Advice from Co-Sleeping Famillies Needed :-)

My husband and I kind of evolved into sleeping with our son too. He woke up every time we tried to put him in his crib or anything else to sleep, and finally desperation drove us to let him sleep next to me in bed. Now we love it. I credit sharing our bed with my son successfully breastfeeding despite the fact that I work full time. Also, I feel like if I didn't bed share, I'd hardly see him since I'm gone so much of the day. Now he is two, and at around a year, my husband and I both fell in love with having him in bed with us. My husband stays home during the day, and he loves waking up with my son and lazing around in bed. We love the smiles and the snuggles, and we love that when he's teething or has growing pains, we can help him without disturbing any of our sleep.

Based on my experience, I think if you're going to try to move your daughter to a different bed, you might want to try now. Otherwise, she's going to develop an opinion about it and the legs to do something about her opinion, and you are probably going to have her in bed with you until she's at least 2 and a half or three. If you are happy with that, then great. Otherwise, it seems easiest to start the transition before she gets too old. Maybe start getting her to start the night somewhere else and then bring her to bed with you when she wakes. That's what a lot of my friends do. No matter what happens, the time you will be bed sharing is so short. I try to cherish it because I'm sure that before I know it, I'll be staring at a 16-year-old who hasn't bed shared in 15 years, you know what I mean?

You sound like me!When my first was born (8 yrs ago) we had moved to TX from CA and lived with in-laws until we could get our own place, and had no crib, so he was in bed with us, then we moved back to CA in a 1 bed apt still in our bed until he was 3 and we bought our 1st house. We did get him a toddler car bed in our 1bed room apt, but he would still end up in our bed in the am.

Then baby #2, we moved back to TX, I had put the crib in our bedroom. So I would put the baby to sleep then transfer her to the crib right next to me, that worked ok.

Then baby #3, #2was still nursing while prego (she was 2 and 2months when 3 came) In the last 3weeks of being pregnant, I got #2 to sleep in her own bed (in her own room), almost potty trained, and weaned! It was great!
But, because of nursing during the night my husband needs his sleep or he is a bear! I end up putting a Queen bed in the girls room, so now I am in there with both girls in the same bed. The baby is 9months (may7) So I am in the same boat!
But what I have started this month has been:
I put the kids to bed at 8 (used to be 9 or 9:30)
I put the baby in her crib -after she is asleep. (in the same room as sis)
I get a little alone time with daddy, go to sleep with him and keep on the monitor, usually around 12 she wakes up, and I don't want her to wake her big sis, so I go in there and sleep the rest of the night with them. Not so bad and it has help our relationship a lot!

Sorry to make that so long! But my husband is very understanding and he knows this stage is not forever, so enjoy every minute! Our boy now is 8 and wants to be gone every weekend to his grandparents to be with his uncles.
We couldn't wait till he was out of our bed, but now we miss the little guy!
I think co-sleeping bonds you more too!

We have 3 and co-slept with the 2 older ones until about 10 months, when Dad had enough and put them in their crib. It was amazing to me that they would sleep through the night since they had been nursing all night (habit). Now we're 5 months into co-sleeping with the 3rd and I can't wait for 10 months! (MAJOR wiggleworm) He has a knack for putting kids to bed and not just his own- I wish I could tell you what he does, but's just a natural born talent.

Whenever you feel okay about putting baby in their own bed is probably fine. Just know that at her age she IS capabale of doozing through the nap without num-nums!

it really depends on your comfort level, everyone included. my kids are 8 and 4 and they have been sleeping in their own beds for about a year. they share a room, too. can't blame them, it is nice to have someone to snuggle up with. i hear you can break the habit, but it was not the right time for us, for a million reasons, to do it in a non-organic way. you do what is right for you and your family.

M.,
The co-sleeping will just depend on your child and you and you husband's needs. My daughter is now six and sometimes will get up in the middle of the night and get in bed with us. We also have a 17 year old son and he quit getting into our bed after our daughter was born and he was 11. Having our children in our bed has never been an issue, as I nursed both of them until they were 3 (son) and 2.5 (daughter)years old. They are very emotionally mature and they never had a problem detaching from us to go to school or mother's day out. Just a word of caution.....never drink alcohol or take medication that makes your drowsy when you co-sleep, as you can smother a child in a drug induced sleep. There are some really good books out there on co-sleeping. The one I read was by Dr. Sears when my son was young. We were never the type of parents that could let their children "cry it out" and never will be. I wish you many wonderful hours of snuggling and enjoying your baby.
K.

