Kindergarten or Not? - Lone Tree,IA

I usually advocate holding back but not in this case. One of mine is shy and gradually she's becoming more outspoken. It takes time though and it's not a "problem". Some teachers have said she should speak out more in class (same with my other child who I don't consider so shy) and I think my goodness, does every young child have to be so talkative and outgoing?? I was shy too and did just fine in life. What I would do is facilitate her making friends. It helps confidence a lot. What I've done is be aggressive about playdates. ;) When my daughter seemed to like a girl, I would make a point to casually meet the parents and suggest they play sometime. 1:1 situations help my daughter a ton to become more comfortable. And I've seen kids who seemed shy over the years at school get much more social. Just give it time but I see no need to hold her back and she'd be so much older later. That could make her feel uncomfortable at some point too. And btw, shy and sweet can be a very attractive personality.

Put her in k. April is too old to red shirt, especially for girls, I think. Plus she'll likely be shy for a long time and take a long time to warm up whenever she starts. Best to at least keep her with her peers and at the correct academic level. I just don't see any sense in having her do another year of school for shyness.

I was extremely shy as a kid. When the other kids were walking in a circle making music in preschool, my mom said she watched me sit off on the sides and just watch.

I went to kindergarten right on schedule and earned all of the top academic awards all the way through elementary school. Teachers loved having me in class because I balanced out all of the more challenging kids.

Shyness isn't a bad thing. She's perfect just the way she is. The world doesn't need a bunch of outgoing people. It's good to have all sorts of personalities.

While I still consider myself a shy person, it doesn't hold me back in life. I was even a corporate spokesperson for a while!

I would definitely NOT redshirt her.

If someone had waited until I had grown out of being shy to start kindergarten, I would have started school at about age 20.

If that is the only reason the preK teacher has, I say enroll her in K. And keep your ears open. If she starts school and mentions another child or two that she plays with, be proactive and set up play dates so that she can feel more secure and develop those friendships.

I have a friend who could have write this last year. Almost identical to your situation. Pre-school teacher recommended waiting a year because their daughter was shy. But they knew she was ready academically. She started kindergarten this year and is doing perfectly fine. As a teacher, shyness is not a good reason to keep a kid out of kindergarten if they are academically ready now. Waiting a year could make kindergarten very boring and frustrating.

If academically she's ready, don't hold her back...she'll be bored silly...

(...this coming from another April baby, who, at almost 52, is still kind of shy and, apparently survived kindergarten at age 5)

Good luck

I am an introvert, and giving me all the time in the world wouldn't make me less so. If she is on target academically, please don't send her the message that she's somehow defective simply because she isn't gregarious. Being outgoing is not a precursor to being successful in life nor is it a requirement for being successful in school.

I would not hold her back. If she is 5 and mentally capable, the shyness is more of a personality trait. She may be a shyer child a lot of her life but it should not impact her going. Good luck.

Send her. The teacher will appreciate having one quiet one:)

If I had held one of my girls back, she would have started when she was 7 or 8. I was shy until I almost got out of High School.

Updated

If I had held one of my girls back, she would have started when she was 7 or 8. I was shy until I almost got out of High School.

Kids go through massive personality and cognitive changes around 6-7-8.

If she is not smart enough to go to kindergarten then hold her back. I can't imagine putting a kindergarten age child in a class where they show them what the other kids their age are doing but they only get to have play time since they can't do the work the kids their same age are doing...

See how I fell about red shirting kids?

Let's look at it this way.

Let's say she starts school when she's 6 and turns 7 in kindergarten.

This means she'll be 18 turning 19 her senior year.

Now, she is behind in 5th grade and they want to hold her back. Now she's 19 turning 20 as a senior.

Do you really think she'll stay in school? Not drop out as a sophomore to go start her adult life?

If a child attempts to do it but fails because they're not smart enough yet then that's a valid reason to hold them back. If they are held back just because some teacher thinks they are too introverted to go to school then what if , WHAT IF, she's an introvert and is always "she"?

