Separation of Best Friends ..,Should I Be Worried?

She'll be fine. This happens more than you think. Sometimes kids are separated so that they can become their own person without relying on friends. Sometimes they are separated because it's a distraction for all involved. Either way she will be ok.

She'll be fine. I was extremely shy as a kid and almost always got separated from my best friends with the class assignments. It gave me the chance to become friends with other kids. I didn't become any more or less shy because of it. In elementary school, they have plenty of recesses and opportunity to reconnect.

My son started junior high this year and ended up with not a single kid from his elementary school in any of his six classes. Not even a girl. Not the best way to start off his junior high experience and he already has diagnosed anxiety, so we were worried. But he got through it and now he has some new contacts from those classes. He still found his friends at lunch and all was well.

Please stop reading nonsense. There will be kids she knows from kindergarten in her class. She'll get to play with her friends at recess....

don't you think that if this was documented as something incredibly detrimental, the schools wouldn't make a practice of splitting up and mixing the kids between classes every year?

Please look at this as an opportunity for your daughter to make new friends. She may not have the impetus to venture toward new friendships if she had those same two friends again AND what if it happened in second grade instead of now? Look at this as a great new beginning. Teachers have to balance classes based on all of the kids, their documented needs, the social dynamics and their levels of ability. My son had new buddies each school year-- the boy he is best buddies with going into 3rd grade he only met just this year. Keep it positive.

Don't let YOUR anxieties (and yeah, you are anxious about this if you are asking for divine intervention) color her experience. These are opportunities, not setbacks!

On the contrary. Our schools routinely split up best friends so that kids have to come out of their shells and so they don't become cliquish. We had about 8 friends on the street who were going into 5 first grade classes. We asked the school to split them up, and made it clear we weren't requesting teachers but just asking that kids be split up. One teacher actually lives on our street, so we suggested that they ask the teacher if she preferred to be assigned kids who lived at the other end vs. those just a few doors away from her.

School is about school - it's not about play dates. My guess is that the friendships are too dominant and they are a problem, and so the teachers split these 3 kids up on purpose.

The only way kids will become withdrawn and shy is if parents make such a big deal about this that the kids think they will not fit in with the new kids. The message MUST be, "You made friends in kindergarten, you will make new friends in first grade. You will continue to see Susie and Ashley on the playground and at play dates, and if your friendship is strong, it will survive separate classes."

I respect your prayer tradition, and will share mine: I don't believe that God micromanages our lives to the extent that God oversees class lists or lottery tickets or whether we get a cold or not. I believe that religious people pray to God for strength and guidance in handling challenges. If your daughter wants good friends, she must be a good friend to all - perhaps this is an opportunity that God is giving her, and perhaps God is confident that she will excel in multiple friendships.

If you think she will regress, then you talk to the teacher in September about perhaps being a little extra nurturing or putting your daughter with a giving and warm child in the same seating area. But meantime, you work on building your daughter's confidence and not at all on how awful this is. Your daughter has come out of her shell - that may be due to maturation and abilities, not just these 2 friends.

Please, please, don't handicap your child by making her feel incapable of making more than 2 friends for her entire life. If she is a good student (in terms of making an effort, not in terms of her grades) and a cooperative classmate, she will attract lots of friends. Please help her grow to believe in herself, and don't let her absorb your anxiety and fears.

God put her in the class she needs to be in. Your prayers are answered. Her BFF is likely a distraction that she doesn't need in class, but will enjoy at recess.

She's not going to regress. She will be just fine.

My daughter and her BFF had been together in the same room/class from the time they were infants all the way through 1st grade. I was very glad when they weren't in the same room for 2nd grade. My daughter was a little upset. Her BFF and her mom were very upset. I think it was one of the best things to happen for my daughter.

Over the course of the year I saw her make so many new friends. Her confidence grew. She became more outgoing. Last year she had a hard time thinking of anyone to invite to her birthday party beyond her BFF. This year she had no trouble coming up with a nice sized group of friends to invite. She is still friends with her BFF. I had the same two best friends all through elementary and middle school. We did everything together. We had a huge falling out our freshmen year in high school and I had a really hard time finding a new group to join. I don't want to see that happen to my daughter.

