Three Year Bad Attitude Problems

M.,
contrary to what society urges parents to believe, I do not think that 'temper tantrums' are wrong or bad. We are taught that as parents we should lead our children and have control instead of having a respectful partnership with our children. When my two year old becomes visibilly upset I sit down near him letting him know that I am there for him, and wait for him to calm down. I see a 'temper tantrum' as my sons cue to me that there has been a disconect. He is looking for attention, but not in a bad way, more like he is needing something from me such as to sit down and cuddle for a few min, to read some books together, nurse, or sing a song. Putting your child in a time out or in there room for being upset is sending the message that it is not okay to be visibily upset and that you are essentially shunning them for showing negative emotions.
Try looking at what message your child is trying to send you! I found the writings by Alfie Kohn very helpful with this. His website is alfiekohn.org.
Good luck and happy parenting!
S.

Couple of thoughts...Putting him in his room is a good one. He is doing it for attention and if you arent around to see it then he has no reason to throw a fit. Our son would scream and cry (throwing himself on the floor and everything). We started putting him in his room and soon we could just say "go to your room to do that" and he would run in, slam the door, and come right back out. He had to show his happy face before he came out. That way he knew what kind of attitude we expected him to have.
Cutting the sugar out of his diet helped alot too, as did daily vitamins. He still gets some sugar but we really try to keep it out of his daily diet. Also, when my son goes through growth spurts he EATS alot and is hungry every hour it seems. He often just gets into a sour mood and feeding him clears it right up. Even if its only been an hour since meal time! I know how you feel. Consistancy is the key. Good Luck, Jen (mom of 3yr old son and 1yr old daughter)

Hi M.,
My son will be 3 on Sunday, and we have dealt with this same problem on and off for about 6 months or so. He bites himself and pulls his hair, etc.
After trying pretty much everything, finally we started the time out, just putting him in his room until he calms down. Sometimes he calms down and comes out like nothing ever happened, and sometimes he comes out screaming.. so he goes back in. After I check to make sure he is ok physically, if I can't get him calmed down after a few minutes, I just tell him he is going to his room until he can calm down and tell me what is wrong. It seems to work for the most part. I think being consistent, he figured it out and he comes out happy as a clam. Just an idea.
I know its frustrating!!
K.

I read a book years ago when my girls were your sons age, It had something to do with the one, two, three, method of discipline. I do not remember who wrote it but I found it at barnes and nobles. Also I have read alot about the diet effecting temper tantrums. I read if kids at that age have something sugary and the blood sugar in the body spikes when the sugar level in the blood comes back down (hypoglycemia) that is when a child is likely to have a temper tantrum. I read that in a book called "Sugar Busters for Kids. It even mentioned that is linked to what we call the "terrible two's" I would try diet and behavior modification with our youngest we feed her a very well rounded diet (minimal sugar and minimally processed foods) We do not experience temper tantrums and she is 2. www.livegreeneasy.com

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