Looking for Some Guidance About Deciding to Have Another Baby

I have two girls (11 and 9 years old)and I found that it is almost easier having two than one. At first I had post partum depression and was going through a divorce while I has pregnant with my second girl. But I found that having great support from my family really made things so much better. I personally feel that having kids fairly close in age is the best way to do it. I have friends how have kids that are up to 14 years apart and it seems like the older kids have a lot of resentment to the younger kids. I hope this helped you soon. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I hope people who have one child don't get upset with me- but I've never understood people who want to have a family, but only have one. i guess because I'm one of five children, and you go by what you know. Having had siblings, brother/sister in law and 7 niece/nephews, I can't imagine not having that extensive family around. Would be strange being just my parents and I... I personally think that sibling relationships are priceless, and it's a little unfair to have only one and have them not experience all that goes with having a sibling.

I once heard something that has always stuck with me- someone I know who commented on this same discussion said "you'll never regret having another child, but you may regret that you didn't." Good luck with whatever you decide!

Every pregnancy is different, so you may or may not suffer again. I highly recommend reading the book Brooke Shields wrote on her experience. She too went thru is badly with her first and still went on to have another. She did have it with the second one, but she managed to control it. Marie Osmond has had I think 8 kids, and each one was different. I can honestly say too, with my 4 babies, its been a very different experience. I suffered with it with my third baby because my body stopped producing milk. It upset me to lose my supply, but other people made it worse by basically telling me what a bad mom I was for stopping. I am only 2 months into my 4th baby's life, he was born in February, and I find I am too busy to be depressed, or tire, or anything!! Good Luck!

A. -
I am a mother of one, an 8 month old little girl. She's a sweetheart. My husband and I are in a similar dilema. We're not sure if we'd like to have another, but we think we'd like to. I didn't have post-partum depression, but I did have a closely watched pregnancy for other medical reasons. Our daughter is so good, that I worry if I have a second one, it will be the opposite. Because of my medical situation, I also struggled with the lack of sleep the first three months after my daughter was born. I worry that a second one would be harder.
However, I also feel that if I don't have another child, I would regret it, but if I did, I would never regret it. I truly feel that a mother's love multiplies and not divides. I'm sure that I would love another child just as much as I love my little girl, which, right now, is hard to imagine.
I'm pretty sure that I will have another one. We will probably have a two-year (at least) gap between them, but I will definitely need lots of support from my husband.

I don't think there is a easy way to decide to have another one. I to was scared with two and at first would not take them both out if it was just me but now we all go everywhere togeather and I am disapointed when my husband wants to come with! The only thing I didn't realize is how much more it would be with daycare. I am now paying amost my whole salery just for daycare. ouch. The good new is my husbad has agreed it is time for me to drop down to just 2 days a week! once I do that and we do not need daycare then we are going to have out another one!!!

Hi A.!
We have 2 girls who are now 9 and 10. This is kind of an involved story, but I will try to get the point across in just a few words. My situation is somewhat different. In 1998 we adopted our first little girl. We had tried for 12 years to have our own. When our little girl was 3 months old I found out I was pregnant.....and already 3 months along (you may be asking yourself why I didn't know that sooner....well, I didn't have any a.m. sickness and i never had regular periods, and after 12 years you just sort of put that all out of your mind! lol) Anyway, to make a long story short. Having two girls very close together wasn't any more difficult than having one. Well, maybe a little. We sort of had twins, but not. When they were little that was probably the hardest, but thankfully, i have a great husband and we worked well together. We would each have one. I would have to say that doing things as a family has been easier with the girls so close in age. You can all do the same things. Not limited by age differences or abilities. The cool thing now I think and as they have grown up they are great playmates. Sure they have their moments, like any siblings do, but they are the best of friends. As far as my feelings.....I recall having some of the same feelings you are having. "Can I love them equally", can i divide my time between them. The loving is soooo easy!!! Dividing your time at times gets tough, but I love how our life has turned out. No, it probably isn't how I would have planned it,;) but sometimes the unexpected works out best.
My advise to you would be be to stop thinking so hard about it and do what you feel in your heart. We can worry and worry about things that will not happen. good luck and enjoy your family. they grow up so fast!
A.
SAHM

You sound just like how I felt after having my first! I had so much guilt about not wanting another one thinking that my daughter would not have a sibling. Turns out, I was having post partum depression and didn't know it until it was over! Well, we had our second child (although not close together like you will) and we couldn't be happier. I did NOT have depression the second time, our daughter just loves being a big sister, and our son is the sweetest little boy. And it's not really hard having two - it's more of an adjustment and you'll just figure things out as you go along. I highly recommend having a second one - once you do, you'll wonder why you even had to think so hard about it! I wish you all the best.

I haven't read any other responses, but I personally think that the most important thing for planning another child is what is best for you and your husband. There is no rush, believe me and I found that the more I tried to plan, the worse it got. I know that some people plan and are very lucky but still things don't work out the way you necessarily thought it should go. I have found that although I wanted lots of kids closely spaced together, I ended up with two kids 3 years and 9 months apart. You know what? They didn't fight for about 8 years. There wasn't the competition against each other. They are close enough that they play together but they have separate interests, too. My neighbor had one and was ambivalent like you are. She just ended up waiting and enjoying the one longer, and then had a second 5 years later. And those children get along really well, too. I really believe that if the mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. So find what you think your heart and soul is telling you and trust your gut. If you're ready for another, you'll know. Good luck and relax! Enjoy your daughter and don't feel guilty about it. She definitely doesn't "need" a sibling, she needs a happy and healthy mom. Blessings to you~ Melissa

A.--It is tough having two children both so close together but the pros outweight the cons. My girls are 15 mos and 3 days apart-we wanted them close in age as well. My biggest downfall was trying to work fulltime while I had two little ones getting up in the middle of the night. But I think it was worth it now. They are pretty good friends and I think they will be even closer when they get older. As they have grown up together they helped teach each other things and their personalities compliment each other as well. I thought the same as you-how could I love another as much-I lost lots of sleep over that. Yet as it turns out their personalities are so different you really can love the second as much as the first. Even though they come from the same gene pool they have their own things that make them unique. Good luck on your decision!
A.

I have two kids 25 months apart and wouldn't change our decision to have our second. I think they are spaced okay but if I could have conceived at 20-21 months apart I would have been happy with that. We love them both very much. I don't think our first ever noticed that there was a shift in how much attention she received before and after the baby. I know I'd include our oldest in getting diapers, diaper ointment, bathing or rubbing lotion on etc. It helps them build their bond and it doesn't make our first feel excluded.

