Need Help! Problems Managing My Anger (Sleep Deprivation), Frustration

See an doctor. Tell him what you told us. See if baby can get on some sort of medication or if you can. I hate to tell people to pop pills but it isn't forever and you will get past this! I had 2 children with colic that cried even in sleep for 4 months straight. I know I had post par-tum depression looking back, but at the time was too involved in the crazy to go get help.

First off, you need to trust that it DOES get better. At 4 months, you can start him on some sort of routine. Does he nap well and at certain times of the day? When he does sleep, you need to lie down and sleep while he does. The housework can wait.

Also, there is no reason the husband can't lend a hand at night, or atleast when he gets home from work. Mine would come home and immediately take the baby from me so that I could have a breather. I'd go to the grocery store or for a quick jog- something just to get out of the house. (exercise is a wonderful outlet when feeling angry by the way.) My husband would also help me out at night, especially if the baby was being difficult.

I get so mad when I read that the "husband has to work, so I take care of the baby 24/7." It takes 2 to make the baby, you should both be pitching it, no matter who the breadwinner is.

Good luck!!

I could have written this post myself! (Except mine was waking up even more if you can believe it, and still does some nights)

First of all, don't worry about anything during the week except taking care of the baby and yourself. Try to work in a shower every day (even if you and your husband have to get up half an hour earlier; for me it's worth it for the clean feeling) and do something little for yourself like brush your hair. Feeling human goes such a long way.

The extreme sleep deprivation you have will, over time, lead to all sorts of physical, mental, and emotional problems, including depression. There is nothing wrong with you that a good week of solid sleep wouldn't fix, if you could get it. I went through the same thing, and really still am. It's a struggle every day.

Make your husband take the baby at least one night a week, on a weekend. Pump a bunch beforehand if you're breastfeeding (and I know it's hard to find the time even for that), give your husband a bunch of bottles and then lock yourself in the bedroom with some loud white noise. Your husband is only to come get you in an emergency or if something's really wrong with the baby. Or tell him to wake you up for feedings only, so you'll at least get a few hours of sleep. Do not feel guilty about making him do this! If you don't get at least a tiny bit of real sleep, you'll just get sick and be unable to take care of the baby anyway.

And if you're like me and need the house to be relatively clean in order to feel good, try making your husband watch the baby while you clean on the weekend (or have him clean :)

Just because your husband has a day job doesn't mean you should have a day job AND a night job AND a weekend job! You need your rest too. It sucks that you don't have friends/family nearby to help out, but that just means you and your husband need to have a supertight partnership.

Colic and constipation? sounds familuar to me. My Daughter as a baby had both for the first 3 months of her life. It turned out that my breastmilk was not up to par. I tried to change what I ate/drank but it did not help. Finelly I switched up to formula and it resolved her pain. Suddenly I had a new infant one that smiled, napped and could be put down. My point is that bottle feeding does not equal bad mother. Sometimes it is the only solution to a sick baby. When it came time to feed her I would hold her close as you would to breastfeed, but instead of the breast I gave her the bottle.
Again bottle feeding your baby DOES NOT EQUAL BAD MOMMY

Please be gentle with yourself. You have some pretty high expectations and all they are doing is adding to your exhaustion. Expectations only set us up for disappoinment and frustration and even rage. Yes, your husband works, however, so do you. This is a time when you two could share more in the real responsibilities of being parents.

Be careful about stuffing your anger and frustration. I started anger journaling when my kids were really little. I used a 9 x 12 sketchbook to just pour out my feelings on paper. I know that sounds like it wouldn't be very helpful but the reality was kind of magic. Emotions will naturally pass through us if we allow ourselves to fully feel them. Most of us have a belief that we shouldn't feel or express anger and therefore we make it all worse by stuffing the feelings into our bodies.

Depression is stuffed anger and our anger is often due to a lack of support and/or having no boundaries or our boundaries constantly crossed. As women it is vitally important that we learn to put ourselves on the top of our lists, ask for help, recieve help, and take really good tender loving care of ourselves. Too often we buy into the Supermom myth and set ourselves up for heartache. We all love our babies, however, the truth is that it is the most difficult job on the planet and we need a community to help support us.

