Manners- How Do You Teach Your Children to Address Adults?

I taught my children to say Mr. and Mrs. out of respect. They are not little adults. I also taught them sir and ma'am. It is a worthwile and valuable skill later in life.

M.

I think it's proper to call neighboring adults (aquaintance variety) Mr & Mrs -lastname-. If the people close to you are ok with less formal then use Miss/Mrs "Jenna" and Mr. Mike instead so it reinforces the expectation of formality. I am teaching my girls this form of naming adults. I think it is proper and respectful and teaches that there is a line between children and adults.

Well, I married into a family that was from the south and I was born and raised in California and my grandparents were too. But, from the in-laws, and friends from the south, I have learned to have my children address close adult friends as Ms. or Mr. and their first name. They can address stangers by their last name.

Hi Heidi,

My children, now young ladies, address our friends as Mr or Mrs so-and-so. I have only had ONE friend say they didn't like that and to call her by her first name. (My children actually feel uncomfortable doing that so they added a Mrs. in front of the first name...) I have not taken a poll of my friends asking who didn't like it but I have never seem a cringe from it. It shows the highest respect. We do have a few close friends that are Aunt or Uncle...

I prefer it as well. I think kids like order and like to know what is acceptable. Guidelines make new situations less awkward and referring to people by their sir name will certainly not insult anyone.

My two cents :)

M.

It seems that everyone around here is on a first name basis. Honestly people don't even introduce themselves with their last names here! Really people look at you funny when you call them by their last name...:)
So since I don't usually know people's last names we are addressing people with their first names only. Occasionally we use Mrs. or Mr. First Name, usually when the other person will introduce herself like this to our daughter. Teachers are either first name only or Teacher First Name at our pre-school.
We will eventually learn formal address, since it's very important in my native language and culture, but even at home kids will not fully understand this until around first grade (it's grammatically a little more complicated than in English).
I don't see anything wrong with asking people what they prefer...

I think it's best to ask adults what they'd like to be called. Close friends would usually be a first name basis, but acquaintances not necessarily. Of course, if you tell your two year old that the acquaintance's name is
Mr Brown and she hears you call him Joe, she is likely to call him Joe too, just like they go through a stage of realizing at that age that no one else calls her parents Mommy and Daddy, and starts to call you and dad by the names she hears everyone else use.

With my kids, our friends were always first name basis, but other people such as neighbors, the parents of their friends, I always taught the kids to use Mr and Mrs Lastname and if they invited you to call them by their first names, that was fine.

When my son was 4 or 5, he came home from a playdate at a friend's house and told me, "Korey's mom said not to call her Mrs B****** anymore." I told him that was fine. "No it isn't" he said. "Why not?" I asked. "Because I don't remember what I'm supposed to call her instead."

I wouldn't use aunt and uncle for acquaintances. Ask what they want to be called, or stick with Mr/Mrs until they invite your child to call them something else. Mr/Mrs Firstname is a southern thing, I don't know if they do that in Cali where you live, certainly it's not how adults are addressed here in NY, unless you are a nursery school teacher - and that's how it would make me feel to be called Mrs M.

My boys call adults they do not know sir and ma'am, and adults that are known to the family are Mr. or ms (first name), so our neighbors is Ms. Cece and Mr. Larry. We are military and that seems to be the norm with most the families we meet here. If the adult is a friends parent, but not a family friend, than Mr. (last name) would be appropriate, but so would sir.

This is one of those situations in which one size does not fit all! Some people will be horrified to be addressed as Mr. Jones or Mrs. Smith, and some will find it extremely disrespectful for a child to call them Bob or Amy. A good fall-back choice is Mr. John or Miss Emily, especially for someone in a position of authority (such as a teacher) whose last name would be difficult to pronounce or remember.

If you have a chance, ask adults in advance which they prefer. If you can't ask first, use their whole name - "This is Mr. Jim Brown, our neighbor," and then ask the adult, "What should my kids call you?"