Having a sibling myself growing up I wanted my first daughter to have that interaction and love that siblings have. They can rely on each other as they age and when we are no longer around.

I have one set of nephews who are three years apart and they seem to play okay together and then i have another set who are like six years apart and they kind of play together with video games and the oldest kid will kinda play with his little brother at a family gatherings but he does so in a lazy way. I think the gap is too great to be as close as a pair of siblings 3 years or less apart. My cousin is an only child and she grew up fine and is raising her own two kids.

There are pros and cons to having an only child and having more than one child as well as how you space them. I'd be worried about depresssion seeing that you already suffered from that but if you can be monitored maybe that won't interfere with having another. I'd discuss with your doctor first. They may recommend you wait. It sounds like you both want another but you're not sure when it should happen and the guilty feeling is getting in the way. I'd toss the guilt right out the window because parenting is full of guilt. Things are double the work and you have to deal with more whinning there will be fights too. They will be able to entertain each other though and grow old together too. I think it's worth adding one more. Just include your oldest and maybe have a special Mommy and oldest child day out. I'd buy her a little gift for when she comes to the hospital to visit the baby. You'll want to shower her with gifts and let her know that this baby won't take your love away. Your heart will grow. I wouldn't worry about that.

Like I said you will have pros and cons to having another child or not having another. I'd consult with your doctor to make sure you are able to handle the stresses that will come with it and your worry about depression so they can watch you. With stress comes the joy of watching siblings love one another and sharing etc. It's beautiful to watch. You almost have to dive in and just do it. As with people getting married or deciding on having their first child. It's scarey but once it's here you just adapt and learn to accept and do your best. Believe in yourself. You can do it! Like the PP-don't stress too much about it.

Good luck to you. If you need to ask anything please don't hesitate to contact me.

I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and also suffered from post partum depression. I had it pretty bad and am still being treated for it. It's been a struggle because as wonderful as our son is, he has been a challenge. High spirited, energetic and emotional. From day 1! As a toddler/preschooler it has just intensified!

I'm terrified of experiencing post partum depression again and although it might not happen, there is a higher chance that it will. I cannot do that to my family or myself again. So we have decided to thoroughly enjoy our son and not have any more children. We have it a little more complicated though, as I also have CFS.

I feel sad about our decision but also very happy that we can enjoy every little thing with our son. He will be blessed with 100% of us. The tough thing will be to not spoil him! But what a problem!

You feel feel a stronger and stronger biological urge to have another as your daughter gets older. If you know this, try to go deeper and listen to your heart. It will tell you the right thing to do. No matter what you decide, it will be tough. Good luck and please feel free to contact me privately if you'd like.

If you are even having the debate you need to go for it!!! You will never regret having another, however you could regret not having another years down the road! Of course 2 is harder, but just like when you had one your life will change and the whole family adjusts until everyone finds their new place. In the end it works out perfectly and you wouldn't be able to imagine life without 2 kids. :) Two kids close in age will play good and fight good. Mine have more alone time because they keep themselves occupied for longer periods of time. I am in the same boat as you w/ the post partum depression. I had it bad after my 2nd, but didn't fully realize it until after the fact. I am now pregnant with my 3rd and already made by OB aware so that after delivery I can immediately get the help I need without having to ask for it. So you are actually in a better place since you know about it ahead of time. Good luck on you decision. We decided to have 3 because we were undecided and I need closure. At 3 we absolutely know we are done!

Having one child can be a lot of work; adding another one is definitely adding to the work load! I am a full time working mother with two adorable children a year and a half apart. We purposely planned on having them that close, but I will advise you that it was pretty rough during that first year. We had to rush our daughter through potty training (thankfully she took to it right away!) and going anywhere with two of them during that first year was tough unless there were shopping carts provided to put them both in! Two is a lot of work but I feel definitely worth it in the end. They are pretty good friends (most days!) and play together a lot, which is nice to see since we live in a neighborhood that lacks any children their age. Don't worry about the loving them equally thing; once you see their sweet little faces together you'll have a hard time not loving them both. The equality will depend on which one dumped the box of rice crispies cereal on the floor.

Give it a little more time to think about it. Your daughter is still very young and still a baby. I have two and am glad I do, but you're probably not ready for two if you're not sure. Mine are a little over 3 years apart; I wouldn't have been ready to think about another when my oldest was 12 months. Best wishes whatever you decide.

A. I am a Mommy of 2 baby girls. One 16 months and one 5 weeks old. I worried about the post partum depression and how I would divide my time and love equally between the 2 of them. I had post partum depression with my first born, but not my second born. So I know how you feel on that part for sure.

I too worried about everything with the 2 babies in the house. How will I take care of them and do the house hold things that need to be done, how will I love both of them equally, how will I give each of them equal time? All those kinds of questions. When my youngest was born it was hard. My oldest wanted Mommy all the time and it was usually when I was feeding my youngest. My oldest was upset all the time. On top of all that she was teething and had a small tummy bug. My newborn was screaming all the time, she wouldn't nurse, or sleep or anything. So I had 2 babies who cried a lot in the beginning. Believe me it was hard. But after my oldest adjusted to the newborn being around everything was fine. To help her adjust I would involve her in the care of her sister. She would get me diapers, shake the bottles for me, give her sister kisses and hugs to calm her down during diaper changes. Now she absolutely loves her sister. She is right there the moment our newborn starts crying.

The equal love comes naturally! I worried so much about that too. But it really came naturally! You will have enough love!

Just keep in mind it is hard at first but be patient with it and everything will smooth itself out over time!

A., I am the mother of 5. each time i was pregnant i worried about taking care of another baby. I think I just worry about the unknown. But there is always enough love to go around. when they are little you are busy, but then they can play together and be friends (and enemies at times) I don't know anything about post partum depression. I hope that is something the dr can help with too. My boys are now 23, 20, 18(twins), and my daughter is 10. I love each one in their own way, not one more than the other. I had some very busy times when my twins were born with a 5 year old and 22 month old. but they were great times. Good luck with your decision.

I think I qualify with 6 kids. I do remember wondering the same thing about my second child. I was so in love with that first one that I couldn't imagine having anything left for the next one.

I will be honest, the adjustment to two was harder than adjusting the first time. We had some very busy years since they were about 22 months apart. But it was so worth it. Yes, it is harder, yes it costs more and yes there are issues to over come, but the joy of watching them unfold as brothers (all of mine are boys) is one of the greatest things in my life. They are each others rivals and best friends. They are a team together "against the world" and yet they round each other out in a way that single children never experience.

Look around at other families in you church or community and evaluate those with one child and those with more. Which children seem to be more able to handle life?