Hi M., we had the same thing. Our daughter wouldn't sleep through the night, and out of exhaustion, we ended up co-sleeping with. When she was about 13 months old, I set up her crib in her own room and we just gave it a try one night, and it worked. It was like she had just been waking up to nurse because she could feel me there. She kicked nursing all together right about then. If you feel ready to try her own bed again, just try it for a night and see if it works. The only problem I ran into was I couldn't stop waking up at her old nursing time. About 2 or 3 in the AM. That took a while to break. Good luck.

Do what works best for you. I hated to let my kids "cry" it out. Seems very unfair.......they are supposed to be able to rely on us to rescue them. They don't know why they are crying just that they are and after being surrounded by your sound, your warmth and your smell for 9 months now they are in some big empty quiet bed. I'd be a little freaked out too! I'll be the first to admit that according to all the "experts" I did it completely wrong... my son slept with us until he was 2 and then in the same room with us until he was 5. I never could find an answer to his question..."Why do you and daddy get to sleep together but I have to sleep by myself?" My son is now 21 and you know what........he doesn't sleep with me (or anyone else!!). When you find what is comfortable for you and your family you'll know it and don't sweat what the experts say....your the mom, you are the one loving your family every day and believe it or not.......you will do great!!

I would put her in her bed at the beginning of the night, and when she wakes up, bring her to bed with you. Hopefully, the time in her bed will increase.

There really isn't a set time that she will leave your bed. You will have to figure out what works best for your family.

My daughter is now 7 months old and has been sleeping in her room since she was 3 months. We had the Co-sleeper bed that we had her in next to our bed for the first three months. One day she just stopped sleeping well so I moved her to her room and she starting sleeping great. It was hard on me at first but in her own little way she was telling me it was time. I keep that monitor up right next to my ear though just in case. :-)
She has her white noise/ air purifier during most nights and the humidifier on the nights we keep the heat on. There have been times when I had to get up for her int he middle of the night to nurse or just rock for a bit but for the most part she sleeps from about 8:00 PM - 7:00 AM. I had to travel for a few days and my daughter had to sleep in the same bed with me. She woke up every few hours trying to nurse. I know it's because she smelled me there. She kept scooting until she got to my chest. It was funny but exhausting. I will never forget the pack and play again.:-)
When she gets older, I will let her crawl in to bed with me for Saturday morning cartoons but for now, she needs to be in her own room. You will decide what's best for you but this just happen to work for us. I honestly think the sooner she sleeps in her own room the better it will be for every one. It will just keep getting harder if you wait.
Good luck to you M.!

We moved babies when we got less sleep in the bed than they did. Many times I'll nurse baby and then move him to his bed before going to bed. He learned the routine and will soon transition to a 2 year old routine after weaned (he's 18 months or so now) Remember a rested mom is a happy mom :) Time for me to head that way.

This one is really up to you and what works best for your family. I have known of people to put their 2 day old babies in their cribs from the get go and others who co-slept until the children were in grade school. You need to figure out what is best for you. I can however, tell you what our experience was. I'm not one to do well with a lack of sleep (therefore, could never co-sleep for years!). I am a far better mom when well rested. My son is 4 and a half. When he was 8 weeks old, I realized I was waking him up. Every little squeak or noise he made would wake me up; I would think he was starting to wake up to nurse. So, I would grab him and start before he was actually awake. Once I realized he was probably just in an active state of sleep and not actually needing to nurse, I put him in his crib. The first night, he slept 7 hours straight!!!! With my second child, I thought it would be even easier. She was a sickly baby so spent all of her time on top of me or in a swing or carseat so she could breathe better (the first 4 months). Once I decided to transition her to her room, she was smart enough to protest. I would nurse her before bed but she would always wake up to nurse between 1 and 3. I would pull her into bed with us at that point and we'd co-sleep for the rest of the night. At 7 months, I decided to try to make her cry it out (I did this with my son at one point but he just fussed). She would get hysterical and end up pinned in the corner of her crib. I quit and tried again at 8 months, then quit and tried again at 9 months. This is when crying it out finally worked. She still screamed far more than my son ever did but it wasn't the scary hysteria she was doing months prior. So, my point being is...if you are finding you are ready for her to transition, you might try letting her cry it out. It is so hard!!!! It seems cruel! I know what you are thinking. However, I tried all of the little tricks and this is ultimately the only thing that worked for us. She's a champion sleeper now. Although, she was teething a few months back and waking up screaming at 3 am. I gave in a few nights and she fell back into her old habits. I had to start all over again but it only took two nights. Good luck.