I am so happy there is a parent who is concerned about this out there!!! Bless you. I have encountered so many rude children lately you should be commended. Looks like everyone else has you on the right track.

Especially for a two year old, I think last names are just too hard. I mean, my 2 year old doesn't even know HIS last name and I want him to know others?!?! Especially since most of my friends kept their maiden names rather than taking their husbands names, so I found it to hard.

Right now I'm going with "Mr John" and "Miss Mary."

That said I still have family friends that I've know my whole life that are still "Mr and Mrs" lol!

My parents made my brother and I call all of their adult friends Mr. or Mrs. ____ (fill in the blank), however, when I introduce the kids to really good friends of mine or my husband, it's Uncle Ben or Aunt Sarah. My son is taking martial arts and the instructors refer to the children as Mr. Elijah or Miss Nayomi and the students have to call the instructors Mr. Moore or Mr. Rob (because his last name is hard for even me to pronounce) ... good luck!

My kids are 5 and 3, so we are in the same boat as you right now. Both have been going to preschool since age 2 so they are used to calling adults Mr. or Miss or Mrs. For close family or friends they call them Aunty or Uncle. For other adults they call them Miss firstname or Mr. firstname. Some of my acquaintances were caught off guard with it because they grew up calling adults by their first names. I was brought up to say Mr or Mrs and that to call an adult by their first name was rude, unless they asked you to call them by their first name. So I am teaching my kids to always use the titles of respect for adults, unless the adult says it's okay to just call them by their first name.

For your sister and sister in law, maybe they could add in the first initial of their last name? Aunty Jen B and Aunty Jen C? Or call one Aunty Jenny and the other Aunty Jen Jen?

We struggled early on with what to call both sets of grandparents. My kids call my parents Gramma and Grampa. They call my in-laws Grandma GiGi (her name is Ginna) and Grandpa Wayne....a little more formal, but they only see my kids once or twice a year whereas my parents see my kids several times a year and are more involved in their lives.

Just find what feels most comfortable for you and go with it. Either way, you will have to explain to certain people why you choose or choose not to use Mr/Mrs.

My kids called everyone 'miss [first name]' and 'mr [first name]'... last names are harder for young kids, but the 'miss and mr' in front of the name still shows respect. We're huge on please and thank you and yes sir no ma'am... you get the picture. It takes a lot of time, consistancy, and patience to constantly correct the child, BUT one day it will finally click and they will be saying these things automatically. My dad just about fell on the floor the first time one of my daughters said 'yes sir' to him... I was not raised like that at ALL... but my kids are the best behaved kids on the block. I run a pretty tight ship, and I don't slack off when it comes to the kids being polite.

Ask the other parents or adult what they would like to be addressed by. That way you won't feel awkward because you are addressing them as they ask to be. I really don't think kids care one way or the other. A name is a name. They will address you by what you tell them your name is : )

We are very informal in our home and with our friends. I would never assume that any of my friends would want to be called "Mr./Mrs." and to be honest, I don't want to be called that either. at least not by close friends. I don't believe asking a small child to address me formally creates respect for me. Being a good parent and person should get me that.

I think once they start Kindergarten they will begin using more formal addresses anyway. Up until now, my son has even called his preschool teachers by their first name and next year in K it will be Mr./Mrs. Lastname. I'm sure I will be Mrs.Lastname more often as well. And that's fine, too. Then I can decide if I want the child to continue with it or not.

This doesn't need to be a big deal. Mistakes will be made and solutions will be found. Please don't stress about this little thing : )

I ask the parent what they would like to be called. A few prefer the Mr/Mrs and most just want a first name. This allows the adult to be addressed in a manner that makes them comfortable & kids are surprisingly flexible. (I have a 2, 4 & 6 year old, so the flexiblity seems to last).