By the way, it is a mistake to think you could love them "equally." They won't be the same person so their needs and desires will be different. You will grow to love them individually. Life is not "equal" to any of us and it can't be. It isn't even fair. But if you study your children carefully, you will see what each one needs in order to feel loved.

The only regret that I have at this point (my oldest is 23 and the youngest 13) is that we didn't have more.

I would say definitely have a second child. It's up to you how far you spread them, but I like the relatively close together for practical reasons:
1. they will play together and offer each other comfort--even when they have been fighting all day, they will become very close friends
2. when you go on vacation or plan family outings you will be able to find age appropriate activities w/o splitting up or making someone suffer through the activities of a much older or younger sibling
As far as your concern about loving them both equally--don't worry, they will not be exactly alike, so they will each offer his/her own particular charm.
Finally, my husband hated being an only child--I know very few people who thank thier parents for that choice.

About me: I'm the mother of 2 grown children (born 18 mo apart) and the grandmother of 3 amazing grandgirlies.

Hey A.,
I have an 8yr age gap between my oldest and the middle child. Then I have an exact 2yr gap between the middle and the youngest. Everyone told me that I would love having the kids close together, but personally I have to disagree. It was so much much harder at first with two little ones. Thankfully my youngest was a pretty good baby and we made it through it, but I don't know what I would have done if he had been a fussy one like my middle child. My oldest is so compasionate, that she is just a true blessing to have around. If I were starting over I would choose a 3-5yr age gap with my kids. Its amazing what a 3yr old can accomplish and it just gives mom a little more peace.

Just make a decision that is right for your family. Maybe having them close together isn't just right for you. Some people do great with it and some of us just don't.

You will have plenty of love in you heart for another child. It is truly amazing the gift of love we are given for our children.

Post partum depression, is definately something to take very seriously. Not sure why we have to go through it but we do. I always hit it around the time my baby was 8-12weeks old. I just struggled for a few weeks and was able to work through it, with my extremely supportive husband. :)
You know whats comming for the next time and it is a little easier to prepare for it.

Good luck and I do hope you and your husband decide to have more children---they are such a blessing to this world.

Only you & your DH can make that decision...but as a mother of 3 (ages 10, 9 & 7)I can certainly share some of my experience with some of your concerns. When our first was born he was EVERYTHING in the world to us! I became pregnant again when he was only 3 months old and wondered the entire pregnancy how on Earth I could possibly love another child as much as I loved him! The moment our second son was born (a week before our other son's 1st birthday!!) it was just instantanious and automatic- the love was completely there!!! I know it seems hard to imagine being able to love someone as much as your daughter, but you will understand if you do have more children!! I didn't even have that concern at all 2 years later when we had our 3rd, I just knew it was going to be there!!! Also, although later you will be putting out flames between siblings quite often- they do entertain each other and have a special bond. They have someone to share family experiences with- good or bad. Depending how well you get along with your siblings, think about how you feel now about your siblings. I rarely got along with my 2 older brothers growing up, but I was always secretly very proud to have them! I am glad when my parents get older I will have someone to share decision making with as well as they are 2 other people in the world who totally understand where I/we came from, we took the same family vacations, shared holidays together, etc. But I also knew before we started having children I wanted more than 1! With the post-partum depression, since you are aware you can be pro-active about it with the help of your Dr/OB! Good luck with your decision! You can't go wrong either way you decide!

Never fear that you couldn't love another - love grows with more children in the house! I have seven (3 bio/4adopted) and it is the greatest joy to be a mom. PPD is tough, but now that you know what to watch for, and that it passes, you can be ready but just because it happened once does not mean it will happen again. I had a bout with my third child, never realizing until much later what was going on. God is good - He will carry you through. Although some families have just one, if you can avoid it my experience is that siblings offer much greater opportunities for emotional and social development than singles can get at home. Parents of one center of a child's world - not healthy - so they have to import friends and seek out additional experiences to make up for the missing sibs. If you have the ability to have more, consider it a blessing and go for it!

SAHM of seven - we stopped at three, realized our mistake but could not have more, and started adopting...just one to "round out" our family, but God moved our hearts and now we're a really big, happy family!

My first born was so dear to me that I couldn't imagine possibly loving anyone else as much as him! Not even a second child! But God has a way of working his magic with us, and we somehow gain a new whole heart for each child. I say this because it's not like your heart gets "divided". You won't love your first child any less. But you will love your next one with the fullness that you feel now.
However, it truly is a lot more work. I don't necessarily think being an only child is all that bad, especially if you live near other children she can play with. I think my son would have done really well being an only child. He seemed to (and still does) thrive on that one-on-one with us. So my advice would be NOT to have another child only for the soul purpose of giving your daughter a sibling. But DO have one if you and your husband truly desire another life to take care of. They are tons of work, but as so many other mothers said, they are worth it!

Hi, A.!
I have three sweethearts! Anyone who says you could never love the second as much as the first has never had two children. My oldest is ten, but I had Thomas in 04 and Molly in 05. I was worried at first about Thomas not getting the attention he needed because the new baby would need me. I had to stop nursing Thomas at 7 months at my doctors advice when I found out I was carrying Molly. That was hard. I wasn't ready for that, but he took just fine to the bottle and dad even got the chance to bond better with him. They also did not nap at the same time so each got their own alone time with me. I love having them so close together now, but I never thought I would since my oldest, Aaron, had 6 years difference before Thomas came along. Both ways have been a blessing.
As for the post pardum depression, you may not have it with the next or it may be just as hard. My girlfriend, Sue, had it really bad with both of her boys, but I know she loves being a mom to both of them! I know she is done having kids now though too. Depression is an extremely hard thing, but knowing you may have it again you can be proactive and talk with you doctors about ways of dealing with it so it does not have to be so severe. Good Luck to you!

Keep in mind I'm speking from my own experience, but we have 2 boys and they're a blast! They are good brothers to each other and great kids. A couple things about your request that I'd like to address:

1. You will love them equally. Your heart has enough love to go around whether you have 2 kids or 15 kids.

2. You will be able to handle it. You already have one so you know what to expect (no first time mom jitters, you're an ol' pro now! lol) One of the most incredible things about humans beings is there ability to adapt. Once you get used to juggling 2, you'll wonder what it was like having only 1!

A.,
My children are 27 months apart and are the best of friends - one is a boy and one is a girl. Of course, they fight too... but they always have each other to play with which is rewarding for them and a nice break for me! Even at 4 & 6, they look after each other and teach each other things. When I imagine out to the future, I am so glad they will have each other as teens, young adults and later in life.
Now that you know you may experience post-partum, you can discuss it with your doc and deal with it early -- that will be a blessing! Go for it!

