I love my daughter so much, but lately, this past week she has been trying my patience. I understand that shes almost 21 months and shes a normal toddler. However, I just feel completely overwhelmed. I think alot of it has to do w/ the stress I'm under. I'm having surgery on Tuesday and I'm getting worried/scared. I'm not quite sure why, as this will be my 4th surgery in a year.
It could be the cold weather, hardly any sunlight, can't take her outside for very long, being cooped up in the house. I just don't know. My daughter doesn't have anyone but me (and daycare during the week). She has no dad, my family is always to busy for her, and my real dad is out of state for the winter. Him and his wife are the only ones who will take her if I ask. My best friend lives an hour away and shes going through her own personally issues, but shes taking her monday night so I don't have to worry about getting my daughter somewhere at 5am so I can be at the hospital at 6am on Tuesday.
I knew being a single parent was going to be hard, but it just seems extremely hard right now. I don't have a lot of friends, and I've tried a few toddler/mom things, but the moms there seem so stuck up and when their children hurt other children they don't do anything about it. So thats not my cup of tea. Finanicially, I can't afford alot of extras, because I am the only provider. I think I just need a break. A real break, not a 9hr a day break for work (because then I have to deal w/ kid behavior at work because the adults act like kids).
I guess I'm just running out of patience that I have very little of and I needed to vent.
Thanks Ladies!
I checked meetup.com and the closest meetups are 20+ miles away. Unforunately I work 2nd shift for now. Which puts a damper on life. I think if and when I get on dayshift, it'll be alot easier to do more. Because we don't get up til around 10am, I feed her, play with her for a little while, then it's shower time and then she goes to daycare.
I just feel like a bad mom. But everyone I know tells me I'm a great mom, and I hope I can only be that one day. I don't trust alot of people, thats why only certain people are in our lives. When my dad gets back from AZ (He leaves Michigan for 6 months) he will have Kasen (my daughter) quite a bit. He's a good grandpa and his wife is a good step grandma. I just wish my mom and sister were more into her and gave me a little more free time. I'm not real big into the church things, because the functions they have are at night. Kasen does go to church every wednesday night w/ daycare and I try to go on sundays, but working all week and then having to get things done isn't easy in a day and a half.
I think I am just going through a phase right now. Besides the stress of my surgery, I'm dealing with financial stress and family stress. And I think it's hitting me all at once.
I just want a big ole bottle of wine and a girly movie to watch so I can cry my eyes out. Or a night on the town with other moms.
Thanks for listening to me vent.
no advice, hon. just sympathy. that's a really hard scenario. good for you for keeping it together.
take some extra vitamin D to compensate for the lack of sunlight, and an occasional bubbly bath with a book and a scented candle.
you won't be stuck in this phase forever.
{{{{}}}}
khairete
S.
Im sorry hun. I feel you though. I been there and still am to a degree. Its rough but ya have to just push through it. Your child is always growing and will someday be giving you some slack. I know its hard, the first 5 years is the roughest. I dont get a break and you dont either but together we can support each other. Sometimes ya have to just bite the bullet.
You have to make the hard choice to enjoy this fleeting time. You will look back one day at how hard you had it, how strong it made you, and how far you've come, but today is hard. I can sympathize to a degree home alone most of the time with 3 under 5, but my husband is here sometimes, and I'm not working. However I've had tons of stressful financial and work scenarios in my past (and still do in some ways) so I can relate. Be sure to love your daughter to the fullest when you are with her-she doesn't need expensive things, and keep your discipline effective so there is less stress. You may want to find a church daycare or group, even though they usually have limited hours, maybe you could find one once a week when you are home or something so you can have a break. The parents are usually much nicer. I can relate to the toddler moms and their spoiled kids who are allowed to bully other kids, I gave up on that scene too when we moved here.Try to be resourceful and look for someone good at work to bond with (not always easy, but sometimes hiding amongst the jerks is someone nice), hang in there. This book/site is great.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com
Good morning Momma,
I have been the only parent for 21 years. It is probably the hardest job on the planet. I have been right where you are now. Single parenting is hard too but when you don't have the other parent in the picture... that is alot to handle.
