Need Advice on Discipline for 16Month

At 16 months she knows way more than you give her credit for. However, 16 months is too young for a time out to be effective. She is testing you to see what is acceptable and what is not. When she hits you or bites you, get close to her face, look her square in the eye, use the "mean mommy" voice and tell her it is never ok to hit or bite. If you are playing with her, do the above and then stop playing with her and explain to her that you will not play with her when she hits or bites and then walk away.

She can do time out, but only a minute. Go too long with very young children and they forget why they are in timeout. A good rule of thumb is i minute for each year old they are. I used to use my high chair for timeouts.

We did a time in rather than a time-out. You put them on your lap not facing you. You don't snuggle or anything, just hold them still basically, no talking or playing or anything like that. Same concept of a time out, but you can make sure they stay put since it is in your lap.

I had the same problem with my daughter around the same time. I finally started using time out. But with that age you must be very consistent; use the same place each time, and use the same approach. Even if she doesn't fully understand your words she will finally the action of being seperated. Make sure it is on a big chair or something she can't get down from. Some people used cribs or high chairs, but I don't recommend this because those are safe places for your child that have other purposes and you don't want to cause any problems at bedtime or meal time. Have her face away from you. I didn't wait until she quit crying to start time, because they is an unreasonable request of a 16-18 month old. In fact if she gets really upset to this day, I don't wait to start time. A minute for your child's age should be sufficient. Sometimes she might not even realize that she is there. It is okay because you are still seperating her from the situation. I know the hitting and biting will drive you to the breaking point. That is why time out is very useful. I never bit my kiddo back even with the advice from tons of poeple to do so. I was just never comfortable with, but for some I guess that works. On the flip side, my daughter is almost 22 months and has been know to still on occasion bit. The difference has almost always been that she bits when we are playing around and she gets really excited. Hope all this helps.

I am the director of a preschool. Kids this age may not comprehend the connection between separation and time outs and what they did.Here are some strategies I use. Redirection and replacement. For example; hitting and biting-say "That hurts!" Take her away from the situation and take her hands in yours and show her a gentle touch. Touch her mouth with your hand and say it again if she bites. Redirect her to a more appropriate action.
Replacement for standing on the couch-"I can't let you stand on the couch, but here's something to jump on."
There are some great parenting books out there for discipline-my favorite is POSITIVE DISCIPLINE.

First stop telling her not to do that or this, start telling her what she can do. They hate hearing "NO". Use distraction and guidness. She is just entering the "terrible 2" stage and she wants to explore and control the world around her. She can't use her words but she can bite and hit. Give her simple words like "yes', "no", "good", "bad", limit your words to simple phrases like: "We don't hit mommy, we give mommy a hug" and show it by hugging her. Good luck!

Some people use a pack and play for a time out spot.
If it is hitting have you tried sitting with her in your lap and holding her arms still. Don't forget to explain what she did wrong.
Does she act like she understands "no" or "don't hit"? Or does she act like she doesn't hear you? If she clearly understands yet doesn't listen that is defiance and I think more serious than forgetting the house rules (at least at this age)
It is difficult to discipline one so young, I struggle with how/what to do with my 16 mo old. But I do believe it is better to start younger with smaller things than have to start with big things when they are bigger/older/more likely to argue.

She is not too young for a time out. When my kids were that young I used a time out chair or if they refused to stay in that, their crib. The trick here is to start teaching your little girl empathy. Ham it up if you have to and pretend to cry so that she can see a phyiscal, tangible reaction to what happens when she hits and bites.