Whether or not to have another child is a deeply personal decision, so don't let others make you feel guilty about it or pressure you one way or another. I have always felt that a family should have as many children as they can properly care for, for some families that is none at all, for others it may be one or two or even a dozen! There is no one-size-fits-all family number.

I know that it really is possible to love your second baby as much as your first, I have 2 little girls who are 3 years apart in age and I love them equally, though I love them a little differently too. My older daughter has always been so easy going and quick to obey, my younger daughter is the challenging one, she was a very fussy baby and is now a spunky and indepent child who trys her best to get her own way! They are different in many ways, though they are both smart and imaginative and affectionate. When you have a new baby to love you find that you really do have more love to give, and you love the new baby for who s/he is, whether s/he is similar to your other children or not.

From my own experience (which may be totally different than yours I admit) having your children really close in age is not that important. I think it is harder on the mother, both physically and mentally, to have children spaced very close together. And it can deprive the older child of their own babyhood when the new baby comes along before they have grown out of the "baby" role. I have a friend who suffered from secondary infertility, her two children are almost 6 years apart but they are still very close and find ways to play together. My point is, wait until you are really ready for another baby rather than rushing into it just so your children will be close in age.

I hope this helps! Good luck on making your decision.

HI.
I have three boys. The adjusting to a new baby takes alittle time but it is a wonderful experience to see my other children around the baby. You will be able to love them each equally. I felt the same way and now with 3 boys(10yr, 3 1/2yr, and 4 months). I am here if you want someone to talk too.

I am sure you have recieved many helpful responses (I didn't have time to read them). I have an 18 month old and 4 month old - both girls. You will have enough love for both of them. I found that with my first, I was overwhelmed and there never seemed to be enough hours in the day. She was a great baby and slept through the night within four weeks. My second is also a sweetheart but is not a great sleeper. So I admit that I am more sleep deprived...this is something to think about if you have a history of PPD. Knowing that you had that in the past will give you the upper hand when going to a therapist and psychiatrist during a second pregnancy. I do not recommend just getting medication from your OB/GYN on this. I find that with my second I am much more able to manage my time and do not find it that much more difficult. There are good days and there are hard days. Wouldn't you have those no matter what though? I think the most difficult thing is when I have to take both of them out of the house and my hubby isn't there to help. One only has so many hands! What we took a hard look at was our finances. I do not feel the need to give my children the sun, moon and stars but I do think that it is important to have low debt and decent finances. Money is one of the main reasons for divorce in this country so to us, it was important that that issue would not be a family stressor and we could provide a stable, loving and permanent home to the girls. I think that only children are just fine too! I have several friends that do not care in the least that they did not have siblings. Good luck in your decision!!

have you read brooke shields book? she got postpartum with her first, and had that trouble, "if i have the second baby will i get it again"... and she turned out ok. i support having another baby, but at the same time, i myself have chosen to wait at least until my son is 3 or 4 before having another one. it just seems like too much at once for me. but with the postpartum i would suggest getting brooke shield's book, and seeing if there are any answers in there. only you your husband, and God can make the decision!

I have two girls, love them both to death but it is hard. I also felt the guilt of the single child which is why we had another so quickly, they are 20 months apart. It is extremely difficult with two. I'm not sure if it was too close but I have such a hard time dividing my time, I keep reminding myself that once the little one is a bit older they can play together but this first year was a doozy for sure. They didn't nap at the same time, some minor jealousies, only two arms and one lap. You can definitely love them equally, that is the easy part. I would do it now, before the terrible two's set in or you may never have another. Ha. I hope I'm not scaring you, I would do it all again in a heartbeat but be prepared, if you have close friends or family nearby I think that would make all the difference, we've moved with the military three times in the past two years and it's gotten lonely some days waiting at home for some adult conversation. Just remember every child is different, even siblings, I'm amazed at how different my two children are in temperament and sleep patterns and even body type, but their faces look almost identical.
I would say do it, absolutely, I can't imagine not having my sister.

My oldest was an only child for 15 years, and there are two and a half years between my younger two. I did not have "post partum" depression, but have plenty of experience with ordinary everyday depression. I would definitely not let the fear of depression be the decision-maker here, because 1) you may not have it again, 2) if you do, you will be able to recognize it and (I'm presuming, since you don't say how you came out of it) get treatment quickly enough to mitigate the problem, and 3) you could just as easily get hit with another depression without having another baby! Not to worry - just realize it's probably not a valid basis for this decision.

Now, about the sibling thing. There is plenty of evidence that that although the payoffs are DIFFERENT, there is no greater or lesser benefit of being an only child or one with siblings. I can further say, that although the challenges are DIFFERENT, it is neither harder nor easier to have one or two children. For instance, you can be the sole entertainer of one child, or you can share the stage for two children with their sibling (1/1 = 2/2, or something like that ;))

When my daughter (middle child) was a baby, I felt the same way you do - I loved her SO much, I didn't think she should have to share the love and attention with anybody. And even when my youngest was born, I felt guilty that he was going to get the "dregs" :D. Needless to say, those fears were groundless; it astounds me how absolutely adorable my youngest has turned out to be, and my daughter now has the best little brother in the whole world to adore her, too!

So, here's how I think you should decide: Are you and your husband the type of parents who are comfortable including your daughter in most of your own activities? It's harder to get AWAY and do "adult" activities when it means "leaving out" an only child, and it's harder INCLUDING more than one child in those things. (Think museums or cruises...) How much "alone time" do you need? Nap time with an only child, or "go play with your brother/sister" time? Do you thrive on activity (school to soccer with one to music recital with another), or do you like to concentrate on the moment (You and hubby seated together in your daughter's audience)? See what I mean? Think about your and your husband's personalities and lifestyle, and what you can tell of your daughter's at this age, and try to predict how you'll best mesh. Good luck!

And there's my novel for today! ;)

Hi A.! When my son was born, I thought nothing could be better than this -- I had a great kid and was completely fulfilled. I have to tell you, though, having the second was even more fulfilling. It's hard to imagine loving another the same amount, but it really happens like that. The kids are close (18 months!!) in age and also close buddies. Because they were close in age, I had 2 in diapers for awhile, and that's lots of work. Now, however, things have gotten easier and easier each year. They are 9 and almost 8 and they play together so we can get things done...and then they will play with us, too! It's fun to play with them when they're little because we can teach them so much. Now it's fun to play with them because they're just fun!

I think having 2 close is a great idea. There's lots of work up front, but it's just so easy...and fun...now. My hubby and I both love having 2 and treasure each minute we get with both of them.

Good luck!

