Tried to CIO and It Didn't Work

I am having the SAME issue. I can't wait to hear a response. My daughter is 12 months and I would LOVE to still co-sleep, but my husband is the one saying get her out. Boohoo. Anyhow, I go through the same responses you do.

Good luck.

sounds awful. I didn't co-sleep but I did use the baby whisperer method to get my baby to bed still awake. she suggests you create a nice bedtime routine and then lay them down staying close by. When they cry you pick them up and comfort them and then immediately lay them back down. Continue on doing this--as in 50 or more times--but don't collapse and it may take several days. She also addresses getting them used to the crib over a month or so, by just rocking them in the same room with it, gradually working up to naps in it, and finally into bed. it's true eventually they do go to sleep on their own but it's pretty exhausting for the mommy or daddy. Still I can't stand the cry it out thing. It makes me ill to listen to them cry. She also has a book on caring for toddlers which addresses sleep. You might pick up a copy if you are out and about. Still she is definitely old school but in my opinion not cruel just firm. Or you could just wait it out the co-sleepers I know of do eventually sleep in their own bed but sometimes not until 3 or 4. Personally, I don't want to sleep with my husband let alone my child...give me a quiet dark room with no one else there ; ) So long story short, read the baby whisperer book and see if her method helps or try the methods you are thinking of. Good luck!

Well, as a single mom, I started my son sleeping with me after my husband died when he was 13 months old. He is now 8 and it is still VERY hard to get him to sleep in his own bed. Has EVERY excuse in the book for why not to. Take all this advice and get her to her own bed ASAP!!!! Will make it sooo hard later. I don't regret my son sleeping with me, but wish it had been more of an every now and then thing!!! Good luck!!!

Hi, M.!
Your daughter sounds very similar to my son. He just turned 2 and has had problems sleeping alone since birth. Everyone told me to let him cry it out, but it didn't work, and I didn't think it was best for him, since he would cry for an hour while holding him, let alone by himself. So, he slept in our bed until 3 months ago, when, like you, we started to get terrible sleep. I think I became a distraction for him to sleep well. He is still nursing, and would stir in between sleep cycles, realize I was there, and then want to latch on to nurse. This happened about 6 times a night (when it had been happening 0-2 times per night). So, it was times for a change! I, too, tried to let him cry it out to fall asleep in our bed, but again, it didn't work, and I would hear him cry so hard that he would gag. Once when my husband went in to comfort him instead of me, he got so upset that he actually threw up. I decided to adopt a new strategy. I realized that the goal was to have him sleeping by himself, not necessarily to get him to fall asleep by himself. I started to get him out of our bed by putting his crib mattress on the floor in his room and laying there with him until he fell asleep (like I would do in our bed). I only did this for about a week because the crib mattress was too hard for my back, especially when I accidently fell asleep and stayed there for 4 hours! So, we bought a twin matress and put it on the floor in the corner of his room with pillows on the floor on the non-wall sides. The first week in his room, he woke up 3 or 4 times a night, and I wondered if it was going to work. But once we got the twin mattress, he immediately slept better (only waking up 1 or 2 times). About half the time now, he will sleep through the night. The other half of the time, he will wake up around 4am. If I'm awake enough, sometimes I can keep myself from falling back to sleep in his bed. But usually if he wakes up in the middle of the night, I sleep in his bed with him until the morning (I can't forget to set the alarm clock in my son's room when I go in, or we will sleep really late!). I have to lay down with him every night and then sneak away after he falls asleep. Even though I still sleep with him part of the time, I still get to sleep in my own bed with just my husband more than half of my sleeping time! This progress was a much-needed change, and will only get better with time and age. I have a few other tips that have helped this process for us. When my son sleeps alone, he doesn't have my body heat to keep him warm. So, I have to dress him more warmly, otherwise, he wakes up due to being cold! Another is that I make a big deal about this being his "new big-boy bed" and that he gets to sleep with his favorite stuffed animals. I also put a pillow next to him, so that when he stirs in the middle of the night, he feels the pillow and sometimes thinks that the pillow is me sleeping next to him. I hope my baby-sleep story helps you!

