal belief is that as long we raise decent, respectful and thoughtful kids everything else is a personal preference.
1. My kids don't call anyone Mr or Mrs, unless the person requests it to me or them, and in this day and age some teachers prefer for kids to use their first names to form a better bond, than the formal. In my opinion it makes adults feel younger (never a bad thing :-) ) and kids feel more comfortable with adults when they call them by first names. To me respect comes from how one is treated rather than how a person is addressed.
2. Living in NY I don't ever want my kids not to be able to defend themselves, regardless of who it is. Hitting is only permissable when someone puts their hands on them first. However, they are kids and tempers flair over any little thing so it does happen, but generally speaking if someone puts their hands on my kids then their gloves are completely off. The rules do extend that they can't hit kids that are younger (shoving is ok) and boys can't hit girls (unless the girl doesn't let up).

1. On the issue of children calling grown ups by their first names or not. Do you make your kids call grownups Mrs or Mr? Or not?
Our kids call everyone Mr. Or Mrs. followed by whatever name that adult has asked them to call them. If the adult wants first names, then it's "Mr. Dan or Mrs. Vicky". Maybe it's the south, but children need to respect the difference between themselves and elders.

2. What do you tell your child to do if another kid hits them? Do you tell them it is ok to hit back or not?
If another child instigates a fight and is hitting one of our kids, they are taught to do what they need to do to defend themselves. If that calls for hitting back, so be it. They are not taught to doll out vigilanty justice (If he hits you, wallop him back!) if the other kid has stopped.

We allow our children to call an adult by their first name BUT it must be "Ms Cindy, Mr John", etc Their teachers so far have been Mrs and then the 'last' name but for my friends, I say, "tell Ms Tina thank you for...."
As far as other kids being mean, we basically tell them the first time you say, "do not hit me, hitting is not nice" or whatever the situation, the second time we tell them to find an adult and tell them what is going on, and if it continues and the child is not stopping, hit them back. I say they get three chances. Now, my child has run into this situation and he ends up walking away by the third chance and truly, that is the right thing to do. I just get angry and feel that I personally would return the hit as a child but my son is a good boy and for him, he walks away and ignores. :o)

Kids call me Mrs <last name> or my <son's name> Mom.
When he was little and I was picking him up at preschool some of the kids called me Mrs <my son's name> which was kind of cute.
Family, friends and neighbors (and my husbands co-workers) call me by my nickname, but all MY co-workers call me by my given name which I feel is more professional.
I have levels of familiarity.
I tell my son words are nothing to hit over - throwing the first punch is always wrong.
If someone is getting physical with him (hitting, kicking, throwing projectiles, pulling chairs out from under him, etc) - he tells them twice to quit it.
Third time he tells the teacher - to give them a chance to put a stop to it and to let the teacher know this is his third attempt and if it continues he WILL make it stop.
If that doesn't work - all peaceful attempts have failed to stop the offending behavior - then he can take them out (he's a 2nd Don Blackbelt) and we'll sort it out in the principals office.
He shouldn't have to be anybody's punching bag.
My son is tall for his age (at 12 he's often mistaken for 15) and built like a linebacker - his size is enough to intimidate most trouble makers and keep them from starting up.
The few times someone tried to start something up he's told them - you need to stop because if I have to stop you, you're not going to like it - and they backed down.
He's really a gentle giant and gets along with everyone, but if he absolutely has to - he can take care of himself.

I would have preferred Miss/Mrs/Ms/Mr, with first or last name, but unfortunately for me, I am the last of my friends to have kids and they all set the precedent by having their kids call me by my first name alone. I would not wish to rock the boat over this to go otherwise with my kids. Too bad. I think the respect is important. I think it helps set the boundary for discipline, as in, you need to do what this older person says.
As a child, the only adults I called by first name were the closest family friends we had, and this to me was a distinction of love and intimacy.

1. I keep the formality of Mr.and Mrs. It is up to the adult if they chose to tell my child to call them anything other than that. It's just to show respect, but I don't down other parents who use their first name. It's just choice and no big deal.
2. Hmmmm, hitting. Ok, I'll fess up. I sent my son to Kung Fu when he was in kindergarten and it was totally worth it! He was taught Northern Shaolin Kung Fu. It's completely different than the other martial arts, but it is the mother of all martial arts and the oldest. Kung Fu is were martial arts originated from. They do not do full contact, because Kung Fu is deadly. They are taught how to evade, defend, keep their bodies health, and respect each other. So in answer to if a child hits my child....My son evades. This has actually happened and the other child either gets frustrated and stops or winds up hurting himself by hitting the wall. My son didn't do anything, so he doesn't get into trouble. He was also taught how to center his focus of gravity, so a bigger kid can't pick him up.