It would be helpful if you could communicate very openly, clearly, and directly with your husband about how difficult things are for you right now and to ask for specific help. For example, he gets the night shift on Friday and Saturday, he needs to do the dishes or vacuum or the laundry (or all the above), etc. Most women buy into the belief that they are the mom (especially stay at home moms) and therefore they should do it all. It just isn't possible.

If your husband works during the day and this is the reason why he is not helping out with the baby at night, does that mean that you are primarily taking care of your son 24/7? I think your husband has to help out a little (or a lot) more. There are plenty of husbands out there who work during the day but still are able to lose a little sleep and help out once a new baby comes into the household. Talk to your husband about the possibility of him taking over the childcare for a few hours after he gets home from work so that you can use that time to get in some sleep and maybe a nice long hot shower.

I think once you get more sleep, you'll have a clearer head and will be more efficient around the house once again. Even then, I think once you have children, your house never really is like you had it pre-kids. You may have to relax your expectations of yourself.

I don't have any remedies for colic but I liked the one that Rei posted. I think also, once you getting a little bit more sleep and taking care of yourself better, you maybe surprised how that effects your baby. My belief is that babies are very sensitive to their parent's energy. If our energy is off, our child's energy will be off also.

Hope you are able to work this out and get some more sleep soon. Take care.

T., your husband needs to let you nap as much as possible. I know you said that he works alot but he can get up once a night so you can sleep a little longer.
My daughter woke between 8 and 12 times per night for a YEAR. I literally thought that I might die from exhaustion. My husband works so hard too, but he would get up with the baby once a night.
Your husband needs, needs, needs to help you.
As soon as you get some rest, that joy and happiness will return. I promise! I have had that same desperate feeling and sometimes, when my husband would come home, he would take the baby and just say, "Please sleep" and take care of the kids for a few hours until I could function again.
Your husband sounds worried for you, all you have to do is ask him for help.

HUGS!!!!

I think birth class should have included a lesson on how physically and emotionally draining having a child is and warning signs of depression. My child's first 2-4 months are a blur and I had a husband working from home who could help when needed. There is nothing wrong with you.

I know how hard it is to ASK for help, but I would contact a M.'s group and ask the leaders if they know anyone who might come over for a few hours so you can rest. Perhaps a mentor M. or member whose child started K. Or maybe a grandma who is good with colicy babies.

I met a military family with 4 kids under age 8. The dad was here one week when he wrote a prayer request at the church explaining that they were new, had no one here, he was ordered to attend training away from home for 3 weeks, and his wife was about to have the 4th baby in 6 years. The church and MOPS group rallied around this couple so much that I could not help because everything was already done. The daily lunch and dinner meals were just heat and serve, but home made. People took turns babysitting. I was amazed at how much people were willing to help strangers.

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Girl! I feel your pain. My second son was like this, he had colic so bad for nearly the first full year of his life. It was so hard to handle not being able to calm him or even make him feel good enough to function or enjoy him. I went into a deep depression and I had friends and family around. I cannot even imagine how bad you must feel with no loved ones around to support you. Ultimately here is what I was able to do with my baby that helped:

- I put a tablespoon of corn syrup in his bottle each time which helped keep him from getting constipated

- I used Gripe Water by Baby Bliss, you can order it online pretty easy if it is not available where you are. This helps with the colic and keeps the stomach acids down. You can give this to him as much as you want since it is all natural roots and ingredients.

- My husband was the one working but I still gave him the baby for at least one hour per day to give me a break. I would go take a long bath, a nap, whatever to get some recharge time.

- My doc wanted me to go on some anti-depression meds. I began having all the classic symptoms of post-partum depression. This is not to be confused with Baby Blues. Post-partum depression can be very serious and cause dangerous or irrational thoughts towards you or your baby. The nurse said to me that taking something will help you enjoy your time with your baby instead of dreading it. Ultimately I chose not to take the meds and my post-partum went on for 8 long months but I have had a couple of friends take the meds and swear it changed their lives.

