Wedding Guests - Not Allowed to Bring Kids

I would suggest hiring someone and bringing the crew with you. Just get an extra room in the hotel and hire a sitter to hang out with them in the room. That way if there are any problems, you are right there and you could even take care of the 9 mo if you need to.

We didnt' allow little ones at my wedding either and I know 2 families that did this. It worked really well for them!

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It sounds to me like I just wouldn't be going to the wedding.

I totally support the no-kids wedding/reception. I had one. But along with that, the couple has to realize that it means that some guests might not be able to come.

We actually provided a babysitter onsite, to help with this problem.

I have 3 kids and I am a wedding planner
Now with that said most weddings I have done or gone to are ADULTS ONLY. This is very appropriate, and acceptable. Yes inconvenient for the parents of those children; however, you get a night out with your spouse dinner, dancing and drinks for hours and you bill will not exceed what you are willing to spend. Yes the expense of a sitter is a pain. My family all live out of state so i have to arrange an out of state visitor to come and stay with us for weddings. expensive! I pay for their gas instead of their time $100.00 so yes every wedding is expensive. If I cannot afford this I just do not go, but to expect the bride and groom to accommodate every guest and their needs for the day is an impossible feet. Deep Breath, I know it is hard.

Ask a friend or a neighbor. Hell honey if you lived near by I would offer.

UPDATED:
The comment I made about accomodating others was not directed at you just like your frustrations is with the grandparents. I am sorry they have to be like that. I have a simular situation , My inlaws live 10 minutes away and because of the way they are I do not trust them alone with my children in any way shap or form therefore I have no local family I can trust; however, family comes in many forms and my friends and neighbors are a god sent. I hope and pray you are able to set up a back up system for your self. Please forgive me if I hurt you with my accomidation remark is was a generalized remark for everyone. Again I deal with alot of weddings and judgements that fly regarding them and that is were that came from.

Do you have a couple close friends that can keep the kids? I kept a neighbor's kids when mom and dad went out of town, just be sure to reciprocate and take their kids for an overnighter.

My kids are older and my cousin said no kids. So I just didn't go to the wedding.

We don't get family support either, so I know exactly where you are!

We have done one of two things in the past...

- Hired a sitter to stay at our home for the night (worked out well)
- Hired a sitter to come with us and stay in another room with our son at the hotel. (Worked out well too, but expensive)

My parents also didn't have family around to help and this is what they did too when they had weddings! Most of our friends have a "no kid" rule for their weddings and I completely respect that.

Call around to friends who regularly use a sitter and get some phone numbers. Between now and then, go out to dinner or run a few errands while the sitter hangs with the kiddos and see how it goes.

I have teacher friends that have been hired to stay at a families home and stay with their children.. One Teacher had been a former teacher of a child. His parents went to Europe for 10 days. She stayed at their home with her sons and took care of everything. They paid well too..

Another younger teacher says she makes good extra money by doing this a lot in the summer, but is willing during the school year if anyone asks.

Look around your children's school and see if any of the teachers are willing..

I bet the younger or new teachers would jump on the opportunity.

Find a reliable high school student and take her with you for the weekend.
LBC

I have had no trouble getting my older sitters to stay overnight. It costs but can be done. We used to do it on New Years eve since we didn't feel taking a sitter home at 2 in the morning. Pretty much we paid her the normal hourly rate for the whole time she was there including sleeping and when we were home.

You could always run them up to St Louis and I'll watch them. They aren't awful are they? :p

I feel your pain the close geographically grandparents do not babysit, period!! Those are their words...only in a dire emergency and that would involve injury and the emergency room BUT not any other type of sickness, they might catch it!!

The family who would LOVE to keep our kids are 2000 and 3000 miles away.

We have good sitters thank God...and I would probably take the sitter with us and have her and the kids close on site.

I feel your pain! My parents moved out of state 2 years ago and they were our ONLY option for an over night sitter when we needed it…providing their schedule permitted. My in-laws have NEVER offered to babysit and I am actually ok with that, but at least offer once and pretend you care. So, we use sitters for everything. We have a concert to go to this Saturday night and I REALLY wanted to get a hotel and just enjoy the night out and not worry about driving home. This was going to be the 1st time we tried to hire a sitter over night. I wanted to use 1 of 2 girls that are between 20 & 23 and have sat for us over the last 2 years, so we are very comfortable with them. Of course, neither are in town. So, now it will cost us for a sitter and we will have to come home.

