Discipline When an 18 Month Old Hits

Maybe she isn't ready for a playgroup. When she seems to want to hit, get her really involved with something else, with you. Don't leave her side. Most kids her age don't need or want to play with other kids that same age. They want to use them as toys, and play with adults. :)

I don't agree with timeouts or punishments at any age.

At 18 months, your daughter is probably not playing with, but rather along side, other children. She's a little on the young side to understand concepts like cooperative play or sharing toys, so these could be recurring frustrations for her. And she may not have any ways besides hitting to deal with those frustrations.

I've heard differing reports from real-life parents on whether time-outs are effective for younger children. Some do seem to get the point if the time-outs are consistent. Others don't respond well to time-outs no matter how old they are or how consistent the parents. Kids are unique beings, and parenting techniques that work on some may not work well on others.

But there are two things that often help kids going through a hitting stage. One is to help them learn the words that help them communicate more effectively than the hitting. "Please stop that." "I don't like that." I feel mad at you." "Give my toy back."

The other is to realize that the hitting/overhand throwing impulse is developmental, and very strong in kids this age. As frustrating as food-throwing and hitting is for parents, the child is busy developing eye-hand coordination and gross motor skills. So it's often very helpful to give the child plenty of allowable outlets for this impulse. Throwing soft toys at a target or into a basket, whacking an acceptable target with a stick, or pounding on a pillow to get out "mad" feelings may help reduce your child's need to practice that movement at inappropriate times.

This is a pattern that will eventually fade out on its own. But of course other parents don't like a child hitting theirs, so if your little goes right back and hits again a minute after being corrected, you will probably have to shadow her closely (stopping her hand the moment she raises it) or leave immediately upon the second offense. Doing that often enough will probably begin to make the point, even if your daughter doesn't quite "get" the reasons she's not supposed to hit.

You are doing the right thing. It takes time to "sink in". Keep consistent and firm... and calm. The only other suggestion I have is to leave the playgroup when she hits and explain you are leaving b/c she didn't use her gentle touches.

I think you will have to "helicopter" for a little while until this stage is over

Give the attention to the victim - go right over say quickly and firmly to your daughter "Ouch, hitting hurts." then look at the child that she hit and say in a super sweet gentle voice usually reserved for your child "I'm so sorry that she hit you. Are you ok? May I give you a hug? Lets be friends, do you want to play?" If the child is crying, point that out "Oh, I see you are crying. You are very sad that you got hit." Your daughter is soaking this all in the whole time, I promise!
Shower that child with attention while giving your daughter none. This should curb the hitting pretty quickly. Of course, depending on your daughter's personality, she may start to hit *more* to see if she can pull your attention toward herself again.
You have to be right on top of her, guiding and helping her play. Narrate the playdate and absolutely give tons of positive feedback when she is being a nice friend.
Also, when she is in a good mood and before she hits, take her hand and stroke it against your arm nicely and say "Gentle" then do it against her own arm or tummy and then against a nearby friend's arm (don't do the face, as you don't want her touching other faces in case it turns into a hit). Continue to practice this "gentle" with her and if you see her approaching another child you can say "Gentle!" and she will take the cue and do what she has practiced automatically.
This is totally age appropriate and I don't think keeping her away from other children will really solve the problem. It may keep her from hitting, but then how will she learn kind touches and appropriate social behaviors?

Discipline methods really depend mostly on the child's age and temperament. At 18 months, redirection is the best way to "discipline". Hitting is often more about experimenting with "cause and effect" than anything. What's helpful at that age is to really play up the effect when she hits.

Say things like "OWIIIEEE!!! Hitting hurts. No hit. Makes our friends sad" and then you remove her from the play area. That way she makes the association that hitting hurts and she doesnt get any reward from it.

T.~

One thing that worked well for my high spirited daughter was to have "time out" in my lap. If she hit I would get down on her level, look her in the eyes and say no hitting, hitting hurts. Then I would scoop her up and have her sit in my lap facing away from me. She connected poor behavior with having to sit with me (loosing her freedom). She HATED loosing her freedom. When her time was over (which was always short 2 mins or so) I would tell her hands are for hugging not for hitting reinforcing what her hands were meant for. I would also make her apologize to the child she hit. Even at 18 months she knew sign language for I'm sorry. To be effective, I think whatever discipline you use needs to happen every single time.

Blessings!
L.

I used time out on my 18 month old. I would sit her on the stair and remove her from the situation. It worked for her. I would have her sit there until she calmed down and then explain to her that we don't hit. I have a friend who time out doesn't work at all, but for my daughter she stayed there. I think at the very least you need to continue to tell her what she did wrong and demonstrate the right way, but I think she needs to be removed from the situation. The first time briefly removed and the second time completely removed. That may mean you have to leave playdate early, but for my daughter anyway it worked.

I completely agree with Amy J. Hitting others is so unacceptable that it calls for a swat. It is something that requires immediate and drastic attention and she will get it very quick and that will be that. Good luck

I wouldn't do time outs. 18 months is really more along the lines of a big baby capable of doing more than a young baby is. They REALLY don't get it like they do when they are older.

You're doing the right thing. When she hits, take her hand and have her pat the person soft, then praise that and tell her how good she did at being soft. Put all the attention into the being soft...VERY LITTLE attention into the hitting. (the more attention you give it, the more power she finds she has with it, the more likely she'll keep doing it).

I just nipped my 2 year old daughter's first and only attempt at biting (she turned my 3 year old's knuckle black chomping his finger) the same way I nipped her first and only attempt at hitting 6 months ago and her older two siblings first and only attempts at hitting when they were 18 months old. (they can still hit each other in play, but never maliciously, and never other kids). Our kids can develop motor skills and throwing impulses 23.99 hours a day, but they can never hit other kids, and they CAN totally understand it at this age.

Calmly make eye contact, say, "no hitting" and give her a good sting on the butt. Then make her apologize. Then move on positively and happily with the rest of the day, no grudges. Repeat as necessary (probably won't need repeating). People who don't agree with "hitting for hitting" will say it's confusing and ironic and all that, but it's not. Those people just don't like the idea and haven't done it. It is super fast. Kids this age only know the results to themselves from their own actions, they dont' have empathy yet, and an unpleasant physical result is not confusing.

They ARE confused by time outs. How is that relevant to hitting? Not to say it may not work with lots of repetition in some kids when they get older, but who wants their kid hitting that long? If you don't swat your kid, another kid probably will (only with a punch in the face instead of a controlled swat on the butt). Kids ARE confused by words and feelings and explanations of it "not being nice" at that age. Demonstrating nice touching is not a deterrent from future attempts. Now if any of these methods work right away, great, but keep the swat on the back burner just in case she continues the behavior.

Aggression to other kids is serious and can be nipped quickly at 18months (gets harder by the month though, and watch out if you wait until 2 to start). My non spanking friend's kids all hit and bit much longer. I've never had to hover or worry in playgroups, my kids know it's not OK. They hug, wrestle, do "nice touching" all day long, but never hit, kick, bite, push, etc. It has to start at home (that's when siblings come in handy), since you can't do this in public. No worries, soon enough, she will hit you, so you can teach her then.

The next time she tries to hit, and stops at a warning (which she will once she knows the consequence), give her tons of praise and celebration for rethinking it.

I would leave the play date after the second time she hit. She can't be allowed to continue to hit others & think it's okay. Yes, I know she's young, but you need to lay the groundwork down now. She'll soon correlate the bad behavior with losing the play dates. Although, I'm not entirely she's even ready to handle the play dates, quite honestly. I might take a break & try again in a few months.