Terrible 3'S!!!

Every time young Mister Smart mouth gives you some lip stick his nose in a corner for a minute the fiirst time, two minutes the next time, etc, etc, etc, get a kitchen timer to make it stick. Remember he came to live with you not the other way around.
I am a mother of two and a grandmother of three. This method is what my mom used on us six kids. some things are better with age ;-]

My daughter is a sassy pants too, and some of the things she has said over the years have left rooms full of people rolling on the floor laughing. However, it's only cute when they're little. I'm sorry to say that the trait runs in the family and she actually picked it up from me, her uncle, and her grandmother. I never even realized she was learning this behavior from us, until she made the comment, "Well, YOU talk like that all the time!" He's picking it up somewhere, and I would find out where. The tried and true method that worked for me was just to be honest with her. I told her that it hurt my feelings. I told her that I felt like I was a good and fair Mom, and didn't deserve to be treated that way. Problem solved. Good luck!

I have a 3.5 year old son also. I have been very frustrated also, He was difficult when he turned three then it let up some, now it is worst. I cried on my way to work last week out I can't figure it out. I believe it is the age and just knowing it is not just you, I thought it may make you feel better. H.

Hi C.-
I went throught this at 3 years old with my son last year. He will be 4 in April. I tried to explain tone of voice & respect over & over and did role playing too. The role playing helped a little bit of understanding "nice voice" vs. "mean, disrespectful voice", but explaining mouthiness & respect are such abstract concepts. After months of frustration, I finally told him if he sassed me again he would get soap in his mouth. He did, so I put the tiniest bit of liquid soap in his mouth. It worked like a charm. He was smarter than I gave him credit for and he had known all along what I was explaining to him. I think I have only used the soap maybe 4 times in a year, and now just the threat of it works like magic. Hope this helps.

We all have different styles. I know for my husband and I, our style tends to lean toward sarcasm. In the novel, A Separate Peace, author John Knowles wrote, "Sarcasm is the protest of people who are weak." I really hate this quote because it forces me to examine an area in my life that I rather enjoy! In fact, I often think my sarcastic wit is rather clever!

But when I hear the sarcasm in my children, I cringe. So I repeat this quote to myself often (at one point I had it as a screen saver) and try to keep it to a minimum.

I can't say that this is what your child is reacting to. Can you? I would also forget about whether or not your child is 2 or 3 - the range where they go through this period varies and 3 is just as appropriate. Your child needs to begin to learn that there are boundaries and that he has to respect them. Along with your dh, write down the things your child is doing that you want to change and also some simple house rules appropriate for his age. Then write out a list of consequences. You and dh should both sit down with your child and go over the list, the penalties, etc. and then follow through...every time. Both you and dh must be consistent or your ds is going to find the wiggle room. Don't let him.

Also, when he is following the rules (no infractins in an hour, a day, etc.) remember to praise that effort. Have a star chart or something similar and when he gets so many stars he gets a privilege appropriate for his age.

One last thing, C.. You mention that you start to laugh or smile when he makes some of his comments. Do yourself a favor that will bring you years and years of laughter. Write these comments down in a blank journal. Trust me, you think you won't forget some of these cute quips but you will. You'll never regret writing them down. You and your dh and eventually your son, his wife and their family will enjoy these stories for many, many years. Hope this helps, S.

I know exactly what you mean. When my little one was three, he was terrible! Alot of the talking back I believe is him testing to see how far he can go with you. Just stand your ground and discipline him when he doesnt listen. I thought 4's would get better, but there is more testing :-)

I haven't read any of the other feedback but I will tell you both of my daughters were the same. 2's were great but the 3's were HORRIBLE!! But, to give you something to look forward to ... the 4's are AWESOME!!

Make sure that there is a consequence for the smart remarks EVERY time - do not skip even once. It's inconsistency that gets parents in trouble. Be very consistent and sure in the consequences and the behavior will no longer be giving him what he wants. Also, only "reward" good behavior - play up the nice comments or the times that he kept his mouth shut in a certain situation. He'll get that good things happen when he does the right thing. If he keeps getting attention (it doesn't matter if it's negative or positive) for his negative behavior, he'll keep repeating it. Discipline him and try not to "react". Just "respond".

Good luck. 4s are great and then when they reach the teens you'll want to run away!! LOL

Yeah, whenever someone said something about "The terrible Twos", I corrected them and said "They're the Terrific Twos!" I think epecting the best helped, and then a friend said "For some moms, especially if they had no problems with the 'twos', they think they're past the worst and get blindsided by 'terrible threes'."

I had a lot of that, too. Losing your patience ALWAYS backfires. Punishment will seem to work great in the short-term, but it ultimately works against what you want in the long term - a genuinely caring child who is respectful because they can truly empathize. Instead, you'll get a a kid who behaves, but it's because he is afraid of being punished and afraid of you.

