Moms: I Need Your Help and Advice, Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Get into therapy as soon as possible even if he won't go. You are hormonal still after having a baby and should talk this out with a therapist. Ideally both would go to couple's counseling and each go to individual counseling. Baby's create a whole new dynamic to any relationship, get help. Good Luck.
M.

L.,
I'm so sorry. My advice is to go to counseling together. Hopefully, he sees your relationship as worthy of saving and will go with you. Remember that his life has changed dramatically with a new baby in the middle of this great 4 year ALONE relationship. That will put turmoil in his thoughts, for sure. Go to him rationally and ask if he'll go. The response you'll get will tell you a lot about his commitment.
The best of luck to you.

Hi L.,
Have you considered asking him to go to counseling with you? If he won't go with you go alone. Check around you, there are a lot of good counselors who will see you even if $$ is an issue. Check with your local church, or community groups if that is an issue.

One thing you MUST realize YOU ARE NOT the reason he looks at these things. You cannot become the perfect girlfriend, wife or mother, to make him stop. He has to choose to stop because he knows it wrong. I went through the same thing, so I the pain you are feeling. I urge you to find someone to talk to, and make the right decision for you and your child, this relationship may be salvaged, or it may not, but it will depend on your boyfriend being willing to get help. He needs to make changes, you can grow together, if he is not willing then you will have a support there to help you make decisions you want to make.

You are in my prayers.

C.

L....Do not leave your man. He lied to you about the computer but he told you the truth about cheating and you couldn't take it. So what is his options now? If your planning on being with this man honesty whether you/he likes it or not has to be in place so you two can survive. Or at least give you both the option of deciding what choices you to make. I don't know if this is the case BUT it sounds like he's missing you. Sometimes when we have babies, everything except our baby, our jobs and maintaining a household goes on the back burner or even into storage meaning... Time for yourself, time for your man, time for sex, working out gets bagged. It's just enough time in the day to do what it is that's most important before you can catch some rest (which by the way it seems like you never get enough of.) That being said talk to him about your fears/concern and hurt. If you've fallen off in some kinda way admit it. I think he's still a good guy and worth staying with. I'm not married but I respect the women and men who "work" on their relationships. It sounds to me like you're gonna be just fine you (and him) just have a little work to do. Wishing all the best.

You know what it's not as bad as it seems. I went threw the same thing. We talked about it and i said i didn't like it but i found out later he was looking at it also. I felt the same way. But i later realized. Here's the truth. People get things in their email like this all the time. Alot of people look at the email out of curiosity wondering what attracts people to it. Men like to look at that stuff so when they look its hard to stop for them. They figure it's one of those if they don't know it won't hurt them. My thoughts is it could be much worse things to be doing or dieing about. My changed my opinion to look don't touch. You can look at it but if i start feeling our children might run crossed it than your wrong. But i haven't had to do that. As time goes by he's stopped looking at it. I check all the time so i know. I kind of look at it like it's an indicator i need to spice it up in bed...lol I used it to my advantage. Make the best out of it. I honestly think men look even if there's nothing more to it. Good luck you can email me also because i know exactly how you feel.

Yes, your trust has been shattered. Try to react graciously. Children need their father. He is a good man with a bad habit. Nobody is perfect! Keep trying to be the best woman you can be for your man. Win his heart totally to you. Pray that God will help him give up the evil websites. Only God can take away this lust. Have lots of good sex with your man so he desires you not the internet. My husband has a problem with pornagraphy but I don't say anything. I just pray. God answers prayer. AF

Hello,

I don't know how to answer this question, but I will say that you don't want to make a mistake, no one can tell you what you should do. Please don't live your life wondering if he is cheating or not, enjoy your life with him and the baby. I don't know if this make sense or not but do what is best for you. Go in peace

Why don't you look into therapy for yourself and/or your husband to see if this can be worked out. You don't necessarily want to throw away a long term stable relationship if it can be helped. It seems that you may have some temporary self esteem issues, since you are concerned he's not attracted to you becasue of the aftermath of the pregnancy. Keep you headup cause if you can get thru this, your relationship will be stronger.

A.

L.- it depends if you have asked him to stop looking at adult websites. If you have discussed with him that it hurts you that he is looking at them. I have been with my husband for over 15 years and I'm ok with him looking at adult websites- sometimes it's for inspiration for us to experiment. I find this healthy for our relationship and keeps things fresh. Of course, I have never expressed to him that I do not want him to do this, I personally don't have any issues with it, this may be different in your case. In our 15 years, we have never cheated on each other, nor wanted to be with another person. He is an excellent father to our 23 month old and wonderful and caring husband to me.

If you find that his perusing the internet keeps your intimate life active, then I think it's a healthy thing. If you find it disturbing, then you two should have an open discussion of why he looks. Maybe he should include you and it could be fun. You say he is a good father, but you don't mention if he has treated you well for the past 4 years, other than this issue. I think it's reasonable not to feel sexy after birth (Stretch mark, gaining weight), but is that just you or is he saying things to you that also reinforce this? I also didn't feel so hot after the birth, but perhaps join a mom's walking group, exercise releases chemicals in your body and will make you feel better about yourself too.

I hope that at least you two will discuss the internet issue since it is making you feel uncomfortable and I hope that it works out for you and the baby.

L. - when he says that it has nothing to do with you gainig a little weight or your stretch marks, LISTEN. He's telling the truth, it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. And then ask him to listen when you say that you were devestated when you found out he was lying about it. Be honest with him and accept that he is being honest with you.
You said everything else in the relationship was good, he is the man of dreams and a good father to your precious child. Don't deprive yourself, your daughter, and him of a good family life because of this if everything else is right. I encourage you to work with him through the pain.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this and I understand. Went through it, too. But I know my husband will never cheat on me, we love eachother very much. He just likes looking at naked ladies from time to time. I swallow my dislike of it because in every other way he is wonderful.