Advices from Navy Wives

First off, I've been in the Army for over 10 years. I am a woman. I say that because it's important for you to understand that not every soldier or sailor is male. Some soldiers and sailors have husbands waiting back at home. I know this is contrary to the stereotype, but that's the way it is. You asked for advice from "navy wives" about the lifestyle; the term you'll want to get used to if you're going to be a military family is "military spouse."

Yes, you do move around. As a married family, you'll move every 3 years or so. You'll get used to it...and your husband can apply to stay where you are for another tour of duty should your family have a need to stay, or decide you like where you're at. Consecutive tours are not uncommon.

Schooling depends upon whether you live on base or not. Department of Defense schools are incredibly good, and they are well-versed in the needs of military families. They will work hard to ensure that kids transition comfortably and easily. For the most part, schools near a base also work well with military families. Most of the kids who attend there are military kids and so they know what to do. This isn't their first rodeo, and your kid will be one of many navy brats. :-)

The military is hard on families. So if you don't already have a very strong marriage, it's not for your family. Divorce rates are significantly higher for military families, and a lot of time and care is required to ensure that your family stays tight. I cannot stress this enough. Deployments are no joke. If your family struggles when your husband is gone for a week, consider that he will be gone for months at a time. You will basically be a single parent. The military does provide a lot of resources, but for the most part, everyone is in the same situation. You have to be willing to make friends and lean on one another while your spouses are gone. You have to trust that your husband will remain faithful, and he has to trust you will too.

I have loved my military career. I'm a medic. Be sure your husband picks a job he can use on the civilian side. That's important. Also, be sure you both pursue your degrees. The military pays for his education, and there are TONS of online and on-ground colleges out there that will pay for yours too, if your husband takes classes with them.

Best of luck to you.

C. Lee

You make this an adventure for the time that you are in the military. Every change is a chapter in a book. A new place to explore and learn the customs of the country (if you go outside the US).

Your kids will go to school on base or close to it with other kids in the same situation being military. The schools help you adjust to their schedules and get you up to date with studies. Many friendships will be made that will be kept over the years as the kids grow up. Both of my kids have friends on Facebook from being overseas in their classes.

You will learn all about strength and what you need to do to make things work. You will be in charge of the family while hubby is away and will make many decisions that hubby would make because he is not there. There will be the times that the car breaks, the water overflows, the kids are sick and the frig conked out. But you deal with it and get it done. The spouses that you meet all know what you are going through and help you. There are family support facilities on base/post/station that give you helping hands.

Moving is every 2 to 4 years and you get to be a pro at what to throw and what to keep so that the weight limit is accurate. Usually you wait until your last assignment or so before you buy the big expensive stuff so that you are not overweight. You usually get notified about three to six months out about the move so that you can clean out all the clothes that don't fit and eat up the food in the frig (many an odd meal because you are eating veggies and canned goods up). Your neighbors always get the open containers of sugar, flour, cereals and such because they can't be shipped.

We all try for moves within the summer between school years as much as possible. Sometimes it comes right at the beginning or at the end of a school year and you go with it. These changes do make children more self-sufficient and deal with life easier.

Go to spouse orientations if you can and try to get a sponsor to help you transition from civilian to military spouse. The sponsor is someone who has been there and done that and can help your maneuver (sp) through all the changes.

When they have announcements for classes take them. They will be condensed but you will get a lot out of them.

Good luck to you.

the other S.
Retired Military Wife

PS I have friends that I am in touch with from 30 years back.

T.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

No - ABSOLUTELY NOT!! would I tell him NOT to join. He signed up. Being in the military isn't for everyone. But right now? It's a steady paycheck and a GREAT way for your husband to gain experience. DO NOT TELL HIM TO BACK OUT!! SUPPORT HIM!!!

I am a Navy brat. I have lived in Hawaii, Taiwan, and several states in the U.S. we PCS (permanent change of station) about every 3 to 4 years. The longer he stays in, the more likely he is to "homestead" - which means staying at a base longer.

Moving in the middle of the school year? Yeah, it happens sometimes...however, my dad and my ex-husband managed to get changes in the summer. The military did NOT just start up. They UNDERSTAND family and schooling.

Depending upon is MOS (career field), he could be out to sea for six to 12 months. DO NOT FLIP OUT!!! They have skype on board ships so families can stay in touch...NEVER had this when MY dad was AD (Active Duty). Heck, he might get a desk job. Whatever happens - SUPPORT HIM. In the long run, this will help your family out more than you will EVER know.

Enjoy this! Really. Enjoy it! I can't tell you how much I miss the military life. If YOU have a great attitude, things will go so much better!!! Attitude is EVERYTHING!!

Welcome aboard! If your husband has already signed the papers, then, ready or not, you have just become a navy spouse. I hope that you two talked about this before he signed on. It IS a big change. But you may discover that you enjoy it.

I am a retired navy spouse. So that you know my bias, I LOVED life as a navy spouse. Some people do not. You will hear a lot of things about the difficulties, and they are real. Military service is a demanding career, and your husband is likely to spend a lot of time gone. Sometimes he will be under a lot of stress, and so will you. The divorce rate in the services is high. But my family thrived.

My daughter was young while we were still and active duty family, and she is the most flexible, adaptable child I know. She is a little put out now that we don't move any more, because she liked seeing new places and enjoyed the mobile life. She is 11 now - the first 7 years of her life, we moved 5 times. My son, who is 8, has moved 3 times. That is a higher rate than usual for the navy - normally you will move every 2-3 years. One result of the navy life is that my kids are closer to each other than they are to any friends outside the family. Friends change - family is forever.

