I am a 33 yo mom with a 3 yo boy. My husband and I are fighting a lot about sex. We are doing it twice per week, but it is not enough for him. He also wants bj like twice a week, if I refuse him or delay he freaks. The next day is surely a hell. He picks up fights, call me names and acts as a completly jerk with both my son and me. He is nervous, everything pushes his botton. Now, ladies is this how it is supposed to be? I have tried to talk to him, to explain that he cannot all of a sudden ask for a bj and if I don't do it in that very moment( no matter that our son is awake, no matter what I was doing) he goes nuts. It just feels wrong. What if something happends and we cannot get intimate, what then? He will go crazy, he will cheat, he will leave me? I am just hurt. Talking seems not to be working so I wonder if he cares about my feeling or I am just an object. What do you think? How is in your marriage? He threatens divorce every time I am not available.I am at my witts end and really could use a piece of advice. Thank you!
he sounds just awful. no way could i feel romantic about a sexual bully like this, and there's no way i'd want my son raised in this atmosphere.
i'd take him at his word and let him go find a new orifice.
khairete
S.
ETA: Agree with Momof3G - if he was like this before you married him - he's not going to change.
D.,
Welcome to mamapedia.
This is a GREAT first question! I'm thinking troll, but on the off-chance, i'll bite.
Marriage counseling. You two need to learn to communicate with each other.
He needs anger management.
You need to figure out why you don't want to have sex with him.
Before you were married - did you have sex more? If so - he might feel like he got the bait and switch - lots of sex before marriage and as soon as you said "I do" - it dried up and he had to schedule sex with his wife.
Threatening divorce is not going to make your marriage work. That's just really lame on his part. So marriage counseling so you two can learn how to communicate with each other and come to some type of agreement with sex.
Good luck!
Hmmmm...sounds like maybe you should consider that frequent offer of divorce.
Truly.
This is not normal. Or healthy.
This is an abusive relationship.
I'm sure you can feel the power & control issues.
That's how it begins.
Good luck.
Your husband is a jerk.
While it is common for one spouse to want more Sex than the other, it is not normal or okay to be treated poorly over it.
My first inclination is to wonder what your husband is on... liquor, drugs, or just power.
If he's threatening divorce, I think you need to see a counselor right away. Learn what better marital behavior is. Talk to your counselor about a possible lawyer for you, in case you need one for yourself and your son.
I would leave. Take him up on his offer of divorce and pack his bags for him.
What he is doing is wrong. Sex in marriage is important. It shouldn't be a ''duty".
Was he this way before you married him?
My marriage is great. Going on 26 years...we waited to have kids. We married young. Now we have 4 boys, 2 years apart (roughly) so my oldest is 14, 11, 8 and 6. We're done having kids!! :) But we're not done having fun. Tyler and I flirt with each other. We have date nights. We do special things for each other. there is a lot of love and fun in our marriage.
If Tyler threatened divorce on me for not having enough sex? I'd show him the door and call his bluff. If your husband is not bluffing? Then take him up on it. That's NOT a marriage you have there.
I wonder, though, what's his side of the story?
That is in no way a normal or healthy relationship. You are his wife and partner, NOT his on demand sex toy. A marriage is a compromise, and that includes understanding when one partner is not in the mood to be intimate. Bullying and threatening you until you are willing is not only not acceptable, but is emotionally abusive. You both need help to get this marriage on the right track, and I wish you luck.
What a mean person. Mean,mean,mean.Certainly not inspirational to want to work on a way to give more of what he wants, sounds like he's inspiring hand to hand combat. no pun intended. Yes, get counseling, yes you can get out, yes he can leave, but no you should not live in fear of abandonment because you don't have energy or time or whatever to do it. So you calmly look him in the eye and tell him "no more bullying-STOP this" and just like you would do with a child let him know that when his behavior is better you will reward him. And if he dares to lay a hand on you, well, you will have already started saving a bag of clothes by the door and twenty dollars a week in some secret spot.Take your three year old by the hand and Then get out when it is safe. You don't deserve this.
Your husband is NUTSO!!! Yeah sure, let him divorce you and try to find someone - anyone who will be his sexual slave! I dare him to try! He will fail miserably, and will have lost his family in the process. Was he like this when you were dating? If he won't change (and people don't change, sorry to say), I feel like your marriage is doomed. It seems like you will be better off w/o him. However, since you have a kid, try couple counseling (with a woman!) just so you can say you gave that a whirl. Best wishes.
that is not normal at all. I would not stay with someone who treated me like that.
A man can hire a woman to cook for him. A man can hire a woman to clean for him. A man can hire a woman to take care of his children. He can also hire a woman to take care of his sexual needs. Unless you want him to take it to that level, you need to figure this out. It doesn't sound like he is asking for anything unreasonable so maybe you need to figure out why YOU have a problem with it. Good luck.
It does not sound like a healthy relationship. Hugs!