- The last thing I did was really work on my state of mind. I was SO tired and worn down but I spent a ton of time telling myself that sleep wasn't that important, that I could make up for it when my baby gets in better habits, etc.

Hope all this helps a little. I really hated the way I felt during this time in my life and still feel sad that I didn't enjoy my baby to the fullest because of it, but ultimately it all worked out.

Good luck.

Screw housecleaning. Nap when the baby naps.

hi!

babies suffer from colic when and if they cannot pass out the air in their tummies.. you need to help your baby burp after each feeding... and you may buy chamomile oil and massage it on his tummy...

I can't add much more than all this good advice except stressing that meds for you and the baby might help AND is there anyway that you could afford some help so you can get more sleep? Even if it is just for one week per month or anything. Check into any social services they might have over there for new moms or pay for it and live on less. This is what grandparents were for and all this moving around takes you away from your sources of help.

Your plea for help cannot be ignored as you sound on the edge. That's what post partum OR lack of sleep can do. Add a colicy baby and that's big trouble for mommy without a good amount of help. Don't leave, get help. Bless you and keep you.

Honey, you are exhausted. That in itself will play tricks on your mind.
Be sure to talk to your doctor about all of this. Don't be a hero and try to go it alone.
Also, don't worry about the house being perfect or anything else.
The first year with a baby is the hardest because you are trying to get things figured out and no matter what you do, you are dealing with a tiny human who is also trying to get life figured out. Don't worry about forcing naps during the day. Neither of my kids were day sleepers. I still had them on a schedule for laying down and rest time though. Even though I knew they wouldn't sleep, I got them in the routine. Night time can be really difficult with a fussy baby. You just have to tell yourself that it will pass and rest as much as you possibly can.
Sleep deprivation is so hard and I feel for moms who go through it. It sounds like you have an understanding husband though. That's a plus.
Don't keep telling yourself that you are failing, because you aren't. You aren't the only one to go through this.
Check in with the doctor and be honest.
Like I said, the best advice my doctor gave me was "Don't be a hero."
Do what you can, rest when you can, don't worry about the house.
My first baby is 24 years old and believe me, you will survive all of this.
Give yourself a break.

I wish you the best.

Listen to Bayley!

Absolutely ask your husband to be part of your solution here.

Take care of yourself and the baby and do your best to let the house go......this is temporary. It sounds like you are moving because of your husbands job.......so ask him to put the word out at at his office that you need some support. Get recommendations to get people to help where comfortable. Maybe he even knows other wives that speak English if that is your only language.

Of course you are exhausted and frustrated darling. Don't beat yourself up, but do find the best ways possible to take care of yourself. Find help, even if it is with cleaning or a place to take the baby and visit. Shake up your routine.

Are you breast feeding? If so get yourself on a pre and probiotic. It may help with the colic. I can also recommend an herbal stress reliever if you like.

Hang in There! :)

Try bed-sharing and baby wearing. You'll both get a lot more sleep and you can get more done in the house. This is a phase, and will eventually pass.

Plus of it is that the baby can nurse more often and less likely cry due to the ready access of breastmilk as well as feel his Mommy close. The is an actual need of infants - skin to skin contact very often. It promotes growth and development. Breastfeeding during naps is easy. You can lay on your side, arm that is to the bed lout out perpendicular to body and place child's head under that arm close to the crook of your shoulder. That will place the nipple in the right place and both of you can fall asleep peacefully while he nurses.

