Can You Discipline a 13 Month Old

First,you need to get grandma to help. If she is with him most of the day she has to do dicipline him. I had this problem with my inlaws. I had to tell g-ma that she had to tell my daughter no because when she got home she would be horrible. Now that she is helping with the dicipline we have better nights. Good luck
C.

mother of a 19 mth old girl

I have a 13 month old too. He is very demanding. He hits me when he is tired or frustrated. I usually tell him, we don't hit and I grab his hands and hold them away from me. I try not to make a big reaction when he does something bad. Also, don't laugh even though it can be funny.

Secondly, teach him some simple signs like more, help, open, up, food, drink, no, yes, sleep. When he starts freaking out, give him a sign to use if you think you know what he wants. I find that my little guy concentrates on me communicating with him instead of being mad.

Let me know if I can help you with any of the signs.

Good Luck,
K.

I have a one year old that is starting to act much the same way. They are smart liitle critters and clever. I know already doesn't seem fair. When my little guy screams I gently put my had on finger over his lips and say "NO, to loud, shhhh" Or "No, no we don't act like that" As far as laying on the floor and screaming I go over pick him and tell him "No we don't have fits" and make him stand up. YOu have to be quick before it goes to far. I'll hold him if I have to. I refuse to have a child that throws a full blown fit like this. My little guy has a temper so I try to cut him off as quick as I can. Thankfully at this age they are often easily distracted. Good luck and know you are not alone.

One minute time outs worked for my son at that age and my neice. You have to sit there and hold him down and not look or talk to them until they get the point of time out. Once the time is done, remind him once that he can not do what he did and then let it go, don't keep reminding him about it or it will ruin the day. You also have to be very consistent. If you put him in time out for hitting, everytime he hits when your around there is time out. If you only do it every third or something he'll get a mixed message that sometimes it's ok and other times it's not. Also, pick your battles, decide what is most important to you and make sure he follows those rules. I found there are some days that I feel like I'm punishing all day long, and then other days when I don't have to punish at all, and that it depends on the mood of the parent AND child as to how the day goes.
My son has a one and half year old half brother that was being horrible because his grandparents that watched him let him do everything he wanted. They found a daycare center and sent him two times a week. He has changed so much since he started, talking more, listening to no more, and just geniunly happier child.

Maybe getting him into a structured enviroment during the day wouldn't be a horrible idea. After a while if Grandma wants to spend a day a week with him then that would be fine but not until the problems are corrected. Also, when speaking to him, hold his head so he can not turn it and make him look at you. I have 5 children, almost 6, and I do in home day care, and I have found that if you MAKE them look at you they hear you better. At 13 months now is the time to get control or you will have lost it forever!! GOOD LUCK!!

Welcome to the toddler years. Yes, you can discipline a 13 month old. You can ignore the tantrums on the floor. You can pick him up and make him sit in your lap when he's naughty . Then you can ask whether he's ready to stop hititing, to leave things alone, etc. If he is, he can try again. A playpen is handy for brief time outs.I usually use about one minute per year of age. You can practice your"I'm your mother and I mean business" voice. You and all his caregivers need to agree on discipline. I think he will come around once he sees that the limits are there. Of course, you will want to be loving and kind and playful as well. Consistancy is the key.

Read "Love and Logic Magic: Practical parenting from birth to age six"

I found the best way to discipline a toddler who is having screaming tantrums is to not react. I found that when my babies did that, if I pretended like nothing was going on they would realize the tactic didn't work eventually. Of course, out in public it is a little harder to do. I am not one of those moms who continues to let their child scream in a public place! I simply would pick them up and carry them out. No other reaction. When they realized the attention didn't come, it stopped.

Yes! If you don't start now you will regret it in the long run. You don't have to beat him (which i'm sure you wouldn't) but you need to let him know that you mean business. When he starts the screaming tell him no and to stop if that doesn't work. put him in time out. in the crib or his play pen for about 5 min. if that doesn't work i would make him take a nap. let him scream eventually he will go to sleep. if he continues to act this way and you follow through with the same punishment if you will he will stop because he will know if i act this way i will be put in time out. I'm not sure if you will agree with this but i thought i would just give you my input.

chances are if he is laughing at you he doesnt take you seriously, which is so hard to get them out of once there. Consistancy repeat repeat. Time outs will work but they will be a job for you. meaning you will have to remain with him through time outs and ignore his tantrums (that is if he is hard headed he will probably try to get out of time outs) so you will have to stay there to force him to sit or stand~ be sure not to engage him while doing this, just say no kicking you sit and then look away while making sure he is staying put.
(it will be hard but the outcome will pay off!) eventually he will believe you that he has to stay in time out, and he will listen because of it.
I would not resort to using his crib because he might not want to go to bed or take his nap if he is stuck in there for punishment during the day,
goodluck and
I hope this helps!