What if she is always introverted and never becomes outgoing and an extrovert? Are they going to say "A child must be "this" much of an extrovert to get in kindergarten.

I'd say no, don't hold her back because you think she's shy.

If she is able to do the work then she's ready.

Chances are, your daughter is still going to be shy in a year. It's OK to be shy. It is not a bad thing at all. In fact, we NEED some people to be shy or the world would be too filled with people who are always trying to take the lead and dominate everyhing. Being shy can be a good quality.

Your daughter is not young, as you have admitted. Holding her back would be doing her a great disservice. She is more likely to achieve social success if she grows up with her peers, not with children a year younger than her. Her shyness may come out even more if she feels disconnected because she's much older than the other children.

I think holding her back would be a huge mistake.

I would not hold back for shyness. Your daughter could end up feeling more self conscious if she ends up being the tallest girl in the class or an early bloomer or just develop before her peers that are actually 1 year younger than her.

My daughters were shy too at that age. I helped them overcome their shyness. (I was a shy kid and I didn't like being shy but I didn't know how to come out of my shell) To achieve this I enrolled both my girls in drama classes in kindergarten. This helped them tremendously! They are both not the least bit shy today and both are confident, friendly well rounded girls. I attribute this mainly to their early start in theatre.

It sounds like she's ready. I wouldn't hold her back because of shyness, that's (most likely) a personality trait, not a developmental thing that she'll eventually outgrow.

I agree. Shy is not necessarily something that will change for the child. My sister has always been shy, and her K teacher suggested she be held back in first. When we moved to a new school, my mom talked to them and enrolled sis in 1st grade. She did fine. Maybe she had 1 friend instead of 10 or she didn't jump into new things, but academically it was absolutely the right thing not to hold her back for her base personality trait. She married a very introverted man and they have a lovely quiet family.

When we debated my late summer baby going to K or not, the preschool said that at the very least we would need a new program for her, as she was beyond what they could offer her and really needed more challenge. But it doesn't sound like you are weighing maturity. (We sent her on ahead and I think any challenges we have faced we would have faced in any year. A friend of mine redshirted their son who is a few weeks younger than my DD and now they are looking to skip first grade because he's bored to tears - he was already advanced when entering K).

I would talk to the K teachers and ask them how they handle academically bright, but shy students. If she has no problems following directions or behaving in class, I'd be inclined to send her on into K. Give her a head's up when and where you can. It sounds to me like the only reason you are even considering the in-between program is that it's available, not that you have serious concerns about her academics or ability. IMO, sometimes I think too many people want all the kids to be all the same. Your little shy or introverted girl may never want to be the class leader. Many adults would rather be IN the casket than give the eulogy. So there's nothing wrong with her being bit reserved. I'd talk to the school and see if there's a teacher that will be a best fit for her. Sometimes they can place a child in one class over another if they know it will suit the kid better.

I have a shy one. I never thought of keeping her back, but that's just because I view it as her personality, and something she will live with her entire life. I don't want to make accommodations for it, so much as having her learn how to cope just like kids with other personality 'challenges' :)

She did fine in school. In preschool she was allowed to be more quiet, but once in Kindergarten, they were expected to do show and tell, read out loud when they learned to, and I think the slightly more grown up environment brought her out of her shell more. I still get told by the teacher she is very quiet, but she has started sharing more, and taking chances as we call it.

Just means she's more confident and more comfortable I think. We are fairly reserved too - so I can relate. It's a family trait.

My friend had a little girl who didn't actually share at all (super quiet) and she came out of her shell by end of grade 1. She wouldn't even talk to people she knew .. but now you'd never know.

I guess you have to figure out if she would do better with younger kids (and that more play based environment) or if you think the school structured environment and slightly older kids would be better for her - I find when my kids are around older more mature kids, we see leaps of growth. When my kids were the eldest in their pre-school classes (before they got moved up a level), they often regressed.

