How to Find Me and Couple Time While Caring for a 3 Month Baby

I always put mine in the swing and drug the swing from room to room while I did as much housework as baby would allow. Keeping the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom clean were the only rooms I worried about for the most part. A 3 mo old is still unable to go anywhere, if you think you have it rough now just wait till he starts being mobile, that's when the real challenge comes in.
I dont think I was worried about me time or couple time too much until about the 10th month... that's when I started needing breaks. Often times dad would come in from work and I'd hand him the baby and hop in the car and run to the grocery store before he could say "hey wait....".. .lol.

It's great that your husband helps out! What worked for us (with a similarly demanding baby) is that when my husband got home from work, he would watch the baby for a couple hours so I could work on cleaning the house (it makes me feel so much better to have a cleaner house). The baby loved watching him play video games, so he got to relax while taking care of him. It still meant I didn't get much relaxing time, but I could have relaxed instead of cleaning the house. I bet your husband would be happy to take the baby for an hour or two in the evenings; if you're happier than he will be too!

There's really no great solution at this stage, especially if your baby needs a lot of attention day and night, but at 3 months you should be just about through the worst of it. (My son started sleeping a little bit better and tolerating being put down at about 4 1/2 months, and from what I can tell, he's about as difficult as they come :) And, about now, he should be starting to have a slightly more regular sleep schedule, where he's probably ready for bed at 6:30-7pm, so you can get stuff done or relax after he's asleep.

Also remember: your job is to take care of your baby, just as your husband's job is whatever he does all day. Cleaning the house is not really your job; it's the responsibility of both of you. If your husband comes home from work and the baby is alive and happy, you have done your job *just fine*!!!!

(And take heart; they say those really difficult/demanding babies usually turn out to be very smart!)

Ditto. If your husband can give you even an HOUR, that will be the best thing you can get! If you want to let him relax, maybe wait until after dinner, and then check out for an hour. That's OK.
But you need that time, and it will make you a better mom.

As for couple time, start looking for a sitter. You NEED that occasional date night. Start interviewing people. Since you're living abroad, local visitors centers might be able to help you find services that you can use.

T.,

I want you to know that what you are going through is what most of us Mom's have experienced. Achieving this balance is so hard, but the first few months of a new baby is almost impossible. SO.....please do not feel guilty for not keeping a neat house, etc... You are transitioning and because you are willing to start working on it already, the balance will come.

I know your husband is tired too, and I don't know what he does at work, but most people have the capability to sit down or take a break at work. Lunch even. As a Mom at home you are always on duty, even if it is just constantly "on guard" with "ears perked." So you must take care of yourself by asking your husband for help. possibly he could give you 1/2 hour before he leaves so that you can get some exercise and shower, AND relieve you again sometime during the evening. The evening can be more of an even steven sharing. After-all as the first Mama said......you've been working all day too. Even if you napped......you needed it!

If you can afford it, get help! Babysitter and/or housekeeper. Even if you get one hour twice a week during the day it will be something you can look forward to. Nap when the baby naps and don't worry about the house so much. Couple time may have to be cuddling with a t.v. movie for another couple of months. In the meantime find yourself a babysitter you can trust so that you can get out with your husband for a date on occasion.

Find other Mom's for support. You can help each other.

Last....... of course you are tired. For me things got better when my children were about 6 months of age. By then you will have a better schedule.....and sort of used to less sleep.

My biggest advice. Let certain chores go and be kind to yourself!

It will get better.

P.

I want to remind you that YOU work all day too and YOU are exhausted too. I think it would be wonderful for you to have your husband take care of the baby for 20-30 minutes after he gets home and you can walk around the block/take a bath/go in the other room and read. You need that time to recharge yourself and he needs that time to get to know the baby. Good luck! It gets better, I promise! :-)

Find a sitter, or a mothers helper. You do need time to yourself and your husband is the father, he is not doing you a favor when he cares for his own child.. He probably wants to care for his child. It is just part of being a parent for the next 18 years..

Do get a sitter so you guys can go out.. It can even be for breakfast when you are more awake to spend time together..

I know it is very draining in the beginning.. It lasts for a while.. Follow the babies lead and it will be a lot easier.

Congratulations and have a wonderful first Christmas as a family

Hi T., I feel for you. Where abroad do you live? So do I. When I had my first baby I too always felt exhausted and couldn't keep up with the house. I also had no help whatsoever with housework. Do you have any friends around you? Can you find a mommy group? When I was living at the last country, there was no such thing as mommy groups etc. So, do what I did, just make the beds in the morning, then prepare the baby as usual, feed him, read to him, and then you need to get ready also. After his snack at I presume 10ish, head outdoors. Don't stay in.You need to revive yourself. Buckle up and go for long walks even if it means doing window shopping. Above all don't stay in. Then I asked hubby for a little suppoort regarding the housework. It just feels overwhelming at first. Can you get a lady to come around once a week to clean house? It's just until you get back on your feet and develop a routine for yourself. Another thing, after the little one eats his lunch and then heads off for nap, you've got to nap also. Don't stay up trying to keep up with the housework. It's always going to be there. You'll only feel more tired if you don't relax a bit. The little guy could be going through growth spurts. Does he sleep in the same room as you? I would put him in his own room. He will learn to stay asleep on his own, he needs a little time. I wish you well.

Oh hon, it will get better!!! The first few months are so hard...but it straightens out. You are still recovering from childbirth and your baby is just becoming mature enough to sleep at night. Just hang in there!! Congrats!!