Hi A. - I just asked this same question on here. Here is the link to my answers... it really helped me decide.
http://www.mamasource.com/request/7744422460539273217

Overwhelmingly people said "go for it!" I, like you, got the PPD card dealt - on top of that my little one had Colic and GERD. It was a looooong few months. But as people pointed out, that all passes sooo quickly that it will be worth it for all of you in the years to come. Best of luck to you and your family!

First of all, yes it is hard to have more than one child. Anything in this life worth having is hard. I have 5 children who are 8,61/2,5 and boy/girl twins who are 21/2. My oldest three children were born very close to each other, and they are all very close. I think that in a way it is easier, when your kids are close in age. They are on a similar level and it is easier for toddlers to adjust to new siblings than older children. Yes, things are crazy, but I couldn't imagine life with only one child. I love all of my childrren equally, but I have a different relationship with each of them. If you feel that you are equipped, then have a second baby.

I have 3 girls and two were under two for a few months.
All I can tell you is that you will NEVER regret having another one. You may always regret not having another one.
All three of my children are the joy of my life. And yes you will have your favorit but you just never tell the others.
C.

Hi A.,

Do you think your baby needs a sibling? don't feel guilty about any of your mom decisions.

I've done lots of reading and research on this, having been through it myself. Here are some gleanings for you from the research i did: optimal time between kids is 4 years.

There are some excellent books at the library about this subject. There are even some classes at hospitals and community centers to help people make this decision.

When I had my second child four years after my first, it felt like I had ten instead of two sometimes! And they are both wonderful adults now. My youngest child is 11 years younger than my second child so that feels more like he's an only. In some ways this is harder for us and in some ways it's great!

When you feel 100 per cent sure - then you'll know. Meanwhile, enjoy and relax with your baby!

with love and ease,
K.

My sons are 19 1/2 months apart and I LOVE it! The second one was WAY easier overall. I was calmer and didn't jump up for every cry. He was a lot calmer and best of all, they entertain each other. They adore each other and giggle all day. It's such a joy watching them together and the love in your heart just multiplies. I know a lot of moms are worried that they won't love the second one as much, but you do. It's amazing!

My MIL (who is awesome) told me, the first one is hard for the woman, the second is hard for the man, and that held true for me. Your life completely changes after the first one and you're right about knowing better what is going on.

If you do decide to go with it, cut yourself some slack. Just know that at first, your older child might watch a little more TV than you'd like (especially if you breastfeed) and that you won't be able to do all the things with her that you use to do (classes or whatever). You'll be prepared for those first few months this time.

I'm not saying you won't get PPD or that yoru second child is not going to have colic, but I think that it's easier and very worth it to see your children form a lifelong bond that you get nuture and enjoy for the rest of your life!

Hi A.:
I am in a bit of a unique position because I was the mother of an only child (DS - now 13 yrs) for 9 years before #2 came into the picture (DD - now 4 yrs). In my experience, one child was a (wonderful)life changer but I always marveled at moms who had multiple children. The second child (and I can tell you that you DO love that one JUST as much, though it is hard to imagine until they are in your arms) REALLY changes the family dynamics - at least that was our case. We love our DD and can't imagine life w/o her. She has brought so much joy and love into our lives. However, we must agree with a friend who was quoted as saying "the second child is the litmus test of your marriage." Again, this is only our experience and the fact that we have 9 years between babies might have everything to do with it ... I love DD dearly and knowing what I know now, I would still make that decision for #2 in a heart beat. I'd just know that my thoughts of "heck, we've been through this before - we know what to expect" were not quite accurate. Anyway, that's MHO.

Peace,

S.

Hi A., I have two girls 18 months a part. There are positives and draw backs to having them close together that you need to investigate. I love that they are close together because they have playmates! I see your first girl is pretty laid back, which makes introducing a baby a little easier for her. My first one was easy going to and she loves being a big sister.

As far as the post-partum depression, you are exactly right in that you know how to recognize it this time and you could even get on meds during our immediately after the pregnancy. I was on Zoloft through both my pregancies and during the post-partum period..actually still on it. It seems to help as I have struggled with depression off and on for a long time.

And finally, it is amazing how the amount of love you have for your new baby will be completely equal to that of your other child. That part will come naturally!!!!

I had three, the first two were 22 months apart. The mother instinct just seems to kick in and yes, things do get hectic, but, when I look back at it, I wouldn't do it anyother way. Our 3 boys are now grown and two of them have a son each.
Regarding the postpartum depression, like you said, you know what to look for next time. I would talk to your doctor about this also and see what they would recommend.
Good luck with your decision.

A., I can understand your fears. I too suffered from PPD. Should you choose to have another child, you and your family and friends can be on the 'lookout". That way you can get the help you need fast. Also, rely on family and friends throughout the pregnancy. Don't be afraid to ask. You'd be surprised how many mom's completely understand you!!

A., my name is A., and I want you to know I have two daugters. My girls are 20 months apart exactly. When we had our first daughter, it seemed to be a breeze, but as things went on it did get harder. Then we found out we were expecting again, when my 1st child had turned 1. Everything was great, but when my youngest daughter came into this world, I had the constant struggle of keeping my oldest from trying to hurt her sister. She was little also so she thought she was one of her baby dolls. I do think that if you are planning on having another child, it wwould be best to do it now as you do not want to much age diffrence between them. My daughters fight now but you know what they love each other so much. My girls are 10, and 8 1/2, and if one of them stays somewhere and one stays home, we have a issue on our hands because the one who stays home cries herself to sleep because she misses her sister. They do not even sleep in seperate rooms. ( They can't now due to only 2 bdrs.) but when they did have their own rooms, they would always end up sleeping in the same room and usually the same bed as the other. Just make sure you let your 1st child know that she is always going to be special to you and daddy, and when the new baby comes, make an attempt to do something with both children. You and your husband have to do this just to let them know they are both loved. If you have cable I would roccemend watching a show called Jon & Kate + 8. That is a family that have 8 children, and all of the children are multiples. They have 2 daughters that are 6 and 6 children who are 3. I watch it every Monday night. It is on TLC and it is on at 8:00 and 8:30pm.

Hi, A.. Everything you're thinking and feeling is totally normal. Bottom line is, everything increases with each child you add to the family. You'll have increased stress and expense, for sure, but you'll also find your capacity to love is expanded, your ability to handle the stresses is increased, your joy is increased.

Your love for a second child will be different than your love for your first, but it will be there. I tell our youngest daughter, "I love you with all the Sonya love in my heart" just as I tell her big brother, "I love you with all the Nathan love in my heart." I can't imagine what our family would be like without each of our four children -- ours together and my husband's adult children from his first marriage. They each bring such unique talents, gifts, abilities, challenges, and perspectives to my life. If any of them were missing, I would be the lesser for it.

