Mourning Not Having Another

I guess I'm different. We both wanted O. annd are quite content. I think having O. kid is the best! Hang in there.

My suggestion? Stop trying to cope and give in; really grieve it sister. I mean, wail, kick, gnash, and scream (in appropriate venues of course).

You get to be pissed, disappointed, disillusioned, and heartbroken. AND, simultaneously, you get to be grateful.

My guess is that at some point you'll be able to come into acceptance, and let go. But first you might have to really feel it, and feel it big.

When I try to bottle that stuff up/just get by, I never get to move through my big sadness to come out the other side. Just my experience. Hugs.

I had my dd when I was close to 45 (past mid-life surprise when I thought I was too old). I really am ecstatic that I have at least one and I did want another after I had her.

But, now that I've done the mom thing for 9 years, I realize that one is a good number. I can truly enjoy motherhood without the stress, sibling rivalry and tracking so many different schedules.

Being older is also a factor...I'm very healthy, not overweight and do all the right things, but I'm tired a lot. I've often thought it would be really hard to be juggling two or more kids.

Really, count your blessings. I know many people who never even got one and didn't want to adopt.

I am in your boat. I didn't have two, though I always imagined at least 5.
My husband became disabled and it was too much to imagine. Then taking care of him caused me to have medical issues. To be honest, once I got too old and unable to have kids I became sad about it.

I will tell you when I regret having one, I invite a sibling group over to play. Their petty arguing makes me glad I can send them home. I can't stand it.

Well I am in a similar boat. I have one, want number two, but husband is not on board. And we CAN financially afford it. And I am 32, so I still have time. I worry that we will wait too long for number two and then have trouble conceiving. I am not in the exact same boat as you, but similar. The way I cope with thinking "Well I guess I could live with just one....." is I think of all the things I WONT ever have to do again:
- wake up 6 times in the middle of the night to a crying baby
- leak from my boobs
- have to pump my boobs at a party in someones bathroom
- change all those diapers!

Instead, now that my child is 4yrs old, we can DO more - "Wanna stop by the park today? Sure. Why not? We don't have to get home in time for naptime. We won't run out of diapers since you don't wear them anymore. Wanna go jump in the puddles? Sure why not. Dinner can wait half an hour. Let's go!" With just one - there is more spontaniety and you are able to do more. So go - have fun! And if you just want to spoil a baby - or buy baby clothes or whatever it is - spoil your neice, nephew, neighbors little baby....

added: ALL of the moms in my MOPS group have two or more. I am the only one with just the one kiddo - and next year is my last year in MOPS. :(

Sorry to hear that. It can be a big hole. You're right to be thankful for having the one daughter.

Would your husband change his mind if in coming months you were able to find a job? Could foster care be an option? I would research all my options and keep an open mind before giving up on the idea. Good luck.

My husband and I have one child. She is on the autistic spectrum. My heart aches to raise a typically developing child, but there is a one in five chance that if we had a second, that child would have an ASD as well. I do not like those odds, especially considering the pep-talk BS I got during my pregnancy about how slim my chances were of having a child with a developmental issue.

DH is totally okay with just the one. I guess I am too, because it's the most practical and realistic option for our family...and yet, I am jealous that most of our peers "get" to have a second -- or third -- healthy child. It sucks. It sucked watching their children turn into creative, curious little people while mine just stood there with her hand in her mouth. To go through that again would suck way worse than not having the second kid at all.

Hang in there... It must be a joint decision with both parents on board, as you well know.

We have an only by choice and wouldn't have it any other way. We love our family just as it is. I believe in time, you will come to appreciate yours more as well.

Good luck.

We can only see things from our own perspective. But be glad you only have 1 child to provide for. I have 2 daughters that are literally a year apart. Their birthdays are November 24th and November 30th. Totally an accident! I even had my tubes tied afterwards to keep it from happening again. I feel like I'm losing my mind :-(

Go get a puppy! =D

My friend was in her 40's when she married her 2nd husband. They decided to go ahead and try. She is now in her 50's and has kids in elementary school. I have a friend who has 7 children and her last 2 have been born while she was in her 40's. My hubby's grandmother had kids up into her 50's. Yes, she was nearly 60 years old when her last child was born. I know it sounds like a lie and when he does genealogy it always says he has an error but she really really really did have kids that old.

So age actually has little to do with it nowadays. Yes, there are more health risks to mom and baby but statistically that risk is very very very very small.

Having another child should not be about how much they cost either. There is assistance out there for families who are struggling and working to make ends meet.

Dr. Dodson said one time that weighing out the costs of a mom working outside the home often equaled out due to child care costs, extra wardrobe costs, having to have 2 good cars instead of older ones that are good enough for day to day driving around town to the grocery store and stuff. He said looking at the tax income bracket, the actual costs of this other person working can often show that it breaks even. If that is the case, where you would basically be working to pay work expenses with little left over to use for the household then it's not worth going to work.

I suggest you do some research and find out if it truly makes more money that is equitable for you going to work. Then talk about having that 2nd child.

I'm going to try to keep this short.

We thought we were going to have an only because of complications during birth. We were told not to have another child; it would be too dangerous according to doctors, and we didn't think we could get pregnant again anyway. We had our son through artificial insemination.

I grieved. I always wanted a large family, and couldn't imagine having an only. Then my husband and I accepted it and got used to our family of three. We were extremely happy for six years.

Then I got pregnant. I was terrified. All I could think of were the doctors' warnings. I did have many complications, but in the end I had another beautiful son. At the time though, I felt incredibly resentful of him for intruding on our perfect family of three. I had horrible PPD.

Months later I got through the PPD and rejoiced in our newest family member. Now our boys are 8 and 14, and I can't imagine life without our youngest son. For many years, though, I thought we were going to have a singleton.

I'm sorry you're hurting right now, but you never know what the future will bring. I hope you are able to find peace with the decision to have a family of three, but you never know how things may change later. ((hugs))