Until my children were teenagers I had them call grownups Ms. Earnie or Mr. Tom. I felt allowing them to attach the first name to the Ms. or Mr made them feel more at ease with the grownup. Of course pastors, nurses, doctors, teachers were exceptions. And from a very yong age I taught my girls to offer a polite firm handshake with eye contact, when meeting a grownup for the first time. I really feel it builds confidence, while getting them comfortable with handshakes as greetings. I really feel this is a social skill that is definitely lacking in girls. It conveys poise and self confidence. Something every human values.

1. My kids call adults Miss/Mr. first name, close family friends-Aunt/Uncle.
It is just the respectful thing to do, imo.
I do not want children addressing me by my first name alone.

2. My kids are little, so no hitting back.
When they are older and out in this world w/o me by their side...well lets just say if someone was hurting my child I would want him/her to defend themselves.

1. We have them call other adults by Mr. or Mrs. unless the adult asks them to address them otherwise. My 5 year old has speech issues and no matter how many times we try to get him to use Mr. or Mrs, he will call other adults Kelly's mom or Matt's dad, unless they direct him otherwise themselves.
2. This is a hard one that we have had to deal with recently. I try to encourage them to use words and to tell an adult before they resort to hitting back just because I don't want them to be the one getting in trouble and in our school system, they tend to hold all hitters accountable no matter who started it. My almost 5 yo was dealing with a 7 yo girl the other day at camp who kept hitting his head. He tried to use words to get her to stop and she pushed him down. He said that was it and he pushed her down and jumped on top of her. My mom happened to drive up to pick him up at that point so it didn't escalate further. My husband was upset that he hit a girl, and believes that even if the girl started it, you shouldn't hit a girl. I believe that the girl was a lot taller and bigger and wasn't relenting so he had a right to defend himself. I told him to try hard next time to call for help first, but I don't want my child to be beat up. this girl hasn't bothered him since.

1. If the person is younger than me, my child calls them Miss First name. If the person is older than me, my child calls them Mrs. Last name. This is unless the person insists on being called something else.

2. My child won't hit back even if he took karate and boxing. Its just not in him. He is more likely to cry and run to a grown up than to hit back. But he we allow him to do the same thing to someone who made the first move (if someone slaps him in the face, he is allowed to slap. If someone punches him in the stomach, he isn't allowed to slap in the face but rather punch him back in the stomach). But like I said in another post, we are also teaching him if someone is coming at any part of him w/a fist, then he's gotta learn to get out of the way over anything else.

I allow the kids to call adults whatever the adults request. Most of the adults in my son's life have a title already such as Gma, Gpa, Aunt, Uncle however I initially say Mrs, Miss, Mr until the person alters it one way or another. Should a child add Mrs to my name I will tell them they can just say my name.

In regards to hitting, I request to my son that he talk to the hitter "Hey! It's not ok to hit me, you need to stop it!" Should it happen again, same offender, hit them back in the same manner and say "Did that feel good to you? It felt just as bad when you did it to me" This is what we did with my son when he hit others and if the other was not capable of doing this I did it for them to him. Hitting is not as big of a deal any longer. Sometimes he gets too excited and limbs go flying but overall it's worked for us.

I'm "S." to everyone.

My daughter and I have both been training in karate for almost four years. She's learning how and when to defend herself. My experience is that the more she knows about defending herself, the less likely she will ever feel she has to hit anyone. But, I want her to know how to if necessary.

I grew up having to call people Mr(s) Smith. My mother on the other hand allowed kids to call her by her 1st name, BUT our last name had 10 letters, 1 silent one, and was very hard to say. I understand that she could have chosen "Mrs G" (some friend from high school STILL call her that more then 18 years later, and they are friends on facebook lol) For the small kids she still uses her 1st name only. Of course close friends called her Mom. :) I have most kids in my older daughter's class try to remember to call me "Miss J" as yet again my last name is now 10 letters long, no silent ones, but still not so easy" (go figure, I made no upgrade with the ease of names there! lol) More often then not the kids call me "K's Mom" We will see what happens when my little one starts in September. Now we do have CLOSE friends that are not family, but are called Aunt and Uncle "first name" But we also think that is a title of respect. My mother has a brother that I REFUSE to call Uncle as he has proven he is NOT worthy of the title, I however am MUCH older then a child and have that right, as a child your family had titles and you better use them!!!

