Is It Best to Keep My Shy 3Rd Grader in the Same Class as Her BFF?

I was shy in 2nd and 3rd grade, only really came out of my shell in 4th. I didn't realize at the time but it's because they finally separated me and my best friend/neighbor. It was good for me! And we were still best friends. It probably allowed both of us to branch out. Then after 4th grade they opened a new elementary school and we were separated again by 2 different schools! We were back together in 7th. We remained close and are still close to this day.

All the separations in 4/5/6 grade were really great for us to individualize a bit and exapand each others' social circle by meeting each others' friends. She lived right up the street and we spent a ton of time at each others' homes, so it's good we had some space at school. I remember if she was absent in 2nd or 3rd grade I didn't know what to do and got so nervous asking other kids to play! And I remember us having petty arguments when we would partner together and write stories and stuff, since we would always, always partner together. We were so co-dependent. But my memories of 4th grade are of a much more independent me :)

I have to agree with you. I would ask that they be in different classes.

I was very concerned when our daughter was placed as the only child from one particular classroom the year before. Our daughter was just very shy. She even was upset for the first 2 weeks, but just as I was about o mention something to the teacher, I realized exactly why she had been placed in that class. The teacher was a perfect match for our child.

It really helped our daughter to expand her very small circle of friends. It gave her confidence that she could make all new friends.

What I would really do is ask that your daughter be placed with the best teacher for HER. If the BFF is not in that class, even better.

I think you should put them in different classes. They'll still see one another during recess and so forth, but it's important for her to learn that she can make other friends and socialize with other girls.

What if her friend moved? Or your family had to move? We don't know what life with bring...I think you should find a way to encourage her to make other friends and become involved in other areas.

we have. i actually requested that they be seperated after K because my son was the shy one. the friend would always comment about how he was reading at a higher level, how he'd gotten a better grade, etc. for the friend every bit of life is a 'one up' competition.
It got to the point where my son was upset over the silliest things because the friend had done better. The teacher called me and told ME to stop comparing the boys. I told her that I wasn't, my son was. She recommended that they be seperated.

In 3rd and 4th grade they ended up being together again. It was better because my son was learning to stand on his own, but the friend HAD to sit next to him all the time, when they had to pick groups, the friend would just state that they were paired up. It got to the point where my son WANTED to have other friends and such, and the BFF had a hard time with that.

My vote is let the teachers decide. They've been in school long enough where she should be comfortable around other kids. They will still see each other on the bus possibly, at recess, and after school. Give her wings, watch her soar.

I was in the opposite position this past year, my daughter was in class and on the bus (same seat) at her same aged friend. It was GREAT for this other little girl because she is extremely shy and needed the "friend".

However, as the mom of "the other kid", I was VERY happy this year when they weren't in the same class. I felt like the shy child held my daughter back. She was very clingy and would cry to her mother if my daughter didn't play with her one day. The other mom would call me and ask if anything was going on...so I'd check with my daughter. My daughter would say, "No Mom! I just was playing with Susie and she didn't want to play with us, so she sat down and didn't play with anyone!"

Although I felt bad for this shy little girl I didn't feel it was fair to force my daughter to play with her everyday on the playground. It's not like she was being excluded, but she was SOOO shy she wanted to have my daughter all to herself, and if that didn't happen, she just wouldn't play at all.

This year has been great for my daughter AND her shy friend. The shy friend has learned the difference between being shy and being excluded. She has made many new friends, and so has my daughter. They are still very close, but at least they're not bound at the hip anymore.

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter (and her friend) is to create some separation. See if you can find out from the teacher some of the girls that are going to be in class with your daughter next year and see if you can schedule some playdates with them over the summer or even get her onto a team sport with some of them. I know for us, Girl Scouts has been a great way to make friends from our school, but not necessarily the same class. That way our girls always seem to have "a friend" in class. Then they can all play together at recess too.

Finally, I think that it's critical to teach your daughter how to make new friends, and how to start getting over her shyness. By protecting her, I think it's akin to sheltering her. She has to learn to open up, say hello and make new friends. This is part of life! She's not a baby anymore. By third grade, I think parents "requests" for the classroom assignments should be limited to learning issues or bullying issues.