Have you thought about getting a sitter and having her travel with you? Maybe the sitter can bring a friend to make it more appealing and help a little more with the kids? Get a suite or adjoining rooms at the hotel. This way, you can be close to the kids AND go to the wedding. Maybe the hotel can be in walking distance of a park, ice cream shop, or mall (with a play area)?

Hope you don't have to miss out!

don't go.
they know they're excluding a bunch of people with their "no kids" rule, so they should understand.

Hey there,
That is frustrating having no help or anyone to lean on, especially family that refuses!! But what do you and your husband do to get out on your own every once in awhile? Date nights? That is so important, esp. with 3 kids! I would start looking into finding someone that you can use every so often. Check in w/ local colleges that have a child development program; there may be students that want to earn extra money. Or get some recommendations from friends that have kids in your area. Good luck!!

Of course you need to get a babysitter. Use care.com or ask around to see if someone can recommend someone. We have no family around and use a college girl we found on care.com when the need arrives. Don't be frustrated at the situation, take charge, find someone and go have fun.

If it's a "no kid" event and we don't have a sitter, we don't go. :(

Is the wedding very soon? Do you have a couple of months to plan? If you do then I would get on sittercity or craigslist and find a couple of sitters, interview them and then have them sit for you a couple of nights while you go out with husband. Then, when you come home you can talk to the older kids about how the sitter was. If you have any friends in the area I would talk to them about sitters that they have used. Maybe even a mom friend could come over and watch the kids and then you can return the favor.
L.

If the wedding is being held in a hotel, is there a neice or nephew or cousin or neighbore that you could bring? Anyone over the age of about 12/13 would be able to play with the kids. Then you sneak away, tuck everyone in and the babysitter could just watch tv or something? You'll be in the same building should anything happen and you could even leave a cell with the babysitter and keep one on you.

Hey there S.,
You are speaking my language today! My husband is actually in a wedding in KY in Sept (we live on the east coast) and they kept flip flopping on whether kids would be invited. They never said anything until the invitation arrived and there it was, "No children!". So, myself and our 15-month are not going. It was quite disappointing to see that knowing that three of the groomsmen have children. I respect their need/desire to save, but you have just knocked three wives out of their celebration.

you're right, it is very frustrating but just think of the money you will now save! That's what I am doing....also, their loss! Have a great week!

My husband and I are in the same situation. Its aggravating that our couple friends go away for couples weekends, or go out to dinner, while their family members watch the kids and we stay home because we dont have nearby family who can.

Do your kids go to daycare? Some of the daycare workers will spend the night, or sometimes single teachers from your childrens school will.

If it were my husband and I, we would have to stay at home.

Also - check to see if the kids are not allowed period, or if it is ok if they come to the reception. In that case, one parent can stay outside with the kids while the other watches the ceremony, and everyone could go to the reception.

But, yes, probably we would have to miss the wedding too.

I totally get where you are coming from, my parents have passed away and so are my husbands, I could absolutely NOT go to a kid free wedding that was far away...........im lucky to get a free night on the town

We don't go. We are in a similiar situation - grandparents are far away and expensive to fly in to take care of our children. I would never hire a sitter from a hotel.

Honestly, if the bride and groom wanted you to attend then they would either allow you to bring kids or they would make arrangements for a sitter for you. Contact them and ask whether arrangements for a sitter are possible. If not, then politely decline as you do not have childcare.

I do not understand the wedding planner who thinks that it is appropriate or acceptable to be such an ungracious host / hostess. If you invite someone to any sort of event / meal, etc then you think about what you need to do to make them comfortable. At my wedding, children (including my 4 month old nephew) were invited. My husband has a cousin with 11 children - we invited the entire family. (They didn't all come but that was their choice, not because they weren't invited.) We offered sitters for those who preferred that - and I personally called those who had children of any age and told them that we would have a kids' menu (nuggets, hotdog or mac'n cheese) and that I could arrange for sitters if that was preferred. I had at least 15 children at my wedding and they were all beautifully behaved. My nephews' parents were both in the wedding and we had other relatives look after him during the ceremony.

I did not offer to pay for a sitter for anyone and as it turned out we had some friends who left their children with grandparents and others who brought their children. Everyone came from far away (at least 5 hour drive and mostly by airplane) so the added expense was the cost of bringing the children. The cost of the kids meals and soft drinks were nothing in my overall wedding budget.