So, I say, go for it!

God bless!

N.

Hi, A.
I have 3 children now. My first two are very close, 18 months apart and it was a lot easier then I would have thought. If you can have them close together, I would do it! Once you have them you wouldn't even notice the difference. J.

I won't lie and tell you things aren't harder with two. Speaking from experience though it is worth it. I have three kids and I love them all equally. Your love will only grow with another one. Your child will thank you in the end for a sibling. Now that you know about post partum you can take medicine to help. my kids are 22 months a part. they are the best of friends and sometimes the worst, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I am a mom of 5. And what I have to say regarding more then one child is that one is a hobby, but by the time you have 2 it becomes real work.

However, it is work that will never pay cash, but has an eternal influence. Work you will be proud of for as long as you live.

My advice would be to space them 2-3 years, then they are close enough to play together, but far enough for sanity.

And then when they grow up they can become strong supports of each other.

When my husband and I decided to have another and then another, I felt the same way. I was sooo in love with my 1st little boy and always wondered if I would love him more. And it's amazing that I love them all equally. I have 3 amazing boys ages 19, 17 and 13. My second boy just loved his brother. Whenever he came around, his face just lit up! They each have their own personality and I couldn't imagine life without them. They are amazing! I'm a little worried about your post partum depression though. You may want to ask the doctor about that. As we all know, this can happen to any of us. There may be things you can do to help prevent it. But I think now that your already a mom, it may be different for you. Hope this helps. Good luck in whatever you decide!

My kids are 2.5 years apart, and I too was uncertain about how to handle adding a second child - my hands seemed full already with one. My experience is that some things are harder, especially when you're introducing the new sibling to the family and your firstborn has to adjust, but there are plenty of things that get easier, too. My son and daughter are good friends and playmates, and right now they're playing together while I'm typing this. :) With just one child, I had to be the playmate much of the time, and I feel like I had less time to myself.

As to loving them equally, I love them both as much as I can. There are definitely times when I wish one were more like the other - my younger one will dress herself, my older one still wants help, for example - but that doesn't mean I love one of them less.

I am pregnant now with my 2nd one (a girl) and have a little boy at home. He will be 22 months when she is born. It was a difficult decision for us too, but we wanted them close in age as well. When I got pregnant, I suddenly felt guilty, because I felt like I was taking something away from my son. Like you say, how can I love anyone as much as I love my son? But I know we will love them both. You have some time, and they can still be close in age. I guess it is difficult caring for 2 little ones, but in the long run it is totally worth it, because they'll always play together and have more in common, being that they're close in age. Good luck.

I agree that a sibling is good for kids. They learn so much growing up with another child in the house, that they could never learn by just having playdates.

Yes, it's hard. There are struggles. The first one has to deal with sharing his/her parents and toys and everything else in life. And when they get old enough to play together, they will argue and fight, but best of all, they will learn how to interact with someone other than an adult. And the skill of learning how to fight and argue is incredibly valuable. (I was married to an only child, and he lacked the skill to have a disagreement. It was really difficult and frustrating. Luckily, we did not have kids, and he and his new wife do not have kids, so that cycle is broken!)

Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable doing, but I am a firm believer in siblings.

A.,

Knowing that you are experiencing PPD is half the battle. If you know that's what it is it is much easier to work through it. I didn't suffer from it with my oldest, but did with my youngest. Once I figured out that's what it was it was a lot easier to get over and deal with it. If you really want a second child you'll get through it somehow.

Loving them equally? Oh, you will. I have two natural children and two adopted children. I love them all equally, but all for different reasons. They all have their own personalities and special qualities they bring to the family and you'll love them for their differences and because they are your children.

The sibling question is a big one. My DH and I grew with siblings and we can't imagine any child growing up with them. But our children are 21, 19, 15 and 3 months. There's a huge gap between the two youngest. My brother is 14 years younger than I, and we are extremely close. He had no siblings his own age, so he had the advantages of being a "single" child for a long time and yet he has all the pluses of having siblings. Basically, the age gap isn't always a big deal for them. For you, however, it could be. I'm thrilled with our newest son and yet there are times when I realize how hard it is to "get back into the swing" of parenting a very small child. It's been 21 years since I had an infant around, so it's a huge change to the household. That may be one of the best reasons to have another child sooner rather than later if you're going to - because the adjustment for you will be harder as time goes on.

Yes, it's hard with more than one, but nothing in life worth having is easy. It's worth it to watch them grow and enjoy their experiences as they discover the world and then later find their place within it.

L.

I am a mother of a 2 children now 14 and 16. When they were little the hardest part was going by yourself and managing one toddler walking who needed his hand held and the other one in a carseat. I did not have guilt over having a second child or not having one. I was just thankful to be able to have children at all and consider them both miracle babies.
Deciding to have a second child is a personal choice and a huge decision. An only child or one with a sibling can thrive with good parenting and a good environment. Unfortunately there are no guarantees. As long as you and your husband are on the same page about the decision, that is what I would do, whether it be having a second child or not. I am glad my children are only a few years apart in age. No matter what you decide take in all the facts in the areas of finance, emotions, careers, etc., if you make an informed decision with the information available then you have no reason to feel guilty no matter what decision you make!
C. Louise H. - part time Latasia Designer

Hello A.,
I can see where you are coming from.. I have a beautiful two and a half year old daughter and a three month old son. We always knew that we wanted to have another baby so that our daughter would have a sibling. Throughout my entire pregnancy I wondered how I could possibly love another as much as her! Guess what? I do!!! You love them in different ways for their unique qualities.... I do have to say that I'm glad that I had a boy though;-) I know that I would have fallen in love with another girl though, as well.... Trust me, their is room in your heart to love another and your daughter will love having a sibling to share her childhood with:-)Plus it is so much fun watching all of the different stages again! (Once you get through the 1st couple of months;-) Good luck!

Melissa

Hi, It looks like a ton of mom's have responded to you. It must be a thought about topic by many. I couldn't even think about another child unitl my daughter was 3. Then we went for it and got prego imidiately. My daughter was nearly 4 when our son was born. This seemed like a good gap because my daughter was no longer in diapers and could talk to us about how she was feeling ect and could go on playdates and preschool ect. This gave me a break to be just with baby. I think, closer is harder for some(me). Also, of course I love my son..that comes naturally as a parent however, he is soooo different from my daughter. He has soooo much energy and has taken alot longer learning to talk ect. I am so glad he is with us, however, I think if anyone wants just one child, that seems like it works great too. I hope you listen to your heart. If you feel like waiting, go ahead and wait. You can always change your mind even if your firstborn is older. Good luck.