That would be my only concern.

Good luck :)

I generally support giving kids the extra time. But in your case, I would probably advance her with her current class. At least she will know many of her classmates, and that might make her more comfortable than a new group of kids. I know several kids around that age who greatly benefitted from theater or acting classes to build confidence, I would suggest looking into that for a summer class, if possible. One little girl has been with my son for 4 years, the difference in her is huge! She used to rarely speak, she is so much more confident now, at 7.

I consider myself a way better parent than my own parents. I went out of my way to give my kids the attention that I rarely got. I parented like most of this generation of parents -- my central focus was on the kids, and their needs trumped almost everything.

Paying a lot of attention to one's children is great, but the pendulum swung a little too far. We are raising a generation of kids who are afraid to fail, and it's hampering them. It's becoming evident that we have overprotected our kids, and you can research any number of articles and opinions confirming this. Here's just one article I pulled up with a quick search:

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/parents-let-kids-take-risks/
This article is more about physical risks, but she mentions emotional risks as well.

One of the best gifts you can give your daughter is to allow her to experience discomfort. Your daughter can handle it, and she will learn and grow from it, way more she will from being held back. (Note the words "held back.")

Shell be bored doing kinder in two years just put her in this year. So many kids blossom in kinder socially

My kid was #1 on the Shy list in Nursery and PreK.
Literally would stand at recess holding the teacher's hand, watching the other kids play.
Fast forward to Gr 6. Knows EVERY kid in his middle school and is friends with most of them. He is Mr. Social Guy. Popular, funny, kind, a helper.
Point is: don't assume she'll be that shy forever. I think mine started to come out of his shell totally by Gr 2. And he did just fine in K. I agree that Aoril is not a late birthday--I'd go for it.

I don't think you should hold her back. The social environment will be the same for either class...she will be in a group of kids about her age. If anything the younger kids class will me more immature and possibly more rowdy! If she is ready academically she should go on to Kindergarten because this will be more stimulating academically for her. I think for shy kids it is important for her to have a really good friend (or more than one!), so I also advise you to make sure she has one on one play-dates where she invites her friend over regularly. Also, it helps to be really good at something. So make sure she is involved in activities she enjoys that she can excel in .

I say go. She may just be introverted. Don't hold her back for a basic personality style.

My son was shy in the classroom during preschool and kindergarten, but not with his peers at recess. He only attended preschool two- 2 1/2 hr days and then went to kindergarten 1/2 day because that was all our district offered. He's a June bday which I do consider somewhat late. His K teacher suggested that we could hold him back a year in K because of his shyness and what seemed like a lack of confidence in the classroom. We had a tough time making the decision on what to do, move him to first or hold him back. We ended up moving him to first grade and he's doing great, his teacher says he's very confident and a role model in the class. He really blossomed this year and I'm glad we moved him on. So based on our experience, I wouldn't hold your daughter back based on shyness alone.

We did in effect start our daughter a year later in K, and it was partly due to her reluctance to speak much or lead in the pre-school group, however she does have a late birthday (end of July). She also was generally not quite mature enough to go from the first year of pre-K to the second on the first time around. She did become more outgoing and leaderly over the next couple years, and I'm certain that we did the right thing in 'holding her back,' even though she is a bit bored academically now and resents it. Our situation is very different from yours, however.

I think of shyness or being generally quiet as one part of someone's personality. It's not the same as maturity or emotional development as a whole. So if your daughter is mature in her behavior and academically ready, I don't think reluctance to speak in a group should hold her back from starting school. One piece of information which would be useful to know is whether her teacher or the K-teacher are suggesting that she wait a year before starting K. If I were in your position and they are saying for some reason that they think she needs another year to develop, then I would listen carefully to that suggestion. If they are saying that she is ready for K next year, then I would go with that.

