"High Needs" 2 1/2 Year Old Won't Sleep Alone.

Hi, have you heard of sensory integration disorder? Some children don't process things like touch or sounds properly and therefore end up craving touch or having an aversion. I happen to be dealing with the aversion side with my son, but it is all treated the same way.(Occupational Therapy) Have your son's pediatrician give you a referral for Occupational Therapy. I am also reading a book called "The Out-of-Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz. A friend who also has a child with sensory issues gave it to me and it has been such an eye opener! Feel free to email me any time with questions if you have them. ____@____.com

R. D.

I wish I knew the solution to that. My son is the same way. It's nearly impossible to get him to sleep. When he finally does settle down, he's screaming within two hours because of some nightmare. He turns two on Monday.

Maybe have a compromise. Move his bed into your room. Let him adjust to sleeping by himself with you near by. Eventually, after he gets comfortable sleeping in his bed, move it to his room.

If that works, your husband leaving will probably negate all that. Change affects sleep in kids. I know I'm not even attempting to do anything until my husband comes back next month.

Hi J.,
I'm still dealing with my kids in my bed. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 21 month old. Both of them also like to sleep sideways. My oldest also had night terrors, but seems to have outgrown them (keep your fingers crossed). Your one son seems to be a combination of your son- my oldest is hard to get down (though not so much crying and screaming anymore, but it used to be a battle). Once she's asleep, she usually stays asleep, but sometimes still comes to my bed (though she's pretty quiet about it and doesn't wake us until she starts turning sideways). My youngest is easy to put down, but doesn't sleep for long periods and is up several times in the night. I have no concrete solutions for you, but I can tell you this. I recently started taking them both to a chiropractor. I started taking them because of chronic ear infections and I was desperate for something other than just another antibiotic from their ped. Since starting the chiropractic, they have both started sleeping really well. My youngest has gone from going to bed by 8, having a crying spell at 10, awake at 2, awake at 4, and then being extremely restless in her sleep for the next 2 hours or so (or never really going back to sleep), to going to bed before 8 and sleeping soundly (maybe a whimper here and there) until 5 or 6 (it's early, but I'll take it if I'm not up several times in the middle of the night!). My oldest has also had more nights in a row of sleeping all night in her own bed. Now she only comes to our room if she happens to wake up to potty. If you're interested in trying this, I can recommend two chiropractors. I figured that it couldn't hurt them (with the ear infections) and hopefully it would help them- we got the added benefit of better sleep too.

Hi J.,
I completely feel for you. My daughter was the same way. We tried crying it out (which was horrible for everyone). We then developed a regular routine and a regular bedtime (we had stayed flexible because that suited us - until our son came along).

But here is what really worked - or at least has gotten us to a place we can live with. We would go through the bedtime routine and then tell her we would be in the kitchen if she needed anything. Inevitably, she would come out to the kitchen and "need" something. We would help her patiently (usually) and get her right back to bed. Sometimes she would come out 4 or 5 times. And some nights, we ended up just giving up and taking her to our bed. But after a while, maybe 2 weeks, I think that she became confident that we really were going to be out in the kitchen and she started to fall asleep on the first try. She still comes out at least once 4 out of 7 nights a week. And she only recently (at 3 1/2) started to sleep ALL NIGHT in her room most nights. But we can live with her coming in if it is at 2 AM and we have actually gotten some time alone.

With your husband gone this summer, you may actually look forward to your son's late night cuddles. But for the most part getting everyone into their own space will be good for everyone. It took us lots of time, patience, frustration and flexiblity and on some nights (even now) it is better for all of us just to give it up and try again the next day. Sometimes sleep itself just needs to be our priority. (Although we do often pay for those nights with a foot in the ribs).

You'll get there! I promise!

You must have my son's twin at your house! This is EXACTLY like my situation, except my son is a second child (and last, BECAUSE of the lack of sleep!)I know exactly what you are going through--when he is awake, EVERYONE is awake!!!
I'll tell you what I did, though it is not ideal, it was better than him being in the middle of my bed!! I made a pallet on the floor NEXT to my bed for him. He slept through the night, and he did not bother me and I could sleep.
My husband is also in the military, and he was gone for two years. In that time, I was able to get D to sleep in his bed, but I too had to be there until he fell asleep and he too would come into my room sometime during the night. However, when he came in there, his little pallet was right beside the bed and he would just plop on there. Sometimes, I did not even know he had come in. He is in kindergarten now and MOST nights, he sleeps in his bed through the night, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I still have to lay with him until he falls asleep and it is NEVER before 9:30!
Again, I know this is not ideal, but it worked for me. (My daughter, who is older, has always been a great sleeper!! We are the sleepers in the house!) I do not function unless I have had at least 8 hours, and that just does not happen now!!!
I hope this helps, because I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!!
K. N.

My sister suffers from the same thing! She has an almost three year old, AND a one and a half year old, AND one on the way! The two boys are both not very good sleepers and both have to sleep with her and her husband at night. The older one now sleeps better but the younger one sometimes wakes up every hour. I dont have much of a solution for you, but you are doing well with having a routine. I am sure that helps! Hang in there and know you are not alone!

Hi J.,

My second sounds a lot like your son. We started letting him fall asleep in our room and then carrying him into his own bed. He ended up back in our bed, but it got later and later. Then, and I know a lot of parents are against this, but we got a video player for their room (the 2 boys wanted to share a room). Now, he goes in, watches his video and goes to sleep without and problems. It has worked well. We let them take turn picking the video, but never a new one. There are only a few to choose, so they've seen them a millions times and they get bored and fall asleep quickly.