Both of my boys were in thier own rooms by 3-4 months old. My youngest did sleep with us a few times, I would let him nurse and then I would fall asleep and wake up later and put him in the play yard in our room. I got lucky some how and they both had no problems being in thier own bed and room. Good luck.

Mel G.

M.,
I think you have received the advice which you need. I am posting for the new moms who might read this site. I couldn't even sleep if my first was in my room. I heard ever snarffle and every sigh. I was up like a shot. That lasted exactly two nights. From then on she slept in her room and I heard her if she cried. The next two were also in their own cribs from day 1. Most babies sleep through the night at 6 weeks. To be up all night nursing a baby into the 9th month seems to me to be a form of torture and surely unnecessary. By 9 pounds a baby can get through the night without nursing.
My daughter bought one of those co-sleeper beds (much safer as there is a barrier to prevent the mom from rolling over on the baby which happens way too often)and when the baby slept through the night, she moved him into his own bed. He and she were much more rested. As is the husband/father in this case.
As puppies don't stop nursing until their mothers tell them it is time, neither does the baby and while I can understand daytime nursing as much as mom and baby want to, but I would be a bear without my sleep.
I'm sure you will make the best decision for you and your daughter.

Put her in her own bed now. You'll all sleep better. She may complain at first, but stick by your guns and it won't last long.

Hi M.!
Well my husband,myself & our darling little girl co-slept & wouldn't ever do it any differently! Our plan was to have her in her own bed by her 1st birthday & we did it! What I did was started her out by napping in her crib, that way she got comfortable with her own bed & bedroom. Then after a while, I would put her in there at night after nursing her to sleep. At first she would only last 30 minutes, then an hour, & so on & so on. By 10 1/2 to 11 months old, she was sleeping in there all night! She sleeps comfortably in her crib every night now for 10-11 hours!!! She is 13 months old now - it worked well. The hard part was mustering up the patience during the process. Good luck & God bless! H. B

unfortunately since aI never stopped with my oldest at 3 he is still sleeping with us. We do move him to his own bed after asleep but he comes back afew hours later. My second at 10 months old I had to put my foot down and brace myself for alot of crying but he sleeps happily in his own crib and get a full nights rest. I was a nursing mom and will be here in a few short weeks. I nursed both kids over a year so it can be done. After I put him to bed and got tired of going in there over and over again I realized going in and out was giving him more ammo to cry and scream. I check on him after he goes to bed and at least once a night cause ofcourse I am up and down myself for my own personnal preggo reasons. good luck and just work out what is best for you and your child cause what works for me will not work for the rest nor does vice versa!!!!!:)

I hope you get advice from others here. My experience was the longer you allow your child to sleep in your bed, the harder it will be to break the habit. I nursed our daughter until she was 13 months old and it was excruciating to break the habit of her being in our bed though it only took one day. I just remember one very mad little girl when I refused to take her out of her crib. I have seen TV shows and read articles about making the break but tears were always involved. Good wishes.

Yeah, my first daughter slept with us until she was almost 2. I finally realized she was just afraid to sleep alone, so we set up a toddler bed in our room, and if she fell asleep in it, great. If she fell asleep in our bed, then I would move her to her bed. When she woke up I'd let her crawl back into our bed until she fell asleep and then I'd move her back to her bed. After a while she started to sleep all the way through the night. Then we moved her to her own room...

We have a 15 month old who is currently cosleeping. I was never able to get him to sleep in the crib successfully even for naps. So, about two months ago, we bought a double mattress and put it in the floor in his room against the wall. We made sure the rest of the room was baby proofed. Right now, he sleeps in his bed in his room for naps and the first few hours of the evening. He wakes up to nurse twice in the night usually (11pm and 4am), so on his first waking we bring him into the bed. So, to get to your question, it suited us to put him in his bed when he was able to climb on and off the bed by himself since he is on a mattress on the floor. I also like the mattress on the floor idea because I can lay next to him if I need to. Hope this feedback helps!

I nursed my daughter until she was almost 2. She slept with us the first night I brought her home from the hospital and still does. She is now 2 1/2. I love her sleeping with us. I get to snuggle with her and wake up to her every morning. It does get hard to find ways to "be" with you husband, but you can get creative. Good luck!

I put my kids in their own bed after I stopped nursing. Once they slept all night I would buy them a toddler bed with rails and put it besides my bed. Eventually, I would move the bed to their room. Hope this helps.