There are all kinds of babies. My first was not a sleeper either - she took 20 minutes naps, needed my attention all the time and didn't sleep through the night for a long time. My second child took three hour naps and slept through the night at 12 weeks and was content to sit in his bouncy seat and watch me do stuff.

Give yourself permission to have a messy house. Allow yourself some time to just sit and stare out the window. Then get up and do stuff. Put baby in a bouncy seat and carry him around your home as you do stuff. I used to put my daughter in her seat on the kitchen table while I did the dishes - I would have to turn to talk to her - but while I rinsed I'd talk to her. I'd bring her boundy seat in to the bathroom while I took a shower, or while I folded laundry. I ended up doing a lot of things on our bed becuase I could lay her on the bed, leaning against the pillows and sift through papers. Allow your baby to cry when you need 10 minutes to run the vacuum or mop the kitchen floor. Eventually your heart WON'T break when you hear him cry - it's just his way of communicating since he can't talk. He wants your attention and he's learned that when he cries you show up. Let him learn that when nothing's wrong you won't always go to him when he cries. You'll learn the difference between his hungry cry and his tired cry and his "I'm bored come amuse me" cry.
You can connect with your husband when baby's awake - put him in his little seat on the floor and the two of you cuddle up on the couch. Let baby watch old movies with you maybe he'll fall asleep. As for sex, for thousands of years families have lived in one room huts and manged to have more than one child - so parents were under the blankets getting busy while baby slept across the room. At this age they have no clue what you're doing - so don't allow yoruself to stress on that either.

These early months are a tough season to go through - they don't sleep well, you don't sleep well - you feel yucky, you've lost the ability to keep your home neat, and you just want to sit down and cry sometimes. Every mom has been there - so allow yourself a limited period time to "wallow" in the stress, like ten mintues, and then get up, leave it and go on to the next thing. This is a season of your life - it will pass - I promise.

You say that you're overseas - but not sure if you're in an area where you can put the baby in a stroller and go for a walk - that will help tremendously - give you both fresh air get some exercise and release some endorphins into your body. Try to get out there and connect with other moms - there have to be other american moms you can find on google. Maybe you can share babysitting to allow yourself that precious time you so need right now.

Finally pray - God does care about the small details of your life - He didn't create you so you would be frustrated in life. Ask for his direction and discernment and companionship of other moms.

You will get through this season and you'll do great if you allow yourself some grace!

I think it is REALLY important to breathe and trust that it is not always going to be this hard. You don't know this right now, because this is all you know, but it gets so much easier sometime between 4-6 months old. I went through it too, and worked full time. And just think, it got to be manageable that we had another baby, and even that child is growing and life is more back to normal.
Best!

T.,

Everything you are feeling is completely normal...Adjusting to life with a baby can be mind bloggling and now compound it with the fact that you are living abroad without the same kind of support. I agree with many of the other posters about making time for yourself when your husband is around, and also hiring a housecleaner to come in 2-3 times a month. I am not sure where you are living, but I am currently in London with my husband and two children. If you want to chat about life abroad and the challenges that come with it feel free to message me and we can talk more. I was directed to a great website that helped me locate a WONDERFUL babysitter that we use 2 saturdays a month for date night. I also have her pick my son up from Nursery School one day a week so that I have from 9-3 to myself one day a week. I was spoiled by my HUGE family and friend support network at home that I needed some repreive!! Good luck, don't be too hard on yourself!!!

H.

Hi Tatianna. It can be challenging to stay at home with an infant, and feel that you must keep a perfect home at the same time. Be kind to yourself and remember that your primary job at home is to provide your baby's care. Infants need a lot of care! However, if you are entertaining him all day, let him learn to do this on his own. Put him on the floor under a play gym or let him hang out in his bouncy seat while you get some things done or just relax. On a weekend day, leave baby with daddy and go out for coffee, a haircut, a massage, a run or whatever you enjoy. Have daddy get up with baby one weekend day so that you can sleep in. As for couple time, don't be afraid to use a babysitter occasionally so that you can have a date. Also, when is your baby's good naptime during the day? On a Sunday, have your date then - bring along the baby, who can snooze in his stroller while you and hubby have a leisurely lunch, or coffee, or some bedroom fun at home :) Don't use that time for chores if you can spend it with your husband, because it IS very important to maintain that connection and it's hard to reestablish it after a lot of time has gone by.

First of all, this is all normal. Do you have someone you trust that could
babysit if even just for two hours? This would give you and your husband
some time alone, which is very much needed by all new parents. Maybe
during the day you can have a friend babysit while you get out and then
you can reciprocate. Before you know it baby will be sleeping better
and things in general will improve. Good luck.

you are lovely to understand that your husband is tired when he gets home. i feel bad for guys who work all day and have a baby thrust at them by an exhausted mom when they get home! they tend to be under-appreciated sometimes.
but please remember that you are working too! and i'm sure your husband wants to be an equal parent to HIS baby. so give him some time to chill out when he gets home but then LET (it's not *making* him do it, it's allowing him the opportunity!) him have some one-on-one time with his son while you do whatever your priority is for yourself that day. sometimes it might be chores, but my dear, please don't do that every day. make sure that from time to time you get a nap, or a bubble bath, or a pedicure.
it's good to be a totally involved mom but if you're exhausted you're not able to do that. take care of yourself.
khairete
S.

If it is possible for you to get a housekeeper or cleaning service in your home at least once a week or once every two weeks you will find this a most helpful thing to have especially at this time. Definitely get a sitter too for when you and hubby need to go out because you both need to get out & bond with each other. The most important advice I have ever received is to rest while the baby is resting. This may help you too. It would be good for baby to see you doing things around the house too. I hope this helps.