It is normal for babies to want to feel secure at night, and need you there to feel secure. Your baby is still a baby at 15 months, and needs you. It won't last forever, this time is precious. Enjoy it! I would also try putting the crib matteress in your room on the floor. You could lay with her until she's asleep and move to your bed. You might want a regular twin, though. This is a good way to get them used to sleeping alone, but having you near for a while longer. Later, when she's ready, transition to her room while laying with her to sleep. It really is abnormal that in our culture we expect our children to be just fine in a dark room wihout us, not only that but to actually have enough peace to get to sleep. If you think about it, it is only in the recent time that sleeping in another room was even possible!

I've never been a big fan of CIO, mostly because I don't have the patience for it and I am afraid my child will think I am not there for him/her. A lot of people have strong opinions on either side of it, but the bottom line is that if it isn't for you then it isn't for you, and that's really OK.

I have a couple of suggestions you might try.

What if you put the mattress in her room on the floor in your room and got her used to sleeping alone but with your presence still in the room. It might be a less traumatic change for her and then when she is used to that you can put the mattress back in her room. She could then get used to going to sleep in her room with you there in the room with her. Then from there you could be outside the door and so on and so on. I would just put a baby gate in the doorway so she can't walk out in the middle of the night.

Another thought is to rock her to sleep. I know a lot of people have strong opinions about this too. But, if what she wants is to be close to you to fall asleep then you could rock her to sleep and then put her in her crib in her room. That way she gets what she needs and you get what you need. I have rocked all of mine and by the time they were two they could go to sleep on their own, so it isn't like any permanent damage will be done. For me, I know one day I will miss not being able to rock them, so I cherished that time.

Maybe one of these ideas will work. Either one will provide some immediate relief even if they aren't ideal for everyone.

Hope this helps,

L.

This is not an easy thing to get out of, but I suggest that at present, for your sanity etc., put her crib mattress on the floor next to your bed.
If you have to lay in your bed there until she falls asleep, do so, but insist that she sleep there next to you.
If she wakes in the night, let her know that you are there beside her, pat her, or hold her hand until she gets back to sleep.
Make sure that she has a favorite doll or stuffed toy by her.
Even better, make a big deal out of taking her to the store to pick out such a toy for her "new" bed companion!
Eventually (someday) it will be easier to get her into a "big" girl bed in her room.
Also, parents should put themselves in their child's place and think about the fact that they always sleep together, and yet they are always surprised when an infant or toddler balks at sleeping by themselves in a separate room.
Good luck.

You could try a regular mattress on the floor but she'll probably just end up banging her head on the door. As long as she can't climb out of the crib I'd stick with the crib, and maybe add extra bumpers or pillows so that she can bang away without hurting herself (my daughter is 15 months too, and at this age I'm not too worried about suffocation with pillows, etc.). My daughter slept with us for a long time at night (naps in her crib), but eventually we made the transition to 100% crib when it seemed like her sleep (as well as ours) was suffering. She went through a phase where we could not get her down in the crib- we would rock her completely to sleep and then she would wake up as we put her down, and we'd have to start all over. It was very frustrating and taxing. That's when we did CIO- it was hard but actually went much better than we thought. They say that usually the first 2-3 days are the hardest- for us the first 2 days were easy, then they got hard, then eventually easy again. It was definitely hard on us all- we spent lots of time sitting outside of her room with a timer waiting to go in. But here's how I looked at it: now she is empowered to go to sleep on her own, and knows how to soothe herself. Yeah it's great for us- we read a story and then set her in her crib awake and walk out of the room. And it gives us more freedom- any babysitter can put her to bed and there's no "magic touch" anymore. But mostly I like that she's in control of her own ability to sleep. I think that's important. I don't regret a day of sleeping with her, but I think it's all about knowing when to make that transition. (And I can't believe how much easier our evenings are now!!)

We had this issue with both of our kids. In the end we ended up getting a toddler bed for one and a regular twin bed with one of those removable padded rails for the other. Made a big deal about the 'big kid bed' and all. Made it fun to be there, played games, read books, etc. Didn't even try to make either of them fall asleep in their new beds. We'd let them fall asleep in our bed and then pick them up and put them in their beds while they were asleep. Each of them followed the same pattern, though one is a girl and one a boy and they're 7 years apart. For a few months they'd wake up in the middle of the night and come back to our bed. Usually without any fuss at all, so long as we didn't make a fuss about them climbing into bed in the middle of the night. After a few months of this, they'd figure out that they -could- come to our bed whenever they wanted and stopped getting up in the middle of the night. After a couple of months of that we switched to falling asleep in their beds, with either myself or my husband lying in their bed with them (with the twin bed) or sitting on the floor beside the toddler bed. It is a long process, but it can be done without the nightly battle and/or listening to them scream and maybe hurt themselves.