The hitting issue, that one can be harder. When my kids hit each other I get ANGRY. I dislike hitting. That being said, IF the words (yelled) STOP HITTING ME is ineffective then please defend yourself. Even if it is only long enough to get away to me (or adult in charge) to have the behavior stop. This is a touchy subject with some parents I have seen. When a younger child hits (throws a toy at etc) an older one and the older defends after trying to get the younger to stop I have seen the parent of the younger say "but they dont know any better they are little" This means my children are no longer able to play with them, and I make it a point to tell the parent why. Just because the child is younger does NOT mean you cant teach them. (this of course does not apply to the infants that end up smacking while playing, tho that is a PERFECT time to start the no hitting rule in my opinion)

You are raising YOUR children how you see fit while being responsible. That is what is really important.

My kids are all grown now but when they were little they called most people by their first names. Usually it was at the persons request. "Please call me Jane (or John)." Of course there were exceptions. The minister was called pastor, the doctor was called Doctor, etc. Most of my kids friends called me mom, but a few called my by my first name. I never had a problem with that. I always expected my kids (and their friends) to use their manners though.

Hitting is more difficult. If a child hit one of my kids they were taught to ask that child to stop hitting them, if that didn't work they were supposed to let me know what was going on so I could tell him/her to stop or ask their parent to tell them to stop hitting. If all that didn't work, my kids were allowed to hit back. This reminds me of a problem my grand daughter had when she first started school. Keep in mind she was only 4 years old. A kid on her bus (a 7 year old) thought it was okay to punch her in the arm every day as she walked by him to get to her assigned seat. She told him to stop. He didn't. She told her mom who told him to stop. He didn't. She told the bus driver who told him to stop. He didn't. His parents were told if they could not get him to stop hitting he would not be allowed to ride the bus anymore. They tried to get him to stop, but he still didn't. Finally my grand daughter had had enough. The next day after he hit her, she hauled back her fist and punched him dead in the face as hard as she could. He actually got a bloody nose from it! He got a one week suspension from riding the bus (my grand daughter was not suspended because she was defending herself). Once he was allowed back on the bus he never hit her again. From that day forward they were good friends. In fact, another child tripped her one day and he came to her rescue, telling the other kid to leave her alone or she would punch him and give him a bloody nose! LOL

First, on point 2, you will be setting your kids up for trouble once they enter school. If your child hits back even in self-defense, there will be consequences for your child. The correct method of handling it is to get an adult to intercede, though if they are getting beaten, they may have to shove back or better yet, run away.

On point 1, children will respect an adult less by using their first name. It implies friendship, one I personally feel too many parents employ and it unfortunately shows in many kids in how they behave in school. Many children ask their teachers what their first names are. One of our teachers put it very well. '"Mister. It will always be Mister until you are 18. Come back and ask me then. "'

I am Ms T. to all thier little friends. They call thier friends moms Ms _____. Every adult is a ms, mr, aunt or uncle.

No, I let them call me by my first name D.. That is too old school to make kids call you Mrs, Miss, or whatnot.
No, I don't allow hitting back and do punish when it's done and both parties get punished if they are in my home. If in public, I talk with the parent.

L., my views are the same as yours. I don't like to be called "Miss or Mrs"...but if a friend prefers her kids call me that, that's fine. And most of my friends don't like to be called "Miss or Mrs" either, but if they do (or if they are the ones who prefer to be called Miss or Mrs), I will have my kids address them as such.

As for hitting...I do allow hitting back. My son is almost 6 and my daughter is 4. I never thought I would feel this way, but I have some very good friends who happen to have some very aggressive children! While my friends do not allow their kids to hit, a fight can break out very quickly and it may be a minute or two before us moms even know what's happening. (Like, if we are in another room.) Nothing is worse than seeing my son lying on the floor being punched repeatedly by a boy who is bigger than him! So, that was that. I tell my kids they are NOT EVER allowed to hit first, and I teach them to try to walk away after they are hit once. But if the other child does it again, I say, go for it!!