If you want respect from children, you have to learn how to respect them (without getting walked on). If you want them to control their emotions, you have to model it. It's hard - really hard - I struggle with it all the time and sometimes screw up royally.

When something happens that makes you so mad you want to yell or stike out at him, close your eyes for just a second and imagine yourself screaming or neck-throttling, selling him to the gypsies - whatever! Then take a deep breath. The urge to react (or over-react) passes so quickly that just imagining it silently usually does the trick, but it makes you *seem* all cool and collected to your kid, and anyone else. (It also works well when you want to wring your husband's neck, for whatever reason).

Try this exercise: try to remember what it's like to be that age - it's really hard to do. Think of a time when an adult accused you of doing something bad (whether you did it or not). Sometimes people have acute memories of this kind of pain - they carry intensely painful memories with them - and remembering it helps to keep them from making the same mistakes. Think of a time when you expected to be punished but an adult responded with unexpected kindness and how it made you feel.

A couple of great books "How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will Too!" and "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers".

i have a 4 1/2 yr old and we went through a speech delay (because he couldn't hear properly), which is even more frustrating, but now we are starting to pick up those bad habits. I use the naughty spot and then make him tell me he is sorry and give me a kiss or hug so I know he still loves me, cause I love him, just not how he acted. If that doesn't work, try taking away something he loves, for a day, an hour, anything for him to get the point, and stick with it! don't give in early because he has acted good the last 30 minutes, set a timer if you have. whatever works for you, be consistent. My son now knows when I say I'm going to take something, I mean it and will correct his behavior.

"Sometimes its so hard not to laugh or smile, cause I want him to know he's in trouble"

Mom, you have got to be kidding me. Laughing? It's not funny now nor will it be funny when he is older and causing you grief especially when he gets to school.

You better nip this in the bud now or you'll have the same problem that Constance B is having (see her problem just above yours).

I don't want this to sound harsh toward you, but the term "terrible 2's or 3's" is really brought on by the parent(s). I know some people believe in strong-willed children, but it's really weak-willed parents. There have to be clear, CONSISTENT, and I mean 100% consistent, consequences for his actions. He will learn really quickly that you mean business if you and your husband agree on the consequences and then enforce them (both of you) 100% of the time. It will take some time, and be prepared for 3-5 days of feeling like it's all you do, but it will happen. Make sure that you NEVER argue with your husband in front of him, even if the topic is important. Save it for a later date. Children tend to be more argumentative if mom argues with dad instead of the other way around. As part of the agreement with consequences, agree with hubby to keep all important discussions with him in private. Also, always watch your reactions because the little ones take their cues from us big ones. :) HTH

It will cost you $15 but go buy this book...

1-2-3 Magic...by Thomas W.Phelan, Ph.D.

Best thing I have ever done in my life. It will change your entire world..but only if you do exactly what it says!

If you find yourself yelling at your child..you will never do it again after reading this book. You have to be stong and confident in the instructions and everyone in your childs life will need to comply so get husband, grandpartent, etc. in on it as well.

Unfortunately, the lable IS wrong. It is definetly the terrible 3's. I have two 3 1/2 year old daughters and am dealing with the same issues twice over. What keeps me sane is knowing that it will pass, as it did with my oldest who is now 7. Be strong, dont laugh no matter how hard it is, that will only incourage him. He is looking to get a reaction from you so try to "ignore" the behaviors that you want to change. Good luck and stay strong. It gets easier, I promise.

Hi C.,

I was just looking up some medical questions that I had and found a site by a Dr. that had some info on your topic. Check it out. www.askdrwarren.com

I am going through the same thing with my son who turned 3 in July. 2 was a breeze compared to this! He goes to nursery school so that has helped him, the structure and discipline there seems to make a difference. I find I have to be very quick to give him time outs for bad behavior..I don't let it slide at all and it seems to be getting his attention. I have also taken away favorite toys for a certain amount of days since he is at the age he is very attached to certain items. Just be consistant and hopefully it will help.

Be firm. Establish punishments for back talking. Be patient. They will only be 3 for a year....and if you are lucky and had an angel for 2 years those kids seem to bounce back pretty fast into three. You just have to lay the ground work and explain that it is not acceptable behavior.

hey girl, just read your post. i remember being there, my oldest son was a perfect 2 and then he turned 3 and i thought i was gonna go insane. i remember calling my mother in law crying saying " i feel like im spanking him all day ", but she just kept encouraging me. so i just stayed firm, and realized he's just trying his boundaries. he's gonna try every way to get away with his smart mouth and his wrong actions but when you remember who the momma is and stay firm no matter what he'll stop and then it will get easier. trust me. now, my son is 14 and the sweetest person in the world, i get compliments on how great my kids are all the time. remember, always to keep your word, if you say you're going to punish his disobedience, do it! or he wont believe you and he'll just keep acting up. and talking back is disobedience too. hope this helps!!

read "Boundaries with Kids" DRS. Townsend and Cloud...