Good Day D.-
I am not really into disciplining a child this young. To me they have the concept of what things mean but they really don't understand what they are doing some times. My daughter is 16 months old and what works for me is that I ask my daughter "Please don't hit me, that hurts Mommy". Then I hug her and tell her how much I love her. Usually the bahaviour stops. I also don't use the word No much. My words are usually "Please don't do that" then I say "Thank you for listening" I give lots of praise when the behavior stops. If she is getting into mischief, I use the words, "Move on, that isn't for you". For me, so far this has been very successful. I try not to have a negative tone. Sometimes I know it is necessary when their safety is at stake to get excited. Typically, I try to be calm and show compassion and empathy so that she can understand better.
Hope this helps- I wish you the best. God Bless-

hello!
i'm having the same issue with my 20 mo. old. here's how i've decided to handle it:

since she's not hitting/biting hard enough to cause any real damage to anyone in the house, i've decided to let the lessons learned be about empathy and impulse control (instead of just "hitting is bad"). when she bites/hits and i haven't seen it coming, i say, "ouch!" and she'll respond with an immediate, "i'm sorry" and rub my body where she hit/bit me. when i can see she's gearing up for a hit, i give her a stern look and say, "don't hit." sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't (but the number of times it works is growing!). the times she hits anyway, i put her down or walk away saying, "you'll have to be by yourself if you're going to hit/bite." this usually upsets her to no end, and she follows after me crying. i usually stop and ask, "are you ready to stop hitting?" or something of that nature and she'll tell me yes. then there's a big hugging-loving session that goes on.

i've not implemented time-outs yet. i feel that although she'd be able to understand it as a concequence for whatever she's done, i'm not sure that it would translate into her being able to control the impulse to do it the next time. in which case it becomes a punishment, and not a discipline. at this age i focus on how to control their impulses, which is usually the real culprit to acting out.

hope this helps, and good luck!

Hi D.,

My best advice is be patient, calm and prepared to repeat yourself a lot! My daughter started the same behaviors at about 16 months, but I've found that she responds pretty well to the question "are you supposed to do that?" She'll say no and keep doing it anyway, but then if I suggest that she sit down or do something else, she will. Then two seconds later she'll stand up again and we start over, but I figure she is learning what the right behavior is. When I get tired of the situation or she starts to get out of control, I just get her down from the chair or change the situation, whatever it is. Keeping a calm, level tone and giving desired alternatives seem to work for us. And lots of praise for doing the right thing!

In terms of hitting and biting, we went through that a few times too just recently (she's almost 20 months old now). We don't do time outs per se, but I do leave the room if I am too frustrated - a time out for me! After a few times where she hit me on the head, I told her that next time mommy wasn't going to play anymore if she did that, and I went out of the room. Well, she did and I did and she screamed and cried a lot when I left the room - but when I came back in a few minutes later, she did it again. I told her that was that, no more hitting, and put her to bed (luckily, it was close to her bedtime already). She cried, but when she woke up in the morning she was fine, and then we had a talk about how much nicer petting is then hitting. So now she "pets" mommy or daddy or the cat or dog when she has that urge to hit - I can see the impulse in her eyes and watch her as she stops herself and chooses the action the has better consequences.

Same with biting. She bit me exactly twice, and I did the same thing, and she's never bitten since.

Keep in mind that they don't mean to be doing something wrong or bad - they are just exploring their environment and their limits, it's their job. And your job is to help them find those limits. In my opinion, that works best with a positive rather than a punishing approach.

good luck!

best
K.

For my 15 month old. Any time she bites I flick her cheek gently with my finger. It doesn't hurt just enough to surprise her into stopping then I give her a firm "no" an put her in her crib for a few minutes. When she hits I tell her to be nice,some times that will stop her and she will nicely pat me on the head or hug me. If she does keep hitting she gets a time out in her crib. 1 and 2 year olds can be taught to be nice to others. Hope this helps.
H. T.

Well, I started with my daughter early at about 9mos (because she has a very very strong will and started to exhibit temper reactions early) at 9 -11 mos whenever she would put on the temper I would take her to the pak n play and lay her down and tell her that she needed to calm down (she had her paci and blankie -- she is a blankie baby to help sooth herself with) ... so when we hit 16 mos and the major temper and my daughter has also done the hitting a little bit -- then she already has a good understanding about time out (which at this time is still in the pak n play) ... Do not under estimate what your daughter understands at this age because she cannot communicate herself yet... They understand ALOT...
also remember that Time out for this age should not be a LONG period (however if she is continuing to throw a fit instead of calming herself down then I let her stay in the pak n play untill she has calmed herself) ... also, when I let her out
I do hug her and tell her that I love her, but it is not okay to ... whatever hit, throw temper fits ect...
I hope that helps! AT least helps to know that other moms with toddlers your age are dealing with the same issues and I think it is pretty typical to the age/phase, and precurser to the "terrible twos" ... Good luck!

