I Need Help - Fairview Heights,IL

Get interested in what he's interested in. Tell him you appreciate him and that you're thankful that he works hard so you can stay home. Flirt with him. In other words, treat him the way you want to be treated. Have a date night at least twice a month. Get together with another mom for lunch once a week so you can talk-guys usually aren't much for talking.
D.-mom of 9 and very happily married

Try a marriage encounter... www.wwme.org
I have heard it can deepen and enrich a marriage like nothing else...

Hi A., have you tried talking to him about how you're feeling? I will tell you what, I have been with my husband for 16 years and we've been married 10 and not all those years have been roses. It takes work, much work. Try to seek some counseling. you can go see someone together. Get someone to take care of the kids sometimes maybe even have them sleep over someplace else so you too can have some alone time... Don't give up!

Well A. as a SAHM of 11 yrs now and a mom of 3 I have and continue to go through stages like that. I have found that is is mostly in my head. If I start to think about only doing laundry and cooking and cleaning and not on me then I feel like I am in a big hole. I started a Bible Study. I go once week which gets me out of my house. I do lunch with some of the moms from time to time. Do you get up and dressed and make yourself feel good during the day? I don't do it everyday but 70% of the time I look like I care. Yeah and the sex thing. If you over think that then you will go crazy. We went through that as well. I was so tired and with my third I could care less if I had sex ever again. You need to talk to your husband. Mine now knows that if he empties the dishwasher or folds a load that he might get lucky. Get a friend to talk to. Put on some lipstick even if you don't leave the house. Make yourself feel good. Pray about it and don't put your husband down. If he wants sex tell him to put some clothes away and then you'll think about it. Do not give up on your marriage over stuff like cleaning. Don't clean as much. Pray for strength and patience. You can get through this. Phases happen and you need to keep the line of communication open between you and your hubby. Give him a chance to hear your thoughts. write him a note.
Best of luck.

something that popped into my mind was date night. Something I wish I could do with my DH with out kids. But pick a day such as the 7th and every month on the 7th you do something. Dinner, movie, something you both can do together. The 2nd thing I thought of was a hobby like scrapbooking where once in a while you leave the house for a few hours and leave Dh at home with the kids. Lastly now this is for fun. Attend one of those Pure Romance Parties where they sell cream and toys and such. I not saying you need to buy but the thought is you go out and have fun and hubby is going to be curious about what whet on at the party and its a great conversation started between the to of you. One thing I crave from my DH is adult conversation but it seems all we do is talk about the kids. I have been married 10 years now so I can relate to you and how you feel. I hope this helps.

I also wanted to mention that if you felt like you need therphy type of help. Many churchs offer family consuling for free. I had a few friends who tried this.

A few things I do for my hubby on a tight buget is buy a candy bar or soda he likes and add to his lunch or make a dinner he likes even if I dont so that he feels like I worked a little extra on it. On occasion I will ask for an hour of un interput TV time. This bugs him because he want to talk to me during that time and I make him wait till my show is over then we both feel like we have each other undivived attention.

I know that it is hard with 2 children and being responsible for everything at home. My husband and I have gone through the same thing. This last fall I told him that I was done living life like this, and I would rather be divorced than wait around for him to love me. A couple of months ago it hit me. I needed to find my identity again. I realized that if I were husband that I would hate coming home to a wife that is mad, and sad all of the time. I started trying to change my attitude toward him when he got home. Even if it was not really what I felt like doing. When he would come home I would have straightened up the house of normal kid stuff, and smile and act excited to see him. I would still do my normal stuff, and after a week he slowly just started helping me without my begging him to notice me. We are talking more and it is not just about the kids. If you make him feel valued he will do the same to you. I know that we can sit around and wait for the guy to come back around that we first fell in love with, but remember he has a lot of stress to and if you are kind to him he will start returning the kindness. You will make it though this. Show respect and in return you will get it. I would also encourage you to find some ladies your age with children and start making play dates. It will also help take the focus off of your husbands lack of attention.