As a teacher I can tell you that making class lists is a fine science. We have to balance the number of boys and girls, special ed, gifted and talented, ESL, behavior problems, helpful parents and time consuming parents. We also have to break up groups of students that do not get along together and groups of students that get along too well together. Believe it or not, we also get requests to keep,students apart because the parents hate each other. We also try to match students with the teachers that we think will be the best fit. And we try not to have the same students together year after year.

Your daughter will do fine. Don't make a big deal out of it. She will still see her friends on the playground. She can still get together with them outside of school. Yes, the friendships might change a little, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Definitely don't let her see how upset you are. That will just make it worse.

No, don't worry. She'll be fine. Don't place YOUR fears/concerns onto her.
Talk positively about her new, upcoming adventures in First Grade.
She will see her friends at lunch & recess.
She will make new friends.
Schools are not in the business of keeping social circles in tact.
They are in the business of teaching our kids all the tools they need to
succeed in life.
Her social & emotional development & growth will not be hampered if you do
not hamper it. Don't place your fears onto her. She will be fine.
You've prayed. Let the rest unfold as it should...naturally.

Kids need to broaden their horizons. She will make new friends and keep the old maybe. Who knows. It will be good for her to make new friends. Why would you want her yo have only one friend. Maybe in the classroom they are not good together. I think you are really making yourself nuts over this. Let it go and show her how happy you are for her.

Children are rarely in the same classrooms from year to year. Its better for them they socialize with all kinds of kids and make a lot of friends instead of just one or 2. Not sure why you would want your daughter to be locked into only a few friends. She will make new friends each year and still have the old ones also. When I was a kid and my kids as well you didn't know your teacher until like 2 days before school started. So you didn't agonize over it all summer long you just waited to school started and then you made new friends. Your daughter will be fine and so will you.

Should you worry?
Nope.
Every year is a chance to make new friends!
And they might see old friends at recess or on the playground.
It's very good to have a large social network.
Also - every year is a chance to break up cliques and clingy friends too.
Being too close can also be a problem.
Sometimes good kids make friends with others who just bring out the worst in each other.
Some parents have problems when their kids and certain friends get together and actually request they be in different classes so they can each do their own growing without the other getting in the way.
Don't read so much into every article you read.
She's got a total of 12 years of school, a transition to middle and high school and then maybe college - and there will be TONS of things going on with friends.
Relax on this or you will drive yourself nuts.
The opportunity to make new friends is something that needs practice and she won't be doing that if she's clinging to old friends all the time.
Practice makes perfect!

These kind of questions throw me for a loop. Growing up as a military child, and a shy one at that, this was beyond normal. My kids aren't growing up in a military household, but we live near a base and they have kids come and go all the time. The schools change from elementary, to middle, to high, so they don't go to school with the same kids from year to year.

I guess I'm just confused.

And of course it's good for her to branch out and make new friends. She will still see her friends at recess and make new friends with kids in her class. I don't think this is anything to worry about at all.

It's quite common for kids to get moved around year to year. Some years they're together and some years they are not. My DD is in a team setting (so 2 teachers for 2 languages) and her BFF was in the other team homeroom last year. It was probably a good thing because I think my DD was using her friend as a crutch and that gave the friend some space. Further, another girl was put in a different team and I think this was good for my DD because they were friends but the other girl really clung to my DD and annoyed her when they were together every day.

This summer, there is a camp offered at their school and the BFF isn't enrolled. I told DD that I have no idea who might be in her class this summer, but we'd find out and I bet she'll know someone. Turned out there were several familiar faces. If your daughter is upset, calmly remind her that her friend will be available during recess and that she will know other kids and make more friends. Being or not being in the same class doesn't mean they stop being friends. I used myself as an example - a friend of mine moved very far away. I pointed out to DD that I am still good friends with her, though it is so far.

I think that after K, the schools know the kids better and try to fit them where they will do best. Sometimes that may mean deliberately separating kids and sometimes that means putting kids with particular teachers.

As for your DD's development, learning that she can thrive without having these particular friends with her all the time will be a good thing, IMO. I reminded my DD that her BFF was a stranger til they were in the same class, so her new friend are just strangers she hasn't met yet.

I thought this was a post about a bff moving to a new area and how to handle the move between two or more friends.