My son didn't ever like to be alone, and he's 8 months old. We just made the transition from the bouncy seat, bed, couch, swing (wherever we could get the poor guy to sleep, if you know what I mean) to his crib. It took a few weeks, and I started with naps. There's a fishtank in his crib, and a CD player for music, and a noise machine in the hall. He, too, would bang his head, and trust me that they will learn that it hurts and stop doing it =-) At first I would put him down asleep--the first goal was to get him used to being in his crib. Then we went through a phase--as soon as I even had the thought of putting him down asleep he would wake up and all heck would break loose. It would seriously take me 17 tries to get him into bed and I would give up and we'd go back to sleeping on the couch. Eventually I knew he needed to learn to get himself to sleep, and that would involve crying (usually both of us, my husband put in earplugs)...I didn't try to go back into his room because it would just make him mad, so the Ferber method went out the window. Naptime was the easiest time, again, to let him cry--I could always shower or do some laundry while he was trying to fall asleep. Anyway, it's been a few weeks now, and the nights still aren't perfect, but I wake up and pinch myself that I'm really asleep in my own bed--no baby, just the dog and my husband. Good luck!!

You can also meet with your husbands in other areas of the house after your daughter falls asleep. If you try a mattress on the floor, put it in your room next to your bed so that if she needs you she is close by, you may have to lay with her to fall asleep, then get in your bed. She will probably wake and want to get back in your bed, but she will probably stay longer and longer in her own bed. The key is that you still help her fall asleep until she is used to sleeping on her own. You don't have to let her cry-it-out, just take time and patients.

Hi. Our daughter was a little bit older when she started that kind of unruly behavior in bed, closer to 2.
What we did was put her crib mattress on the floor next to our bed. She fought us on it of course but eventually accepted it.
She would still climb up in our bed in the wee hours, but at that time of night it was more tolerable.
Due to some personal reasons she still sleeps in our room some nights but she is also doing well sleeping in her big girl bed in her room.

It has been a series of baby steps at our house, but we could of pushed things along a little faster if we had really wanted to.

I think transitioning to the floor before going in her own room was the best decision.

GL!

As far as the privacy for you and the husband go, you'll find places I'm sure. We haven't used our bed for any of that in over 4 years! Why don't you try to at least just having her in her own bed in your room. You didn't specify if the crib was in her room or yours. If it is your room I really don't know what to tell ya. We co-slept with all of ours for a long time (about 2 years or more). Right now we have the 6 month old in with us. Our other two, 3 yrs. and 4yrs. have a room togther. When we lived with my Mom-in-law (for about 2 years) at one point all 5 of us were in the same room. Our bed with the baby, a toddler bed for the oldest, and a crib for the middle one. Sleep deprivation does suck doesn't it. I guess I'm just used to it now though and my body has adjusted since it's been almost 5 years since I've slept through the night. And I also want to add that my girls are not spoiled brats because of it. They are very caring towards each other and other kids.

You didn't do exactly what she wanted you to do, you did exactly what you were supposed to do. CIO isn't good for them, it raises their blood pressure dangerously high and anytime a baby is upset enough to make themselves puke or hurt themselves, it's a bad situation.
Get the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers". It's not going to change over night, but you'll get her in her bed eventually.
Another thing to try in the meantime is either putting a mattress in her room or bringing her crib into your room so you are close but not in the same bed.
Good Luck:)

Can you transfer her to her crib after she falls asleep?

Do you have another bedroom, like a guest bed you could have her sleep with you until she's asleep, then you slip out and put guard rails up or something? and then you go to your own bed?

When we were trying to get our kids to fall asleep on their own (about your daughter's age, although we never did the co-sleeping thing) they all cried to the point we thought they would throw up, but they didn't actually throw up. They also did not bang their heads, so I don't know what I'd do in that situation. However, the crying to sleep bit took exactly 3 nights with all of them. It's hard on the parents to hear them cry for those 3 nights, but it worked. They did not cry all night. Our first 2--we lived in an apartment and we did tell the neighbors what we were doing- We would go in once in awhile and make them lie down and pat them for a bit, but it would take over an hour of crying for them to fall asleep. In the morning--they were all sweetness and sunshine- it wasn't like they had no rest or anything or could even remember it happening.