I was totally freaked out about having 2 kids so we didn't start trying for a second until my oldest was 2. He really needed a sibling (he hated being an only child) and we knew the family needed more children. I got pregnant after 9 months of trying but miscarried. It was devastating, but it only made us more determined and able to love another child even more. After another 10 months, we got pregnant again. We were thrilled and anxious. When our second was born, we loved him immediately.
Somewhere in the middle of the pregnancy, I realized I didn't have anything to be afraid of. New babies just eat, sleep, and poop. =) It was hard getting by on 2-3 hours of sleep at a time, but my oldest was 4 and very independent, so I was able to take some cat naps while the baby slept during the day.
For me, the hardest thing about having 2 kids is getting out of the house. When my youngest got to the point where he wouldn't sleep just anywhere, we had to start scheduling our errands in the short gaps between naps. That's a bit tricky. I still underestimate how long it will take to get everyone ready with everything we might possibly need and loaded into the car, so we are usually a few minutes late wherever we go. If you're more organized, you'll be fine.
Having two boys keeps me on my toes- the youngest is almost 16 months and gets into everything, so most of my time is spent trying to keep him out of trouble. That leaves the oldest (5 1/2 years old) feeling like he doesn't get enough attention, so we make extra efforts to do something special with him like playing games during the baby's nap, reading extra stories at bedtime, and the occasional younger-brother-free lunch or movie.
My boys are best friends, in spite of the age gap, and they play very well with each other. They have very different personalities, but loving them equally hasn't been a problem. I can't imagine life without one of them and we already know we want at least one more child...eventually. Maybe next year. =)

I wondered about that too! My son and daughter are just over 2 & 1/2 years apart--which I personally think is a great distance. We were able to get him potty trained by the time she came along, and that was so nice! When we had our daughter, I felt our love just expanded...I really do love them equally. I've personally never talked with a parent that didn't love their 2nd as much as their 1st...of course you might have natural feelings of frustration with your 1st not understanding the situation from time to time, or feeling liek the baby holds you back from giving your 1st undivided attention, but to me those are natural human emotions that you just have to figure out how to work through. If you like being a parent, I say go for another:+) Not going to lie, 2 is really tough at times, but the rewards greatly outweigh the difficulties!!

Hi there A.,

I will tell you this, having another child will not make your lives more difficult. One of the reasons being you already know what to expect for taking care of a newborn. For first time moms it can be very overwhelming with the newness of a baby, middle-of-the-night feedings, lack of sleep, the constant demand of a newborn. Second time around, it is so much easier. Also too, as your first one gets older, she'll be such a helper with your little one. If you and your husband start now, she will be nearly 2 when the second one is born. It sounds like you really love being a mom, and I think you would do great with another one. You will of course have to change your routine around a little to include a newborn, but I'll tell ya, if my own husband can get our youngest two out of the house by himself in the morning, ANYONE can. He's cerainly not your mr. mom type, but he has a routine (I work at 4am and don't get off usually until 12:30) that he found that works for him. That really is the key, find what works for you.

So if you are wishy washy about having another one, and are more than physically able to, don't let the worries of being overwhelmed take precedence over the wants/needs of having another child. Not to mention the rewards certainly outweigh any possible "cons" there are to more than one child.

B.

Hi A.,

I don't think any woman knows just how many children she actually wants to have until she has the first one. I always thought I wanted four; my husband said none, maybe one (!). We compromised on "maybe" two.

After having our daughter, and with my high risk pregnancy (high blood pressure), we decided when she was two that one child was enough for us, both because of my health problems, her health problems, and my husband's OCD. We also looked at the cost of raising even just one child, and decided, since I was going to remain home when she entered Kindergarten (because of said medical problems), that one was all we could afford to raise.

I've felt very bad that my daughter's an only child for quite a long time, but the guilt is now going away. I want to be able to give her my all--my time, my attention--and with my own health problems, I feel having more than one child would cause me to skimp on giving them all of me that I can (as it is, it's hard for me to find my own "ME" time, what with a husband, child, animals (dog, cat, aquarium people), my writing, my own business, the house upkeep, etc...).

My daughter used to lament the fact that she didn't have a sibling, but that fades more and more each year. She is now eight, and realizes how hard it was for me to carry her, as well as all of the medical complications that ensued afterward (which, it turns out, I might actually have a syndrome that would explain the "getting sick every year" part).

I know this probably doesn't help too much in making a decision, but really, it's nobody's decision but your own. My sister also has an only child, a girl. I believe she actually tried to have another, but was unsuccessful (and she had a very difficult delivery that scared her for years from even trying for a second child). My parents are fine with both of us only giving them one grandchild. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, finds being pregnant a breeze; she and my brother have three.

We've filled our house with pets (my daughter has a "sister" dog and a "brother" cat), and encourage playdates and try, in many ways, to make sure she is around other children. Every summer she goes and spends a week at Grammy's house, and gets to play with her (girl) cousin on my husband's side, who is also an only child. So, just in our family alone (both sides), three of us have only children and one has three children.

There are many only children these days, and my daughter has some very strong friendships with other only children.

Good luck on your decision!

A. C.

I think the best gift you can give your child is a sibling. Of course it's hard; but in some ways it's easier because they have a built-in playmate. I am a mother of 4 boys and it is the best thing in the world to watch them interact. I say "go for it!" and hopefully the post-partum depression won't be there (each post-partum is different.)
K.

How supportative is your husband? Is he willing and able to take care of the household duties? Do you have a support system around you? Sometimes you need your Mom or his Mom, a aunt, girlfriend, ready willing and able to help out. In days gone by when big families were the norm most Mom's had a lot of help within their community. It helps you get through the tough days when you or the kids are sick or the winter is just getting too long. Or whatever.
As far as having more kids I have 4 and I think it is better when they are about 2-3 yrs apart. They go to school together and share some of the same friends and memories. They can build a network of friends together and hopefully keep these friends for life. And when they grow up and move out (get married or go to college) you and your husband can begin to build a new life together and still be young enough to enjoy it.
I have an age difference of 16 yrs from oldest to youngest and my youngest just turned 17. When he graduates high school I will have been raising kids for 34 yrs, I don't recommend this. But I have been a single Mom most of this time with little or no support system. You need a support system around you and a plan for what you will do with your life after the kids grow up.

Hi A.,

I am in the same boat you are in. I suffered from post partum with my daughter. I didn't realize it until she was 10 months old.I felt like the world was caving in on me and my anxiety was insane. I was scared all the time. The sadness was unbarable, but I was able to get through it with meds. We are trying for another one and this time I will be prepared. After I have the baby I plan on going on an anti-depressant right away. I know I will be able to deal with it this time around because I will be expecting it. I also am going to try and find a group of women to talk to in a face to face setting maybe who are in the same situation as I am in and want to keep post partum at bay.

