Sleep Training for 14 1/2 Month Old

If you don't want to hear her cry then she will be sleeping with you for a long time. I don't think it's "bad" so to speak and I do understand how it's nice to cuddle but you also need some freedom to do what you want when she sleeps. So when you're ready to let her cry then give it a try. Before that don't bother because you'll just send her mixed messages. It will be hard for 2-3 days but so totally worth it.

First off, you are not a softie. Second of all, co-sleeping is the human norm - putting them in separate beds is not normal.

She will naturally learn to sleep on her own. If you are all happy together, then STAY together. You are not spoiling her and she will not be a sophmore in high school and co-sleeping (anyone who tells you that your are spoiling her and she won't sleep by herself or learn to self-sooth has a screw loose and are completely ignoring human history and evolution). You should read the Harvard study about co-sleeping and the dangers of CIO: http://www.mymammasmilk.com/SayNotoCIO.html

Children ALL (yes - ALL) will eventually wean themselves and show you when they are ready to sleep happily and confidently on their own.

What I do suggest is a tactic I have employed with great success over the years:

Bring your daughter's crib into your room and take the side off. Strap it to your bed and nurse her to sleep in your bed at night, then slide her into the crib. When she wakes to nurse at night, slide her in with you and then try to put her back again. If she protests, don't push it and let her sleep with you and then start all over the next night. Eventually you won't have to nurse her completely asleep - you will be able to put her in the crib when she is sleepy and she will nod off on her own.

When she starts sleeping through the night, you can put the side back on the crib, but keep it against the bed. When she is sleeping through the night that way, put the crib away from your bed but in the room still. You are getting the idea . . .

This is a slow, but peaceful and non traumatic way to get her sleeping by herself. Key to it, however, is to take clues from her. Do not race her along - let her set the pace. It is a time and patience investment, but pays off HUGE in the end - you end up with a confident, loving woman for society at large. She, herself, will be a caring, co-sleeping mom, attentive mommy.

Remember that babies who are forced to CIO experience a break in trust with their parents. They do not understand why they are being rejected, after months of being cuddled and calmed.

Love her, sleep with her, take cues from her. And remember that she is a baby for a fraction of her life - enjoy this precious time with her.

:)

I don't think co-sleeping is a bad habit at all. Our son co-slept with us (with a co-sleeper) until about 9 months when he was too big for it. Then he slept in his own crib in our room until about 18 months, at which point we switched it to a toddler bed, still in our room. At 22 months, he got a full-size bed in his own room with toddler rails, and he was definitely ready. He was very excited about his "big boy bed" both when we moved him into the toddler bed and when we moved him into his own room. Finally, two weeks ago we completely weaned, and he was fine with it. He asked a little bit the first day, but has been sleeping through the night since. I suggest patience, and if you like having her there and she sleeps well, and YOU both sleep well, what's the problem? Trust me, she will want to be in her OWN bed and OWN room (and OWN everything!) soon.

Good luck!

Wow, I'm another who doesn't think it's natural for children to sleep in their own beds that young. Please stop calling co-sleeping a bad habit. If it's something you want to change, it can be done gently. But, it's not a bad habit. Children want & need to be close to the 2 people that care about them & love them most. You are NOT a softie for responding to your baby's needs.
We started co-sleeping very early on with our daughter. And, in our bed-not a side car. We all got great sleep. When she started taking over, we started moving her. It was, and still is, a slow and gentle process. We started with her sleeping on a pallet of blankets on our floor. Then, moved her to her own bed & I would lay with her until she was asleep or almost. She still comes to our bed in the middle of the night most nights. We don't care. She needs us & wants to be close. We are her parents and it is our job to be there for her whenever she needs something. Even in the middle of the night. Parenting is a 24/7 job, not just during daylight hours.

We also chose to co-sleep since I was breast feeding it seemed the best way for us all to get good sleep. We ended up transitioning each of our daughters right into a real bed at about 20 months. We had a full size mattress that we put right onto the floor for the first few months in her own room. At first I laid with her in her bed until she fell asleep. As she got used to her own bed and her own room the amount of time I spent in there was less and less. For example, after a week or so I would just sit on the edge of the bed until she fell asleep and finally after our night-night routine I would say our good nights and let her fall asleep on her own. Of course there was lots of encouraging and talking up her being a big girl in her big girl bed and all that! I was NEVER able to do the cry it out thing and can't blame you at all for picking her up! There is a book I found helpful called The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. (It's at Amazon, etc) Dr. Sears also gives good advice about co-sleeping and transitioning to their own bed. Do what feels right for your family and don't feel pressure from the "outside world"! Have patience and remember, this too shall pass. My daughters are now almost 8 and 5 and I look back at those sleepy baby mornings so fondly!