I think that if you know their last name, you should introduce them as Mr and Mrs. If they don't want to be called as such, they can let them know and then it would be okay to be on a first name basis. My kids call most of our friends by their first names, and some are affectionately referred to as "aunt" and "uncle". But the neighbors across the street are still "Mr & Mrs. Jones". Mr. Jones recently told my youngest she could call him by his first name. But Mrs. Jones has not said so.
The name respect is in calling the adult by the name in which they prefer.
I don't require any of my kids friends to call me by my last name.

I've always found it best to ask the adult in question how he/she'd like to be addressed. Some are more formal than others. I never liked my kids' friends to call me "Mrs." (plus, I'm a Dr., which only adds to the weirdness), and if they did I'd say "please call me R. ...", but some are more formal and feel that's disrespectful.

http://mamasoncall.com

Everyone has a different approach to this topic. I am personally uncomfortable with being called auntie by a child that isn't a neice or nephew. I just think that it becomes confusing when teaching what these family roles really are. However, I accept that others have taught their kids this. Since I am young I feel a little odd being called Mrs. (husband's last name). This is the most proper form of address and it does teach children to respect adults.

I've chosen a middle of the road approach. My kids learned Miss (first name), Mrs. (first name) and Mr. (firt name).

I figure it isn't my role to determine how others prefer to be called or to demand that others learn to conform to all my expectations. It seems rude to chastise someone for how they are teaching their children to address adults. If I am uncomfortable with how I am being addressed I have the right to request to be called however I want.

This is a confusing topic in my community because people have such diverse views. Good luck figuring out what works for you.

Hello, We usually asked people what they would like our children to call them. That way there is no mistake. With our grandchildren, sometimes we even call the adult Miss/Mr. Dave, Sue, Mary, etc. The exception is that when we are at the school, we always use Mr., Ms., Miss, or Mrs. and their last name. I worked in an elementary school for many years and now volunteer a lot in our grandkids' school. I still call the adults Mr., Mrs., Ms. and their last name out of respect. I think that out of the school you don't have to be so formal (unless the person has asked for it), but by adding the title to the first name, it makes it a little more so.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

Right now what I do is if it's a friend of mine is Ms. Firstname or Mr. Firstname. Anyone else is Mr. Lastname or Mrs. Lastname. Then if that person wishes her to call them something else they can say so. Some friends of my parents said "you can all me Mrs. J."

You can use the title Mrs. in front of their first name such as Mrs. Jen. That way the person gets the title of respect, but it still makes them personable.

We have taught our son to call adults Mr & Mrs, Sir & Maam or Miss J. and Mr John. We always check with the person and give them the choices. My two best friends and hubby are called "mama *name*" and "daddy *name*". Some people say just call us by our first name, but my husband and I feel that this not respecting the adult.

it varies a little, but I would say you can't go wrong with Mr/Miss/Mrs Lastname. How can your friends complain about being addressed in a respectful way? It might sound strange to them at first, kind of like the way it felt if you changed your last name when you were married, but give it a bit of time and it sounds fine.

Um, wow. My nieces and nephew call adult friends and family by first name. Teachers and "older" folks they see on occasion get the mrs/mr. I'm teaching my son the same thing when he's learning to talk. "his whole neighborhood?" is this guy over 50? if so, then maybe he should be called mr. but other than that, I don't see it as disrespectful.

We introduce friends as "Miss Monica" and "Mr. Brad."

This is so funny, I have been married 7 years and still don't know how to address my father in law and only just started calling my mother inlaw by the first name!

In preschool, the children usually call their teachers Miss/Mrs and first name. My children are also taught that to call people such as acquaintances that, but other family friends they call by their first name.