I have felt the same way and most stay at home moms I know also. Ask him for help, just the smallest gestures of doing their part at home help us to feel like giving back to them, intimacy is so hard at the end of a day filled with kids, cleaning, cooking and feeling underappreciated. I know it took my husband a long time to get it... sometimes I wonder if he has. Men typically don't mature until around thirty or so. A sister circle can help and maybe even a part time job just something to get you out of mommy mode for a bit to feel more appreciated and worthwhile. It has helped me and many moms I know. Good luck and God Bless

A., I not only read this entry from you but I read the other about the wanting of a baby brother...I can say this DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER CHILD!!! If your marriage is over in your eyes at this time another child will not fix it and may only cause more burden and more burnt out feelings. Your children are getting to an age where they are able to do so much more and you are not restricted to a baby now run with that. Enjoy it. I definitely recommend counseling with your pastor, take some classes at a local college (even if they are knitting classed) it will give you something to grow in and be proud of as well as give him "mommy" responsibilities. Too many times I see men just don't understand and don't support their wives in having their own lives. Yes you are a wife and a mother of two, but you are A. also and need to remain A. so you are happy with yourself.

Well you put the romance back in…
Fix him a special dinner just for the 2 of you. With candles and wine…
Put the kids to bed early and just make it a evening with just you two.
One you are married that don’t mean to stop feeding your love… it is like a flower you need to feed it to keep it alive… Well a marriage is the same way you need to “feed” it to keep it alive as well…
Pick a evening for you two to go out. Get a baby sitter and go out and have a “date”
I have been married for 32 years and this is what I have done myself…
By a nice sexy nighty and put candles around your bed room along with flowers like rose peddles on the bed get some oils as well…
I hope that this works for you!
Good luck

Your question/need is common among every stay at home mom. I’m not a psychologist, but here are some things that work. Date night, don’t underestimate it - especially if someone can take the kids for the night.

Men usually end up taking advantage of their wives no matter what. But when a woman becomes “busy” is when they finally get to see the light. Start a calendar with all the places you need to go, things to do, volunteer work, play dates, etc.. Put it in a place where your husband can really see it. Pretty soon he’ll be vying for your time too – once he sees how busy you truly are.

And lastly - couples either grow together, or they grow apart. Help the growing together part happen.

I understand your concern!! I have only been married for 6 years, but most of that time we were falling apart too!! I can't say that I can really answer your question, but I just wanted to respond to let you know that you were heard. Do you ever do special things for him? Like putting a note in his lunchbox or jean pocket so he will find it at work? Maybe when the kids are in bed light some candles and spend some time together? I know this is definately the LAST thing that you want to do if you are feeling neglected...but I saw a psychologist just about a year ago when I was going through an episode of depression and she told me that in order for a man to have an emotional relationship with his wife, he needs to have a physical one. Kind of goes the opposite for us...huh? But someone has to make the first move and usually that seems to be us women a lot of the time. Maybe he is in a rut and needs some spark to get him going again? Sorry for rambling. Don't know if any of this was helpful or not.

Have you tried having a weekly date night?? Even if you can't afford a babysitter every week you can still try to set aside some together time. After the kids are asleep watch a movie together, or do something you used to do when you where dating. I also think talking about things is very important. So try to tell him how you feel about things and that you want to jump start your relationship. Good luck!

I have four kids and have been married for 16 years. We have been through lots of stages of marriage. I think I would consider getting a job if I were you. Men DO take women for granted when they are at home. I was at home also for years with the kids. I have a job outside the home now and I feel better about myself and my kids and husband have a greater appreciation for what I did when I was at home and my husband doesn't take me for granted anymore. I think its important to take care of kids and be a housewife, etc., but its also important to have a life of your own and its better for everyone, even if part-time. If this isn't possible, maybe consider getting some other activity outside of the home that is only your activity, not with the kids, not with the husband, YOURS. It should have about the same effect. I think it could be better for everyone in your family.

http://www.encounter.org/

A., Above is a web site for Marriage Encounter. This is a place where couples can go, without there children to reconnect. Read about it and see which Encounter would work for you. If you feel you need more help that just to reconnect, check a Retrovaille site in the other links.

Also, try to find some other young mothers to have aplay date with. having time with other adults should give you some time to find you again and may make it easier to reconnect with your husband. Call the schools in your area to see if they offer Parents As Teacher or maybe the library has something that would help.

Good luck.

Make a point to get a sitter and go out at least once a week. Just think, soon your kids will be grown, and it'll be you and him. You want to still like each other then and have stuff in common. My husband and I make a point of spending time together. Its so important for everyone's happiness. The kids notice that too, and if you have a healthy relationship, chances are that they will when they are adults.