Also, with all of the kids, if they were scared in the night and wanted to sleep in our room, I would put a quilt on the floor by my side of the bed. I would pat them, or hold their hands or talk softly to them. Our son still came in our room during thunderstorms when he was four or five...that was easier on all of us than sqeezing him in bed with us for the rest of the night...:)

After 3 boys, I've come to realize that some kids can cry it out quickly, AND some CANNOT. My middle son was definitely a CANNOT. He is 6 and has only started sleeping in his bed full time since July. (We had our 3rd in May) I tried everything, but he would throw horrible fits and scream, not cry, for an hour or more. So, for the last 6 years we would let him come to bed with us and most nights take him back to his bed once he was asleep. Now, thank goodness, he only gets up to tell me to take him back to bed. It will happen for you eventually. :) It simply takes time. *Let them be little, let 'em sleep in the middle* Our youngest has no problem laying down and going to sleep on his own, and it *almost* makes me sad. Notice the *almost*. lol. Good luck.

I know there are moms out there who SWEAR about CIO, and you know what - they can have it. It NEVER worked for me, and they can have their martyrdom here on earth if they want it, but it never worked for us.

WIth our oldest, she co-slept with us for several years because she had a fibral seizure when she was 8 months old, and it scared us to death. If she was prone to fever spikes (which she is), then we couldn't chance any more of them.

We ended up pregnant with #2 - (long story) but when #2 was old enough to "sleep in the crib", we moved them both into the bedroom over the weekend.

Make sure it's a room befitting a 15 month old. Make sure you have at least a fan you can put on low to create some "white noise", maybe even get a humidifier - one that has a light that shines up through the tank (Walgreen's sells them, or amazon.com - Sunbeam brand).

AND begin a solid bedtime routine that begins the same time every night, and is pretty solid. Bath, lavendar lotion (Johnson & Johnson bedtime lotion), read a book, or watch a show, or even have on some soft "lullaby music" - if you have the Sprout channel, they have the "good night show" that starts at 6:30 every night, and a few short shows for kids. If she has a night-time bottle still, make sure you put in some cereal (to keep her from getting hungry and hopefully help her sleep for a few hours or so), and a squirt of Mylicon (to make sure gas isn't an issue).

Just a few thoughts- for what it's worth - and good luck!

I put both of my kids in a regular twin sized bed at 15 months old. They both LOVED it. I used a mattress railing on one side, and had it pushed against the wall on the other side. At the spot where the rail ended, I took a bean bag and also some floor pillows and had them at the foot of the bed. I never had a kid fall out of their bed. As far as the cry it out goes, if you choose to keep her in her crib, which I wouldn't since she's not used to being in that confined type of environment, then I'd bang proof it. Put blankets or towels around the top bar of it and duck tape them if you have to to give it some padding. Let her cry it out, my daughter would get so upset when I first tried the cry it out method that she WOULD throw up! I waited until she was sleeping, and I"d go in and clean it up....and this was actually recommended by my pediatrician. I'm so thankful I did this because after only 3 nights of what I call TORTURE, she finally began falling asleep without crying and began sleeping through the night

My kids never liked sleeping 'alone'. LOL In order to get my older 2 in their room by themselves, I accidently stumbled upon putting them in bed together. LOL They were 4 and 2 I think... and it was the only way EITHER of them slept!! They STILL sleep together (although they have the option of their OWN bed)... :)

Have you tried putting a mattress in your room and sleeping with her for a bit- get out of bed after she is sleeping- and switch beds? That is what I did in the begining to transition them...

My daughter was a co-sleeper also...which I had no problem with...but as she got older she also did a lot of moving around which disrupted my sleep. When she was 18 months....I created a "nest" for her next to our bed. She loved it....I made a big deal about how it was her special nest. As she got older the nest moved farther away from our bed...eventually outside our bedroom door and then into her room...and finally she was into her own bed. She still wants to sleep with us on occassion...and that is ok!

I put a mattress on the floor with mine at 12 months on......maybe if you "give" her your blanket for a while so she can still smell you? Then, when she is ready, let her pick one out herself to be all her own.

I agree that letting her bang her head on the crib rail is not the answer. However, neither is giving in to her just because she has found something that bothers you. So, take the crib away, give her a mattress on the floor and make it known it is bedtime. Don't leave the crib in the room, though.