Best wishes!

I see arguments for both sides of the fence. As hard as it might be, I would put them in different classes. Your daughter shouldn't be depending upon one friend as her "crutch" (sorry to use that word, I just can't think of another one). Leaning on her BFF, however helpful the friend is, isn't allowing your daughter to make other friends. Girls tend to get clique-ish in the next few years (ugh!). The BFF might move onto other friends anyway and your daughter will be left to her own devices anyway.

Help your daughter by staying positive and play-acting with her to show her how she might make friends. Teacher her to assert herself just a little - hi, my name is Jill, what's yours? etc.

My daughter wasn't the most outgoing child and still tends to be on the quiet side. To top it off, she started in our local elementary school in 2nd grade after having gone to private school for kindergarten & 1st. She had to fit into circles of friends who had already been together for 2 years. She's in middle school now and has a handful of close friends, but she's much more outgoing now. good luck.

As an introverted, shy person - I would say let her stay with her BFF. While
I have learned to make other friends and can be friendly and social - it causes so much less anxiety for me if I have a social crutch. I'm also the type of person who places my relationships with others very high. I have two extremely close friends that I've had for a long time. They just get me and we all enjoy the others' company. That doesn't make my life any less fulfilling because I don't have 50 people to call my nearest and dearest. I have other aquaintances and people I talk to and see regularly. But, I don't have the emotional energy or desire to cultivate all of those into strong, lifelong friendships. And that's ok. Quality over quantity. So, as long as daughter's friend isn't causing problems (ie. you don't like her, the shyness increases around friend, etc) I don't see why you'd want to separate them.

Sure, why not.

I noticed that my daughter almost always played with whichever friend she was in class with each year. So if you separate them, there's a chance the friend might play more with someone else, which could end up being harder on your daughter.

She's very shy, she's only 8 or so, let her stay with her friend.

Oh my, I'm trying to make the same decision. I totally could have asked this question! Except my daughter will be going to 2nd grade next year. I'll be interested in reading the responses!

I see both sides, too, but I think I would put them in different classes and try to help my child to branch out. If you think she's using BFF as a safety object (so to speak) then she's not gaining coping skills. They can't always be together. And, frankly, kids change. My SD's BFF from elementary school is now the last person she wants to see (some sort of falling out over a boy). There is no guarantee that they'll be BFFs in 5th grade or 10th.

So I think that for many reasons, while I would encourage play dates and such, I would let them be in different classes. I'd put a positive spin on it (you can tell each other new things because you won't already know, and you can still do x, y, and z together!).

I was a shy kid. My feelings is keep her with her BFF. All you really need is 1 really good friend through school and you are good to go and school is tough without any friends!

What if you choose to split them up and she doesn't bond with anyone else? Won't you feel like the worst Mom ever? I wouldn't want to take that chance. They will be split up eventually without you interfering, so I say you don't be the one to make that happen!

I wouldn't say I was a shy kid but I was separated from my best friend in 3rd grade and went into a depression, didn't want to go to school, cried all the time and got sick (she did too). I don't recommend separating them for social engineering purposes. She'll find her way. Keep them together.

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I wouldn't say I was a shy kid but I was separated from my best friend in 3rd grade and went into a depression, didn't want to go to school, cried all the time and got sick (she did too). I don't recommend separating them for social engineering purposes. She'll find her way. Keep them together.

You just gave ur self the answer retread what u wrote out loud to ur self key words big adjust ment every year and she helps her out of her she and she's been there to help adjust why take that away? Kids r flipping cruel ! I would keep them together until at least 6th grade third forth n fifth are hard grades the kids r all growing more adjusting to learning getting social groups going on. I wouldn't separate !

My daughter is the same way. There is only one class in each grade at the private school we are at so the teacher is not letting them sit together.
To be honest, I would try 4th with them seperate so maybe she can form more friends before junior high. It will be hard at first but some girls are still open to new friends in 4th.