I believe that weddings (and funerals and baptisms, etc) are FAMILY occasions and children are a part of families!!! We had no trouble with misbehavior - our wedding was at 5 and reception from 6-11 at night. I think our society would be much better if we focused on the reason for a wedding than having a big fancy party and only inviting those who go along with what we want in pictures and videos. Next, we will stop inviting the elderly in their wheelchairs (yes, all 4 of my grandparents also attended and yes, I made arrangements for people to drive them!!!)

Thanks for listening - C.

I am sorry you don't have the family support. I know frustrating....Unfortunately the person getting married is not responsible or obligated to have to include kids especially If it is a formal wedding. I have three kids myself now and if I am invited to a wedding with no kids sounds good to me and I will attend if we can find a sitter or have that family support. I've learned to let it go if we don't have a sitter. My kids won't be kids forever and so that's the season of life we're in for now. When I got married I had "Adult Reception" on my invitation. Probably irritated the hell out of the guests but we had an extensive guest list anyway because of family size etc...I certainly was not offended if someone couldn't come because of kids. I would rather you not attend then have to deal with the chaos and children's behavior.... Now, I will probably be in your situation next year when one of my family members gets married who lives out of state. If there are no kids allowed then I probably won't be going or will need to leave DH at home with kids if I want to go that badly. If I don't go and these family memebers are angry oh well then they can find me the babysitter since I am the one traveling 6 hours.

Do you have a sitter that you normally use? Could you book a hotel suite or two adjoining rooms and invite that sitter to go with you? Maybe you could make a little mini vacation out of it, pay her expenses and she would love the chance to get out of town for a day or two, check out a hotel pool etc. Will any of the other parents be staying over? Might they bring a sitter too and the kids and sitters could all be in 1 room while you are at the weddig and reception? They could bring some movies with and order pizza to be delivered in and I bet they would have a blast! Just an idea...haven't read all of the other posts to see if anyone else had that idea so sorry if it's a late duplicate.
ETA: I was just at a wedding that included a bunch of kids, among other things.....one little boy walked right across the back of the brides dress with his black sneakers, and I saw several plates of uneaten food being hauled away from the tables....still cost the bride and groom regardless of the fact that they didn't eat it! Also...I used to video weddings, and while the groom is wearing a mic...if a kid anywhere opens their mouth that's the voice that you hear on the video rather than the minister or bride...I am not being nasty...I have been to "no children" weddings too, some times it is a cost thing, some times they just don't want the added hassle that some times goes with having kids at an event like this....bunny ears in professional pictures, snarly little faces and untucked shirts in pictures, time wasting waiting on uncooperative kids for pictures, footprints on wedding dress, some times they just don't think it will be a kid friendly atmosphere with the alcohol that will be flowing freely.. Just some thoughts.

Can you split the kids up and ask the parents of a school friend or a friend their own age if they could stay the night there? And then just take the baby with you. I am sure that they wouldn't mind a baby being there as long as you exit if s/he starts getting fussy during the ceremony. I think mostly people don't do the kids anymore because it costs so much to feed them (which wouldn't be an issue) and the kids running around is somewhat distracting (also will not be a problem with the 9 month old). I would ask the bride/groom first of course, but I would imagine that it wouldn't be a problem.

That is the only thing I can think of since your family doesn't want to help out. So sorry..... : ( What a bummer, and a huge loss for them to not be building a relationship with their grandkids.

I would ask the other guests that are family or friends and get a babysitter referral from them. They are paying someone to watch their kids too. They may also know just the perfect sitter. If they don't then I would call the hotel you are staying at and see if they have a service they might be willing to provide.

I would see if the sitter was willing to go with you. That way you have someone onsite. If you have an adult friend that is willing to watch your kids overnight then that would be the best option. Give you a break. I totally can relate to the no familial support. My parents live three and a half hrs away. My mil has passed and my fil is a flop (the one time we could not find anyone he watched them for a few hrs and before we left put my daughters diaper on inside out and backwards!!! ) some great grandparents are still living but thats about it they are still living! its a total bust when it comes to family. there was a point when i was about fourteen where i told my mom to stop asking for grandkids that i was too young to have kids. she did. but watching how they are all over other peoples kids but not there own family is confusing. i am so greatful for my family and espicaly for my 83 yr old granny who were able to go to her house and she is fixing lunch. while she isnt able to completly take care of her greatgrandchildren she still can enjoy them. i also am dissapointed in the amount of attention the kids get from what seemed like very egar grandparents. wish it were different but we know that we will be there for our kids when they reach the point we are at in there lives. good luck.

There was a situation when we didnt have a babysitter for a wedding, it was my husbands family, so he went to show respect and I stayed home with the kids.