When my kids were young, My daycare provider became my "extended family" I was there everyday and we built a strong bond. I could chat with her, share my troubles and frustrations, ask for advice. She was great.
Your best friend may live an hour away but a phone call can bring her right into your home. I do that with my SIL. We talk once a week for like an hour. We share secrets, fears, concerns, anger, all of it. It's our "coffee time"
I empathize all of the struggles you are having right now. Don't forget to pray for strength to face whatever you have on your plate. That will help ALOT! The hand of God will never bring you what the grace of God can't get you through.
Kasen isn't trying your patience she is trying for your attention. That's what kids do when they get home from daycare. Mine did it all the time. She wants your huggs and kisses momma. She can feel your stress and fears. She is trying what she knows to make you forget them.
Good luck and God bless...
I feel so bad for you. I was a single mom for awhile and it's really lonely if you don't have girlfriends. I was usually able to find someone where I lived even if we didn't have much in common - just someone to talk to while the kids played. Can you get into a church? We have a lot of single moms in my church and it helps them a lot. Can you get involved in mom-tot swimming lessons or something like that? You will really have to put yourself out there to make friends but it's worth it. You're going to get through this, I'm sure. Hang in there. I'm going to say a little prayer for you right now.
I've been there and now even though I'm remarried, I still feel that way sometimes. I was a divorced mom at one time without much help. It can be so overwhelming. Hang in there. Make sure baby gets naps so that you get your mommy time. I send you support and hugs and hope your surgery goes well:)
M.
Oh, I am so sorry you feel the way you do...but I noticed one comment I really want to reiterate.
She will only be this young once and literally, I have had several crying sessions over the fact that I did not cherish EACH AND EVERY MOMENT of my first daughter's babyhood. I know some days are trying, but just look for the best in everything and remind yourself that they do grow up.
I mean, my oldest is only 5 (almost 6) but is basically independent. She dresses herself, takes care of her grooming (although I still wash her hair), grabs her own snacks, reads to herself (although I still read plenty), and on occasional days even wants to make her own lunch. I really miss doing so much with her, and love to clip her nails now because that's one of the few "care" things I have left that she can't do herself.
I hear you on the "mommy" groups for EXACTLY the same reason. My suggestion would be to try and find a good church, and start attending. She's coming up on the age where she will be able to start Sunday School, you will enjoy Sunday School and the service, and it can grow to a whole new family to love you.
Look for churches that have single Mom's groups. Some of the larger ones have those. You can go on church websites to find them. I just found one where I live in Orlando.
I'm sorry that you're going through all this and I KNOW it's a very difficult, overwhelming situation your in..especially being a single mom. I was there with 2 kids. At times it felt like...I want OUT. It really does sound like your on your own. I say, keep positive, try to at least...I know..easier said...but..positive energy and praying(not sure if that works for you or if you have any beliefs)helps. There were plenty of times where I felt like giving up...and thought..I'd never get up from this whole. I prayed and stayed focused.
Right now, concentrate on yourself..getting through this surgery and having a full recovery. It's great that your friend will be taking your daughter for you the day before. Have you planned out what you will be doing after?
Can you ask your dad and his family to help you out after your surgery? You definitely do need a time out. I'm actually working on that myself. Finding the time for myself.
I could go on and on..but do this...try to keep positive, have your surgery, get well, then...maybe you can see a counselor to vent..maybe there's a neighbor that can give you an hour alone in the evening and help watch your daughter. I know if you're in my area..I would totally help you out. Maybe we can even take walks together. Heck, you can always send me a message to vent. I'm all ears.
Good luck and prayers always do well for me.
It's hard to be a mom, work ft and be the only parent.
Have you tried Meetup.com to see what kid groups are in your area? Does your library have kid-events on weekends? When it's cold, sometimes I take my daughter to the mall the play in their playspace, or to the nature center where we can look at turtles indoors. Heck, we've even gone to IKEA for cheap food and someplace to run around a little (kid section).
Maybe those ideas will help.
You might find that a church family is just what you need. It works for me.