As with anything, I'm sure you'll find that there are 1,000 different approaches to handling this behavior and it may be that you just need to find the one that works best for your son. I tend toward using time outs. When my daughter has done the screaming thing, I've told her, "Sorry." Picked her up from whatever was causing the uproar, carried her over to her crib (pack and play, walker, highchair, stroller, car seat, or whatever form of containment I could find) and put her in it. Then I've told her, "Be nice." and walked away (I always keep her in sight, but I find something to do that involves ignoring her). Sure the screaming may continue for a couple of seconds, but it usually degrades to crying pretty quickly and then she calms down when she figures out that mom's not showing her attention until she stops within a few minutes. When she does stop, I calmly walk over to her and ask her if she's done, then interact with her. I don't praise her for being quiet, I simply pick her up and take her out of her "time out" and she's usually fine. Again, others may have different approaches, but this is what works for us.

yes discip[line is very iomportant at this stage. Time outs, putting him in a time out shair ( youmayneed one you need to strap him into) Some people send to their rooms, some believe this makes goingto bed seem like a pubnishment.. you decide. A firm no, and taking away a toy... or time out goes a long way. Rememebr togive a warning-- If youdon;t stop ____ this will happen and then be firm and quick, if it happens again follow through with what you said. So be careful with what consequence you state... if you don;t follow thorugh with what you said, they learn taht Mom's threats don't mean a thing and won;t listen to you. I have had to load up 3 other screaming kids from the pool because I threatened to leave the pool if behavior didn;t change. But, my kids all know that Mom is serious and they are really good kids who rarely test me on anything anymore. good luck

We had a similar problem with our oldest son at the same age. Not knowing where your son is as far as speech development, we found that our son's outbrusts were do to his inability to communicate. That being said, we began teaching him sign lanuage. It worked amazingly well!
Highly recommend the DVDs for Signing Time. Great for kids and parents. Our kids still watch them and all 3 of them learned basid signing skills. go to www.signingtime.com.

It is definitely time to stand the "consequences for your actions" and punishing for bad behavior. Time out in his crib, playpen or high chair are definitely called for. As for his not listening to you, the next time after that he speaks to you turn your head away and don't listen to him.

I only have one child myself and I know what you mean. My son laughs when we talk stern to him as well. But when we talk very very calmly to him he listens. Like when we are mad he knows he has us right where he wants us. But, when we talk calmly, he pays more attention and almost seems to comprehend. I do not believe in smacking hands and all that. But I don't think it's ever too early to at least start being consistent in how you react to their negative behavior. Me and my husband both respond the same way so our son knows exactly what to expect when he does something wrong. And it's really starting to work. Good luck!!!!!!

Dear R.,

It's possible your son has food sensitivities or allergies that cause him to feel keyed up and out of control. Year ago, I would have thought that was a load of hocus-pocus, but having witnessed, first hand, the difference diet can make, I believe it wholeheartedly now.

See if you can find a good integrative medical professional who is willing to work with you on this issue. You can ask your pediatrician for a referral, or go to your local health food store and ask them if they have names of integrative practitioners in your area.

Addressing the condition from a nutritional standpoint while using gentle disciplinary techniques can make a world of difference. I wish you luck in resolving this problem. I know your son feels inner turmoil when he's out of control, and no child wants to feel that way.