As for schooling, our moving days were mostly done before my kids were far into school. One short term move (6 months) I chose to homeschool through second grade rather than enroll my daughter in a school that we would then need to leave mid-year. We discovered that we LOVE homeschool, so that is what we do now, even though we are (perhaps) permanently settled. My daughter did go back to a brick and mortar school for one year. She missed the flexibility and adventure of homeschool. As others have said, if you are living in a community with a military presence, whether you are living on base or in town, the teachers and administrators at the local schools will understand your children's situation and help them adapt to new schools. So will the other kids, because a lot of them are also children of military members.

Many people find living on base both convenient and economical. Personally, I prefer to live "on the economy" (off-base), because there are some aspects of base life that remind me a little too much of the very small, insular little town I grew up in. I'm a city gal by choice, and I like living with a mix of military and civilian families. I also like my privacy and a large yard I can use as I see fit, for bees, chickens, and gardens. (Okay, I'm an urban farmer kind of city gal.) You don't get as much personal outdoor space on base, and there are fairly strict rules about what you can do with your living space and yard. But a lot of people find living on base in a community of other people who do the same work and share the same culture (and the military IS a culture all its own) both helpful and comforting, especially at the beginning of a military career or when posted overseas.

There's another thing - you may have the opportunity to live in some very interesting places. We served tours of duty in both Japan and Korea, and my daughter was born in Korea. If you're already living in Asia, it's very easy and affordable to travel the region. We've been to Singapore, Hong Kong, Beijing, and Thailand. My daughter had more stamps in her passport by age 1 than most American adults do. And your kids will be old enough to get a lot out of the experience.

I've just realized that I'm writing a small book here, so I'll stop now... If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me in a private message. I wish you luck and happiness on this new journey.

I am a retired Navy wife (my husband is older than I am by a good amount of years) and my dad was in the Navy, so I lived the life as a child.

It was good and bad. I loved moving and experiencing new places, different cultures, etc. It wasn't hard because we never moved during the school year, only once when it was beyond my parent's control and it happened twice in one year, my junior year of high school - ouch!

I never grew up having one best friend, I have LOTS of friends all over the world that I still keep in touch with. I found the moving to be fun and interesting. New houses, new seasons, new everything. I got to experience and see a lot that many kids never will see. Sometimes I feel bad for my kids that they won't have the same experiences I had.

My mom is a saint. Really. I am one of 5 and my dad was a pilot, and gone a lot growing up. She managed the household and we all turned out well! But I also remember my dad always being there, so it wasn't too bad. Deployments are hard, but my mom made them fun. Now is better because of technology...you can Skype daily!

Don't freak out, there are tons of support groups out there and you'll do great! The kids will love it! Thanks to your husband for his willingness to serve our country, and to you and the kids for your part....it's a lot to take on, but you'll do great!

I am not a military wife, but I was an Army brat. We moved every two to three years.My schooling was fine, I am a college graduate. There were times where we'd move to a different school and discover I was behind in something. Teachers near and on bases understood and helped me catch up. Sometimes we'd move and discover I was ahead of the curve at that school. When you live on or near a military base, the kids understand. You befriend people quickly. Traveling afforded us opportunities we would not have had otherwise. Yes there were difficulties, but we all adjusted and it made us stronger. Fortunately, this a tech age. Skype, email, phones with free long distance all make keeping old relationships much easier. It will be a big adjustment for your family, but you may discover that you love it.

If he has to PCS during the school year, then you move during the school year. If the kids go to school on base, then all the other kids there know what it's like to be the new kid, because as some point all of them have had to move, or at some point they will have to move. Plus, the kids will get to learn about the US (and possibly the world) because of the PCSing.

If he's already signed the paperwork and is waiting to go to boot camp, he can't back out now. Being a military wife is hard, but it makes you stronger and pushes to your very limit. I've lived away from family for 11 years now because of the military. When hubby got out, we decided to stay in San Antonio because it's a great little city.

Anyway, you learn how to deal with it. If he's signed the paperwork, there's really not a whole lot you can do now.

Navy brat here too ... Sometimes we moved in the middle of the school year, but mostly it was because we had to wait on housing (PCS to middle of Bering Sea on the Aleutian island of Adak). Dad went ahead without us and we came once housing was available. Our situation was a little different in that Dad's job in the USN didn't require him to be gone to sea for 6 months at a time ... we went to all the places he did, except for a year or so in San Francisco ... he'd go to sea for a couple of weeks at a time and then be home again. I have fond memories of being a Navy brat and the places we lived. You will be away from family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, that kind of thing), but we ALWAYS made family wherever we were and are still close with many, many of those people. Best wishes on your new adventure!

Thank you so much for all your answers . I myself actually like moving around , meeting new people and learning new cultures ect... ,( that what I did when I was single ).I actually encouraged my husband to join the service because I think he will get to expercience more things around and serve this wonderful country after they helped us so much ( we came from
Very different country ) , but what came to my conrcern now is my kids studying , falling behind to other kids in class....but through all the answers I got from u all , I find that very helpful and I'm getting excited for our new adventure in life now thank you so much , you all so helpful . Ps: backing out was just a thought pop up in my head , I don't think I would ever gonna bring that to the discussion .

If he's signed the contract, he can't change his mind about it easily.
So deciding not to do it now is a moot point.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_get_out_of_the_navy_bef...

For the Navy, boot camp is mostly indoors.
http://usmilitary.about.com/od/navyjoin/a/basictrng.-ur-.htm

http://blog.militarykidsspeak.com/2011/02/life-as-navy-ki...