A baby that age probably wouldn't understand a traditional time out but I do holding time-outs with my daughter and they seem to work pretty well. When she does something wrong or naughty I use the deeper voice to get her attention and correct her (tell her no) then I hold her (works best in a quiet place) with her back to me and my arms wrapped all the way around her over her arms so she can't move. You want to hold tightly with a little downward pressure so that she is really immobilized but don't sqeeze to hard you don't want to injure her. Just enough so that she can't move around then lock your muscles. Do this while talking softly in her ear for about 40-60 seconds. She should calm down by then. When she's been calm for an additional 10-15 sec. you can let her go and turn her around and give her the repremand. (i.e. "hitting isn't nice. it hurts ______. you need to be gentle" or "you need to sit on your bottom. you could fall and get ouchies" etc.) I've found that my daughter reacts very well to these altered time-outs even though she's almost 2. They're usually seeking to get your attention anyway with that kind of behavior or they are overstimulated and need help refocusing. That's where mommy and daddy come in. I hope this helps. Don't worry too much about the biting or hitting it's just a faze while they don't know how to express those frustrated feelings. Just be sure to always have the same "punishment" for the same actions (even in public). It may take 10 or 15 times but she will begin to remember what happens every time she does this or that.

Discipline at this age is hard. It is a combination of keeping them safe, teaching them the rules, and letting them be their own individuals.

She should never be allowed to hit you and biting is a big no.
If she bites that should be a firm, deep "no", and removal from your arms. Time outs don't work at this age, but removal from what she was doing or the place of interest is very effective.

If she won't sit down but wants to stand, be firm--and remove her after 3 tries. She is at the stage where she is experimenting with what can I do? She is trying to understand what can I do? What is safe, what are the rules? You need to trust your self enough to know that your rules are good. But remember hitting and biting are never allowed.

Have you heard of Love and Logic?? You could go to their web-site. www.loveandlogic.com

i believe that the more attention we give our kids when they misbehave, the more they will do it. i'm not saying ignore the bad behavior, but not to overreact. your baby is still so little, only 16 months. she will hit, kick, pull hair take toys and bite. my 3 year old still pushes her boundaries, just to see how i will react. if i react in a mellow way, use a gentle voice and talk to her patiently about her behavior, we go on to somehting more fun and her attitude is different. but if i freak out on her and forget to use control, she'll keep pushing. they are just learning how to act. of course if there is an extreme behavior it needs to be dealt with correctly. but ususally with little toddlers, they are trying to figure it all out. my advice is to handle it mellow. if not, your baby is going to be uptight. i have seen too many little people turn all uptight and winey because their parents are alwyas whining at them, always discipling them somehow. children are wonderful little creatures. pick your battles. if she bites you, tell her it hurt, walk away if you need to, then redirect her. redirection is key to little toddlers, i think. whatever you do, don't over react, or it'll open a door you don't want open. much luck~s

I think there is quite a bit of good advice here. I just had to say it saddens me to see "Dana F." stating that "popping her in the mouth" will potentially cure the biting. Dana, really, doesn't hitting or popping a child in this case just establish that hitting is okay? So sad.

I just rented the "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" DVD from the library which I would highly recommend! The "terrible twos" actually begin during their second year, not when they turn two. Good luck!

Don't do timeouts. (I don't think they're a good thing to do with older children either, but especially not this young.) I would reconsider what is really important to you, and make as few rules as possible. Of course she wants to stand on the furniture, she is learning how to stand and walk and climb and explore. Maybe some furniture could be ok to stand on, others not. You could even make places for her to climb (pile up cushions etc). And give her opportunities to hit - like it's not ok to hit me or the cat or another child, but you can hit this pillow or this drum (and then you could hit it with her and make it a game). Obviously you need to have some rules, but the fewer the better, and offer her lots of opportunities to be active, explore, and express herself, both physically and vocally. If she is biting or hitting you in anger, I would stop her from doing it, holding her firmly but gently if necessary, and empathize with her about what she is feeling, like, "you're really angry at me because I said no and you really want to do that" or whatever you imagine she's feeling angry about. Acknowledge that her feelings are important and that you want her to express them in ways that are safe.