Time to start time outs and see how that works. Stick him in the corner for a few minutes and then when he gets out sit with him and talk to him about his behavior and let him know that there will be consequences to his actions. If the time outs don't work then go ahead and swat his little bottom and make sure you tell grandma she needs to start doing the same. I know a lot of people don't like spanking and I myself don't like it either but if my kids do something that I feel needs a swat in the butt and not a time out I swat their butts once or twice.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

Do you use time outs? Put him in a time out, let him have his screaming fits, don't show him that you notice because he knows its getting to you. Here are some parenting sites: www.parenting.com, www.family.com (think its still around), huggies.com, www.healthychildren.com/.org...can't remember that one..I am a member of the parenting site..its a very good site. One thing though if you get so irritated, sometimes its best to put yourself in to time out as well as you do him. My daughter is 2 and she just recently started having these types of fits. She had gotten angry since she started learning emotions, but the worst part is when she turned two. Now, she's not so bad, she knows when she gets angry and or when we get upset, she will go into her room and sit for a bit and wait till I want to talk to her, or I'll go into her room and talk. Things are much easier that way. When they are as young as your son though, its just a way for them to experience their feelings and they really don't know how to say the right words for US to understand, they too get frustrated and angry and have to let it out some how, they just don't have the mentallity to just say it or do something else. Ask him, "why are you angry?" Will you show me why you are mad?" Sometimes they are hungry, they need a little more attention, tired (from over exerting him to too many activities or daily chores and to do lists), they get stressed out just as much as we do. So try to understand where he's coming from too. Good Luck!

you can always try time out. I have a 9 year old son with Autism, I used to let him so whatever made him happy and it went down hill from there. We started the time out thing and it worked. He was about 2 when we started the timeout thing. He still has the mind of a 3 year old, but he knows when he is in trouble, when I say TIME OUT he goes and sits on the couch. They say 1 minute per year ( 9 years old 9 minutes) since his attention spam is much younger then his age I make him sit for at least 4 to 5 minutes. You might tey it, worse thing that could happen it it might work :) good luck!

B.

First of all, Grandma needs to set some boundaries. If Grandma only sees him once in awhile and wants to spoil him, that's different. Since Grandma has him everyday, she need to set and enforce rules. If she's not willing to do that, it's time to either put him in a daycare facility or and in home daycare where there are rules and structure. For home, find a discipline plan that works for you and stick to it. We use time outs on my 18 month old. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. If he screams, ignore him NO MATTER WHAT! He will do everything he can to get your attention, but stay strong! It's really hard at first, then he'll get the idea that throwing fits doesn't get him any extra attention. If he hits, tell him "We don't hit." And put him in time out. Unfortunately, there's not an immeidate cure for his behavior. It takes a lot of work and time. Also, you may want to talk with your husband about possibly coming home early from work one or two nights a week. Your son needs his daddy! I wish you the best of luck!

Hi there! My daughter was about the same age when she started acting the same way! What I actually had to do was stand her in a corner. She would not always stand, most times she would sit or lay on the floor screaming and crying, but the important thing is that she stayed in the corner. When she would throw her fits in the corner what I did was just walk away and ignore her. I would explain to her why she was put in the corner and I would keep asking her "Are you going to *insert bad behavior here* anymore?" And if she answered yes I would say "Well, then stay in the corner until you don't *insert bad behavior* anymore." Also, I would tell her "As soon as you stop throwing a fit you can get out." It seemed to work very well. I only really had to do it a few times before just the threat of it deterred her from pursuing the acting up. She is now 3 and although I don't have to do it a lot she still acts up once in a while. Usually it's refusing to clean up her toys. Well, I hope this helps you some. Good luck and they really do grow out of this stage as long as the problem gets nipped in the bud immediatly!

I am a mother of a 4 year old and a 11 mth old. Timeouts are great. First you get down to his level (on your knees) and tell him what he did wrong and that it is unacceptable behavior and tell him that he has to sit in the naughty corner or mat for one minute (per age). If he gets out, put him right back and tell him again that he must remain in the naughty mat. When time is up tell him that it was not nice to bite and that it hurts, then give him a hug.

When you are out in town, you can distract him. You can let him play with a toy prior to doing your shopping and let him know that he can play with the toy and maybe you will buy him one once in a while. If that doesn't work and he throws a fit, leave immediately and you can wait in the car until his fit is over or go home.

Definitely plan fun events for you and your son and also ensure that whomever is watching your son that they follow your dicipline structure as well.

My almost 2 yr. old daughter still doesn't really use words. We've taught her a few sign language, and it helps.
If he hits, hold both hands together (so he can't hit again) and tell him NO. Hold them for 10-30 seconds until he calms down. Tell him you understand he is upset about something. Ask him if he can show you what he is upset about. My 2 yr. old will point to something she wants, or dropped or can't reach on her own, or she will point to her big sister who is often her reason for being mad.