This same thing happened to my husband and I. We are divorced now, probably not the alternative you are looking for :) But I just told him, maybe you have already done this, exactly how you are feeling and that you do not want to live like this. Tell him what is going to happen if things don't change and stick to it. Maybe you need to get a part time job or something you would be amazed at how it will boost you self esteem to make your own money and get you out of the house around adults for a while.

Maybe if the telling him how u r feeling doesn't work you should try treating him like he treats you? I mean then maybe he would see what ur feeling!

Good luck!

Alot of women suffer from this. It's not about your husband, it's about how you feel about yourself. We start becoming a mother, a daughter, a wife but what happen to ourselves and what we wanted for ourselves. All these things are good but they tend to be all consuming for some of us. We feel that if we think about what we want or still be an individual that we are being selfish, but you are not. You need to find something outside the home that makes you interested in yourself and do it for yourself not for anyone else. Maybe this would make you feel like you weren't being taken for granted.

I truly second leaving the children with your husband. I was going through something similar and had had it. So I told my husband he can live a day in my shoes. I went on a trip for 2 days (Sat and Sun) and by the time I got back, he was really glad to see me. You have to make him experience a day without you to really see what all you do.

I also 100% second the date night. We don't have the money to go out, but we plan late nights and fix desserts or watch a movie or do something that we normally would not do. Massages are the best way to get in the mood or a romantic novel.

counseling if you can afford it. but you have to have a spouse open to that idea, some are not. thank God mine was many years ago or we would prob. not be married now.

also if you cannot afford sitters, and you don't have family in town, a thought is finding other couples to swap time together. sometimes it's the time and NOT sex involved that lights the fire at least for women. plus with small kids like your situation you are so EXHAUSTED.

I can't imagine staying home with two like you do. if the husband doesn't jump in to give break when gets home and on weekends ( and I hear about this from others) then it's like a 24 hour job for a mom. no relief. spouse too tired to help or just was not raised that way.

but they can change if they want to. my husband presently working on anger issues with kids and trying to be calm..it's a slow change but he hates seeing our oldest cringe when he raises his voice.

if can't afford counseling consider a pastor or other church member with training. I know of churches that even have persons trained to give free therapy. hard to say how well trained they are but better than NOTHING.

This is hard for me to respond to - I had to work when my kids were young because my husband didn't really. Also I had to do all the cooking, most of the cleaning and most of the child care when I got home. My husband loved me too but took me for granted on a whole different level that I didn't even comprehend until we separated. It's like he loved me for all I could do for him - and he had it made. Sadly, he didn't fully appreciate what he had until he lost it. Our marriage got really shaky many years ago and a good friend recommended that we go on a Marriage Encounter weekend - and that revived our marriage for many years. (I'm sure if we'd continued to practice what we learned, things would have been better.)

Marriage Encounter is done by the Catholic church but you don't have to be Catholic - we're not. It's a weekend at a hotel, with other couples, no kids, where you learn about relationships, and you write "love letters" to each other on topics that are given. You learn to communicate your feelings and to listen to each other. They take care of all your needs, so all you have to do is focus on each other. You also have plenty of time for real intimacy and that is encouraged. Afterward, you are encouraged to get together with other couples you met there and share your stories and progress.

Another great thing about the weekend is, you pay what you can. Back then it cost just a few hundred dollars, but we were broke and couldn't pay anything. Those who can afford to pay more are encouraged to. And they don't make you feel bad if you can't pay.

My husband and I left with many revelations about each other and we were really close afterward.

When I felt used with my husband I went on strike....literally. I would not do the dishes, or clean up. I would do enough dishes to make dinner and than they sat again. Eventually he got mad enough (not mad mad, but realized what I do all day) to start doing the stuff himself. So now he helps, and I told him I know I stay home with our kids and I love being able to do that but I still need help around the house because I can't do it all myself. Now when I ask him to help with something he usually will, but the type of person I am if he doesn't do it quick enough I get mad and go and do it myself and he will say I was going to do that and I will tell him it wasn't quick enough for me....LOL!!! Our children are now 9 and 11 and have chores that they have to do, but we have also made them help with things when they were younger about your sons age, there is no reason they can't do somethings, I think when they were about 3 is when we had them start helping with little things. Now they take the trash out, load and unload the dishwasher and stuff like that. I am not telling you to go on strike, but is there a way you can go away on a Sat or sun and leave him with the kiddos so he can see what all you have to go thru in a day? Or make up a list on a postboard, one for you and one for your son and so it doesn't look like you are making it for your husband and it will show how much you do all day. Or ask him to sit down with you because you would like to get your son involved in some daily chores and you would like his help and if he can do somethings such as taking out the trash on wed or whichever it will show your son you are working together as a family.