If she enjoys preschool for the most part, I would send her. If she cries or has fear about preschool that her teacher labels as "being shy", I would say she's not ready for kinder yet.

I would start her in K for sure, shyness isn't bad and she doesn't have to be the light of the party.

I would not want my adult kid to be graduating at 19+!! That happened to my ex husband and he always hated it and he always felt so much older, it didn't keep his interest.

I was a very shy child. Very introverted. Very anxious around big groups of kids, etc. I had about two friends, both boys that I would play with, and that was that. I wasn't held back for it. I don't see how that would make a difference, personally. Some kids are just introverts. Nothing wrong with it.

If you are concerned about social development I would consider investing in an area that she is interested in. My father who is a Physician, was also an artist. I would accompany him on weekends and attend art classes. It was a way for me to interact with other kids, but at an area that I enjoyed and was comfortable. It helped build social skills, as well as confidence.

A shy kid at five is likely to still be a shy kid at six. If she is otherwise ready, I would not hold her back for an introverted personality.

A little bit of discomfort can be good for kids. If this were my child, I would send her to kindergarten.

I don't think having kids wait a year has much to do with academics/intelligence - it hardly ever does. So I'd set that discussion aside completely.

Your child may well be shy now and forever. There's nothing wrong with that. As you say, you and your husband are reserved as adults, so it's a personality trait for many. My concern from what you've written is that she doesn't participate and she doesn't do well in front of a group. Taking her from a small preschool class and putting her into a kindergarten class of 20-25 kids is a whole new set of stressors. If she doesn't like things wild or loud, you'll be doubling her problem when she goes to kindergarten.

You could go to the screening session that most schools (all?) do but don't tell her what it is. Say that it's just a chance for kids to go look at the school they will eventually be going to. She may do fine with the individual teacher because you say she follows directions now with her preschool teacher - but if you can, ask your daughter to sit away from you both afterwards so you can raise your concerns privately with the person doing the screening. You don't have to commit now, or at the screening, to kindergarten for September. I realize you'll have to sign up quickly for another year of preschool or pre-K though, so you want to get this wrapped up. You can also request a meeting with the school psychologist prior to the screening.

She may just need another year of confidence and maturity to be able to handle those who don't do exactly what they are supposed to do. You want her to be confident and to have kindergarten be successful for her. Starting too soon and having to consider repeating the year can be more difficult.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

tough call, isn't it? do you think she's shy, or introverted (which may not actually be the same thing)?
if she's an introvert she's an introvert, and as long as her academics are fine i'd start her in kindergarten. it might actually work out best for a shy child too. but i do think it's something to think about since her pre-K teacher recommends waiting a little bit. however, it doesn't sound as if the 'warming up' period actually applies. your daughter's been in pre-K and hasn't actually warmed up much, right?
she's fortunate in having reserved parents who have developed coping mechanisms and can share them with her.
i'd probably be inclined to put her in kindergarten, but i really doubt that waiting will do any harm either.
what does she want to do?
khairete
S.

pick up a book called "better late than early." You won't think twice about holding kids back after reading it.

I think they all do better if they start on the later side.

I held both my kids back. We held our daughter back in the 3rd grade. That was a hard pill to swallow. She wasn't academically ready for 4th grade. We sent her to tutors, both private and public. I will say it was the best decision we made. We never thought for a minute she wasn't smart, oh she is but she processed information a little slower and needed the additional time and help. She graduated in the top of her class and was a member of National Honor Society in high school. In addition, she graduated from university in 2012 and has a great career. So good decision.

Our son was a September birthday. He was the youngest in his class. They also had just 1/2 day kinder. Made it hard for him. I have always thought if it had been all day kinder I wouldn't have held him back but we did. I sometimes question that decision. He was smart but immature. He graduated in the middle of the pack and will graduate from university next May. So yay but I sometimes wonder if it really helped.

Personally, I would try and see how she does.