There is nothing wrong with you! So sorry you are going through this without the support of close friends and/or family. You are not failing anything, motherhood is very intense and sleep is crucial. Is there anyway your husband can be with the baby so you can have a weekend or at least one night a week where you get to be alone and sleep alone? You need this to ensure you are getting what you need to do that tremendous job of mothering.
I was so tired and sleep deprived when my daughter was about that age that one day returning from a doctor's visit- with her in the car - midday, I almost drove off the road... with my eyes open. My brain was taking the sleep that I had convinced myself I didn't need because of all the things I thought I "had to do".
That was the day my husband "made me" go into our guest room to sleep uninterrupted. I protested and cried a little, probably cried myself to sleep but when I woke up around 11:30 the next day I was a better person and mother for at least the next week.
Don't think negatively about yourself. Listen to your body. Do everything you can to get help. Mothers all over the world really will understand, maybe try to contact the "birthing centers" or even local churches etc. Love yourself and respect your needs. You are very important, you deserve love and support. I am praying for you.

I am SO sypathetic for you sweetie...this was kind of how it was for me in the beginning-although I was in my own city. I think many people VASTLY underestimate how bad that colic can affect the mom. It is something that MUST be experienced in order to understand. It goes way beyond many women's parenting experiences because many babies do not have this. And so they will come at you with what they think is empathy but its not...you cannot understand unless you have lived it. As for advice...I wish I had some for you to help stop it. I will say it does resolve and should pretty soon in your case. But you may want to really check his stools...I found blood in my son's at about 2 months that turned out to be a sign of lactose intolerance and once we switched formulas it really helped.

You need a day to yourself...in your own home. Since your husband has recognized how upset you are he should be willing to do this. Have him take the baby to a friends, or wherever for at least a couple hours so that you can sleep.

And finally.....one thing I will strongly suggest is to STOP worrying about the house. You need to sleep while the baby sleeps! It will be clean once again...and it will also be messy once again. Just get it to the point it is liveable each day. I hate all the time I wasted worrying about how clean my house was when my kids were little. Looking back I realize I should have settled for just OK. My hours spent cleaning are ones that I will never get back...time I could have spent with my kids instead.

Oh, Honey, I feel for you. It's so normal and you should try not to feel bad. I've been there and so have a million other moms. I would look into a new Moms group or since you are not in the US, maybe a Americans living abroad group. There must be one. Maybe you could get some info from your husbands job. You need to get out. You need to talk to someone other than your baby. He needs you to get a break as well. I felt the exact same way. Also, an hour or so away from the baby can help too. best of luck.

You do need help with the baby, but you also should get checked for post-partum depression. It doesn't always start right after the baby's born. Sometimes it starts a few weeks or months later. You might want to set up actual times your hubby takes your and what shift you take care of your son, rather than night and day. Also your hubby needs to take care of the baby on one of his days off to give you a day off. It's very important for you to have your time away from the baby. (Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.) I went through the same thing. I finally got help from MIL and hubby when I told them to help out more or I'd throw the baby out the window. (I would never do that, but I had to make my point clear on how I felt.) If you're hubby's working during the day, you are taking care of the baby during the day also. If there's a way, maybe you could have your son put in a daycare center for a half day or higher a baby sitter for a few hours so you can get some sleep. I don't know what time your hubby gets home or goes to work, but you both really need to set out a schedule.

Crying baby problem: Yep, my son did that too. Every 2 hours! What we did right was to country line dance with our son. The rythmic movements also help the baby to walk early and be really steady on their feet, while putting them to sleep. Nothing else worked for our son. (Not rocking chairs, not car rides, not walking up and down the hall, etc.) By-the-time my son was 1 year old, he was singing "Goodbye Earl" in the car. At 15 months he was walking through the stores singing "I've Been Working on the Railroad" and the "Alphabet Song" standing in line. So what was our mistake? Our mistake was not to let our son cry himself to sleep when the dancing didn't work. (Yes, the dancing didn't always work...When he got bigger, he could feel us lower him into his cribe and would wake up.) MIL's idea was to take him to bed with us. I didn't like that idea, because...you know...husband and wife stuff.....Once in a while it's kind of nice to....You get the general idea. Not our bed. I compromised by having us all take turns sleeping in our son's bedroom, which last about 2-3 weeks for MIL. (Never let MIL stay with you.) It was up to hubby and me to take turns sleeping in our son's room. Hubby had the week days and I the weekends, since I am also "the rooster." Between our son and MIL, he wouldn't sleep on his own until he hit 11. (Yes, that's 11 years!) Talk about not much bonding time for hubby and wifey. Our son was ready to sleep alone when he was 9, but MIL was not. She wanted us to keep sleeping with him, because he kicks the blankets off...It didn't matter that I could check on him , since up up a lot at night making trips to the bathroom....So the main idea is you can country line dance with your son for now, but sooner or later you'd be best to let him cry it out.