Staying at home with the kids is by far the hardest job ever. It is thankless but yet wonderfully challenging. I highly recommend getting a babysitter for you every so often during the day so you can have alone time. Also, DATE. You and your husband have to keep dating. Do surprises for him, plan a date night, or make life interesting- be creative. You will surprise him and you will be surprised that he will be more attentive.

I would suggest having date night I know it sounds stupid but I have been married three times yes I know you are about to say well who are you to talk. However, I didn't have date night with any husband but my present. That night you shut off the phone you give no one the number to wear you are at except babysitter and you enjoy yourself. Even if you stay home and get someone else to babysit in their home. You and your husband needs that time for the both of you and for eachother. I am as well a SAHM and disabeled. Have you sat your husband down and told him how you felt? If all else fells please by all means get marriage counceling. If you both love eachother you will both fight to stay happily married.

Okay some Moms think I was crazy for doing this but my husband is a great dad and quite capable.(although I completely felt like he was taking me for granted) So I went on vacation-alone! I went to visit my cousin in Seattle for four days last year and six days this year! (my son is almost two) And let me tell you it wasnt until like the third day he got it, the first two it was still all 'fun'. It gave him a whole new perspective on what I do and how hard I work. His attitude completely changed after this-he gets it now. I also agree with others that once I started treating my husband how I wanted to be treated-and stopped holding back, our relationship and communication is totally different now. We agreed to start 'new' and not make sarcastic comments and not be so critical of each other. We made a pact to start treating each other with respect and to think before we speak. We are so much happier now and things are less stressful in general. I know even my son has noticed!! The best of luck, I know how hard it can be!

My husband and I are both in the military and have spent the last two years apart seeinging each other for a week here a week there. Then he deployed and all we got was his R&R. We now have a 7 month old that he hasn't really gotten to know and won't til he comes home. If your husband is open enough I suggest going to marriage counseling. It's just nice to have someone from outside the relationship (someone neither of you knows) that is ubiased and can truely see what's going on in your marriage. My husband and I are going to do this once he gets back from Iraq that way we can just learn who each other is again without hurting our marriage by trying to go at it alone. It's okay to ask for help, but your husband has to be open to the idea or it won't really work.

Oh my goodness, I think you and I live in the same life! I am having the same exact problem...I feel like I am the maid instead of the mommy. It's very hard to keep your life "alive" with 2 little ones and the everyday stresses that go along with it. My husband and I try to get out once or twice a month without the kids and renew our feelings for one another. It's still hard because all I can think of while I'm out is laundry isn't getting done, dishes are piling up, etc. But we try. Wishing you the best of luck...I don't have any real advice, but wanted to let you know that you're not alone feeling like this.

Obviously, if you can get him to commit to it, you would probably benefit from couples counseling. As others have said, churches often do this for free. Does he listen to you at all if you sit down and try to tell him how you feel? Also, you know, there is a difference between hearing and understanding. The best way to help him understand how you feel is to go away for a weekend. That is the best thing I ever did after becoming a stay at home mom. My husband definately had the, "What did you do all day?" attitude. Every mother needs a break some time. Is there a friend you could go visit? A family member? I went on a scrapbooking weekend with friends and when I came home, my husband had a whole new appreciated for what I go through on a daily basis. He had barely managed to keep the children bathed and fed, let alone do any laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. Be prepared, because when I got home, my kids were fine, but my house was a disaster. Now I "go away" a couple of times a year, just so he doesn't forget. :)

Hi A.,

I sure can identify with what you are saying. I have been with my husband for almost 18 years in June, we will be married for 11 of those years in May. I'm a home child care provider and have 4 children of my own. I can understand how you feel, I feel the same way most of the time. I see 2 things, so here it goes:

For you: all of us that stay home have to realize no matter what not everything will get done that should, and like people that go to work everyday so do we. We still need the 2 15 minute breaks and the 30 minute lunch and most of the time we get them but its when the kids are napping or the 3 minutes we take to go pee every few hours. I also know that you have to appreciate yourself, because if you don't no one else will either. There are a couple things that you can do for yourself.
1) Find your groove. Get yourself on a good routine. Also put all the chores on index cards and leave some for your husband to do. Clean a room everyday and leave some time for yourself. Find somebody that you can swap child care with, one day you go do something, maybe it's go out to lunch with a friend or whateveror even at night. One night it is just for you and your husband, and for you, you have one night that you are not the maid, you are not the cook or anything. By the way mine is Friday, I don't cook, clean or anything on Friday it is my F.F.E.N. Friday Forget Everything Night, I feel like I owe it to myself to take this time.

Once you are right with your self then talk with your husband, one thing that might help is write it all down on paper. All your feelings and all your thoughts. Don't leave anything out, no stone unturned and no topic not talked about. And after this make sure you have effective communication with your husband. One thing about men is they are not mind readers, you have to connect the dots reall close and explain it in simple terms. They don't look at the big picture and the obvious. I see that other people say to put on a little makeup and all that but you know I feel this way if your husband TRUELY loves you, it's not about the makeup, it's about YOU the person and not what you wear or your make up, or how your hair is done.
Just talk to him and tell him how and what you are feeling thats the only way this will get fixed. I'm telling you no matter what our jobs our or how many kids we have, we all will work harder at keeping our marriages together and strong then anything else. I hope this helps, W.

OK, this is probably not going to be a popular answer. But... men are different. IN order to for them to show respect, love, gentleness they must first feel it. I would suggest a few books that I have recently read. One is by Sharon Jaynes - called The Power of A Woman's Words. She has another book as well, titled something about being a wife that is next on my list which I have not read yet. But, I bet you will find it helpful in all sort of your life. There is a great section on your word's to you children even. Really great. The thing is you might feel like you are showing him that, but he doesn't see it. So, I would also suggest the 5 Love Languages (very Popular book).

Try treating him exactally the way you want to be treated!!!! And Don't stop, even if it takes longer than a week (sometimes men arn't that responsive at first). If you want him to notice you physically then notice him. Say things like you look nice, you smell nice, I like your butt in those pants :), or just a slap on the rear (my hub always smiles to that). Then just wait. Say things like....I made this dinner for you beucase I know it's one of your favorites. Or, I noticed your t-shirts were looking kinda dingy so I bleached them for you, I hope that helps, love ya :). Notes are great, in fact my husband and I have started fighting over e-mail becuase you have to think about what you write first and can't just blurt stuff out in hatefuly ways. We rarely fight anymore. Our biggest prob. is time (he have very little and I require a lot). So that is something we are working on.

It's hard, marriage always is! Just be kind, not hatefull that does not work in gathering the love you seek. If you want a bitter, resentful, mean husband then be mean. But, that does not sound like what you want.

The most important think to remember in all of this, is your kids. Keep their environment friendly and loving. They notice how you two responde to each other, so love is always the best route.

Good luck!

I too was a stay at home mom until 5 years ago. I have been married for 18 years and have a 17 year old and a 15 year old. When my boys were 4 and 2 I went through the same kind of thing with my husband. A friend from our church told me that no matter how busy you both may be, you always need to take time for just the two of you. She suggested once a month (at least) we schedule a date night for just the two of us. Go out to eat together some place nice then go bowling, or miniature golf or something like this. Movies are not recommended because in the movies you really can't talk. You will be surprised at how much you have missed talking to one another and communication is always the key. Date nights have made a huge difference for us. Thirteen years later and we still go.