Time outs do work for most kids at this age. But don't put them in time in their bedroom! They need to be in time out where they can't play. I used to have a day care. Time out was done at the table. Keep books on the table. If they can get into a book in the state of mind they are in they will sometimes stay to finish it and by then have calmed down. Some kids even learn to enjoy books and story time .... and all because they were upset over something! LOL
mddhf

I still remember when my 4.5 year old was about 13 months...she didn't like something and went to throw herself backwards on the floor, when she realized she was on the kitchen floor, which wasn't padded and that was going to hurt! She caught herself, but we were cracking up laughing it was really funny.

Best thing with the hitting is to catch it in the act, and put him in time out or in the crib for 1 minute, and tell him "No hitting" or something to that effect.

If he starts into a fit because he doesn't like the way something's going, he's definitely doing it for attention. When our oldest would do that, we just ignored her. Flat out ignored the tantrum. Once she realized her performance wasn't getting the desired response, she'd quit.

Good luck!

Pay attention to early triggers to bad behavior. Sometimes they are just trying to tell you they are hungry, tired, or just need you. If you can meet their needs before it is too late, they learn to trust you. My daughter is almost 13mo and her behavior always deteriorates when she is hungry, tired, or needs me. Sometimes they just need a change of scenery. A walk outside or playing in the backyard does wonders for my baby's mood. As for the hitting, sometimes my baby plays rough and I have to tell her gentle and stroke her arm gently. If it is a hit out of anger, saying no and removing my attention seems to work.

Hi R.
I remember this was the same age that my now 2 1/2yr old started doing the same thing. I asked our petiatrian about it and she recommended igorning it. It was very hard to do but I tell you it worked. She would throw things including herself down and have a total melt down when things didn't go her way. Once he notices that he is not getting attention from it, he will stop it. You also need to tell Grandma that she needs to respect your decision with discipline and carry out your wishes while he is in her care. Tell her that you are very greatful for her being able to be with him but that she needs to be consitent with the discipline you chose to implement with him. Good luck, it worked for me and I hope it works for you.

Absolutely! While I fully agree with the other messages about setting boundaries, using time-outs, maintaining consistency in your discipline, and such, I have one other thing to add. I read something somewhere which stating that instead of focusing on the bad behavior, focus on the good. Look for when he is being good, and then give him enthusiastic praise and/or a reward such as a big hug. We have been using a combination of both methods (or trying to, it is difficult to remember to look for and praise good behavior)in disciplining our 17mo old son. I have noticed that some of the things (not all) that we have praised him for has reinforced the good behavior:) Regardless of how you chose to discipline, stay consistent and do not give up! Good Luck!

Hi R.!

Sounds like you have a real problem on your hands! No, 13 months old is not too young to start disciplining a child. You can start out by giving him a time out when he starts hitting. A time out for a child his age should be 10-15 minutes. They say that time outs should be equal to their age, one minute per year of age. I would recommend that you don't send him to his room for a time out because I imagine that he has toys in his room that he would play with when he is supposed to have a time out. I have had kids tell me me that they don't care if they get sent to their rooms because they can play with their toys, their vidoe cames, watch tv, listen to their stereos etc. Thus sending them to their rooms for time out doesn't work. So you may have to use another area for time out. If he refuses to go whereever you choose as the place for him to do it and he starts hitting you, then I would just put him on my lap for the duration of his time out. If you have to hold his arms down so that he can't hit, then go ahead and do that. I've seen it work with other children. The main thing is that he has to learn that you are the adult and he is the child. You also need to talk to Grandma and the two of you need to be on the same page. I know that grandparents tend to "spoil" a child and let them do or have whatever they want. This causes a lot of problems. Ask grandma to please follow the rules that you set, and to follow the type of disciple that you do. Your son needs structure as much as he needs discipline.

When he does this, immediately pick him up, say "no" firmly but not loud or angry, then put him in a playpen or crib. When he is quiet, after 5-10 min take him out, tell him "no more fits". If he does it again, repeat, leaving him in a little longer each time. He will get the picture real fast.