I love that your first 2 responses were not anti-cosleeping. My 3 yr old still sleeps with us and it is wonderful. I know that there will come a time when she doesn't want to. You know that you don't need to get her out of your bed to have time with your husband. Creativity is the key here.
Contrary to what you may be told, you do not have to CIO to get your daughter to sleep on her own. Respect her needs also. Don't try to get her out cold turkey. Is her crib convertible? Take the side off & attach it to your bed if possible. Put her mattress on your floor, I think this was mentioned. Do it slowly. And, for what it's worth, my daughter used to squirm a lot too. They grow out of that.
Good luck.

I feel your Pain M.,
We had the same thing with our daughter. What landed up doing was putting a small futon chair that folds out at night into a bed next to our be until she got used to sleeping alone. It gave us the sleep we needed and she felt safe in our room.
We told her that she was getting to be a big girl and she was giving Mommy and Daddy "bubu's" in the middle of the night when she kicked us. If took a few nights but by telling her it was the crib or the futon she got it and we could sleep. It took a little while but then we were able to take the futon in her room for naps there was a little crying at that point but no banging of the head, which like you we had with her as well.
The privacy part is very important!!! for your marriage. Maybe you could take her to grandmas or to a babysitter in the afternoon and you and your husband can have a "Date"
just an Idea. That's what we did. Good Luck

One solution that worked for us: we got a futon (our babe never took to a crib) and put it on a very low (2 inch) platform, though a mattress on the floor would work, too. We got it when she was a little over a year old. We had already put our futon on a low platform--because she was co-sleeping. Then, we started rocking her to sleep and putting her in her futon. She would sleep there for a few hours--giving us some time alone--and then when she would first wake up in the night, we'd bring her to our bed. Now (at 22 months) she sleeps there for maybe half the night, then joins us. It works for our family. Might be worth a try. Norka futon has nice futons: http://www.norkafuton.com/ but we had a friend build us very simple platforms--like well made pallets, really--to keep the futons off the floor, so they have breathability. Something to consider. I'm still pro-co-sleeping, and it is hard, but this compromise has worked for us. Good luck!

I know you don't want to hear this, but your daughter is manipulating you. Just like you said, she knows that if she cries hard enough and long enough you'll give in and come get her. Maybe you need to do something inbetween cosleeping and cry-it-out that will allow you to sleep through the night. Have you ever tried the Ferber method? We did with our youngest, who although she didn't throw up when she was crying would cry alot at bedtime. Using the Ferber method worked for us. You can read about how to apply the method in Dr. Ferber's book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. I got it at the library, so didn't even have to buy it. Hope it works as I know how hard it is to function on little or not sleep!

I had many problems getting my son to sleep on his own. I tried a program sleepsense.net - it was wonderful, has a money back guarantee and there are different levels of the program you can purchase. One of the levels, you get phone consultations with their sleep experts. The follow up was wonderful, it was the best $ I ever spent. He sleeps like a champ now and is 23 months. The cheapest program is VERY reasonable (I think around $40?)

I like the rocking and the mattress in her room idea... to add to it...

Start with the mattress right next to her crib. Each night move a little closer to the door. Console her w/o touching her too much.

If you rock her do it a little less each night.

Yikes! That would totally freak me out! Love the fact that, so far, no one is giving you a hard time about co-sleeping :) YAY! I like the ideas of the other moms. I would also hype it as much as you can. Get overly excited about her sleeping on her own. You could maybe start with naps. Tell her "Today we're going to try sleeping in your OWN bed! Won't that be fun!!!" You can let her pick a favorite stuffed animal or blanket to take to bed with her. Just keep up the positivity. If you're nervous and anxious, she will be too. Kids pick up on stuff like that, they are SO much smarter than we tend to give them credit for. Good luck to you! I think it's fantastic that you've co-slept this long. :)

When are son was transitioning into his own bed, we would put him to sleep either by rocking him or letting him sleep with us as usual, but when he was good and asleep we would put him in his crib. He woke up and cried maybe twice. He would wake up in his crib and learned to get comfortable in it. What also helped was putting him down for naps in his own crib, because it wouldn't matter as much if he wouldn't sleep. We also found a good music CD and played it softly in his room on a continuous loop so he never felt lonely or scared. For what it is worth, he is now 7 and still listens to the same CD at night and gets to sleep with us on weekends sometimes. I just love it.