Your child is just learning what the world is about and there will be many new friends to make throughout his/her school career. Let her be a kid and not worry about who is and who is not in her class. Yes it is nice to have friends in the classroom but sometimes it does not work out as well we think -- jealousy, envy. When I went to school back in the day, we all were happy to get into the classroom to see who was there and be new buddies.

As with Mom2KCK, I have had children in the military system and they seem to be more resilient to change. Yes, we leave old friends behind but we make new ones and do new things. There is always Skype now days.

Change is part of life and it is the only constant in life. So stop worrying about what will be in the near future and concentrate on learning the lessons of education and self-awareness.

the other S.

I'm never sure why parents don't let their children know they are upset, too. It seems a surefire way to deny our children's feelings. (I've done it myself). I read the other answers and while it is also positive to encourage her and isn't the end of the world you can do yourself and her a wonderful bonding experience by letting her know your true feelings without falling apart ('oh things like that have made me sad, too') and give her your own stories that happened to you in life. It creates such a wonderful way for her to truly get to know you and you will feel so close.

My daughter has never been in class with her best friend. They met on the bus in 2nd grade...they are now in 7th grade. This really would not phase me at all.

For what it is worth...my daughters were on the shyer side too. I enrolled them in drama classes and theatre programs. Today there is nothing shy or introverted about either one of my daughters. (My 12th grader was nominated the last 2 years as "Miss Congeniality" and my 7th grader preformed in front of approximately 1,000 people at a talent competition 2 weeks ago.
I would encourage you to bring your daughter out of her shell. I was shy too and was determined to teach my girls the skills that I didn't learn until high school.)

Have faith in your daughter!! She'll be just fine. She's going to 1st grade!!!

She needs to build relationships in and outside of her school. If she stays with her specific friends for years, she may not grow socially as she should and believe me... BFF's don't stay the same from elementary throughout high school!!

Help her grow by supporting her and this is not the end of the world! I hope she's not as worked up over this as you are. She'll be fine!'

I am in the classroom often and 1st grade is one of my favorites. They are learning so much more than curricular activities. Embrace change so she won't have anxiety each time she faces change.

Just to add, maybe you can start to help her foster some friendships with new classmates now, over the summer. Do some meet-ups and picnics at parks and pools or have some new friends over to play at your house. She will walk into her classroom with more confidence!

It's not for us to understand God's plan - only accept it.

the teachers aren't keeping them together because being kept together would NOT further your daughter's 'social and emotional development.'
that will happen through her parents' calm and matter-of-fact reactions to perfectly normal life events like this, and not getting 'really upset' over trifles.
she needs you to model strength and confidence, not worry and anxiety. all you're doing is reinforcing her fears that she's not strong enough.
khairete
S.

Glad you are feeling better from your SWH :)

NewName2013 summed it up really well. I have shy kids and two of them are also more on the introverted side. It hasn't stopped them from making new friends every year. They aren't the most outgoing kids, but they are friendly and pleasant and it always works out. Your daughter made little buds last year, she will again, AND she will keep her two friends. All my kids had this happen to them, and they kept their old buds.

As for being introverted, there's nothing wrong with that :)

The shyness is something your daughter can and will likely overcome with experience - actually a new class will probably help with that. And as mentioned, you can always talk to her teacher if you notice a problem. They are usually really good.

I know ... we love it when they form friendships and feel comfortable and secure - but honestly, she will again. Better for her to learn how to do this herself then to rely on others - and she will surprise you. Mine all did. I think we moms worry too much :)

I suspect your daughter came out of her shell (got over shyness? is that what you mean) with experience. Just keep providing her ways to experience new things and encourage her to take risks and her new found confidence will help her with feeling shy. I think it's when we coddle them (over protect) our shy kids that they don't learn how to handle stuff on their own. Some are just more shy naturally (I was a shy kid) and that's ok too. We're not all outgoing confident social butterflies :) But she doesn't have to be in order to be happy.

Good luck and don't think about it! it will definitely work out :)

Our school puts every child with one friend. I imagine there is someone in the new class that she will connect with. Maybe go to the park or community events this summer and run into some kids that she probably knows to instill confidence. She will do great. Consider Girl Scouts too!