I don't want to look back in 25 years and have my daughter be an only child with no nieces or nephews and can't be an auntie, or no brother or sister to call when she needs advice. I will get through dealing with my post partum so she can have that and I just really want another child and want to expand my family.

Don't be afraid. You can do it. This time you will know what to expect.

Good Luck to you.

I would definitely give having a second baby serious consideration. I'm an only child and have always hated it. We have have a two year old daughter and I'm expecting our second child in December. I feel so fortunate that our daughter will not have the same experience growing up that I've had. I feel so bad for her when I see her playing alone. I feel the greatest gift I can give her is a sibling. I wish you the best in your decision making.

Hi A.. You will never run out of love-you'll love the second, third... just as much as the first:) i could hardly believe that until we had our second and third. you are also not alone when thinking "how can I do it". i couldn't believe i could handle it until i had to.

unfortunately, i struggled with postpartum as well. a happy mom is best for baby. i used to think a drug free pregnancy was the healthiest, but after struggling with depression through my 3rd pregnancy, i realized that maybe wasn't the case. God bless, you will make just the right decision for you and your family. A.

Hi,
We have a 3 1/2 year old and our son just turned one. Having 2 is a more work, but oh so worth it. As for the love thing, you will be surprised how much love you can have for both of them. I would recommend having another. Just think, once they are big enough they will entertain each other and you will have a little more time for yourself. Good luck on your decision and I am sure all will go fine.

Hi A. ... you WILL love a 2nd, a 3rd, and a 4th (etc) child just as much as your first one. Each child brings a whole new perspective on life and the joys (and pitfalls) of being a parent.

I had my 1st two children close together - they are just 18 months apart in age. My oldest was the big sissy when her bubba was born. Then after 9 yrs, I decided I wanted 1 more and final child. It was scarey as I had long gotten rid of cribs, diapers, high chairs etc etc and starting over was a tough decision. My youngest is now 23 and a mommy herself of a 17 month old little boy. My oldest 2 are now 32 and 30 1/2 and I couldn't image life without all 3 of them and the beautiful 6 grandchildren they have blessed me with. Each one was unique and special and made me a better mom with each birth. I bawled my eyes out with each high school graduation and have been blessed enough to be included in witnessing 1 birth (grandchild) from each child.

I'm sure you won't regret the decision to have another child. To see them interact now as adult siblings and have their children call each other Aunt or Uncle and to see how wonderful they are to their own children makes my life complete.

Good luck - God Bless ... you're heart will be big enough to love another just as much.
D.

Hi A.,

I have 2 little boys 20 months appart. My husband and I planned on having them close, we thought it would take a couple tries considering the trouble we had the first time, but we got pregnant the first time, so they are a little closer than we thought they would be. There are tough times and there are easy times. It's always easier, of course, with two people raising two kids, so you have that going for you.

I would have to say, if my son was older when my youngest was born, it would have been a little easier...I'm not talking years, just months maybe. He's 30 months old and just a few months ago had a language explosion. If he was further in his language development when the baby was born, the first few months would have been easier. So I guess I'd say 25 months age difference would have been ideal for our gap.

I wouldn't give up either of my boys for anything, but in hind site a few extra months for my oldest to be able to better vocalize would have been beneficial.

Good luck with your decision, I hope this information helps a little.

I love being a mom too! What struck me is- if you could love the next child as much as you love you first because I thought that with my second. Thee answer is Yes you can and the third and four and so on. You don't stop loving your other child to make room for a second. The best way to explain it is you heart grows with each child. I love mine so much and i didn't think that was possible, its hard to explain easy to do. Your PP you will know the signs and can ask for help. Mybe have someone come in so you get me time and can sleep. Vitamins really helped me.

Hi A.
As mothers and women I love that we are able to share with each other using this forum. When I read your posting I can definitely relate. I haven't suffered from post partum depression but when my son was born, he was delivered by emergency C-section at 28 weeks, he weighed only 1 pound 8.9 oz, he spent a nerve-racking 2 months and 9 days in the Neonatal intensive care unit. When we brought him home he still weighed under 4 lbs. For a very long time I felt like I was living in almost constant fear, fear for what might happen to him; "Be careful, he might get sick or oh no, so and so's child is crawling and he isn't...could he have some additional developmental delays?"
Thankfully, being the miracle child that he is, he is now a healthy, sweet, smart 5 year old. I've always felt very blessed by our good fortune. For a long time I was convinced that for me as a mother he was the only child I needed. I was just so grateful to have him and for his good health. There was never any real medical explanation for his prematurity so I always thought; Why tempt fate? We are blessed and so lucky! What if we tried to have another child and suffered a loss?
But, as my son grew older, he began to ask for a sibling. My husband, who is wonderfully supportive and strong, also began questioning why we were holding back on the joy of bringing another miracle into our lives. I did some real soul searching and as a family we decided to put it in God's hands and see what happened.
7 months ago my second son was born, full term and a completely normal healthy pregnancy and baby! Now that he is here with us, I CAN NOT imagine our lives WITH OUT him! Our oldest is a proud big brother, and we have only added to the joy and love in our home. I look at him and think...What was I scared of? He is an angel!
I guess what I wanted to share is that when you search your heart, talk with your husband, spend time with your daughter...you will know what is right for you and your family. Maybe now is the time or maybe somewhere down the road. For me, it was better to have a greater age difference between the boys, I feel better able to manage everything. But I can defiantly see benefits to having children closer in age too. You have to do what feels right for you.
Good luck. Take care.
A.

Hi A.,
I am a mom of three beautiful daughters. I could not imagine only having my oldest- the other two are twins. I love all my girls equally but in different ways my oldest is self sufficient/independent and I love that she helps me. My middle girl( the oldest twin) is the who cares about her sisters which warms my heart. The youngest girls is the funny/goofy girls who makes me laugh at her silliness. So you see loving them all is easy because they are different people. Sometimes giving them all the same amount of attention at itmes is hard but you just develop a routine that works. My husband and I both agreed we would have 2 kids but we were blessed with three wonderful girls. My dad was an only child in which he never learned to share. Even when he was an adult he had difficulty sharing with my mom or even us kids. Also, my nephew that lived with my parents is an only child and he had problems with his social skills as he had no sibling to play with and learn these skills. So, I decided early on in live if I have kids I would have more than one due to my experience with my dad.
On how do handle it? You schedule your time and follow a routine which is good for the kids anyway. Hope this helps in your decision only you know what you want and can handle. But don't sell yourself short on what you can handle.