Sometimes the stay-at-home moms get this question from incredulous hubbys...WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY??
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes" was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

hope this makes you laugh!

i definitely agree with tabatha...unfortunately it often falls on us! one thing that has always been a godsend with us- are you able to have a family member watch the kids for a couple/few days? maybe ask your hubby to take a day off work and take a long weekend together. it's usually when the "life" stuff is put on hold that my husband and i are able to reconnect. no work, no chores, no meals/cleaning/children...spend some time just hanging out and playing, like when you first met...help him remember why he fell in love with you! it sucks being unappreciated, and i'm sure every woman goes through it. i'm sure it's even harder when you're a sahm - i can only imagine. last but not least sometimes you just have to tell him how you're feeling. it might make him get defensive or make him feel like you're "nagging" but most times my husband realizes that he could be trying harder, and it gets better. unfortunately if you've been married 8 years (my hubby and i will be together 7 years this summer) you know, relationships are never static, and they will go through crappy periods. just have to keep working, and as long as he's willing to also, it'll be okay. good luck!

I feel your pain, girl! When I first quit my job to stay home and raise our child (then 2, then 3), I felt like an idiot, like I'd lost part of my brain and I had nothing to talk to my DH about. I know this sounds crazy, to tell you to do more than you already do, but my advice is to let go of the housework a little and get involved in some community organization. Join a committee at church, a knitting group, a book club, or start something of your own that you're interested in. Learn how to grow something exotic. Take a class in something at a craft store and get into it. Just because you're not getting paid to work doesn't mean you can't use your brain for things YOU want to do. Between scouts, church, our local volunteer fire department, and papercrafting, I'm busier now than I was when I "worked" full time, and I love it. And my husband loves that I'm involved in stuff, even when the house is a pit and we've had frozen pizza for dinner. I still manage to cook and clean, but I ask for plenty of help - it's their house too - and I try and balance things each week so that everything gets done. Good luck!

I know how you feel! I think you have to try to do something for yourself- you are an individual- not just mommy and wife. I feel like I've gotten lost somewhere along the way. I've been trying to take some classes and I go to the gym to help me phisically AND mentally. It can be really hard sometimes to be at home! Same thing different day. Good luck with everything.

Plain and simple here A., we forget to be a couple anymore. You were a couple before the kids, learn how to be one again without the kids and all the responsabilty of parenthood and the house.
Have date night every week, and always go on a vacation together once a year, get the kids out of your bed if any of them are in there. 6 days a week you are super parents and one day aweek you are a couple.

have you talked with your husband yet? you need to tell him how you feel if not it will get worse and the strain will be on everyone because you will be so stressed out you dont know what to do.i would just put my foot down if i were you.

I feel the same way sometimes. I have figured out the best way to talk to my husband and I tell him exactly what I am feeling. I don't get upset at him, I just kind of "let my feelings out". Also we try to have a date night at least once a month. It really helps to be able to talk without kids interupting. Thats all I got. I hope you can find some help in it.

L. P. mother of 2 boys. AAHHH!!!

Well A., if I may make a suggestion. Men and woman are different to start with. You need something that you can have in common. Get a baby sitter and go on a date with your husband at least once a week. You need some time together. My kids go fishing together. Her mom watching all four of the girls and they do this as at date. You need time away from the babies and so does he. This doesn't mean you do not love your children. Or find a GOOD daycare that takes drop ins. And go out to lunch together. Meet him for lunch if he goes to work. Make a date. You have the children, most of your time is taken by the children. And you need a good bubble bath, use perfume, brush your teeth, fix your hair like you did when you were dating remember? Just an hour together,to talk. about your life. I know I have been married for 46 years now. I had three boys, I and my husband started attending south knollwood baptist church. I found the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior. You see you are born with a dark side(sinful nature), and the only way you can get to heavn is Robed in the Righteousness of Jesus Christ. There is nothing you can do to get to heaven on your own. because of the dark side(sinful nature, and there can be no sin in heaven. When christ comes in he makes us lovely,full of love. So we can love even the unlovable. We have to make time with our spouses. No matter how they may make us feel at times. Satan is real and always trying to tear our family apart. If he can destroy the family, he can destroy America. and he is trying.
I hope I have not made you feel bad. It is up to us woman to keep things together. Keep the homefirs burning. be forgiving, a soft answer turneth away wrath. as it says in the bible.
nanse

Have u just sit down and had a good conversation with him and your real feelings. Do u get to get any me or us time in. Maybe if u could just make a nice date and go out and enjoy each other's company u could rekindle some of that romance back in. I know that it's hard to keep a marriage on top all the time plus 50 million other things us moms have to keep in line. We tend to lose site of one another and take each other for granted. About 5 yrs ago my husband and I were really struggling with our marriage. We were like two roomates living together. We ended up taking it to a counsler and boy has it turned us around. We get along soo much better and can enjoy each others company more so. I sure hope this helps in some way or another. Best of luck to u both. Hang in there, there is hope!!!!!!!!