PS - I love what Alex said below - "I think the way to teach respect is to call the person what THEY like to be called" I love that! Shows that we should be sensitive to others, listen to them, etc. I do choose to introduce people to my kids in a formal/semi formal manner (see below), but if they respond with "Please call me Bob" I don't insist that my kids stick with "Mr Bob" or Mr Smith". =====================
Hi Heidi - This is a great topic and one that has confounded me as well over the years. My kids are in gradeschool now and I still don't have a good answer! I think it was easier when I was a kid in the 70's/80's. I was taught to address ALL adults (other than family) as "Mr/Mrs/Miss" except for 2 close family friends who were unmarried, who were 'Aunt'. No confusion. Most of my friends were taught to do the same.
With my own kids, I have them adhere to "Ms/Mr + first name" for friends and close neighbors, but "Mrs/Miss/Mr + last name" for older neighbors (age 50 and up) or people who are just aquaintances, colleagues, etc. I always introduce myself and refer to myself as "Mrs. Wells" with my kid's friends and classmates, but I don't mind if they call me Miss Suzanne. I should add that I am at the school alot (PTA board, volunteering, etc) and most of us seem to follow that same policy as well, when we're on campus. Pretty much all of the kids there call me "Mrs Wells". I guess it just makes it easier for them to think of us (classroom volunteers) in the same category as teachers.
Outside of school, my friends are all over the board on this one. Some do what I do, and many are less formal. It's all what you're comfortable with - I think pretty much anything goes this day in age! I'd just go with your gut and do what feels natural. Good luck and take care :-)

For my kids, if the adult is someone they know, it's either "Mr/Ms Lastname" or "Mr/Ms. Firstname", and we'll often ask the adult what they prefer to be called. (If the person is a teacher, it's sometimes "Teacher Firstname" or "Teacher Lastname", and for close family friends it's usually "Auntie/Uncle Firstname")
Some of my kids' classmates address adults by their first name and I find it a bit awkward, so I'll ask them to please call me Ms. Firstname or Ms. Lastname, because when I hear a child call someone's first name, my reflex is to think they're addressing another kid who has the same first name as me.

I have lots of years in child care so I naturally teach the little ones to call adults Miss Susie or Mr. Joe. If they are a very close friend then it is okay for them to call them by their first name if the person is comfortable with that. I can honestly say I don't think I'd be close friends with someone who made kids call them Mr. or Mrs. anything. But for causal contact of acquaintances it would be most proper for children to call them more proper names, especially a boss or business acquaintance. My BF wants kids to call her Mama XXXX. I find that annoying but I love her anyway.

If your husband couldn't remember his name then he should have said something like "(Insert child's name here), can you introduce yourself to my friend here?" Then encouraged him/her to say: Hello, my name is XXXXX". The proper thing for the adult to do is say something back like "Hello, XXXXX, my name is *what ever they want to be called*". That way you skip the embarrassment of not remembering someones name, they tell you what they want kids to call them, and they set the tone for the introduction.

I'm going against the grain here, but....

I wasn't taught titles and first names for family friends. I called them by their first names and I called a select few Aunt or Uncle... When I was at church I called people Sis. or Bro...... When I was at a place of business (dr office), I used a title. I called my neighbors by their first names if that's how we knew them or by their last names if that's how we knew them. THAT depended on how they introduced themselves to my parents or the lack of an introduction. We never had any issues.

I will not teach my daughter Miss....Mr.... first name. I think that's ridiculous. I hate being called Miss or Mrs Karrissa. My name is Karrissa or Mrs. E.... Children who know me from work (I teach) will call me Mrs. E. Children who are friends of my daughter or children of friends can call me Karrissa. Neighbors can call me Karrissa or Mrs. E. I have no preference there.

As long as a child is respectful in their manners and how they talk to me, I don't care what they call me. A child's respect is not in how they address adults. I know that doesn't sit well with some, but I've seen many people use titles and M'am and Sir only to follow it with smart remarks, bad language and bratty behavior.

I would rather have my child act correctly in the presence of adults than focus on how she addresses them. If they want to be addressed a certain way, she'll be told to do so, but I won't correct her when it is not needed.

Ask people what they'd like to be called and go from there. Your child will learn everyone's name eventually and how to go about addressing each person.

My daughter greets people how I greet them. For me, there should be no difference in how I greet a person and how she should greet a person. This is just me, DONT ask my mother...it is Mr or Mrs for everyone LOL . I greet people by first name. I greet her teachers by saying Mr. or Mrs Last Name. She follows what I do.