Just a little advise. You should start now about placing your baby in her own bed. I did that with my baby girl now 23. I can tell you just from placing her in her crib from our bed. It was very hard. Her crib was just few feet away from our bed and she did not take it well. My husband and I decided it was time for her to be in her own bed. I can tell you it took 3 whole nights to weaned her off from her sleeping with us. She cried so much I felt horribly bad. On the first night my husband wanted us to put her back to our bed because he couldn't take all the crying and it seem like we were hurting her so bad. I told my husband we can't go back especially after we put her through this for one night. Sure enough I saw a show where it talked about it takes 3 days to weaned a child from anything. I can tell you I truly believe that because we went through it again when we weaned her off from the pacifier. We think we are doing good for them and we are hurting. I don't want to scare you but it wasn't fun watching her how hard it was for her to get to get over something we had allowed her to have and then we were taking away from her. I made sure I didn't make the same mistake with my other two kids. Nursing is awesome and rewarding especially for the baby. I advise all new mothers I know make sure you keep the baby in her own bed don't make it a habit and pacifiers if they don't take to it don't give to them. I learned the hard way. The earlier you start the better for all of the family.

Living in a two-story with guest bedrooms far from the master made me a little scared to put my little one so far from me in the event that we had a fire, etc. He is 18 months now and has been sleeping completely through the night since he was one year old. He started sleeping through without nursing and just needed brief comforting once or twice a night around 10 months. Oddly enough, he slept through the night during his first three months of life, but began waking 2-3 times to nurse once I went back to work. The minute I quit to stay home, he began sleeping through the night without nursing, so I think it had a lot to do with my not being there during the day. He is a very good napper and nighttime sleeper and crawls under the covers after a bath, teeth brushing and a story or two. Because he is sleeping through without needing comforting and seems to be very comfortable with our nighttime routine, I think he may be ready to transition to his own bed if it is in my room. For me, the move to his own room will have to be when he is able to handle a fire, etc. on his own. I think all little ones are very unique and you will probably know when she is ready by how much she needs you throughout the night. I also think the transitions will overlap a little, meaning that you will still have nights when she wants/needs to sleep with you after she has moved to her own bed/room. You might even spend a few nights in her room with her. I have a feeling that I will be doing the same!
Best wishes and enjoy this time! I can't believe my son is 1 1/2 years old.

I have 4 children! My oldest is 10 and my youngest is 7 months. I had problems like that with my middle son. he was born premature and it took me forever! I finally got him moved from my bed at about 1 year old. It was hard. I started letting him cry and learn to soothe himself. ( I know that sounds bad) but, it was harder on me than him. I learned to come up with a routine. ( bath, warm bottle or breast, and loved him for about 15 minutes and off to bed he went) he cried and i would go in periodically and let him know that I was still there and he was fine took me a couple of months to train myself and he was good after that.

all i can say is "good luck !" we nver expected to co-sleep either & I'm not sure how it happened. i used to breast feed too. so when i got pregnant w/my daughter I INSISTED we move him. That didn't work & out of guilt i let my daughter sleep w/ us as well. thank God for king-sized beds! my son is now 3 yrs. old & my daughter 19 mos.& both refuse to sleep in thier own bed. so i decided to move their beds into the same room & make her bedroom the "play room". I figured: at least they've got eachother! it's been 3 wks now- so far so good but they still need daddy or mommy to stay there 'til they fall asleep. letting them cry it out NEVER worked (although we only tried w/ my son) & that method that asks that you increase the wait time by 5 mins every time didn't work either. what i can suggest is do it before she starts walking. my son would always walk back into our bedroom. again, GOOD LUCK!

My son slept with us until he was about 9 months. He started moving around a lot and I was barely sleeping because he wanted to nurse throughout the night and I was so scared he would fall off the bed because he could crawl. He did three times by the way. I started putting him down for naps in his crib, (I was even sleeping with him in bed during his naps), and then I put him in his crib at night but he would wake up and I would bring him in bed. Then I started to not pick him up anymore but just give him hugs or pat his back until he fell back asleep. Then he just started sleeping through the night. I could never let him cry it out, it was just gradual. At about 16 months he was in his own room. Once he was in his crib we both(me n baby, husband was oblivious) slept so much better. He would sleep for like 12 hours and he loves his crib just lays right down and goes to sleep. It helps to sleep with a pillow or something that way it has your scent and then you can put it in the crib with her to cuddle with. Everybody is different, some kids sleep with their parents for years, do whatever allows everybody to sleep well. Now my daughter sleeps with us...