Good luck!!

I have a similar problem with my 3 yr. old son. He has been rocked to sleep or put to bed with me & my husband since birth. Mistake I know, but I just loved rocking him as an infant. Now that he's 3 we never had time for us at night. We decided to give him a bedtime and stick to it no matter what. Well he did better than I ever thought he would in the beginning, but the farther we get the more he resists. We have been doing this for about a month & 1/2 and he will get up and request diaper changes, have fits and even want me to clean his nose (he hates that). Anything to keep himself awake. Even if he goes to bed and stays put it takes him at least 2 hours to fall asleep! We have done everything suggested by everyone. I saw the "Supernanny" talking about the "crying it out" thing and got the same results as you. He cried until he made himself sick. Then I still had a wide awake upset child and a crib to clean. Not worth the effort at all!! I am beginning to think it is genetic. My mother-in-law says my husband was the same way. Up half the night no matter how tired he was he just would not go to sleep. Some people just require less sleep than others. I fall asleep if I get still for more than 30 minutes, why couldn't he have taken after me?! Well good luck with yours.

J.,

I am reading your story and I seriously thought I was reading my own story literally! So I read it to my husband and he could not believe that our stories are identical (except for the addition to the family). My son is 2 in April and I have gone through the exact same thing to a tee! I am still sitting here in shock that someone else is dealing with this and I am not crazy because I was beginning to think I was making it up. The doctors seem to brush me off when I address it at the doctors, including today when I took him in. I can not offer any solution, but would like it if you could share any information you recieve. We are like you and your husband we need relief. I do not know if you find this but as long as we are not around he takes good naps and plays well and does not whine or fuss. When we are inserted into the picture all hell breaks loose and there seems to be no end in sight. I hope we both get some relief very soon.

I struggle too..one thing helps is calming music an hour before bed...no tv..the tv has to go off...calming music like Mozart or some classical or lullabies..and slow down the pace for the night...we do that then read her a book...we do much better getting her to sleep if she is slowed down starting an hour before bed...I read about it..she sleeps with milk cippy cup I can not seem to break because she cries without her milk available..the problem is 4am she is soaked so she doesn't sleep well between 4-6...if I change her I fully wake her...I'm in a catch 22 because I have tried saying no more..it's dry too and it her comfort like a pacifer for some or blanket for other...we all have some bad habit we lived with to get some sleep and then it has it own consequence...maybe I shouldn't say all...we have created this because she went back and forth between grandma's and here and she slept with grandma and milk so the night or two we had her we continued it..now we have custody..she is our god daughter..she goes there just Fri night now unless I'm sick..I have CF...

like everyone else that responded, my daughter was the same way. she is 5 years old now,and is extremely intelligent and excels at everything she attempts. as an infant, she NEVER slept through the night, and during the day would take very short naps. when i tried the cry it out, not only did she scream, cry and vomit, but she would cry until she'd lose her breath, turn blue and pass out. i was a single mother until 2 years ago, so i just allowed her to sleep with me. even then, she would wake up and stay awake for long periods of time at night. i tried all of the dr answers, benadryl, lavender baths, bedtime routines, etc. Before my husband and i were married, i really got serious about getting her to sleep on her own. it took me getting up every single time she woke in the night and came to my room, then putting her back into her bed and staying with her until she fell asleep. after about 3 weeks of this, she finally started sleeping for longer periods of time in her own bed without any crying spells. and with every change she has repeated the process, waking up through the night after i married and we moved, and in the last few weeks, it's started again, as i'm due to give birth to her sister in just a few days. BUT because she is getting more proper sleep, she has shown tons of improvement in her emotional stability (she would panic and cry at the drop of a hat if her routine was interrupted in anyway)...

all i really have to offer is stick it out, be persistant in anything you try and really encourage him with words and maybe "big boy" stuff if he accomplishes goals of staying in bed longer.... i really hope this gets better for you!! :)

have you tried staying in his room when he wakes? i know its hard but thats the only thing that worked for me. i nursed and bed fed my children until they got on the bottle. big mistake but did it none the less...lol.

I also had a similar situation. I have a 3-year old and a 1-year old. At their age, it's hard to expect a lot of alone playing time. Try some preschool computer games like Jumpstart or Pooh.

As for sleep, we had the same exact issue after our baby was born. He was up all hrs of the night, and it was horrendous. For him, and us! This went on until last month but we have fixed it! Our dr told us to give him 2 passes to get out of bed, and once those were gone, shut the door. We have a child lock on the inside of it, and his room is baby proofed. Anyway, he wanted nothing to do with the passes, so we shut his door. He cried and freaked out for 30 mins, and then went to sleep. After that, it took 2 more nights and now he ASKS for the door to be closed. Sometimes, he'll knock on the door and we tell him, "when it's 6:00" you can get up.

It has SAVED us and him. He sleeps better, and so do we! You have to be strong though and not go to the door. It may sound cruel to some, but it's crueler not allowing them and yourself time to sleep. Good luck!

Hi J., I went threw the same things with my 2 kids. The first one gave it up when he was 3 I let him pick out his own bed spread and a night light that he liked and that is how we broke him from sleeping with us. Now my 2 yr old still sneaks in from time to time but he was just as bad a few monthes ago so we did the same with him he picked out a Superman bed spread and he loves it. So you might wont to try it with your son hopefully it will work for you I know how hard it is with a child between you and your hubby its hard to have that special time together with your little one under your ribs. goodluck..