Hi A.! I too am a stay at home Mom of four (all in school now), I do child care from home (I watch 5 children), and I am a Wife of almost 13 years. I am 33 years old and I know completely where you are coming from!! It is very hard to stay at home and feel appreciated, wanted, and loved. The key is to look beyond. If you were not home your children would not have the benefit of Mom, your family would not have as much as it has because of the sacrifce you make. I find I often have to remind myself to find the joy in what I do. I wake up with my husband every morning and fix his breakfast and lunch, he eats both meals at work so this is yogurt, cereal, sandwiches, ect. I pray while doing this that he have a blessed day. By doing this I remind myself that I love having this chance to do something so small to put a smile on his face. Of course he tends to get used to it and forgets to be grateful and I have to say ok, we need to talk. I kindly remind him that my day is never over, that I love what I do but need to feel like a woman of importance too. I often have to explain that every moment I have is spent in the home while he gets out and gets a break, even if that break is his job. I have no seperation time, like driving. It helps him if I take the time to clean myself up before he gets home with combing my hair and applying a little make up. I try to have the house cleaned and I point these things out. Usually I will ask him to start helping a little and for awhile he will come home and do his work dishes, get coffee ready for the next day, and straighten up a bit of what I have not got to with daycare toys. This lasts for awhile and slowly we go back to the same thing, me feeling unappreciated...... it is a cycle. But as soon as you find a way to stop it, even for a bit, you will see the signs and have more control. The most important thing is to constintly remind yourself you love what you do, and it is the best "job" you could ever do for your family. Take time for the two of you, keep your connection to each other growing. If that means staying up late, or planning a weekend together do something for the two of you. Men show love by being intimate and we show it by doing things, we have to realize we are different and expect different things. What shows us love doesn't neccesarily show them. When you talk start out by defusing the situation and say 'maybe I am doing something wrong but I need to talk with you about how I feel. I am sorry if it is not understandable and I do not mean to nag but I feel so unappreciated sometimes.' Weman tend to cut with our tongues and we can be so harsh in words for a shock factor to get our loved ones attention we don't see how they take it, and in the end it hurts more than it helps. In a marriage it doesn't matter who makes the first move to improove things, neither of you wish ill will to the other so when things hurt us, like what you are going through now it is not his intention. He does not set out to hurt you. He loves you and just needs a little push once in awhile just as we do to get back on track! I could write so much on this subject but hopefully I have touched something that will help you! I ahve some great books I could reccomend for you, 'Love and Respect' is wonderful, 'Men are like Waffles Woman are like Spaghetti' is a lighter read and funny.....there are so many but these are my favorite two. Good luck to you!!

A.

A. S
I would like to recommend a book called the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman his website is garychapman.org; or fivelovelanguages.com. It's a great book this may help you both good luck.
C. L

A., you where very young when you where married...and not all that old when you had your son. I'm assuming your husband is about your age? Having kids is tough. I agree you need some "fun" in your lives together. Date night. Also, did he ever help with the cooking/cleaning/laundry etc?
If not....then you will have to ease him into it. I never was a SAHM...although I wanted to be. We just couldnt' swing it at the time. The way he worked though I not only worked full time, but was a single mom many nights with 3 kids now ages 18, 17 and 15....and did the cooking/cleaning/laundry...even the yardwork!
Things changed about the time the kids where 10, 9 and 7. I went back to get my masters and he had to "help" there was no way out of it. I told him that if I had to work...this is where I was going in my career and this is what had to happen. Well he all of a sudden became the taxi, or person to find the rides, the cook, the housekeeper (although he never cared or still doesn't if the house is a mess) and the laundry man. I tell you what - within a month all 3 DK's knew how to do thier own laundry LOL...why didn't I think of that? It changed his outlook though. I still do most the cleaning as I am more of a clean freak - and well right now I am a single mom as he is deployed....but until that happened I didn't realize how he had taken over the grocery shopping and cooking LOL. There is hope....you just have to make the changes in small steps. Start asking him to do one small thing a evening...then after about a month add to that etc.