Depends on what you mean my "discipline". You can redirect him when he does something you don't like ("We don't stand on the couch, the couch if for sitting" while placing him on the floor) and praise him for doing things you do like ("You got the book all by yourself without screaming for me to do it!").
Telling a child no at this age doesn't do anything, stay positive and he will catch on. Don't hit him, at best, it will only teach him that hitting is an OK way to get your way, at worst, it will make him fear you and that can lead to many more problems down the road.
Most child specialists agree that time-outs don't work until at least age 2 and then you should only give a minute per year of age.

He is NOT too young for discipline!! Now is the time when he needs to know whos BOSS. Start by smacking his hands when he hits you, he'll find out it's not funny. Put a hand on each of his cheeks and make him look at you. Let him roll around on the floor-just don't give in to what he wants. Just walk away and let him roll by himself it's the attention he wants, when you don't give it he won't seek it.
Good Luck It's hard work-stay strong!
R.

Oh, yes you can discipline a 1-yr-old! They can start time-outs at this age. Use a play-pen or his crib, and put him in it after the no-no. Keep your words short and firm "That's a no-no." "No hurt kitty" (popular at my house.)

put him in, say see you soon, set timer, go get him and give hug and kiss and give gentle explanation.

It's tough, and please don't think it was easy for me! Mine are now almost 10 (Megan) and twins Katelyn and Kevin are 3 1/2.

If time-outs don't work for you, try ignoring his screams. That's very common at that age, and if they don't get a response they ususally stop.

K., OH

Hello R.. It seems that you have many different problems. Grandma babysitting is great for everyone involved. Especially if you want your little one to be close to his grandma. However, Grandma might be the big problem with your son's recent behaivor problems. If there are no rules for g-ma and 'I can do what I want when I want' then he expects the same from you and is probably rebelling. Also, he might be needing some dady time. Even though he is so young, I am going through that with my almost two year old. Now that dady is back to work she misses him and wants to be with him.
My girls are very independant and want to do things for themself. So, alot of times they throw a fit b.c they want to do something themselfs and I just don't undertand. With my youngest, hitting back (now not hard) or pulling her hair just DOES NOT work. I give time outs. I take her to her room and let her be until she quiets down. She will come out of her room and stand by the door and wait for me to come get her. It works for both of us b.e I need calm down time myself. Best of Luck!

I am the mother of 4 kids. Your child needs structure not discipline. He is behaving the way he is because there is no structure and you are letting grandma do whatever she wants. YOur life style has created this. If you want it to change you need to sit down with everyone who is involved in his life and set guidelines and agree to follow through. It's not easy but you will have a nicer child.

Even at 13 months they know how to control you. Let him scream and don't react to it.He should have some vocabulary by now. The throwing himself down is for attention , my niece did this and then would hold her breath until she passed out.My Grandmother use to baby sit her and the doctor said to pick her up and put her head under the kitchen faucet Cold water, face down. It usually will stop after just a couple of times.It shocks them back into reality. Sounded mean to me but it worked for her. If they don't get the reaction they expect it will normally STOP.Hitting is usually a sign that they want to say something but do not know the words yet(Vocabulary) so they hit out of frustration.Ask him to show you what is bothering him or what he wants.Tell him hitting is not nice show Mommy what the problem is.

That's just being a grandma. It would break my heart and has to really get on my grand children. How I handle the screeming is scream right with him. He's 2 and a half. I make it a game. I think they do this in part because they like to hear their voices. No age is too young to begin with being stern. Really gently speak with Grandma and ask if he does these things with her and both of you need to be on the same page. I told our little one that Mama said to swat him on the butt with an open hand and he understood and stopped what he was doing.

Well to answer your question yes it is though it's not somehting that is easy to do and it def. takes time to see results. some basics, when he screams to get his way...let him scream, walk away and pretend he isn't screaming, at this age part of it could be temper but it's probally just becasue he thinks it's a cool sound and gets all sorts of reactions from everyone for it, he's to little to know good attention from bad. same with the fits, my son used to bang his head on the floor, just make sure the fit is in a safe place where he can't seriously injur himself and let him go. as for the hitting the best advice i ever got was to take their hand and tell them no then put them down and walk away, this doesn't work nearly as well if he's one of those kids that just walks up and hits people, but will work if he likes to slap at you when you hold him. at this age though discipline is more about removing him from the situation and giving him an alternative and teaching him that negative behaviors don't gethim attention or waht he wants. good luck.