I get that social websites are a great way to meet people and connect with existing friends and family. Lets make a really long story short. Early on in my relationship with my now husband he used a social site and had one affair. I will not make excuses for him, but it was a rather hard time in both our lives. Since then we both agreed that we would not add any one we didn't know in real life or anyone that we wouldn't be comfortable introducing to one another. Almost three years later, things have been great. EXCEPT-he added a woman he has never met face to face. He's the gray area she lives in England, but they talk all the time. I would go as far as to say I feel like they are having an emotional affair. I have talked with him about this woman and he assures me that they are just friends, but I reminded him about our agreement and he gets annoyed. He has even deleted her twice, but she always manages to get re-added because my husband doesn't want to hurt her. So why is it ok for him to hurt me, but not ok to hurt her? Any ways I was just posting a video to my husbands profile and thought I'd share it with his sister because it's cute and I scroll down to his family section and HE HAS THIS WOMAN LISTED AS HIS GD SISTER!!!!!! Now obviously I have nothing to worry about concerning a physical affair based on the distance, but I feel this has gone too far? Am I just being crazy or would you be upset to? How can I address this subject with out driving a wedge further between my husband and myself.
Yes, we went to counseling when this happened and it really did save our relationship and taught us how to better communicate...or so I thought.
With the information you posted it seems as tho you are not driving the wedge he is, it seems as tho he is respecting this woman more than his wife. IMO this social thing might be a weak area for him and the agreement should have been for him to delete his account. I do not care if she was in Dubia she is interfering in a marriage and that is always an issue no matter where the person lives.
Better batten down the hatches - here he goes again. This is a prelude to another affair, and probably more women. He is starting with an "unattainable one" because of where she lives. Then when you finally stop fighting him about it, he'll find another one closer by until you find out that he's having sex again. And you'll be the last one to know.
Ask yourself why you allow him to treat you like this. Either get counseling or tell him to choose. This kind of life isn't worth it.
Good luck,
Dawn
She's a plane ride away. Amazing, how everyone is accessible nowadays.
HE is driving the wedge. He is a cheater.
You are not crazy. HE is, to think you should accept this.
Get counseling, both of you. He is cheating. He will continue to cheat. You need help for your marriage.
I have an ex husband because of something like this. YES, I would be upset, but if it were me, 3 years ago I would have divorced him because of the affair. Because of this EXACT reason....the very first thing that happens "out of the norm" makes you upset and suspicious and rightly so, even after 3 years. Now, what do you do about it? Can you honestly trust him for the rest of your lives together? He is having an emotional affair and honestly, I believe it would be physical as well if they were closer. He is being disrespectful to you AND your marriage and you need to be prepared with how to handle it. I've been there and didn't want to live the rest of my life with someone who was disrespecting me and our kids and our marriage and I didn't want to monitor him and spy on him the rest of my life. I hope you figure out what to do. Good luck.
Really, you have no way of knowing WHERE this woman lives.
She can pick and choose her location for FB, etc.
Not to increase your paranoia, but she could live across town, for all you know.
It's not THAT rare for people to leave their spouses for people in another state, town, country, etc. WE probably all know O..
The thing is--he's disrespecting you, as his wife.
You asked him to delete her. He keeps re-adding her.
He needs to delete her and keep her gone.
Good luck!
Do you think this gal can't travel to the US? You do have something to worry about.
Did you go to counseling the last time he had a n affair? You should go back. He is testing how you will make him keep his promise from before. So far you are loosing.
I'm sorry.
Ummmm completely wrong on his part. You did not drive the wedge..He did. Did you get marital counseling after his affair the first time? If not, I certainly would look into that. Yep there are defintely emmotional affairs going on and to list her as a sister is wrong on so many effing levels!
Here is the first thing to see if it's right or not and you said it, I copied it.
"So why is it ok for him to hurt me, but not ok to hurt her? " It isn't okay. Either he cares about you and not other women or he doesn't. You can't make him do that but you really need to tell it like it is to him and let him decide and then you see where you stand once and for all. I hope he'll make the right decision.
Your husband is disrespecting you and your wishes, and your agreement. He is being a selfish idiot. He probably listed this woman as his sister, so you wouldn't feel bad if you saw it was 'his girlfriend,' 'wife' or 'significant other.'
For your husband to not want to hurt her feelings - but has no conscious when it comes to hurting you - what does that say ? It says he doesn't care about you. I know guys like this, it disgusts me. Personally, that is why I am divorced, and will never by choice re-marry - I don't see ANY man that can be truly 110% faithful to his wife - not just physically, but emotionally. It seems that after some time, men all want to stray and find other women - and being this woman is in England this is a 'fantasy woman' for him - he can say to you, 'I am not cheating on you,' yet emotionally he is. He is also disrespectful to you... You know he will not willingly 'end this' personally I say NO more Facebook at all - delete the account permanently, and make sure he is fulfilling on it. If he is not, can't help himself and does it thereafter you have the option of counseling or divorce.
Yes, I would be very, very upset. And people travel to have physical affairs all the time. He's playing it 'safe' with her.. how about the next woman he meets who just lives one state away?
My daughter's friend says he lives in the UK on his FB profile...he lives in California. He has tons of time to talk with someone in that distant of a time zone?? Sounds fishy to me.
It's not OK for him to hurt you.
As far as the situation goes, I'd be bothered too.
As far as her being listed as his sister, unless he has said it was for another reason, I'm just throwing this out there: if you're talking about Facebook, one of the recent changes made to the site was trying to get members to have their friends listed in groups. Some people were confused by the set up and in order to keep people visible who they wanted to see, I know I had people I'm friends with list me as a family member in order to keep getting updates. It's possible this is what your husband was doing. Doesn't excuse his breaking your rules, but it may not be as sinister/bad as it looks.
Um, you're not the one driving the wedge, sweetie, your husband is. He's deliberately pounding that wedge further & further in between the 2 of you. He clearly knows what the rules the 2 of you put in place together are as he's 1 of the 2 people who came up with them, right? He knows you check his stuff so it stands to reason that he just doesn't care that you see it. People can travel from one place to another to see each other, you know. People also lie, some of them all the time so just because she has on FB that she's in England doesn't make that true.
The 2 of you need to sit down & have a heart-to-heart. If you have lines that you're not willing to allow him to cross & he's doing it intentionally, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to overlook it & stay with him? It's totally your business if you are, but don't lie to yourself about what's going on here. You say you think he might be having an emotional affair. Sounds to me like you'll be really lucky if you find out that's ALL that's been going on.