Not exactly the same circumstances but reactions as a new mom sound similar to yours. I was in denial about my PPD for 6 months before getting help. Just something to think about.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! I am so sorry for your feelings but I believe many if not all of us have been there but while you are in the midst of it, you really just feel out of control - and inside you are! Could be post partum depression but it could be and most likely is that you are handling to much. You handle the night - but you must be handling the day too if he works a lot? When there is no break between night and day it can really make a woman LOSE HER MIND! Sleep deprivation is absolute TORTURE! I get like that just from one night of being awake often anymore. You need to do what you need to do to handle your baby. IF that means getting help, then hire someone. If not, then throw out ALL expections of what a good wife and mommy are and just do the best you can. You can't do it all! YOU ARE NOT FAILING! If you are miserable and your baby is miserable too part of it could be your baby feeds off of you, but not only that some babies are just hard. Mine was!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in shock! What you need to do is put all else aside and focus on your baby and you together - this will pass! You need some rest and then you need to refocus and just put all your energy toward taking care of your baby and yourself while you do it. Sleep with the baby when the baby sleeps, who cares!? I still lay with my son if he needs me to and in the meantime I'm getting rest, its not going to be like that forever! I rocked my son, held him as much as possible. I didn't care and still don't. I did what we both needed/wanted to get along! We try to uphold ourselves to these rules and expectations when all we need to do is look deep within and just follow our instincts and our hearts and stop making it so hard on ourselves! You need more than just responses on this post, but hopefully this will start the ball rolling! My son is almost 4 yrs old and there are some times I still feel like this as a full time working mom and I have a TON of support with family and friends, so don't beat yourself up! If your husband sees it then ASK HIM to help you somehow!

You can do a lot of things like seeking out a mommy support group, asking your husband to take 1 night a week or other things. However, I didnt do any of that, so I just wanted to let you know Ive been there. My baby was (and sometimes still can be) the most diffiuclt baby I could imagine. As a newbord, he cried 24/7, and NEVER slept at night. I cried. alot, and sometimes struggled to push through another day. All I can say is that it DOES get better. By son wound up sleeping through the night by 3.5 months and everything got a lot better just because I could finally sleep at night. It was like heaven. He still cried constantly (or so it seemed) but I was much more at peace when he slept through the night. My son is now 2 and still is a royal pain in the butt lol, but he is my angel and I love him. He says mama, and throws his arms around me and hugs me and kisses me and doesnt let go. Its all worth it. Stick with it, your babe will realize that you will stick with him no matter what and he will appreciate you for that. One thing I always say to my son, is I that I will never desert him. Hang in there, because its so worth it. \

Just because you don't get paid, you still have to get up in the morning and work your tail off all day and all night. At the very least, I hope you are sleeping yourself out at least one day on the weekends.

That is really hard. It is normal to feel angry and overwhelmed when you feel out of control of your situation. Love is not an emotion - so don't worry that you don't feel all gooey over the baby - you are exhausted. You love him by asking for help.

First of all, you need some sleep. Are you in the military? You have to ask another woman - older, mother, younger - someone - to take the baby for at least 2 hours - more if he is on a bottle and you can have someone else fee him - and take a nap.

Secondly, get out of the house/apt. Get some fresh air. Put him in a baby bjorn or stroller and get out of the house for a long walk. Find out about mom groups - who cares if everyone else's child is 2 years old - it's for the moms, not only the kids. Part of the good of being an at home mom - is not being at home - try a new park each day. Every mom is as lonely and tired as you - go and introduce yourself to another mom. Ask her about how she is doing. If she says, "Great!" then maybe she can take on your little one for a few hours so you can nap.