Telling Teenagers About Seperation/divorce

My parents got divorced when I was 14. It is better you are apart then keep your children in a unhappy home. I can look back now and say I am glad they got divorced because my mom is happier with her new husband then she ever was with my dad. My Dad had an affair, and they were honest with us about it and the reason they were slitting. It did cause a lot of anger from us kids at Dad, but he had to accept that that was his fault. My mom encouraged us to forgive and reminded us that it was a marital issue, not a parental one, and that he had always been a loving father. Your children are older, they probably know some of what is going on anyway, so talk with them open and honestly. Please do not let your husband feel like you have ever done anything wrong. It was not the weight or the job, it was simply your husbands selfishness and lack of self control that lead to his affairs, not you. The fact that he would try to blame you just shows he is not a man at all, least of all one you want to keep around. It is time for you to take control of your own life, and I would not wait until June, you should not have to wait to take control of your own life. Ask him to leave the house the way he has already left the marriage (as evidence by the singles sites). It can be soooo scary, but once you take the first steps you will be amazed at the strength you find hiding within. I would also set up time with a therapist for you and the children, together and alone. Talk with your insurance company, many cover therapy, but if they do not try looking around your community, there are often places that provide it cheap, or if you go to church talk with your pastor or religious leader, they are often trained in this type of counseling as well.

I would get him out and say good riddens. It took me the last 8 yrs being depressed off and on with my ex. He cheated on me then wanted a divorce. That was the first I knew there was anything wrong. I still can not imagine as I devoted those years trying to please him but the bedroom was not steaming as he insisted he was taking meds and could not perform. I guess the whole time was cheating then preparing his family to believe there was something wrong with me to justify his leaving. He remarried two months after the divorce was final and wanted out within 4 mos of his marriage. They divorced 2 yrs later. He was cheating on her at least I know he said he was e-mailing his list of honeys at the time. So my advice is you divorce and will probably lose the pounds and get very nice looking and he will wish he had never left. As for the kids they need to know it is not exceptable and they will figure it out on their own. I have not remarried in 9 yrs and never will again. Two is enough and the last one gave me a wonderful lifestyle but was not emotionally or physically there for me. So I have moved on with a burn to have what I had. He cheated me out of 11 yrs retirement with wording in the divorce and now I may not be able to retire but I moving one gaining my business where I can have a great life. No one is going to distract me from being the best I can be and I even do not know what the potential God has given me but I keep on moving forward. Take care and let God be your spouse. I never understood that when it was said to me years ago and now I know. Bless you G. W

Dear S., I'm sorry for your situation. I waited too long to draw the line in my first marriage and one of our kids turned out just as insensitive as his dad and blames everyone else for their troubles. You have already waited too long! I agree with all the other Moms. You need to move on. You need to regain your life back and be the person that you want to be. You are setting a poor example for your kids by staying in such an awful situation where their dad does not respect their mom and you are kind of depressed all of the time. Get in the best shape ever and be happy with your kids. As far as how to tell them, I believe honesty without the details is probably best. You don't need to tell them their dad hates you, but you can tell them he doesn't love you the way a husband should love their wife and even though you have tried, that is not going to change so you are going to make the split official.

As far as all the details as to how best address this big change, I think you should consult with someone that is experienced at this and that will have your best interest (and that of your children) at heart. I know that my husband would be great at listening to your whole story and guiding you through this troubled waters. He is an attorney, but most of all he is a Christian and a counselor, a great father and husband, and a great exhusband too. His name is John Haugen, from the Haugen Law Firm. You can call ###-###-#### and ask to talk to him and set up an appointment for a consultation. Things are never as simple as they may seem, get well advised before taking these big steps. Best wishes and God bless!

It is so hard to go through something like this and I am sorry. It is not your fault for anything and I hope you know and believe it. I do not know what you are going through on a personal level, but if ever that were my situation, I would leave or have him move out. I would not be in a relationship with someone who treats me unfairly, and you married your husband, so you deserve him all to yourself. I would explain to the kids that things were not working out between us, and that we were separating for a while, even if you knew divorce was coming. I would aslo tell them that we loved them and that will never change. I would not tell the kids about the affairs or negative comments. I think that could damage the relationship with their father. Also, I would kind of monitor moods when kids came back for a visit. Just to make sure he wasn't feeding them anything negative about you.
You could actually sit with your husband and try to have a positive talk and explain that you both know you want the best for the kids and you will not tell the kids about his misbehaving, if he promises to be civil and not negative to you about the kids.
My parents separated when I was 14 and my sister was 18 and I was never bad mouthed about either parent. I found out the truth later on and it is fine with me. I love both parents the same. good luck and you are not alone.
Victoria

Your kids probably know more about what is going on then you think. I think it needs to be a joint issue. You and your husband need to decide ahead of time what you want and how much to tell your children. Do it together, so that you are both giving them the same information. If they see that you both are okay with this decision, it may help them a little. Make sure they know that you both have tried many years to make it work (even if you feel that is not true), but you both feel that your relationship will be better if you separate (which is true). Think of this as a new beginning for you, not the end of a marriage.

I am sorry for the trial that you are going through. My children were 8 & 9 when my husband left. We were and are very good friends (he decided he was gay after 10 years of marriage). It has helped our children to know that we are still their parents, that we discuss what is going on in their lives at least once a week. I do think that you shouldn't wait until June to have him move out. It is not healthy for you or the children. I also think that Jen C. offered some very good advice. My parents were divorced when I was 7 and I always wanted my parents to be together. I had an evil step mom and my parents were always at each other's throats and would try to put the other one down to me. I finally forgave my parents of their divorce when I was an adult and could understand. I think that your kiddos are probably old enough to understand what is going on especially if you are open and honest with them. It is important that you not "blame" each other or put each other down to them. I'll be praying for you.

Leave him and then seek counseling. You need to learn to accept yourself first and then you will attract the right type of man. Always ask yourself...is this how I should be treated ?

My grandparents stayed together for the kids and it really messed my mom and aunt up. They basically told my aunt when she turned 18 that they were getting divorced and had only stayed together for the kids. it is much better to break it off and try to be happy than be miserable for the kids. and my aunt and mom both knew grandpa was running around on grandma, even though they didnt say anything to them.

Hi S.,
I am so sorry you are going thru this experience. It is very hard when you have children as they never really understand what's going on. saying that they do know that something is not right and probably know that your husband has done something for you not to be the happy loving person you have been. The unfaithfulness from your husband has nothing to do with you. He has some unresolved issues from his past and is blaming you for it all. Rather than look at ourselves, it's easier to point the finger and blame someone else.

I recently went thru a program at The Road Adventure. It is an awesome program that takes a real look at ourselves and why we choose the relationships, careers and lives that we do. I would highly recommend you go thru the program. It may even help your husband understand why he does what he does. The one thing you have to be ready to do is open your life up to abundance and not be held back anymore. Also you will need to commit to two to three full weekends. It is the best thing that has happened in my life.

Their website is www.theroadadventure.org It's worth the time I hope this helps!

K. O