D.,

At this age she wouldn't understand the time out like an older child. That she stops when you use your Mommy Voice is a very good start. If she continues with the unacceptable behavior remove her from what she's doing. For example, if she's hitting you with a toy, take away the toy, use your Mommy Voice "we don't hit" and put her in her room with the door mostly closed. That's what works, for the most part, with my 13 month old daughter.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Repetition and example are the key things with a child that young. What I did with my older daughter at that age, was to take her hand and "show" her how to be gentle. If she hit my face I would move her hand gently on my face and explain that we touch others gently and that hitting hurts. It took many repetitions, but she eventually got it.

Children that young aren't able to understand concepts that aren't concrete. If they can't see it, it basically doesn't exist. I agree with the Amish that children under the age of 3 should not be "punished" because they are too young to understand how a time-out (for example) has anything to do with their previous actions. Discipline, or guidance, is totally different and guiding your child's hand (or bottom/feet) to do what you would prefer her do (repeat as needed) is the best way to handle this situation, in my opinion.

Best wishes!
~B.

I'm not a big fan of "discipline" for a toddler. They have absolutely no impulse control and I think time outs for this age are more than a little silly. Plus, you are either going to have to physically restrain them for the time out (which is BEYOND counter-productive because you are telling your child that "when you behave badly, Mommy is going to reward you with her undivided attention by holding you in her lap for two minutes." DUH! Let's NOT reward negative behavior with attention unless you want it repeated!) OR you have to stick your toddler into or onto something she can't get out of and isolate her for a minute or two. Is she really going to understand that hitting or biting gets her stuck in her crib or playpen for a couple of minutes, and, if she DOES - how is she going to view being stuck in that crib or playpen when she's NOT behaving badly? Talk about mixed messages!

When one of my 20 month olds hits, I say in a very stern voice "NO Hitting!" I then put him on the floor and walk away and completely ignore him. Children LOVE LOVE LOVE attention - and they don't differentiate between positive attention and negative attention. I do my best not to give attention for negative behavior. (When one twin smacks the other twin, I say "NO Hitting" to the "offender" and I scoop up the "victim" and make a big fuss over him, while ignoring the twin who did the hitting.

When I see one of my boys being gentle, I make a HUGE fuss over the behavior. "Oh, you are SUCH a good boy! You are touching the kitty with a very gentle hand! YAH!!!" So I really try to give lots of attention for positive behavior.

She is certainly old enough for time outs. Find a spot in the house, away from the action but within your sight and tell her that if she does X, Y will be the result.

You are sooooo wise to speak in a soft, low voice when she misbehaves...so much better than yelling. In fact, the softer you go the better...it keeps you calmer and she doesn't get the "satisfaction" of getting you all worked up.

This is when the testing really begins. She's becoming so much more independent (in her little mind), it's time to start seeing how far she can push the rules. Once she knows you aren't going to cave, she'll relax...because she WANTS the rules to hold firm.

Hang in there. Trust me. No one told me this at the time, but the toddler years are your dry run for the teen years. It's good practise!

I know you have gotten alot of different repsonses already but I thought i would throw my two cents into. I have a fifteen month old who as soon as he figured out how to folow his brothers sometimes naughty lead he did. He sometimes is the one who colladorates the mischief now. ANyways he gets two stern no nos and if he them continues he gets to sit in the time out chair with mommy for about a minute usually he doesnt last that long but he is learning he doesnt like being puled away from the playing. When it comes to hit either with his hand or with a toy we grab the hand that he hit us with and sya very sternly "Yuou dont hit the Mama" or daddy or whoever he took aim at. His lower lip usually pops out and the water works start. He also knows what brother get when he is naughty which is a 2 to 5 mintue time out and sometimes a little tap on the butt from dad and he doesnt like that at all so w are hoping that as fast as he picked up the nughty behavior he learns he doesnt like the consquences of it either. Good luck and remember as moms this to shall pass!!!