Hi--well, I think when my son was that age, I picked him up too! but then we put him in a crib at 4 months, and we've always rocked him to sleep or he's fallen asleep on us and then we put him in. I remember the days when he'd wake up when we put him down, so frustrating! have you tried rubbing her back or something like that? Anyway, I recommend the Sleep Book by Dr Sears--it has great ideas for moving from co sleeping to their own bed. Whatever you do, don't do "sleep training" or "cry it out"! There's a lot of research on this that it is not a good thing. Plus, anything that completely goes against your instincts as a mother I think you have to question. Yes, it takes a lot more time and effort but if you hang in there and be there for your child it will pay off in the long run. Now my son is 2 and is a great sleeper (although must admit he still goes to sleep on us! have to figure that out he's getting too big! but there are times he just goes to sleep on his own in his crib so don't think it will be a major issue). "listen to them now, and they'll listen to you later". The book is great.

co sleeping is NOT a "bad habit", it is just an alternative way of parenting, neither right or wrong.

Each child needs different things, your daughter obviously feels safer when she is in bed with you. you have to ease her slowly into her own room if thats what you really want to do.

We co-slept with our two older kids because that was the only way to get them to sleep during the night. They started to sleep in their own rooms at about 3, which was when the new baby would arrive. but my third baby HATED sleeping with us, so i would put him in the crib next to our bed and he slept great! all night! with the fourth we had a co-sleeper and she is 9 mos and sleeps in the crib in our room.

I hate to say it, but we had to let our daughter cry. We moved her to her crib at 4 months old, but were up with her many times during the night until she was 14 months old (she's now 17 months). None of us were getting a good night's sleep. So what we did was when she cried, we would go in and reassure her, tell her we loved her but it was bed time and lay her back down and go back to bed When she cried, we didn't rush right in, but waited a few minutes, depending on the type of crying. If she was really upset, we went right in, but most of the time you could tell she was just letting off steam and she'd settle down. It took about 3 or 4 days and she started sleeping through the night. We do let her back in bed with us occasionally, like this week she's teething and didn't feel too well, so she slept with us one night. We don't let it be more than three nights in a row so we don't get back in the habit of her sleeping with us, and I think it's only been two times that we've had her back in our room. Good luck!

Wow, someone actually responded by saying that it isn't normal to sleep in separate beds! I couldn't disagree more. It's the healthiest situation for everyone in the family. I actually think you may have waited a little too long at this point. You may have your work cut out for you. There's no right age to start the transition, but it's only my opinion that it needs to be done early, well before the attachment age (5-6 months). Initially,an infants place is certainly in the parents bedroom where can can be closely watched and heard, but there is nothing more normal than a baby learning to self sooth, and that starts by being alone in their own space. I would start with naps. And at 14 months, letting her cry it out is acceptable. It could be an easy transition if you stick to it, and don't walk in to get her out of the crib after a few cries. She will get tired and sleep eventually. She may scream for an hour the first time, but I promise, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th day will get shorter and shorter. Make her bed/room a relaxing atmosphere with light sounds such as a white noise machine, or low music. You might even consider putting a shirt, or pajama shirt of yours in her crib. That sounds strange, but she's old enough to have linens in her bed, and if it's you that she wants, she may just cuddle right in. Another option to consider, is to temporarily move her crib into your room for a week a week or two. Also, if you're truly a softie, you could keep your husband in charge of bed time, and she will may do better if she doesn't see you at all. You may need to change the entire bedtime routine. Good luck with the transition!!!!

Now that you have started co-sleeping it will be a very, very, very difficult habit to break. My wife did this with our last one because she nursed him. She would bring him back to our bed to nurse and went to sleep instead of staying awake and taking him back to his bed. He stayed co-sleeping until he was about 5 years old when my wife finally listened to me and decided the pain of making him sleep in his own bed was worth it. Then it took about three more years to finally break the habit.
You have to decide if you want to have something like that to happen to you. Of course the decision will be much easier if you have a bed wetter. On the plus side, its great birth control. ;)
One of the things that probably wakes your child up when you place her in her bed is going from your warm body to the cold bed. Wrap her in a quilt while you are nursing he so when you put her in bed there is very little change in temperature. When you place her in her bed keep your hand on her back and gently and slowly rub her back gradually decreasing the amount of movement. It will take 10 minutes or less and she will be in a deep sleep and not likely to wake up when you remove your hand. The rubbing takes the place of your body movements when you are holding her.