I think the West coast is much more informal. Our kids call the preschool teachers "Mr. and Ms. Firstname" and our adult friends are all either "Firstname" or "Aunt and Uncle Firstname."

i speak to them the way i wish them to speak to others. i speak gently and politely... "please", "thank you", etc...

I allow them to answer "yep" or "yeah" because I answer lots of people that way and it doesn't sound disrespectful to me at all. I also don't make them say "sir" and "ma'am" to me or my husband - they're not in the military. they know how to treat older adults with respect, they know to obey and be kind... I just think its a little odd to constantly force your kids to answer a certain way...

ex; "Yes WHAT???''.... "Yes ma'am"... "Thats right." ... I guess to me it sounds a bit oppressive.

Regarding our friends and most neighbors the chidren always address them by their first names. I NO NOT want to be addressed as Mrs. Smith, that is what my husbands' mother goes by, that is just not for me. Even when I volunteer at the school, don't call me Mrs. Smith or Ms. L., just call me by my first name and if you can't remember that, call me Johnny's mom. We have some elderly neighbors, that are old school, that even we address as Mr. & Mrs.Jones.

We were just talking about this! It really depends on how the adult wishes to be addressed. I grew up calling a neighbor Mr. Wilson (I always thought because of Dennis the menace, which was not the case lol) but his wife, we called her by her first name as they wished to be addressed. My aunt has theses friends and their children address eachother as Mr/Miss and their first name. I personally never called any of my friends parents formally though I had a few that addressed my parents as Mr/Mrs. They didnt mind it, nor did they insist otherwise, thats how my friends were raised and they didnt go against it. I think its fair and respectful enough to go with whatever they wish. Though aunt/uncle is very personal & possibly confusing for the child. Unless they are like family and that is what YOU wish.

My son has been taught to show respect to all adults by using their titles. He uses Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms., Coach, Dr., Aunt, Uncle, etc. He is only allowed to use first names when we are with dear friends and family. Acquaintances are all Mr. and Mrs. It is funny how parents are surprised when he calls them Mr. and Mrs. When he was little he called adults: Miss Heidi; Mr. Chris, etc. At the pre-school and daycare he was expected to use the title with a first name.
S.

I ask the person what they want to be called. I want to be called by my first name only, but I do have a friend who wants to be Mrs. Lastname. I think the way to teach respect is to call the person what they like to be called.

Friends/neighbors/casual acquaintances are all Mr/Mrs. Firstname. Teachers/people from work/older friends are all Mr./Mrs. Lastname. Honestly, my husband and I never really discussed specific guidelines for when to do what, but we go with what feels natural and comfortable at the time. If we don't feel that Mr./Mrs. Firstname is formal enough for the individual in question, then we go to last names.

**To the neighbor kids I'm Ms. K., but my husband is "Tyler's Dad" or "Paige's Dad" no one knows his name :-).

Good luck,
K.

I was taught to address all adults as Mr. ,Miss or Mrs. Now that I am an adult I don't really care what you call me. This is the same my spouse and other people we have met in our town most don't seem to care if you call them Mr., Mrs or Dr. They never introduce themselves using their last name and I notice they will introduce me to their children using my first name, so I just go along with it.

Still, I can't say I am 100% comfortable with my child calling adults by their first name and so I try to let him use a title especially to the 65 yr old neighbours.

You should just ask people what you'd like the children to call them. That saves the guess work.

Ditto Jen's answer, my kids know all our friends/neighbors as Mr. or Mrs. firstnames. Close friends of our family are aunt or uncle (we only have a few of these - and then the actual aunts/uncles - probably confusing but seemed right at the time...) and unknown adults are sir/ma'am. In preschool the teachers were Miss first name, but once in 1st grade it was Miss/Mrs lastname. We are also military and this does seem to be the trend I have noticed no matter where you are (east coast/west coast...).