Insecure Stay-at-home Mom Living Overseas

It sounds like you are dealing with a culture clash and everything that comes with it. You feel like a fish out of water. Are there any mom groups for women in your shoes? You may find it reassuring if someone else says, "I completely understand! My MIL does..."

The other part of it is, if you truly suspect him of cheating, you need to get your ducks in a row and find out things like "Can I legally take my child with me?" Find out your options in case things become unbearable.

Being controlled by others can indeed make you feel insecure - the only way to control someone else to make make them feel like their opinion isn't worth anything (which is never true). I would ask you - Is this the life you want to live? Are you the role model that you want your daughter to have as she grows into a woman? Are the customs of the society you are in the ones you want your daughter to see as acceptable? If not, then you need to decide the best way to fix that.

Here is my opinion: If your husband says he wants to move, then hold him to it. Make a plan on how/where you will live, get plane tickets and start packing. He can enroll in ESL classes when he gets here. And, there are many cities in the US where Spanish is spoken widely. If you moved to one of them, he'd be fine while he learned. If he still won't move, then he's not being honest with you about wanting to move, and who knows what else.

I'm so sorry. You didn't seem to understand that when you married a man from another culture, that you married his culture too, and that culture includes his family taking precedence over you.

The way I see it, you only have two choices. Pick up and move away with your child without telling anyone goodbye, or put up with this kind of life forever. He is not interested in moving with just you and your child, J.. He's interested in moving his entire family into the US. That will only happen when they want to go. His "papers" are their insurance.

The reason he tells you that you are ungrateful and ridiculous when you try to talk to him is that you are making waves and he doesn't like it. Can you understand that you are the bottom of the totem pole here? A lot of different cultures revere the matriarch and patriarch and life revolves around them. Their son's wife is a VESSEL, pure and simple, for the grandkids. If you were their race, you would be the matriarch when they die. However, you aren't. I doubt you'll EVER be the matriarch. Your husband will probably not make his child treat you with the same respect he treats his mother.

I'm sorry you got yourself into this situation. If I were you? I'd leave. But I'm not you.

Whatever you do, if you decide to leave, don't tell anyone. If you do, your life will be destroyed and they WILL take that little girl from you.

According to you, you moved out of US two months after giving birth, that means your baby has a US passport. That is a huge plus for you! I am just being practical here. Get your hands on that passport, your passport and if you have to - leave without telling anyone, or they WILL stop you and take away your passports. If your baby has passport, it is only valid for 5 years, make sure you decide what you want to do before her passport expires, to get a new one you will need father's consent, if he does not give it under any pretense - you will be stuck! Right now, trust me, no one can stop you, you take your kid, board the plane, arrive in the US, done deal! He wants custody, wants to sue you, whatever, he needs to come to US and process papers here! It will be very, very hard for him to do! I agree with the poster who said that because you are not of their heritage you are disposable, but the child is theirs by blood, so they are tolerating you just to have her. Unfortunately, many women do not understand what they are getting into when they marry into different cultures. Are you in Mexico? It is very common to cheat on the wives there, so he will never feel like he is doing something wrong. It is up to you, you only have one child, so it is easier, do not get pregnant and remember the 5 year mark, if you become pregnant, you will be trapped, as they will never let you out with these kids. Whatever you do, remember the 5 year mark and be brave! You are young, you can cut your losses and start again, no problem. Your husband needs papers for insurance, in case he, the family needs or wants to go to US. Looks like they used you. I am sorry. Whatever you do, do not let them even smell your plans! Good luck!

You said you have moved overseas.
Where?
And you moved overseas to live with your Husband while his residency papers were processed.
So, is this for that country, or the USA?

The thing is, wherever you are now.... it was so your Husband could get his residency papers. To live there.
So, you all most likely, will be living there... permanently?
And if you are overseas in another country... do you have residency papers, too? To live there? Since you are not a "citizen" there?

It seems, you both have not talked about this... PRIOR... to your moving. To your Husband's country.
So now there are problems.
But your Husband, now has the power of his family behind him... and on his side. And you are the Wife... of which they are all... telling you what to do, and your Husband... too. And they are not treating you as family... but as an outsider.

And, your Husband has/owns a bar and restaurant there. The restaurant business... is hard. And it is... very hard. And... it has LONG LONG hours. I have a friend, who's Husband owns a restaurant and is a Chef. He is hardly home, also. It is a hard... business. And a hard.... life. For the Wife and kids.

Then what I don't get is.... you said his "residency" papers have been approved... and he wants to move... but has made no effort to learn English.
So, it this a "green card".... and you are here in the USA???? And you are not an American... and you came overseas, here? And his family is here????
And, if your Husband wants to move... then to where?
He has a bar/restaurant. He can't just pick up and leave and move.
He has to sell, the business.
And he doesn't know English.

So many problems.
And where is YOUR, family?????

You don't sound ungrateful or ridiculous. You sound like a go-get-em kind of person stuck on a treadmill.

You don't mention what your career is.

Would it be possible for you to work at hubby's bar/restaurant for a few hours a week just so that you get adult contact that isn't family?

You certainly have a lot of issues to think about!

You don't say what your career is, but the one thing I wanted to suggest is that you try and start working, at least part-time (maybe just while your child is in playschool?). Can you do some work through a temp agency? Free-lance? Flext time? All would help you get your foot back in the door of being employed.

Getting back to work will do several things: it will make you feel more independent, it will give you some time interacting with people outside of your family, it will help you begin to re-establish your career, and (heaven forbid) if your marriage should ultimately fail, it will mean that you have some options already in place so you don't feel trapped in a bad situation.

Best of luck to you!