For the "softies" in life, hire a babysitter. You and your husband can go out and have a wonderful time together and will not hear the crying. She will eventually cry herself to sleep. Tell the babysitter what time to put your daughter in her bed. Then instruct her not to pick her up if she starts crying, which she surely will. Our first one almost drove us nuts with the crying (temper tantrum crying). A friend told us about that. We hired a babysitter and it worked wonderfully! It was hard on a bare bones budget, but well worth it. It worked for our second also. By the time our third came along, we were strong enough to do it without the babysitter.

None of our 8 kids suffered any emotional harm by being put in their own beds.
Good luck!

The best thing to do if you truly do want her in her own bed is to start with naps, assuming she's still taking naps. Get her used to her crib. Have her play in there or spend time in there so she's comfortable. Simply moving her and dropping her into a bed she's never been in before will probably scare her a little and as you've discovered, she won't sleep.
After you know she's comfortable or she's having naps there start trying to get her sleeping there. Change your bedtime routine so it includes spending time in her room reading or cuddling.
She likely won't sleep through the night like she does now, at least not for a while. It will be a little extra work and loss of some sleep, but after a while, if you're persistent, she will sleep in the crib. It will just take some time and effort on your part.
I put a crib up for my daughter before she was born. It was used for laundry. I co-slept until she was a toddler and then switched her to a big girl bed. There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping if that's what you want to do.
In some respects its easier to move them when they are a little bit older. You can turn it into a game, make it fun, make a big deal out of sleeping in a big girl bed, let her pick out her own sheets/comforter, that kind of thing. That and she'll be a little bit older so you might actually be able to tell her she's moving to her own room because she's a big girl.
Hope those suggestions help. Good luck!

I co-slept with my son till he was a year. At one year was when we moved him to his crib in our room. I had the same problem as you. I would lay him down in his crib and he would freak out. It took me weeks before I figured out that the crib mattress was not the same as our mattress he was use to sleeping in. I put a memory foam cover on his crib mattress and he slept through the night the very first time I put him in it. I am not a big believer that you have to let a child cry it out. I never had to do that with my son. When we moved him out of our room at 2 to his own room, we did not have to deal with the crying it out thing. We bought him a cool toddler bed and that made it exciting for him.
The laying with them until they fall asleep thing is a very hard habit to break. I don't recommend you sharing their bed with them. Their bed is only for them, that way they don't get use to having you in there bed as well. I believe sitting in there with them is fine and over several weeks start sitting further away. I had to do that with him at one point. Daycare would rub his back till he fell asleep for EVERY nap. That was the hardest habit to break. I didn't have time to rub his back for an hour every night.
I was a working mom during all this transition as well so I know how precious your time at home is. A little bit of patients now will pay off in the end. If you try to rush it it will just take longer.
My dad and step mom put a toddler bed in their room b/c they weren't patient and my little sister ended up in their room till she was 10 years old and still at 14 sleeps with them. That to me is far too long to have a child in your bedroom. Good luck and remember that you don't have to use the cry it out method.

I'm someone else who doesn't think cosleeping is a bad habit, especially when all the parties involved are happy with it. If someone's not happy with it (because they're getting kicked all night for example), then by all means change it!

Another option besides the crib is to transition her to a toddler bed or twin bed (start with a mattress on the floor so it's no big deal if she rolls out) with rails. You could start with the bed in your room and lay down with her and nurse or whatever you do to get her to sleep. Then you can get up and so what you need to. If she wakes in the night, you can lay with her in her bed or just bring her into yours. Eventually as she gets used to being in her bed, you can move the bed to her room. You could still cosleep by starting her in her room and bringing her to yours when she wakes up. We partially cosleep in our house. As long as they start in their own beds (because I do like being able to do things in the evening or hang out with my husband), we don't care too much about where they are when we wake in the morning as long as we're not being woken up too much at night. By we, I really mean ME. But my husband feels the same. =)