If you are close with these people, maybe they could make an exception for your kids so you all could attend. I have been to several weddings where my kids werent invited, but there were other kids there.

Where is the wedding? Ill babysit for you! ;)

Given your situation, I would ask friends for recommendations and get on sittercity or care.com and find a few good sitters (including overnights) that youcan get to know and use for occasions like this. Since my mother passed away, we've been in a similar position regarding anything longer than one night (like a whole weekend). We got to know several good, experienced sitters and nannies who are also willing to do overnights and weekends. Of course it adds $$$! It's worth it though. Make sure you have time for you and your kids to use them several times so you know and are used to them. Good luck!

I would ask the bride or groom (or their family) if they were going to have an onsite sitter for kids. Where they could be watched and you could pop in to check on them. If not, is there someone they can recommend because you are not comfortable leaving them overnight so far away (since you don't have family close by)? If not, do you have any close friends that you would be ok with them spending the night with? If not, I would pass on attending.

Ask one of your friends for a recommendation.

If you or your husband really wants to attend, ONE of you can attend while the other stays home. Less fun, maybe, but it depends on how much you want to be there for your friends.

There is no shame in one half of a couple attending. If you're worried about "Who will I sit with, will anyone talk to me, should I dance with another person" etc., well, the question is: How much do you want to be there to support your friends (as opposed to being there for the great party)? If you're going to support the couple, then one of you can go on your own, and talk to other guests and be seated with lots of couples and just deal with it. You'll probably have fun and meet some interesting folks and you may know other people attending anyway.

I know what you mean because we have zero family in our area and we do have good friends who love to babysit but can do it only rarely because they work full-time. It's rotten but these days it's the way things are, so one of you should go and enjoy the wedding and take lots of pictures to show the other one.

We are in the same boat - no family around and we rarely get to go out b/c no one to watch the kids.

How close is your closest relative? We have met our inlaws at the half way point and let them take them for the weekend before. Or we have driven my mom out (4 hour trip each way) so she can watch our kids for the weekend at our home.

I understand your frustration!!!

I have two VERY trusted friends that I would leave my kids with for the weekend.

I also have two Masters from the Do Jung that i trust implicitly with my kids...

Talk to one of your girlfriends and ask if she can watch the kids...if not - then if you have enough notice - go to care.com or babysitter.com and see what they have there - this gives you an opportunity to test drive them before the big event!!

GOOD LUCK!!

I understand how this is frustrating, but I had a Saturday night wedding - it was late and would not have been an appropriate place for young kids - not would they or their parents have had fun. Anyway, at one point, when my kids were both under 5, we lived where there was no family to help. I had friends and sitters for little stuff, a night out or a trip to the store etc. One weekend my husband was in San Diego and wanted me to come for the weekend so I got a day care worker where my kids went to stay with them from Saturday morning until Tues when she took them to school. not sure what yoru sutation is - whether they go to daycare or not, but that was a great option. She was responsible, drove (unlike many teenage sitters), and had lots of experience with kids.

My little BROTHER had no kids at his wedding... and I have 3. I was so pissed, especially since he wanted my girls as their flower girls, and everyone else was AT the wedding, so who was supposed to watch my son?! God, I was so mad, he just doesn't think. I ended up leaving the baby with my BFF overnight, it was such a pain, we had to pick him up at like 7am or something crazy because they were leaving for TN the day after the wedding.

Going forward, if someone invites me to their wedding without the kids, I'm going to say 'we're all coming, or no one's coming'... such a head ache!!

Are there going to be other families with kids that need a sitter? If so, maybe call around to the local day cares; a lot of times, the day care workers will babysit after hours for large groups of kids if the price is right. It would be cheaper for everyone if you all pooled your money together for a pro to watch the kiddos! Good luck ;)

Any older teenagers that can be brought with you on trip so that you can feel more comfortable.

If you cant take the kids, and cant find a sitter...I wouldn't go.

We find someone to babysit or one of us stays home. Last October, friends decided not to have kids (which was just as well with the venue) but then half the couples only sent one half (the spouse closest to the couple). This September friends have requested and, frankly much more thoughtfully, decided not to have wee ones at the wedding. So we arranged for SIL to babysit. And if it becomes too much of a challenge to find someone for that duration, then maybe send just one of you and wish the couple well on the family's behalf.

It's very common to not have children at weddings. Thankfully we have family close by that loves having the boys spend the night. Do you have any close friends that would like to do a swap take your kids one night and then you take theirs? Ask your friends about babysitters. For an overnight I would probably want someone college age.