Hi M.,

We co-slept with our son until he was about 10 months old. We didn't even purchase a crib until he was about 8 or 9 months old, and then it took me a few weeks to let go. I loved co-sleeping because I could nurse him and we could both get some sleep. However by about 9 months I realized he was using me as a pacifier and not as much for nursing. And whichever Mom it was that said she realized she was unknowingly waking her baby up is right. I found that to be true also.

I really expected it to be difficult to get our baby to sleep in his crib. I even went out and bought a book. But one night my husband put our son in his crib with a pacifier instead of bringing him to bed with me, and our son slept all night and well into the next morning. And he has slept that way ever since then. If he wakes up in the middle of the night crying, we give him a few minutes to soothe himself back to sleep. I can probably count on one hand the number of nights he's woken up and been unable to go back to sleep on his own in the 5 months he's been sleeping in his crib.

I completely understand if you're not ready to stop co-sleeping. I had plenty of people pressuring me early on to stop, but I wasn't ready. But when you ARE ready, I wish you luck. It CAN be done!! I feel very lucky that we didn't have any problems transitioning our son to his crib. I never even opened that book I bought. But if you run into problems, feel free to ask for help here on Mamasource, or there are books available on that topic.

Good luck and God bless!

J.

There's no milestone or age that you can go by. It's how your child is. My son slept w/ me until he was 4 but I was a sinlge mommy. My 2nd baby slept w/ we until we bought home her sister at 13 months. Although it took a few weeks of her getting unset that we had a new baby. We all 4 of us slept in the same bed for a few months. Then over night 2nd girl wanted her crib. The baby #3 was about a year. She loved her sister and they share a room but not a bed. The love playing and talking to each other. They are 4, 5 and 10 and they all sleep in their own beds. gl

Hi M.! We kept our daughter in bed with us the entire time I was nursing her, more because that's how I slept at night before getting up at 5am for work. :)

She is now 2 years old and still sleeps with us from time to time. It's a progress for us the parents and her. It is a personal decision but one thing I've tried to do is slowly transition my daughter and not make major changes all at once. For example, weaning her and making her sleep in her own bed at the same time. It was too much for her. I also received suggestions such as having your baby adjust to sleeping in a bed in your room first just to get her accustomed to being along in her own bed. Then gradually move her to her room.

I'm not a fan of letting a baby cry it out and with patience and going with the flow, you can transition her into her own bed. We now stay with out daughter in her room (scratching her back/rocking) until she falls asleep and then we go to our bed. Good luck! Go with what feels right for you and your family!

Congratulations M. on your little girl and on breastfeeding!
I coslept with both of my kids for awhile. From birth to about 8-9mos they were in the bed with me, Sometimes nursing quite a bit. But honestly, with crawling, teething, and learning all kinds of new things, I was okay with the night nursing because it seemed to help them cope better.
Both kids started moving around a LOT at night around 8-9mos, so at that point I side-carred a bed -- toddler bed w/#1 and a twin mattress w/ #2. After doing the twin mattress, I don't know that I'll ever use a toddler bed again. It was much more convenient as far as night nursing goes. I was able to lay down and nurse, then roll away and back into my bed when I was done. The twin was a few inches lower than our bed, so he couldn't roll from his into ours. Over time I moved the twin mattress against the wall (all of 3 feet away), and then eventually into a room with his big sister. From what some friends have told me, around 18m-2y there seems to be a good window for moving to a different room. If you're just wanting your bed back, perhaps the twin mattress in the same room would work.

You mention she's not taking too many solids right now. Honestly that's as it should be. AAP and WHO say that until 12mos of age, a baby's nutrition should come primarily from breastmilk (since you're nursing). Up until age 12mos, solids are introduced for exposure to tastes and textures. If she's not wanting it, don't push it. Some research has shown that babies who refuse solids until "later" sometimes have allergies or sensitivities to the food(s) they rejected.

Go by your baby's cues and your own Mother's Intuition.

HTH

K., mama to
Catherine, 5y
Samuel, 2y
Baby, EDD 9/23

M., I have three kids, ages 6 months to 8 years. I think the whole sleeping thing depends on the child and the parents. My daughter was about 9 months when I switched her to a palate on the floor of our room, so then I could get up to nurse her a couple times during the night but it was much easier and more relaxing for me to be on the floor with her. We did that for a couple months, then I moved her to another room when she was about 1, but we did not use a crib. She slept on a futon mattress on the floor so she could get up and come in to my room if needed, or I could lay down with her to nurse. It was different for each one of my kids, and I honestly don't think there is one formula for sleep habits for any one child or family. You need to do what's right for you. Just make sure you and your husband are getting enough sleep!
Good luck,
D.